Wow I've neglected both xanga and phusebox lately. I've been pretty busy though what with Mock Trial and all my other classes.

Ugh, I'm losing my mind and all hope. Have you ever come to a realization that you had to talk to someone, but then you can't get a hold of them? That's what is going on for me. I came to a decision and a realization that I have to quit running away from myself and a certain person. That I've got to face up to the fact that I can't just make how I feel go away and that in order for me to keep going and survive I've got to get some answers and just freaking tell him and get it over with. But every time I decide to call him and let him know, he's busy or doesn't answer. He keeps giving me the opportunity to cop out and chicken out and keep on running and hiding from it all. That's not what I need.

Part of me is really scared. I'm afraid that he's forgotten me or avoiding me so that he can put me aside. I'm afraid that things have changed and I'll see him and things will be all weird and stuff. It will be awkward and tense and neither one of us will know what to say. I'm afraid I let him go and doing that caused me to lose him forever. And maybe part of me is afraid that things haven't changed, that everything will be the way it was when he left and maybe even moved forward out of "confusion land" and into actually knowing what is going on. Maybe I'm afraid of taking one more step, though I shouldn't be really. Honestly I just don't know.

Maybe that's why I let him not answering the phone give me the opportunity to back down. I'm scared out of my mind.

Well that said I think I've bored you enough with my love life and drama so on to something pleasant.

College rocks. I love my classes except for Fundamentals of Communication, which sucks. Government and Politics is a lot of fun because it is mainly a discussion and lecture course and we really get into it. The only thing is I'm conservative and most of my classmates are liberals. Mock Trial is awesome. I'm an attorney on my team, and we are doing a kidnapping case. It's a lot of work and the work isn't easy, but I really love it.

That's enough for now.

Forever yours, Lucky