Can't Stop Loving You
By Phil Collins

So you leavin' in
the mornin'
on the early train.

Well I could say
everything's all right
and I could pretend
and say goodbye

Got your ticket
got your suitcase
got your leaving smile

Oh I could say that's the way it goes
and I could pretend you won't know
That I was lying...

Chorus:
Cuz I can't stop loving you
No I can't stop loving you
No I won't stop loving you
Why should I?

We Took a taxi
to the station
not a word was said
and I saw you walk across the road
for maybe the last time, I don't know

Feeling humble
heard a rumble on the railway track
and when I hear the whistle blow
I'll walk away and you won't know
that I'll be crying...

[Chorus]

Even try,
I'll always be here by your side.
Why, why, why?
I never wanted to say goodbye,
Why even try?
I'm always here, if you change,
change your mind.

So you're leavin'
in the mornin'
on the early train

Well, I could say everything's alright
and I could pretend and say goodbye
But that would be lying...

Chorus 2x

Why should I?
Why should I?
Why should I, even try?

Chorus
Why should I?
Why should I?
Dunno why
Why should I?
Why should I, even try?

They've played this song on the radio a lot, and it really applies to my situation. Because when he left I tried to pretend it wasn't killing me, but in the end I couldn't. And I can't seem to just forget him or move on. I don't think I really want to anyway, but even if I did I couldn't. Because I can't stop loving him, and as horrible as it sounds, I tried. I was hurting and was trying anything to make the hurt go away. It was so strange and part of me didn't believe it was happening. I kept thinking someone was going to pop out and say gotcha, but they didn't.

The other day I started thinking about what I am and what I'm not. It was strange because it just sort of hit me all of a sudden.

I am...
smart.
country.
chicken.
strange.
a girl.
a young adult.
hurt.
sad, sometimes.
missing you more than I should probably.
in love with you even if you don't know it.
German, Cherokee, and Irish.
goofy.
But most of all I am human. (Something I sometimes fail to remember that.)

I am not...
mindless.
fluff. (by this I mean I'm not all giggles)
beautiful.
stupid.
all about appearances.
superficial.
a goody-goody.
perfect.
an angel.
But most of all I'm not a Wonderwoman. (I try to do too much when I know I should just chill out.)

Some of you may know who the person mentioned is. If you do congratulations.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and some crying. I can't believe that it has all come own to this. I had a lot of hope and faith that it would be o.k. That you would come back, but now I'm having trouble believing.

These are two pictures I keep loking at when I think about it all. Pictures of you and me. I want to be happy but everything is getting all out of hand and screwed up.

I'm starting to think that I can't win this fight. That I lost when he left. I want so bad to believe that you arecoming back, but I'm starting to worry that I've been stupid believing at all. I guess I really messed up when I let you go without finding out how you felt about me and what was going on between us the whole time. I stayed confused and didn't really outright ask. I was afraid of all of it. I was afraid of what could be going on, of what could happen. I let my fear stop me, and it still holds me back. I don't call and talk about it because I'm so nervous and unsure. The last thing I want is to cause that wierd tension between us, that would make it uncomfortable to be around each other, and I don't want to ruin a great friendship. I haven't talk to you in a month and I miss you. I want to know, but I'm afraid to know. I'm scared and hurt.

But I also feel like I let you down and myself. Because you believed in me and stood there beside me. I gave up on you I guess and I keep quitting and chickening out. But I don't what to do. I tried to fight I tried to believe and call and everything, but I'm just not strong enough, or brave enough. I'm sorry; I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go now before I drive everyone nuts.

Forever yours, Lucky

So yeah last night was Halloween. Here are some pictures of my dad's pumpkins. I don't have any pictures of me as Bad Sandy to put up right now.

They are always really good.

I gave out candy at my house as usual. I aw some really cute costumes on the little kinds. There were several kids dressed up as Spiderman, a few Batman costumes, and several princesses and witches. I also saw a couple of vampires and on kid dressed as Flash and one as the Thing. There was a little kid in a Wolverine costume who when I said "Oh look it's Wolverine." corrected me and informed me that he was a vampire. All in all it was interesting.

Hey look its a picture of my ear.

So this is a really random picture of me that I thought would be cool. I like it and decided to use it as my profile picture.

So yeah I'm gonna go to class. I'll probably have some pictures from tonight of me in my Halloween costume and getting ready soon.

I guess that makes me a princess.

Cause I'm in search of one.

I miss you more and more.

Something I try to do alot.

Cause I'm still the Faeri Princess. (Old nicknames die hard.)

Do you ever get the feeling you are running straight toward something you want or need to do and then you run right into a brick wall? And you just want to scream or cry? But you know that it won't make it better. Sometimes I feel that way. Actually I feel that way a lot lately.

There's of course the guy you poor readers have been putting up with me going on about. I'm pathetic I know. There's just something that draws me to him, and part of me doesn't want to like him anymore, doesn't want to have to go through this. But then part of me, the majority, wants to like him, to feel the way I do about him. Thats the part that really does care about him and wants him home. And I'm confused and he's 1400 miles away and I don't get to see him or talk to him much.

There's also mock trial, which I really like. But I've spent so much time on it and I don't think I'm improving much. Plus I got switched from the team I was on. Sometimes I just feel like I'm doing terrible and that I'm hurting my team. I try so hard and I mess up something every time I get up there. It's driving me crazy. I just keep working though cause I've got to.

---

On a more positive note. However crazy mock trial is driving me, I'm excited about the scrimmage Saturday at Vandy. I'm memorizing rules and questions and my defense opening (I'm a little nervous, but excited) so I'll be as ready as possible. I'm nervous cause it's like the tournament Middle is hosting in November.

Then there is of course I'm finally getting a new phone in November. No more crappy phone that doesn't work half the time. Yayness. I've had this crappy one for two years and it is really messed up. It doesn't pick up, it doesn't ring, it freezes, and my screen goes blank. I've had so much trouble with the phone that I'd toss it right now, but I've got to have a phone and I've got a bunch of txt messages saved cause they are really cute or sweet.

Forever yours, Lucky

I've been doing some thinking again, and it occured to me how much I miss him.

I miss...
his hugs
his face (I know strange, but seeing him)
his kiss
his smell (There's just something about Kilo on him)
lunch sitting next to him
history with him
the random comments about the things I wear
his smile
his laugh

See I miss him so much andso much about him, but I don't think he knows at all.

Forever yours, Lucky

I've decided what I'm going to dress up as. I know, I know pathetic, an 18 year old girl still dressing up for Halloween, but what can I say? Well anyway I've been watching Grease again cause it is one of the best movies ever. I love it. Well I'm going to be Sandy, but not goody two shoes Sandy. I'm going to be Bad Sandy from the end of the movie. What do you think? Can I pull it off? I think so. Well at least I can try.

 Forever yours, Lucky

What I need is strength. What I need is courage. What I need is someone to kick me in the butt and say just do it. But for some reason nobody can help me, probably because this is something I have to do on my own really. I get to the point whereI'm going to hit the send button but then I can't. I chicken out. Or I do manage to hit the button, but I can't leave him a message that says what I need to say and I chickened out the last time he called back. I'm still kicking myself for not just putting it out there the last time I saw him. But I really didn't want to make things weird or add some kind of tension to the last time I was going to see him for a long time, you know. I was also scared of what was going on, of the fact that for once in my life I couldn't think my way out of this, of getting hurt, of hurting someone else. By the time I realized that scared wasn't going to get me out is was too late. He was gone and I had screwed up.

Forever yours, Lucky

I find myself thinking about high school and what seems like just yesterday, but really is almost a year ago. I do it all the time. I miss waking up and meeting my little group of friends every morning (no offense Jenna, you know what I mean.) The jokes may have been stupid and the same ones over and over but they were still funny. I miss the sense of being together and being safe. Sounds dumb I know, but I mean you knew people and you could count on them. I miss having lunch with the best of friends making stupid jokes and random comments about what we were wearing. I miss it so much. I miss Drama. I love you guys always as one of the best families a girl could have. I miss knowing that there was a show to do and a script to read. I miss the long rehearsals (crazy huh, I used to really get tired of them) and running lines. I miss the way it felt to be on the Siegel Stage because it was like another world, a world where I knew I belonged. I'm starting to sound crazy I know but I do miss it all. I miss most of my classes and just about everyone in the Class of '05 and a few of you '06 people (you know who you are), oh and I won't leave off a couple of freshman who happened to make a senior happy last year (or just laugh her butt off). I miss the predictability and simplicity of high school life. I even miss the pointless little high school dramas that seemed so huge. I guess I miss the feeling of it all working out and knowing it would.

The funny thing is when I was a Junior, I couldn't wait to graduate. I wanted the heck out of high school and to be able to move on. All I did was wish that I could speed up time and just go. Senior year seemed to fly by. I couldn't wait to go to Prom and then to graduate. But as the biggest events of my life at that moment got closer and closer I found myself fighting it. I wanted to go to Prom and I wanted to graduate, but I wanted senior year to last forever. There was a lot that was happening at the end of the year that I thought if I kept holding on to senior year I could stop. Everything was ending the group was splitting up and one of us (who I really care about ) was moving very far away. I kept thinking the longer I held on and didn't think about it wouldn't happen. And it didn't work. Now I want so bad to go back it isn't funny. Which is odd. I guess I feel like if I can go back and take my spot in the old stuff I'll be alright again. I went to Prom and had the time of my life; I graduated and managed to not cry until two days later when it sank in that it was really over. And then it hit me. You can't go back again. The past is only allowed to come back if you look at pictures or talk about it. It belongs in the past no matter how good it is. I can't just decide I want to live life like that and do it. It's over and done and there's not a thing in the world that can bring it back.

I suppose its OK to wish for the past and keep looking back as long as you also keep moving forward. Nothing lasts forever, all things must end, and people just grow up. Thing change, people change, and life changes. Nothing is so permanent that you can't ever change it or move on.

Forever yours, Lucky

When I was little I used to hope a lot for my handsome prince to come and save me or maybe my knight in shining armor. I really believed in him, but he never came. Well sort of he showed up last year, but then he just was gone. The funny thing was that he was not at all the guy I was expecting because I have a country girl's perspective. But yet he was amazing. I miss him greatly and I know that we'll meet again. Which brings me to... THE LYRICS OF THE DAY(modified)... yayness.

We'll Meet Again, Journey

Was it the words he said or was it all in the way in which the man said them?
His eyes that spoke to me were sending my heart a thought so deep I can’t forget them
I guess it wasn’t the right time or the place
For love right then
But we met destiny, and it sealed our fate

Chorus:

We’ll me again (we will meet again)
I know we will (we will meet again)
On my heart it’s written (we will meet again)

Somewhere, someplace, somehow I’ll find him then as I did now... just for a moment
And I will hear the wind that told me
I will return again my love have patience
Life’s a circle, it all comes back around, so until then...
I’ll be waiting for you knowing somehow?

Repeat chorus

And if he were standing in a crowd
He’d be the one that I would find among the faces
And if the music was too loud
It’d be his voice that I would hear
Above it all (we will meet again)

I know we will (we will meet again)
I know we will (we will meet again)

And if he were standing in a crowd
He’d be the one that I would find among the faces
And if the music was too loud
It’d be his voice that I would hear
Above it all (we will meet again)

I know we will (we will meet again)
On my heart it’s written (we will meet again)
From this day till... (we will meet again)
We’ll me again (we will meet again)
We’ll me again (we will meet again)

So I guess that's it for now.

Forever yours, Lucky

What do I do
when the time is done
when we part ways
and it all ends?

What do I do
when you are gone
when things all stop
and nothing is the same?

What do I do
when everything
seems to crash down around me
and I can't even think?

What do I do
now that I'm so
since you aren't here to find me
and I'm all numb inside?

What do I do
with you so far away
now that I'm missing you
and I'm so confused?

Tell me what to do
because I just don't know.
I used to have it figured out,
but not anymore.

Help me, love, please.
Tell me what do I do.

(There are a few people who will get this and a few who won't.)

I enjoyed this....Not sure who the author is.

Subject: Don't screw with a Navy Seal!

Two things Navy SEALS are always taught: 1. Keep your priorities in order 2. Know when to act without hesitation

A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that once and for all he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by. " I'm waiting God, if you're real knock me off this platform!!!!"

Again after 4 minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am,God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"

His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor. The SEAL hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform.

The Professor was out cold!!

The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble in confusion. The SEAL nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent...waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that"?

"God was really busy, protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole...so he sent me!!"

Well don't let it offend you too much, but I thought it was amazing. Like I said I can't rally claim it Zach Frensley had it on his xanga and now I'm using.

Forever yours, Lucky

Wow I've neglected both xanga and phusebox lately. I've been pretty busy though what with Mock Trial and all my other classes.

Ugh, I'm losing my mind and all hope. Have you ever come to a realization that you had to talk to someone, but then you can't get a hold of them? That's what is going on for me. I came to a decision and a realization that I have to quit running away from myself and a certain person. That I've got to face up to the fact that I can't just make how I feel go away and that in order for me to keep going and survive I've got to get some answers and just freaking tell him and get it over with. But every time I decide to call him and let him know, he's busy or doesn't answer. He keeps giving me the opportunity to cop out and chicken out and keep on running and hiding from it all. That's not what I need.

Part of me is really scared. I'm afraid that he's forgotten me or avoiding me so that he can put me aside. I'm afraid that things have changed and I'll see him and things will be all weird and stuff. It will be awkward and tense and neither one of us will know what to say. I'm afraid I let him go and doing that caused me to lose him forever. And maybe part of me is afraid that things haven't changed, that everything will be the way it was when he left and maybe even moved forward out of "confusion land" and into actually knowing what is going on. Maybe I'm afraid of taking one more step, though I shouldn't be really. Honestly I just don't know.

Maybe that's why I let him not answering the phone give me the opportunity to back down. I'm scared out of my mind.

Well that said I think I've bored you enough with my love life and drama so on to something pleasant.

College rocks. I love my classes except for Fundamentals of Communication, which sucks. Government and Politics is a lot of fun because it is mainly a discussion and lecture course and we really get into it. The only thing is I'm conservative and most of my classmates are liberals. Mock Trial is awesome. I'm an attorney on my team, and we are doing a kidnapping case. It's a lot of work and the work isn't easy, but I really love it.

That's enough for now.

Forever yours, Lucky

Holy Cow why does everything have to be confusing, complicated, and turn out all wierd and junk? And why can't I just be normal and find a guy in this state who will actually tell me what's going on? Why do I chicken out every time I go to tell him how I feel?

I can't sleep, too confused. Look like hell, cause I don't sleep. I'm going crazy, and I hate it. And it's all your fault. ~points to a guy in a different state, who shall remain nameless~ But then I can't really blame you at all, well maybe just a little bit. The blame rests with me cause I am a moron sometimes and a big fat chicken.

It hurts to feel like this. It drives me out of my mind. If I could just close my eyes and open them and you'd be here, then I'd feel better. I'd be happy. But I can't. If I could just see your face, not in the pictures, but really see you. Maybe then I'd be o.k. If I could just be there with you or have you here, then I'd be alright again. I miss you more and more each day.

You left so many questions unanswered, that's why I'm confused. We parted with a kiss and a promise not to lose touch and that it wasn't forever. What were we then? What are we now? What's going on between us? Do we pick up where we left off or have things changed? Do you know how I feel or have you forgotten? Are we just friends or is there something more?

Odd how I write these things as if I'm talking to him, but it's just an entry in my blog. Crazy cause I can't say things but I can write them.

Forever yours, Lucky

Well my Rho Sigma just called me and I got dropped by both of the sororities I had left. I know it sounds dumb to be upset, but I spent $35, and missed doing something with my friends on my birthday, all so they could decide they didn't want me. It sucks. It was fun getting to know the girls from my group, but I feel like it was a waste. I was so excited and so hopeful and getting that call was a big let down. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it still irks me that that I wasted my time. I'm not rushing next year, there's no point. I'll just stick to mock trial and theatre, and anything else I can do.

Forever yours, Lucky

Was o.k. The morning rocked cause breakfast with the other half of my brain is always fun. Besides that her present was amazing. I'll get a picture of it up as soon as I can. Recruitment was not as much fun cause I missed most of it. Today should be better.

Forever yours, Lucky

If that title made any sense then you are one of the people who really knows me.

Because you are not around I can't bring myself to put the shiny pants on and wear them out in public. I can't even look at them without thinking about you. I put them on and I become the attractive me, the less shy me, but I take them off because it hurts to know that you cannot see them. They were your favorite pants for me to wear and now you are over 1400 miles away. I hurts to think about the fact that you are not around.

You gave me roses for Prom and won both my heart and the approval of most of my family. They made me smile because they were a gift from you. You brought me roses that bloomed out bigger than my fist for graduation and ran away with my heart. I took so many pictures of those roses that it wasn't funny because I didn't want to forget what they looked like. And though the flowers wilted eventually the happiness and pictures never does.

You gave me a bear at Prom and made me laugh, not much, but a little. It had been a long time since anyone had done something like that. You gave me one just randomly that you came to my house to give. You gave me a bear for graduation you even sprayed it with Kilo cause I told you that you smelled good, and so I'd have it to remember you by when you moved. That bear is the most special and when ever I feel lost or miss you, though the smell has faded, I can hug that bear and remember.

But better than the roses and better than the bear are the other gifts you gave me. You made Prom amazing, with out you it wouldn't have been the same. You made me smile and laugh even when I was crying. You made me feel like I was special. The happiness you gave me was one in a million and the best gift in the world.

Forever yours, Lucky

Yayness I'm 18.

Forever yours, Lucky

"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." Baby, Dirty Dancing.

I love this quote cause I love that movie. It means something to me cause I'm scared like that too. Especially that last part. There are people who will know what I mean and people who won't. I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

One day till my birthday.

Forever yours, Lucky

This is me and my cousin. We used to be almost sisters, but things are really wierd right now. Family issues suck. ~sigh~ I'm not going there either. Just thought I'd do a little explaining of my pictures.

Forever yours, Lucky

This is me and a bear that my best guy friend in the whole world gave me. Well maybe more than friend, but I'm not going there right now. ~shrugs~ It used to smell like him cause he sprayed it with Kilo, but I hug it when I miss him and the smell has faded.

Forever yours, Lucky

Hey look I joined Phusebox. Jenna mentioned it and I thought it looked cool and so now in addition to being Lucky_charm_girl on xanga I am Lucky_charm here. Whoot.

Well I'm bored and thought that I'd make a start. I guess since I can't think of much to write(type) I'll do an about me entry for those of you who don't know me, but might or have run across my blog, and for those of you who think you know me. LOL. I'm also doing this to remind myself of who I really am. Because sometimes in the mix of things you forget.

Name: Laura Nicole Roehrich
What people call me: Nicole, Laura, Chick, Love, Darling, Lucky, that one girl from class, that one girl that was in that one play, other random stuff.
Age: I'll be eighteen in one day
What I look like: This is a matter of opinion. Some people think I'm attractive and some people think I'm ugly. I'll give you what I see when I look in the mirror. Beware I'm not the kind of girl who thinks she's pretty. When I look in the mirror I see a girl who is not quite tall but not quite short. I'm chunky and sort of heavily built, that is to say I'm not slender. I have hazel eyes and short brownish, blondish, reddish hair. I look like the country farm girl I pretty much am. I'm not what most guys call pretty or attractive, I'm sort of plain except when I wear the shiny pants.
What I sound like: I've got a really bad southern country accent, which, in the interest of people understanding me, I try to curb.
What I'm Like: I'm sort of quiet and keep to myself, except when I'm with great friends. I can be loud and slightly nuts. I hide a slightly corrupted sense of humor and personality behind as innocent country girl. Occasionally I can get sort of giggly and can be an idiot.
What I like: I love chocolate, cheesy romantic love songs, dancing, music, manga, anime, books, the smell of a new script when you first open it, chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, writing poetry, acting, movies, the smell of Kilo (but only when a certain person is wearing it), singing (I'm not great but I don't care), a million other things.
What I don't like and things that get on my nerves: People who talk about things they don't know anything about, people who judge others by the way they look or talk, too many commercials in my movies and on the radio, when they cut the best lines out of movies, when they cut off the ending of my favorite songs on the radio with a commercial, when they cover up the awesome song in the credits of a movie with info on the next one. There's other stuff, but that's enough about unpleasant things.
The whole point of this was: to remind myself of who I was, but it didn't work really.

There are times when I stand in front of my mirror and wonder who the heck am I. It's like the girl I see can't be me because I wouldn't think like this. I wouldn't worry like this, but I do. Sometimes I just forget that there's another part of me.

Forever Yours, Lucky