What I need is strength. What I need is courage. What I need is someone to kick me in the butt and say just do it. But for some reason nobody can help me, probably because this is something I have to do on my own really. I get to the point whereI'm going to hit the send button but then I can't. I chicken out. Or I do manage to hit the button, but I can't leave him a message that says what I need to say and I chickened out the last time he called back. I'm still kicking myself for not just putting it out there the last time I saw him. But I really didn't want to make things weird or add some kind of tension to the last time I was going to see him for a long time, you know. I was also scared of what was going on, of the fact that for once in my life I couldn't think my way out of this, of getting hurt, of hurting someone else. By the time I realized that scared wasn't going to get me out is was too late. He was gone and I had screwed up.

Forever yours, Lucky