Long story short, after those seven hours of shooting we have to re-shoot everything AGAIN, right from scratch. We even have to use new talent because the talent we used before is not avaliable.

 

You want to guess which day we're shooting?

 

Thursday. My birthday.

 

Which I am now suddenly dreading... 

Last night was the shoot for our video, "How to Have an Ideal Date". It was a pretty simple idea. We would shoot most of it in my partner Michael's apartment, and then we were supposed to shoot the rest at Steak n' Shake.  We figured the apartement part wouldn't take too long, maybe an hour or two, and then maybe an hour or less at Steak n' Shake.

 

But alas, everything feel to pieces quite quickly.

 

I wish I can remember the sequence in which everything happened, but some of it I think seemed to fall apart all at once. Let's start with our camera...

 

We have to check out cameras from the school's department, which are really nice so I won't complain. The camera we checked out was not one of my professor's cameras, but one of the other professors' (but that's a whole other story we won't get into). So everything on the camera was set on the wrong thing, which makes things difficult when you are still trying to figure out how to use the camera. That might not have been too huge of a deal, but we did not realize this until after we realized the BOTH of the batteries in the camera kit were COMPLETELY DEAD, which can also be attributed to the fact that it was not one of my professor's kits.

 

So that delayed us. While I was on the phone with a classmate discussing using one of their batteries from their camera kit (since they would not be shooting until later this weekend), my partner Andy was on the phone with Steak n' Shake. Guess what they had to say?! Sorry, the person who had told us we could shoot there did not have the authority to do so and we absolutely could not shoot there!

 

Great. So we have dead batteries and one of our locations is completely out of the picture. Now it was time for some major brainstorming. One of our classmates said that she had gotten permission for us to shoot where she works, but unfortunately it was in Franklin and we would not be able to shoot until after midnight (which was when we were going to shoot at Steak n' Shake, but at least it would have been local). We called her and left a voicemail, but brainstormed for better options as one of the batteries charged up.

 

I decided to call Graham, who then turned me over to his mom, to ask about trying to make a portion of either their deck or part of their house look like a restaurant. They were more than willing to help out and so we breathed a little easier.

 

Meanwhile, we had to figure out how to shoot in Michael's dang apartment, which had bad lighting and obstacles known as furniture. We also had a problem of not being able to shoot outside for the "pick up" and "drop off" scenes because of how dark it was, and had to come up with creative ways to shoot those scenes from the inside. (And remember, during all this we were still trying to figure out the camera.)

 

I think we may have finished up with shooting everything at the apartment at 11 something (we arrived at the apartment shortly after 6... we spent about two to three hours trying to figure out how to solve all our problems). Then it was time to head over to Graham's. After a run-in with a rapping thug who wanted our cell phones at the Wal-Mart gas station, we headed over to Graham's.

 

God bless Trudy. She set up a really nice area that really did look like a restaurant. Granted, Michael Johnson won't be fooled, but we knew it was the best we could do. It was also nice that Graham's house is very well lit. We spent, roughly, about another hour and a half there getting our final shots, and most everything went smoothly there.

 

I got home at about 1:30 or so and crashed at 2 AM. My sleep was not as sweet as I anticipated, however, as I would wake up and worry about some of the shots we did before falling back to sleep. There is no room for mistakes as we do not have the option to reshoot. We can only hope and pray that in our 40 minutes of footage (after 7 hours madness) that there are two minutes of redeeming video that will keep us from getting too miserable of a grade. Thank goodness our talent was great... we really would have flopped without all their efforts. And now we can also only hope and pray that the editing process goes well. Thankfully Andy has a whole week for that.

 

So filming is not quite the glamour it appears to be.

 

And this morning I dropped my psychology class I hated so much. And it feels so freeing... 

"Look at Steve Urkle wrestle that crocodile!" -Dad, referring to Steve Irwin

 

"...I drive around Murfreesboro and pretend I'm Batman..." -Andy, explaining what, pray tell, you do with a Batman soundtrack  

 

"Take your menopause pill, lady!" -Jolene, about her feelings towards an angry middle-aged woman 

Is the world ready for the return of boy bands? Not that I mind the music, but those over dramatic gestures...

 

On a totally different note, has anyone who wears contacts had a problem with your lenses tearing insanely faster than they should? I'm having a lot of trouble with mine tearing lately and I don't understand what's happening because I'm not doing anything differently... 

Paris Hilton. Britney Spears. Lindsey Lohan. Vanessa Hudgens. Kirsten Storms.

 

What do all these girls have in common? 

 

Well quite frankly, they're terrible role models for today's young girls.

 

Everyone is quite familar with the first three. Some may not know much about the latter two.

 

Vanessa Hudgens is pretty well-known, especially among pre-teens and teens. She is the leading lady in the very popular High School Musical movies, co-starring with her on and off screen boyfriend Zac Efron. She is a seemingly sweet and innocent girl, and only 18 years old, so I was quite shocked to discover that she had posed for nude photos that have crept their way to the Internet. In her apology she claims that she is sorry and embarassed about the pictures, but what I am still trying to figure out is why someone who is in the public eye would do something in private that, if exposed to the public, would be embarassing. But obviously the problem is that she wasn't thinking about it.

And then there's Kirsten Storms, who was better known to Disney fans a few years back when she starred in the Zenon movies. She currently voices a character for the Disney animated series Kim Possible and is also known for her role in a soap opera. Apparently she was arrested for DUI (gee, that seems to running rampant in Hollywood... I'm never making plans to drive around there). And what particularly upsets me about Kirsten Storms' charge is the fact that she is supposed to be a Christian. She was on the cover of Brio, a magazine for Christian teen girls, a few years back, and I was subscribed to the magazine at the time and thought it was so awesome that she was a Christian. And now she has ruined that reputation. Drinking (legally) is not inheritantly wrong, but getting drunk and then driving is a completely different story. 

 

It's always bugged me how much Americans idolize celebrities. They continously fail us. They divorce. They have affairs. They drive drunk. They do drugs. I'm not saying all celebrities do these things, but it does seem quite prevelant.  And lately, the focus of celebrity news has been on girls my age (give or take a few years). Adolescents are looking for a role model. They may not consciously realize it, but they are. They are trying to figure out who they are and form an identity, and they look up to older guys and girls. And when they see these girls and what they do... that's something that come to think is ok.

 

You would think these celebrities would have some respect for themselves, as well as for others. But they don't. They're just living in the moment, doing what feels good, trying to find something to satisfy them. They don't value the responsibility they have as being public figures. They have millions of dollars, all the stuff they could want, but they're miserable, and we IDOLIZE them! Why do we do that? Why do we admire people merely based off their riches, looks, or talents? Since when do these things matter more than a person's CHARACTER?  

 

I learned many years ago, after having a few role models, that people will disappoint you, whether they are in the public eye or the people you encounter in your life. Everyone makes mistakes. No one is worthy of being idolized. But there's nothing wrong with admiring somene's attributes, and we have to be so careful as to who we're admiring and what we're admiring about them. Just because someone is on TV, has great hair, and a lot of money, it does not mean they are a person that deserves admiration. I think many young girls fail to see that, however. It's not that they're shallow, it's just they like something about an actress or singer and decide they want to be just like her. 

 

I remember a couple of months ago I was in Fossil and they were playing the edited version of Avril Lavigne's song "Girlfriend". Now, I'm a fan of Avril's old stuff, but the message of (and the language in) this song just makes me cringe! Anyhow, a couple of girls that could not have been older than thirteen walked by me, singing along with the song. Now, if it had been "Complicated", I would not have been so concerned, but this song is all about a girl whining to a guy that she hates his girlfriend and trying to convince him that she would be better. Personally, that would not be a message I would want my thirteen year old daughter to be exposed to.

 

So it's not just the individual person, but the art they produce... whether it be music or movies. Some stars, like Natalie Portman, actually do a pretty decent job of selecting their roles carefully and trying to be a positive role model through their movie characters. If only everyone would put that kind of care and attention into what they did. What would even be greater was that if the media would reward and promote such behavior. 

 

But sadly, the headlines scream about the girls gone wild: the ones who get arrested, who party without panties, who pose nude. It fascinates us. It arouses our attention. It generates talk. I just wrote a really long blog entry about it. The celebrities are getting what they want: attention. It's what they crave, whether it be negative or positive. They don't care if it's affecting adolescents. Granted, they don't make girls go wild, and teens are not helplessly suspectible to or brainwashed by these stars, but it is most certainly affecting them and our society as a whole. 

 

I just hope new and young celebs won't fall into these same traps. I hope they will stand up for what's right. I hope they revolutionize the entertainment industry as we know it...  simply by their actions.

Twenty-going-on-twenty-one is an interesting time of life. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm halfway through college, less than two years away from "the real world". Maybe it has something to do with the fact that so many of my friends are engaged or married. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have close friends in their mid-twenties. Maybe it's knowing that those "B.S." classes are long gone and it's time to get serious. Maybe it's realizing that in my twenty years I've experienced a lot but there's a lot more I want to experience in the next twenty years before I look back and say, "What have I done with life now that it's halfway over?". Maybe it has something to do with the deaths of two loved ones this summer. Maybe I am just rapidly growing up while still being entrapped in a school setting and a still somewhat adolescent mind. I think it may be all of the above.

 

This semester is extremely uncomfortable. With the exception of the tight-knit family of Single Cam (as much as Michael Johnson scares me, at least I have the suport of the other 20 students in the class), I don't feel free to speak up in any of my classes. Last semester I felt extremely comfortable in my classes (maybe with the exception of one class). I feel more insecure and less confident, though I still believe very much in myself and probably have a much stronger support system of friends now than I ever have before. 

 

I don't really feel too much like me these days. I don't think I have a problem though. I'm not depressed. I'm just different. Not my personality, not my interests, not my ambitions, and not much else... really, just the degree of my circumstances. I think I am in an age of uncertainty. I'm certain I'm in the right major, the right minor(s), the right school, have the right friends, etc. I'm certain of my faith. I'm certain of my beliefs (be they theological, political, or whatever). I am not even sure if I am uncertain of anything in particular... I think I'm just suffering from an emerging adulthood crisis. I feel like I'm supposed to be out of my own, have money, be working, and married. Is that crazy?! I'm not ready for any of that (well, the latter two, not quite yet) but the time is coming (very soon)! 

 

I see myelf becoming more willing to take responsibility. Friday morning I sent a letter to the editor of the campus newspaper about a completely whacked out editorial based on complete fiction about where I work, and it was published in today's edition. I felt a little apprehensive about it at first, but the praise I have received for what I did is affirmation that it was right. Sometimes you have to take chances. It may not be the popular choice, but as the Fray so eloquently puts it, "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same". 

 

So all this rambling just to say I feel different, and almost uncertain, but for no obvious reason. But I really think it's because a lot of things are changing in my life in regards to family (deaths), friends (new ones), work (new system), and school (a different level in my classes). And just like every other new stage of life, I will just have to learn to adjust and adapt. I guess I just never thought this would be one of those times. It just goes to show we never know what's right arond the corner.  

Michael Johnson is apparently a mastermind. We had to write up new proposals for these new video ideas that came from some other group, and today we turned them in. He then asked all the prodcuers to pass their copy of the new proposal BACK TO THE ORIGINAL GROUP! What a relief! So my group got their old idea back, really without too much change. Anyhow, the point of all that was that we would each have a new perspective on our project and work with that in mind. So that was the good news...

 

The bad news was this terrible Sidelines article written about the "evil" business office! I will be writing a letter tonight and sending it in to set a few things straight! 

So... last Thursday in Single Cam each group was instructed to come up with an idea for our first video project, which is supposed to be a "how to" video.

 

My group came up with a pretty decent idea ("How to be a Gentleman on the First Date"). We had some good ideas for how we were going to present it.

 

But then Michael Johnson told the producer of each group to hold up their paper with the group's idea.

 

Then pass it to the right.

 

And then do it again.

 

Now the paper we were holding was the topic we were going to have to do.

 

Don't even ask what my group got... I'll tell you about it eventually...

I think I just signed my life and soul over to my Single Camera Directing and Producing professor, Michael Johnson...

Another semester started out on the wrong foot. There's nothing wrong with my classes, mind you, it's work... it's crazy! That and feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do and wondering if something's gonna have to give... but I guess I'll give it a week or so and see...

So, I finally sat down and thought about how busy I am going to be this semester thanks to school, work, focus group leader respobsibilities, and Collage. I don't really want to complain, because I know I'm going to enjoy everything (well, being a focus group leader and Collage, and maybe sometimes school and work), but boy am I going to be busy...

 

Every week, Monday-Friday: Work 20 hours, attend classes for 16 hours

 

Every Sunday: Morning Sunday school and church, AO focus group leader meeting at 5, Focus group at 7 

 

At least every other Monday: Coram Deo for one hour

 

Every Wednesday: Collage meeting at 4, AO at 7:45

 

Weekends: Social/dating life 

 

One Wednesday a month: Go to AO early for Inreach  

 

Approx. three times a month: Meet with mentor

 

Once a month: Meet with Jerel

 

One week out of semester: Grade submissions for Collage 

 

Not to mention substantial time outside of class studying, making videos, eating, and sleeping. 

 

I think this will be my verse this semester...

 

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." -Matthew 26:41 

Yep, that's right... it's that time. It's a week away from school, the big purge day has passed, and I've decided that I really do not want to be in one of the classes I am currently registered for. I bought the books today but while looking at them in the bookstore I was like, wow, I have no interest in this. It's my Social Psychology of Close Relationships class in case you were wondering.

 

It seems like every semester (with the exception of last semester) I always pick one mediocre class with a mediocre teacher due to judgement lapse, and decide right before school starts back up that  I have no desire to be in there and need to get in another class. The only problem is that any class that does interest me is either taught by someone awful or the time is bad. I really can't move any of my other classes. Well, I could, but I wouldn't be happy with it. With the exception of this one class, I really want to keep my teachers and everything. Nevermind that almost every class is filled... I know I can find my way in there eventually. I just need suggestions.

 

So here's my situation: I'm already taking two EMC classes, including the one next in line and one of my two electives. I'm satisfied with that. I am taking Principles of Marketing. I would take another marketing class, but unfortunately you can't take any other marketing classes until you've had Principles, which I am going to be taking. And then I have Abnormal Psych, which I know I'll love. If I take another psych class, I can complete my minor in it, but I'm not necessarily in a hurry to do it. There are psych classes I am interested in, but they conflict but my current classes. 

 

And then outside of those things, I really have no other interests. The only possibility I have really come up with is the first education class you can take, which would be random but I suppose beneficial. The teacher is Rebecca Watts, whom I don't know anything about, but the time is good. Of course, it's filled up. And I may not like it, since that's not really my thing. I don't mind taking a random class, as long as it's either a liberal arts or science class. And by science I mean social science, since I can't stand science science. And I have to be interested in it. I don't want to take a class about Japanese Landscaping or Abstract Thinking or Chinese Philosophy or  The History of Feminisim or anything else of that nature. Oh, and I need to take 15 hours this semester because next semester I will be getting by butt whooped by Mass Media Law and after that I'll be a senior and probably super busy. Suggestions?

Man, what is my problem? Yesterday I was so excited about what's ahead, and today I'm disappointed again. I think the problem is I expect too much out of people. I hold people to the same standard as I hold myself, which is perfection. Thus, I often end up disappointed in myself and in others. I don't want to live that way. I need to realize we are all human beings just trying to work this life out. And I have yet to figure out why there are certain people that I am continually hoping will want to become closer to me only to realize... well... they don't. I guess that's what I get for liking people so much... facing rejection when they don't want to broaden their circle of friends and include me. But whatever. I'm growing more and more thankful each day for those closest to me, and I'm excited about new friendships I am developing.

 

 I'm also a little excited about school... well... I'm excited about Single Cam and my Intro to Motion Pictures class. I'm a little excited about marketing because I'm curious. I'm actually not excited about my psych classes at all, but this is largely due to the fact that I don't know if I have any friends in those classes. Of course, as far as I know I don't have any friends in marketing, but I'm ok with that. But I don't know what the deal with psych is... I mean, I'm very interested in the classes I chose, especially Abnormal Psych. I mean, come on, I was itching to watch A Beautiful Mind last night with my frineds. But I guess I'll get into the swing of it once school starts up. I hope I can handle 15 hours again. I haven't done that in a full year and am hoping I can juggle that, work, focus group responsibilities, AO, a relationship, and a social life... 

 

In other news, the music in High School Musical 2 is amazing. Yes, I totally watched the premiere tonight! The story was really lame, but then again the first one was pretty lame too, but the music was incredible!

 

Also, we have Mamaw settled in a nursing home. She's confused of course, so prayer for her is appreciated.  

 

Anyhow, I'm not generally big on posting song lyrics (despite my post before last) and especially not for a whole song, but I really like this song by Switchfoot, but then again, I like all their songs... Anyhow, it's from their first album from way back in the day and called "Life and Love and Why":

 

Life and love and why
Child, adult, then die
All of your hoping
And all of your searching
For what?
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Take away from me
This monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living
Or what gives me strength
That I'm willing to die for

Could it be this
Could this be bliss
Could it be all that
I ever had missed
Could it be true
Can life be new
And can I be used
Can I be used

Give me a reason
For life and for death
A reason for drowning
While I hold my breath
Something to laugh at
A reason to cry
With everyone hopeless
And hoping for something
To hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for

Could it be true
Can life be new
Could it be all that I am
Is in You
Could it be this
Could it be bliss
Can it be You
Can it be You

Emo. I promise. I know it may sound like it from my lastest thoughts/blogs/notes, but I really am ok. I am sensitive by nature, but I'm also pretty strong. It's just nice to write down some of what's going through my mind... 

 

I'm heading of to the AO leadership retreat tomorrow and will be back some time Thursday.

When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones

 

-Coldplay, "Fix You" 

 

Thanks for those who have been encouraging me... I am standing strong on Romans 8:28, and I am thankful for the small things... the grandfatherly old man who talked to me yesterday in Dillard's who made me miss my own grandfathers and yet still brought joy to my heart...

 

Please continue to pray for Mamaw. We've told her about Papaw's death twice now and probably won't anymore because she just keeps forgetting things and lives in a constant state of confusion. With the help of a doctor, we are hoping to get her in a nursing home by the end of the week.

 

I have a burden on my heart, and this week I feel I'm going to have to share it with a group people... I just hope it goes well...  I don't want to get specific right now, but just pray for wisdom and discerenment.

 

And let me know if I can pray for you. Seriously. Because I'm trying to honestly pray for others now. Or if you just need to talk... I'm here... because I love you. Deeply.

I hate to complain, but I have to vent...

 

I'm just tired. 

 

Tired of stupidity.

Tired of busyness.

Tired of death.

Tired of life.

Tired of hurt.

Tired of rejection.

Tired of cliques.

Tired of shallowness.

Tired of fakes.

Tired of hypocrites.

Tired emotionally.

Tired physically.

Tired spiritually.

Tired of the desert I'm in.  

First off, I already made a Facebook note about this, and this will end up on Facebook as well, but thanks again for all the prayers for my family. They are greatly appreciated. I would leave it at but after tonight I feel like I have to add HOWEVER...

 

We could still use your prayers. I'm doing alright, and my dad seems to be as well. Pray for my aunts, and my cousins, because I don't know if they know the Lord or not. Pray that they will see God through this. Papaw was a devout Catholic, but not everyone in the family shares the same kind of faith as he did. As far as I know, my dad and my mom and I are the only ones on that side faithfully attending a church.

 

Also, please pray for my mamaw. I was under the impression that she was not really aware (because of her demensia condition) of all that is happening (we didn't even take her to the funeral, since it was in MS and it would have been extremely difficult to take her there), but when I came home tonight my dad said something about how she's having a hard time with it. And I guess I was pretty ignorant to think that she wasn't. Though she may have short term memory loss, she remembers the long term, and she remembers him. They were married for 69 years, and he loved her unconditionally until the day he died. He devoted so much time and patience and strength to caring for her. And now she's alone. 

 

It's funny, tonight at AO while we were singing, I just started to pray because I knew I really needed to, and God assured me of Romans 8:28 (which Robert mentioned when he spoke) that the deaths that happened this summer are for a greater purpose. But tonight, as I sit here and think about Mamaw, I wonder how in the world this can do any good. I had sort of hoped that Mamaw would die first and Papaw shortly after, because we knew that he was only hanging on for her. But now, Mamaw is left here in a confused state. I wonder how much she'll change, and if she'll grow more distant from us. I wonder if she'll fade away quickly or slowly.  

 

Just when I thought I was happy and fine, I'm starting to feel burdened again. This is such a delicate matter and not an easy situation. We have to get Mamaw out of their apartment by the end of the month and we don't know where we're taking her yet. Most nursing homes have waiting lists and I'd hate for Aunt Janet to be in charge of taking care of her.

 

My heart just really aches for the elderly and their condition...

 

I'm just glad that my grandma is adjusting really well to life without Granddaddy... 

 

And now for another serious issue, presented in a somewhat humorous manner, though when I saw this I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry... 

 

Illegal Immigrants

I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need go see Welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,
We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid, it keep you healthy!

By and by, Got plenty money,
Thanks to you, TAXPAYER dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come, fast as you can'

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.

They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,
I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."
In my yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
Soon we own whole neighborhood

We have hobby it called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!

TAXPAYER crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for white man race.

If they no like us, they can go,
Got lots of room in Mexico.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid." -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

 

It's very true. Coping with the death of my second grandfather ever as well as in one short summer has proved to be fairly easy today, though it helps immensely I've been distracted. Yesterday was hard. The funeral was hard. But I know it's better this way for him. Thanks so much for those of you have been praying for me, supporting me, and encouraging me. It means so much to have such loving and caring friends. I don't know many details yet, excpet that all the services are going to Mississippi, so I'll be heading that way in the next couple of days. 

-"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans."

 

-"Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15. "

 

-"Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives."

 

-"I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born."

 

-"If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under. "

 

-"Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face."

 

-"Without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure."

 

 -"I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life."

For the past few weeks, I've known that God's been calling me to draw closer. But I've resisted. Why would I resist Almighty God? How ridiculous. He's never been unfaithful. He's never done anything to me that wasn't for my own good. What was I afraid of?

Those refining fires mentioned in Malachi. The ones that purifying silver. Silver has to go through rounds and rounds of fires before all the impurities are wiped away. And I didn't want to go through that process, because I knew I had sin in my life. Not a "big" sin that would be make me the outcast of the church, but I was definitely clinging onto something.

As most of you already know, my granddad passed away early last month after suffering from Alheizmer's for a couple of years. That and an experience working with childer in inner-city Charleston the next week really fired me up. I was ready to live for God, I determined. I was ready to set things straight.

Of course that interest died away pretty quickly. I was good for a few days, perhaps, maybe a week, but it slowly drifted away. That sin... the pride, conceit, judgemental nature I had grown accustomed to was still there, and I wasn't honestly seeking God to take it away. Of course I asked Him to take it away, but I didn't follow through with my heart. I was afraid of the fire He might throw me into to change me.

This week has been a week of shocking news. I guess it really started just a little over a week, though, when Garrett's grandmother passed away unexpectedly. She was old, granted, but she wasn't really sick. Nothing seemed wrong. Nothing really was wrong. She just passed on quitely and peacefully in her sleep.

Monday I learned of another death that hit close to home. And then another one on Tueday. By Wednesday, I was most certainly paranoid of who else was going to die, but instead I received some other shocking news. And it was then that I realized God was saying, "Hey, wake up, time to come back to me!"

To say my prayer life has been lacking would be an understatement. It's terrible. I thought I was going to improve in June, and I did for a short time, but that began to slip my mind as well. Between a book I'm slowly reading through and all this bad news I have been receiving, I am realizing that it absolutely and totally essential for me to continously seek His counsel, because without that, I am going to fall. Romans 8 promises that, as a child of God, I am not supposed to live a life condemned to sin and death. I am to to live freely and fully. And that's the way I've felt lately.

Last night, I talked to God out loud in my car. There was so much on my heart and I had to get it all out. It felt so good to say it all aloud. And I felt like I was making a step in the right direction.

Earlier today I read Romans 8 out loud in the privacy of my room. This passage continues to be the most encouraging piece of Scripture to me. A lot of people look at it and talk about predestination, but what I see in there are God's precious promises: that we are not condemned, that there is a future glory for us, that earth is not home and we will not forever be trapped in our earthly shells, that He intercedes for us when we have no idea how to pray, that He loves us and nothing will change that.

And then I looked at Matthew 4, where it talks about the temptation of Jesus. In the first verse it says: "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil". Immediately I was taken aback. The Holy Spirit led Jesus to be tempted?! How terrible is that?! I don't associate the Holy Spirit with temptation, except when I overcome it. I never thought that he may actually lead me to a place of temptation!

And in verse two, we see that Jesus was weak with hunger because he fasted for forty days. I'm sure that if you're fasting in the desert for forty days and seriously seeking God that it's a pretty awesome worship experience, but Jesus, just like any of us, got hungry and that probably consumed His being at that time more than the awesome experience He just had. Otherwise, I don't think the Scripture would be so specific as to mention the fact that he was hungry.

But He overcame the temptation. He passed the test. And in the end, He was strengthned because of it (verse 11).

The point I'm trying to make here is that I don't know when or where temptation will come to me. I don't know what I will be tempted by before it comes to me. I don't know what to prepare for on my own. This is why I need to stay in touch with my Savior, becuase He alone can equip me for what is ahead, so that I will not be overcome by the temptations I face, but that I will find a way out.

Just a few weeks ago I got really cocky about an area of my life I have managed to do well in, which I know is really only by God's grace and strength. And I had to remember that I was capable of falling there anytime, and that's why I always have to be alert and praying. Always. I am in a constant war zone. I cannot take that lightly. I cannot afford to take that lightly. Otherwise, I'm going to end up in a really bad situation, and I'm going to ask God, "Why'd you put me here?" And He'll have to remind me that He didn't... I did.

So I'm going to try to do better. Seriously. Really. But I'm not perfect. I don't have much of a plan. I'm just going to pray more, seek Him more. But prayer and encouragment is always appreaciated, because I cannot make this work on my own. I am not strong enough. I'm still a mess. I've just told God, "Before I wasn't serious about change, but now I am. Let me know what I need to do". And now, I'm not scared that God's going to throw all sorts of scary things my way. Now I'm looking forward to what He has planned for me. And even if I have to go through the fire to get there... I know it'll be ok.

I just found out this morning that an old classmate from high school passed away late last week. Not to mention that there were two other significant deaths that happened kast week, in addition to the death of my grandfather just a little over a month ago AND the death of a friend's father just weeks before that.

 

This needs to stop. It's just too much tragedy in one summer.

Garrett's grandma passed away in her sleep earlier today (or perhaps last night). Visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is Friday. Ask me if you need details. Please keep his family in your prayers; thanks.

So it's always neat to run into someone who's like-minded with you. Well, I was on YouTube earlier today doing a search on videos about Facebook just for the fun of it (I'm always in the mood for a good parody), and I ran across one that I particularly enjoyed. On the bottom of the screen it said natedaniels.com, so I thought I would check it out. Since Nate's other short films are fairly long I didn't get around to watching them, especially after watching a 27-minute video of him giving a message at a (Michigan State) Campus Crusade meeting. (It's called "Jesus Was My Homeboy" and very good if you want to check it out).

 

Anyhow, it's neat because it's so obvious that he wants to reflect Christ in His work, even if he doesn't actually mention Him. And it was cool because by the time I was finished watching the video, I actually wondered if the guy who made it was a Christian. And sure enough, he was. Anyhow, I didn't dive too deep into his personal life, but he's working somewhere in California and he was quite excited about it.

 

That's the way I want to be though. I want to reflect God, not just in my videos, but in everything. I haven't been pursuing Him as I ought lately, but I feel I am slowly but surely making my way back to Him. Last night I was thinking, and then the "homeboy" video brought this again to my mind, about how comfortable I am with my relationship with Christ. Not only am I not passionate about Him very often anymore, but I'm not in awe of Him. Nate mentioned in the message that when he has thought of Jesus as being his homeboy, instead of his master and King. I think we all forget, and I know I do, about His glory and majesty. You and I forget about how powerful and mighty and yet loving and merciful He is. We forget that He died for me to save us. He died to save me!

 

After 14 years of being a Christian and about 7 years of a serious walk with Him, I've become complacent... but I don't want to live that way. I don't want to live a life feeling defeated. And I'm not supposed to. And I know I don't have to. 

As many of you know, I did a documentary for my TV Production final project this last semester about a missionary to Haiti. A couple of my friends from TV Production were pretty impressed and moved by it and asked for a copy. One of these friends, Ryan, said that he would have the chance to create a similar video about his experience in the Dominican Republic.

 

Well I ran into Ryan today as I was leaving lunch and heading back to work. I asked him how his trip was, and he had a lot to say about how much it impacted him. It was really moving to me as I remembered interviewing Brent and what he had to say about the people living in Haiti. Ryan compared the Dominican to Haiti, expressing how terribly poor they both were, but how the people were so genuinely loving. I remembered again how spolied we are.

 

As I was about to leave work, a lady I work with was looking at a picture on her computer. It was attached to an e-mail sent to her by a former student worker in our office. The picture was of the view of the villa he was going to be staying at in the Dominican Republic... and it was beautiful. He was going to same country as Ryan had just a fee weeks before, but his experience there will be totally different. He's not going to see the poverty, the hunger, the devestation.

 

And then on my way home on the radio, they were talking about how Compassion International helps out impoverished children around the world. They were saying that probabaly over 80% of the world lives in sub-standard conditions. That's pretty mindblowing. And we get upset if we don't get a certain car, brand of clothing, etc. Heck, we get upset if McDonald's gets our order wrong. And yet, 80% of the people in this world don't even live in what we would call adequate conditions. How tragic.

 

How blessed I am. I may have a big dent in my car, but I have a car. I may have pigment dispersement syndrome, but I have surgery and eye doctors to prevent further problems that I would probably have without them. I may not always be happy with the way things are in America, but I am living in a country that thousands, maybe even millions, of other people would do most anything to be there. And I may not have those cute $78 flats from Dillard's, but I have shoes. I have all I need. As Brent told the others and me the day we shot for the documentary, some people don't even have shoes.

 

It's so easy to forget these things. I was only in the poor parts of Charleston a few weeks ago, and I have barely remembered to pray for those kids as I felt so inclined to do when I first left. Those kids aren't as bad off as those in Haiti or the Dominican Republic, but they are certainly far worse than any of you reading this right now. We get comfortable. We only see things from limited, selfish worldview... but there's so much more going on that is beyond us.  

 

"Vehicular Feticide – O.C.G.A. 40-6-393.1 (or Feticide by Vehicle)

If a person causes the death of an unborn child while in the operation of his automobile, he may be guilty of vehicular feticide."

-from the Georgia Criminal Defense

 

Ok, so I have been researching for that script I started writing the other day, which involves a drunk driving causing the death of someone in a car wreck (which is called vehicular homicide). While reading up on that, I noticed the above, which is the crime known as vehicular feticide, which is causing the death of an unborn CHILD while driving. So I have to ask, how does one usually deemed a "fetus" suddenly become an unborn child?

 

If you murder a pregnant woman and the baby in the womb, that's two counts of murder. If you are recklessly driving, cause a wreck, and as a result kill an unborn baby, that's murder, and it wasn't even intentional. So how then can you say abortion is not murder? Now, if you want to say that the previous two cases are also not murder because your genuinely do not believe a fetus is a child (in which case you need to check up on your biology), then at least you're being consistent.

 

But if you agree with the laws of the land that killing a pregnant woman and her child equates to two murders, then you should be consistent and say abortion is murder. I know this a real touchy subject and people get all upset about these things, but I just want people to think. I know that we, as humans, want to make our own decisions and control our fates. But that's not the way it works.

 

The problem is that women want to justify abortion by calling it a "choice" and calling a baby a "fetus". And as a woman, I can understand how it would be tempting to thwart something that seems to be intruding on your plans for your life. But (aside from case of rape, which is a different argument for a different day) if you made the choice to have sex, that's a potential outcome. But as an adult, you should be prepared to handle that and live with that consequence.