Holy Cow why does everything have to be confusing, complicated, and turn out all wierd and junk? And why can't I just be normal and find a guy in this state who will actually tell me what's going on? Why do I chicken out every time I go to tell him how I feel?

I can't sleep, too confused. Look like hell, cause I don't sleep. I'm going crazy, and I hate it. And it's all your fault. ~points to a guy in a different state, who shall remain nameless~ But then I can't really blame you at all, well maybe just a little bit. The blame rests with me cause I am a moron sometimes and a big fat chicken.

It hurts to feel like this. It drives me out of my mind. If I could just close my eyes and open them and you'd be here, then I'd feel better. I'd be happy. But I can't. If I could just see your face, not in the pictures, but really see you. Maybe then I'd be o.k. If I could just be there with you or have you here, then I'd be alright again. I miss you more and more each day.

You left so many questions unanswered, that's why I'm confused. We parted with a kiss and a promise not to lose touch and that it wasn't forever. What were we then? What are we now? What's going on between us? Do we pick up where we left off or have things changed? Do you know how I feel or have you forgotten? Are we just friends or is there something more?

Odd how I write these things as if I'm talking to him, but it's just an entry in my blog. Crazy cause I can't say things but I can write them.

Forever yours, Lucky