I've been doing a lot of thinking and some crying. I can't believe that it has all come own to this. I had a lot of hope and faith that it would be o.k. That you would come back, but now I'm having trouble believing.

These are two pictures I keep loking at when I think about it all. Pictures of you and me. I want to be happy but everything is getting all out of hand and screwed up.

I'm starting to think that I can't win this fight. That I lost when he left. I want so bad to believe that you arecoming back, but I'm starting to worry that I've been stupid believing at all. I guess I really messed up when I let you go without finding out how you felt about me and what was going on between us the whole time. I stayed confused and didn't really outright ask. I was afraid of all of it. I was afraid of what could be going on, of what could happen. I let my fear stop me, and it still holds me back. I don't call and talk about it because I'm so nervous and unsure. The last thing I want is to cause that wierd tension between us, that would make it uncomfortable to be around each other, and I don't want to ruin a great friendship. I haven't talk to you in a month and I miss you. I want to know, but I'm afraid to know. I'm scared and hurt.

But I also feel like I let you down and myself. Because you believed in me and stood there beside me. I gave up on you I guess and I keep quitting and chickening out. But I don't what to do. I tried to fight I tried to believe and call and everything, but I'm just not strong enough, or brave enough. I'm sorry; I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go now before I drive everyone nuts.

Forever yours, Lucky