"The whole life of the good Christian is a holy longing. What you desire ardently, as yet you do not see." -St. Augustine

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for..." -U2

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Phillipians 3:12-14

Thanks so much, everyone! I got my FireWire cable, hooked it up, and it was magical! I've edited an entire video tonight! I can't believe it! I used iMovie instead of Final Cut Express because I find it intimidating at the moment! I shall advance to that level next. Anyhow, I am burning the DVD as I type. I am so crazy excited! I knew there was a reason I spent so much money on the dern thing...

Now that's one less school-related thing I have to worry about...

I got my new iMac today.

I love it.

It's beautiful.

But I have no idea how to work it.

Mainly... I can't figrue out how to capture video so I can edit... and that's sort of important.

Help would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. I have no idea where my video camera's firewire cable is. Can I buy a generic one somewhere to connect my camera and my computer? Apparently my iMac does not recognize my camera via USB.
Also...
Oh crud... I forgot. I have a lot of questions but little answers... please help me, friends...

*EDIT*

I REMEMBERED!
I bought the Apple Care Protection Plan or whatever it's called, but I received no paper work on it, proof that I have it, or anything of that nature, and that scares me. I don't even know how I would contact them if I have a problem...

I told Facebook that I did not want them to publish anything on my mini feed. And then when I saw my friend looking at my profile on Facebook, it was there! That's totally uncalled for! I even signed on to check my privacy controls to make sure I had done it correctly, and I had! DIE MINI FEED DIE!

Anyhow know what I need to do? Other than totally yell at the Facebook guy?

In other news...

I'm a j-group leader now and we started our group last night. I think it's going to be good though I'm pretty nervous about it!

And I'm really hoping my iMac will come in this week...

I may be going crazy.

Well, maybe not literally.

But I don't think it's a conscidence that when you're finally soaking in the peace that God gives you and abiding in Him, that the devil throws you a million curveballs to distract you from that.

Thank goodness for friends and family to help take my mind off of those petty little worries.

Thanks so much for everyone who wished me a happy birthday! Hopefully being 20 will get better soon... maybe it will be once the semester is over... sigh...

Well folks, I am no longer a teenager, but an old woman of twenty years! I can't believe it! I don't feel that grown up yet...

I remember when Nathan Moore turned twenty and he went on about how old he was and Amy Bonin and I made fun of him for it. And now here I am, going on about how old I am... ha ha...

I feel like, however, I am definitely growing, maturing, and learning at this time.

I've had some amazing Facebook wall messages today, such as Zach Ingle's "How do you feel knowing you've lived through two whole DECADES?!" and Ben Wicks' "it's all downhill from here". Oh, and John Dunahoo's "presents stink from now on". And Graham called me "Short One of Doom". I have such encouraging friends, don't I?!

Anyhow, I lastly wanted to share this picture with y'all... it's from my 16th birthday party, which was my last birthday in Texas before moving here:

So my whole life (literally) I have believed that I am not allowed to make mistakes.

No one told me to be that way. I wasn't raised to believe that. There weren't any traumatic events in my early childhood. Satan just lied to me long ago and I keep believing it.

And I think... sometimes God lets us make mistakes in order to uplift us.

Yeah... that's what I said...

He lets us fail so we can succeed.

It's paradoxal, but I think it's true.

Because... it's all for His glory... and not for ours.

And I think that's what He wants to show me right now.

So... I totally bombed my astronomy test... it was bad. But, my teacher said that it would get easier, and that I really had no reason to stress over it right now. I do wonder if this means I should take the optional final at the end, which wouldn't be too horrible if it wasn't comprehensive. If it's the only final I would have to take though, well other sociology which would be a breeze, then I might would do. But I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

The good news is that I made high A's on both my sociology and EMC tests, so at least I'm not totally retarded. And I'm doing well in astronomy lab. We did the planetarium lab today and it was awesome. If only all of astronomy was about looking at stars and naming constellations (which I seriously thought it was! Boy was I wrong!) And I have no idea what's happening in Tennessee History... he just lectures, so I take the best notes I possibly can and we'll see where that leads in the future! No idea when we're taking our first test, but we have a book review due in early October... so I need to read that it this weekend.

Anyhow... I have been unusually peaceful today about the astronomy, and I totally credit that to God. Wednesday night He really broke me and it gave me a whole new perspective on His control. It was... so eye-opening, and I feel like it's really changing me... like maybe I am finally learning how to not freak out... how to sit back and really abide in Him. That is something I have rarely mastered before.

Also in Amy's world, I think I'm going to get an iMac instead of the MacBook Pro. I can get a more beefed up (filled up with all sorts of memory and hard drive space), more powerful iMac for less money than the MacBook Pro I was looking at. The only disadvantage to this decision is that I no longer have portability as an option, but before when I was looking at the Pros, I had viewed the portibility more as a bonus than a necessity.

My birthday's next Wednesday! Yay! I love birthdays... And considering that I will probably order the Mac early next week (due to Wes's suggestion to wait for the next Apple Event) I will probably have it on or shortly after my birthday! Happy Birthday to me! And then that weekend I will be shooting and editing for my first college video project! Excitement!

iMacs vs. MacBookPros...

So if you had the money for a Pro, but were cheap (no... let's say frugal...) and thus considering the iMac, which would you go for? The mobility of a laptop is really nice and would be hard to give up, but considering that this computer will be exclusively for video editing, what is most important is memory capacity and all that jazz... which I honestly don't know enough about! So if y'all have any advice about which computer may actually be a better deal that would be fabulous! Thanks!

P.S. to everyone: Please hold a prayer vigil for my astronomy test on Wednesday... Stars are more complicated than you would think, especially when your scientific intelligence level is extremely low... There is a reason for my ten point difference between my English ACT score and my science ACT score...

I need to make a pretty important decision. Please pray for guidance.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is just about the weirdest movie I've ever seen. In hindsight though, I see the brilliance of it.

"I woke up from a dream about an empty funeral
But it's better than a party full of people I don't really know"
                                                                            -Jars of Clay

(All this said with poppy guitar music in the background... yet still fitting...)

On a completely different note, it was cool seeing the Krystal's commercial stuff going on at school today. Even though I am not too fond of Krystal's and pretty much loathe their commercials, it was still neat to see everything in action. I just wanted to jump in and help. I am totally in the right major. It's nice to have peace about that at least. Now if I could only figure out some other things...

Alright Mac users, I have a couple of questions for y'all...
1.) Is the oober expensive extended warranty really worth the money?
2.) Do I need to buy a modem if I am going to use wireless Internet? Or something else perhaps, like a wireless adapter or something?
Also, do y'all have any extra advice for purchasing a Mac? I'm thinking I might get it this week. Here are the specs of the MacBookPro that I am interested in: 15.4 inch screen with 2.16 GHz, 1 GB, and a bunch of other stuff that I don't really know much about, honestly... ha ha. I'm also thinking about asking them to ship with Final Cut Pro Express pre-installed on there for me. Is that a good idea? It would make my life easier for sure...

And thanks to my collegiate standing, I would save a couple hundred bucks! Whoo hoo! This is all a little scary for me... I have never spent this much money at once by myself for one thing. Or more than one thing for that matter.. ha ha... I don't want to mess this up, because this is about $2500 we're talking about here, and I don't take that lightly! I know I'm really blessed to even have that money to spend and I don't want to casually throw it away. I do, however, feel very confident that video production is something that God has called me to, and this would be a great investment, and I could also start using it this semester for the two video projects I have for class. And that's a pretty exciting thought!

Lastly: Congratulations Matt and Bethany!

Birthday countdown: 2.5 weeks

21.5 days until my twentieth birthday...

and I found my first gray hair this morning...

eek!

Well, the first major event of my day was learning about the death of Steve Irwin, aka The Crocodile Hunter. To me it's pretty devestating. I mean, it's not like I've been crying about it, but that guy was so cool, and I hate that he had to die so young and leave behind a wife and two young children. I hope and pray that they are able to cope with this. I still can't believe it... it's so surreal to think thtat after all this time, a stingray of all things is what gets him. Death is so sudden, quick, and unpredictable. It can be scary, but at least I have confidence in where I am going afterwards.

I also watched some of Seasame Street this morning. :) It's actually pretty awesome! They had Natalie Portman as a guest star for today's episode! She even sang! I thought it was pretty cool.

Mom and I went on a shopping extravaganza in Cool Springs. I got the cutest dress ever at Ann Taylor Loft for half off! I love it. Now I need shoes to go with it... ha ha... guys, you have no idea how simple your wardrobe is compared to ours, especially when it comes to shoes!

I don't want to go back to school/work tomorrow...

So, if you've been one of these people riding the fence, saying maybe maybe maybe, but never making a commitment, today is that day my friend. Today, you must commit, stand up and say "YES, I WILL GO to Boenhoffer's tonight and have a wonderful time with my awesome friend Amy!"

Please? I don't want to be lonely. :) And it'll be awesome.

In other news...

I dropped Southern Literature and stuck with Tennessee History. And this means I will be finished with my gen. eds this semester! Yay! That will be a good feeling.

I've also decided I'm going to give MTTV a whirl, and am praying about a couple of opprotunities I have. I also plan to buy a MacBookPro in the very near future.

And I am officially dating an old man... ha ha... that sounds sooo wrong! Ok, he just turned twenty, and I'll be there myself pretty soon (on the 27th, don't you forget it!) It just sounds so old to me! I mean, where has my life gone? Wow... Anyhow, wish Garrett a happy belated birthday if you never wished him a happy birthday yesterday.

"Walk through the doorway of the great unknown
This is the moment..." - part of Sanctus Real's "Possibilities"

Class started today. Which I was looking forward to until the whole English class vs. history class dilemma arose. So while two weeks ago I was sort of excited about the new year, sometime last week that completely faded. I asked God to make it really clear when I sat in southern lit. if that was a class I would enjoy. Well... it wasn't clear... so maybe that means I wouldn't enjoy it. Sounded a little interesting and a little boring at the same time.

I like English, but in college it's kinda funky because the classes get to specific time periods or themes. If I could just take five lit. classes that covered whatever the heck the professor felt like from a wide range of authors and themes and time periods ...that would just be so much better to me. I flippin' loved 2030 (experience of lit). If I could take it five more times with the same professor but with different books and different names so I could get the fifteen hours I need for my minor... that would be fantastic.

So... despite the fact I said I wouldn't... I think I very may well go to Tenn. hist. tomorrow and check it out.

If it turns out I am taking Tenn. history instead of an English class, I am hereby vowing to devote myself to some sort of ministry at church, as well as throwing myself into production, both at home (yep, plan to buy a Mac sometime in the near future) and at MTTV. And right now, I'm thinking that maybe the best thing to do. What do you think? 


P.S. One of the reasons for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's PG rating is for "quirky situations". I kid not, go check it out yourself!

Well, I've had my serving of humble pride for the day. I got an e-mail from the Shawn McDonald music video contest people today, with a link to a website with the videos of the eleven finalists...

And I didn't even make it there... out of only 80 freaking people... I couldn't make it to the top 11...

It hurts.

A lot.

So I guess tonight begins my quest to bargain hunt for Macs.

Rewind to the past. There we sat in our third grade classroom, learning about the solar system. Our teacher asked us, "What is the name of the ninth planet - the smallest of them all?"

And we replied with enthusiasm, "Pluto!" That was an easy one for us to remember, because we loved that dog from the Mickey Mouse cartoons.

"That's right," our teacher smiled at us. "Pluto is the ninth planet in our solar system.

Fast forward to the present. Somewhere today, there is a third grade class learning about the solar system. When class begins the teacher announces, "Well children, you want to know the truth?" She looks down and the students see tears filling her eyes. "You may not be able to handle it."

"What is it, what is it?!" The third graders look at their teacher with wide eyes, horrified, mystified... scared... and afraid.

"Well, I know how I told you yesterday that Pluto was the ninth planet in our solar system. But it turns out that we have all been deceived." She looked up bravely, looking each student in the face, not knowing how to break the news. "Pluto has left the building," she states as gently as possible. The teacher pauses for a moment to sniffle before finally wailing out loud, "Yes my dear children, it's all true! They have decided that Pluto is just not good enough for our solar system anymore! Its title of 'planet' has been taken away."

And there was much mourning and weeping.

Yes folks, it's true. It was just one big fat lie. Pluto is not
a planet, never was a planet, never will be a planet! Poor Pluto is
just too puney, so it must be an asteroid or something of that nature instead. No one loves Pluto.
Pluto's just a reject. What a sad, sad day for Pluto.

There are third graders out there, wanting desperately to learn about the other worlds out there, who have been disocuraged in their efforts because every astronomy book published to date in wrong, wrong, wrong! How deeply wounding it is to have a part of our beloved solar system ripped out and taken away in one instance! We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye...

All this because some scientists wouldn't pick on a planet their own size.

Facebook has now added a nifty little "notes" section, with which I am able to import my Phusebox blog. In fact, when I did this, it imported my last ten entries. Wowzeers! The wonders of technology! Here are quotes from last Thursday that I totally meant to put on here but never did...

"If I was liberal, I would fuss..." - guy in the business office

Anna: "What is the legal drinking age in Montenegro?"
Nemanja: "Well, you must be born, and you must say beer, and they will give you one!"

I know that this looks a little long, but it's a fairly quick read. I hope you'll take the time to at least scan it. These are excerpts of journal entries I made three years ago when I first moved to Tennessee, just in time to begin my junior year of high school. I hope these will be an encouragement for those of you who are going off to college or expereincing some other sort of change.

It's really neat for me to look back three years and see how much God has brought me through in that time period. (For one thing, my writing has improved... ha ha...) I hope that through reading these entries and from knowing me now, you can see how far God has brought me in my life through change, and what He can do in yours. Enjoy...

8-14-03
"...today was miserably boring. Kinda lonely too... I'll just have to give it some time. It's hard right now, because at this point I am like so ready to just high-tail it back to Texas. I called Theresa [an old friend from TX] today and it was so nice to hear her sweet voice..."

8-15-03
"...Tonight... was one of the most awesome nights of my life. You see, Mom agreed to work the [Lifeway] table for this concert and karoke deal that was happening at a church [Northside Baptist] tonight... well I came back from watching some of the karoke and Mom was saying she talked some with the lead singer of Everman, Brad, about Texas... I got to meet the guy for myself... he is serioulsy like the nicest guy in the whole universe! ...he wrote a special note inside my CD cover that says: 'Marsha & Amy, Providence #3 is for you! Romans 8:28'. Mom said that once when I wasn't there with them that he prayed for us! And his wife and daughter are back in Texas [just like my dad]! Talk about so strange! And you know what? For the first time since I've been here, I was myself. Tonight was the first time that the real Amy had emerged in Murfreesboro. And the real Amy had such a fun time joking around and hanging out..."

8-16-03
"Today was one of those days when I got up on the wrong side of the bed... I just felt really crummy most of the day. Not even listening to my very own song helped. And you know how you would figure after something awesome happened like last night that everything would suddenly seem brighter and more perfect? Well it didn't..."

8-17-03
"Well, we went to Belle Aire today and both Mom and I liked it. I met two girls who were really nice to me. Their names were Sarah and Amber... I met a few guys too, but we didn't talk much... Anyhow, I got the sweetest e-mail from Danielle [old Texan friend] today! ...she was saying how God was going to use me..."

8-18-03
"Well school was... school. Pretty boring and average. I haven't really made any new friends, but I was talking to this one guy in environmental science and after class he handed me a post-it and it had his phone number... ha ha..."

8-19-03
  "Well today was better... I can see the kids in my classes are starting to warm up, and we're starting to become more friendly towards one another. And yesterday, for no reason at all, I ended up with a schedule change that flip-flopped my last two classes. At first I thought I would hate the change, but now I'm seeing how they are for the better! (God just totally rocks!)
  "...in Spanish there's a guy from Belle Aire, and I saw another guy in a Christian t-shirt. And we had to work with partners... and mine were really nice. ...sixth period drama... we had to talk about ourselves. One girl was really brave and stated, 'Something that is interesting about me is I'm a Christian.' Wow! I couldn't help but admire her for saying that! ...that was all cool and it encouraged me...
  "Then this other guy named Zach comes up there. 'An interesting thing about me is that there is a lake named after me,' he tells us. Mr. Curry asked Zach about it and he explained there was this lake at this Funny Farm place where his mom would go to or whatever because she is a Christian comedian. ... so anyways, we talked a little at the end of class because our assigned seats are right next to each other, and he asked what church I went to... I told him that we had just moved here so we were still looking around... I really hope to become good friends with both Zach and Rebecca...
  "God, thank you for the "fluke" schedule change. I suppose maybe you were showing me that you still do care..."

8-20-03
"... we went to Belle Aire again tonight, and Sarah, Amber, and Amy were still just as sweet as ever to me... things are starting to feel more familiar. Maybe I'm starting to realize I'm not on vacation, but it's still hard and I still miss everyone..."

8-23-03
"...Right now I'm at the point where I suppose I don't really mind too much about being here, as long as my purpose of being here is reavealed soon... I know it's only been about three weeks, but feels so much longer. I'm ready to discover why I'm here..."

8-31-03
"We got our rainbow today. Every time we move, God always sends us a beautiful rainbow as a promise. Today it was big, bright, and vivid... it was God's promise for us that we so needed to be reminded of..."

9-4-03
"...So school is getting more and more comfortable... I'm feeling more comfortable with the people and such. If only we could figure out the church issue..."

9-8-03
"Well, today I realize how desperately my school needs Jesus. Seriously...  she [a girl from one of my classes] ... made a comment about how this is the Bible belt and she can't wait to move away from it because people cram stuff down your throat. I don't want to be that way. I want to shine brightly for the world, but I don't want to beat people ove the head with a Bible in order to do it. Earlier today I just sat down and prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to me... all I know to do now is pray for these people, and to keep on shining! I'm enjoying Riverdale, and I know God has a purpose for me to be here!"

9-10-03
  "Okay, tonight at church was awesome! The topic was peace, and after Chris (the youth minister), spoke, he handed it over to this college guy named Clint. So Clint gave us a testimony about having peace even when his mom died... He said a couple of things that I can see ring true in my life. One thing is that we all go through Job situations. We're either going through one, fixing to get in one, or just getting out of one... He also said that it's during those tough trials that we realize where our joy is. Is our joy... anchored in Christ? That's the only way to receive true joy and true peace...
  "And I just now realized how many people I already know! Seriously! Like all these kids in my classes, and then Swing Club kids, drama kids... Anyway... it's so neat to think about how comfortable I am in school... It's so cool just how many people I know and say hi to me and talk to me! ...And several of them aren't Christians, and maybe one day I'll get to tell them about Jesus!"

9-14-03
"Well Mom and I both know that Belle Aire is definitely the right place - no fighting it any longer..."

9-17-03
"Tonight I've just really reflected on how far I've come since we've moved here. It's pretty amazing! It's encouraging to think about, because now I can see God has a plan. And it's cool how many people I have gotten to meet and can recognize in the hallways. Today a girl from the play tryouts that I had never really talked with smiled and said hey to me. Ditto with a girl, Emily, that I met at See You at the Pole. It's just really neat and encouraging..."

And it's like "they" say... the rest is history... and how glad I am that God brought me here.

So, I went to a lot of trouble to sign up for my Intro to Lit Studies class. I had to go get special permission for it and everything. Then today, I went to Phillip's to look at the books for this class, only to realize that this class is going to be pretty darn awful. One of the books we're required to read is called Literary Theory. Oh, and if that isn't bad enough, there's The Dictionary of Literary Symbols! What the mess?! I just want to read novels and short stories! Anyhow, and this is the only English class required for my minor, and I'm noticing that the other teachers aren't as hardcore as mine. The only other class that fits into my schedule with a good teacher is currently closed (mine's new so I didn't know he was going to be like this!), and what really ticks me is if I had found this out yesterday instead of tody, I could have woken up really and snagged a spot whenever the purging was going on. But no, I just found out and it's closed.

I do have the option of dropping this class instead of my Tennessee History class that I have been meaning to drop for an eternity, but I soooo want to take English and not history. When I didn't have English last semester I had withdrawls from it! I'm an English nerd, but I am not down with literary symbols and junk. I just want to read some happy stories and write papers about them. I've tried looking into other English classes but they are few and far between. Here's what's left: classes I'm not interested or bad teachers! Or it's at an awful time... my 2030 teacher, for example, whom I love very much, is teaching a class that sounds alright... too bad it's on Wednesday nights! Bleh! Anything else that sounds interesting and has a good teacher is closed or interferes with what is otherwise a perfectly lovely schedule that I have. I'm sad though because I really wanted to take this class with my good friend Jolene.

Maybe this class would be good because it would help me with other classes I take in the future. I dunno... maybe. I'm just kinda confused, and the countdown to school is pretty darn soon.

On a happier note, Aimee's Cracker Barrel get-together was tons of fun. I put up about 38 pictures from it up on Facebook, and you should go comment on them.

-First, Windows Movie Maker disappeared from my computer.
-Then, after a week in MS with very little online contact, my router decides to be stupid and not work.
-Then, my computer and printer don't communicate.
-And then sometime last night, the student information system at MTSU decided to crash, thus resulting in much pandemonium this morning at work. Thankfully, I was able to bury myself in prenote checking.

Also thankfully, three out of the four above problems have been fixed. The one that was not fixed I worked around for the moment it was most crucial.

Ah, technology...

P.S. I may also have one of Dell's exploding batteries of doom... I've got to check for sure... and guess who made these defective batteries? SONY! Figures!

I think I missed a lot in the Boro while I was gone... for one, I came home to find 35 new entries, and it seem as if 20 of them were very vague and mysterious... hmmm...

So, I like change... sometimes. But not always. I guess growth is not so bad (though it can hurt), but anything that seems to have the opposite effect, shrinking I suppose, really stinks. Watching my grandfather going downhill just kills me inside, because I think about the way he used to be. Now I suppose all I can do is pray that soon he will be in peace in heaven.

Finding Alice by Melody Carlson is an amazing book. I want to make it a movie.

As I walked to the nursing home from grandma's room in assistant living, I felt like I was about to witness an execution. When I got there, that is exactly what I saw. To see my grandfather so thin, fragile, and frail, sitting in a wheel chair, looking so alone and empty... it was exactly like seeing an execution. A few tears managed to escape from the overwhelming flood that wanted to come out. To see a man who survived WWII, raised a family, preached, counseled, and made us all laugh just a few years before, has now had purpose stripped away from him. I know he lived for purpose, just as I do, and it kills me to see this way. I pray and ask God to take him away soon, out of my love for him. I just want him to be happy and in peace. He doesn't get that in the dark nursing home room that too much resembles a hospital with the lady down the hallway that screams at the top of her lungs. Her cry is the cry that many there feel. No hope, no peace.

As I am here in Mississippi this week, I brought a book to read. It's a fiction book about a girl with schizophrenia (from her perspective). Scizophrenia and Alzheimer's have some amazing similarities, and to witness these two lives and two experiences at once is overwhelming and eye-opening. Mental illness is one of those things that I don't understand... I mean, why would God allow that to happen? I suppose to make people, like me, who witness these tragedies to realize that I am not in control. I can lose my mind any day. My world can simply fall apart within a few weeks, days, hours, even minutes. But it's God that keeps me going. I hope that God is giving my granddad some comfort through our little visits. I hope that when he does pass, that he passes knowing that he is leaving behind a great legacy, and a family that loves him and wants to live full lives such as his. I hope that God gives him those two realizations as he passes from this life and into eternity.

A day in the sun = a tan. :) I love my skin tone...

Heading off to Mississippi on Monday. Which leads me to this conversation from Wednesday night...
Me: I won't be here next week. I'll be out of town visiting my grandparents.
Keith: Ah, I understand. I did that last month. But my grandparents live in the Rockies, so I really like to visit them because I love that area.
Me: My grandparents live in Mississippi. *dramatic pause* There's nothing in Mississippi.
Keith: No, there isn't.

Hope it goes well. The last visit was really rough with my grandfather (who has Alzheimer's) going downhill fast. At least I'll have a better idea what to expect this time around.

Went to Cool Springs yesterday with my mom for tax free weekend. Needless to say, it wasn't as successful as I hoped, walking away with a pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, a pair of khakis, and an umbrella. I really need several pairs of shoes that I have a hard time finding thanks to really narrow heels, one of my feet being slightly larger than the other, and the fact that I would prefer not to tromp around campus in high heels...