*Mikey's home!!! me and Amber got to go w/ his mommy to the airport :) on the way there we saw a guy eating his boogers... it was nasty... and umm... yeah... Mike is dark... and umm.... i'm happy he's home :) fUn TiMeS.

*since last night was kid's night Smitty the clown was there... i still don't like clowns but i find myself just watching him... he doesn't seem very happy.... and i mean... he muct love being a clown... b/c you don't become a clown for the money. lol... but no... really... i wonder if he knows Jesus... i might talk to him some time... if i can get past the scary wig, that is.

*some kid took a poo in the play place last night... guess who got to clean it up? lol... we had to close the play place for the rest of the night... oh darn.. lol.

*today i finally found my last peice for my flute audition when i get to school. i'm so happy! one less thing to stress over... and umm.. it's my favorite classical peice too!

*i'm making some of my Christmas presents now... i've decided that i don't want to spend much money at Christmas b/c i'm a "poor college student". lol. i know i'll be usuing that excuse for the next 4 years. tihe

*yeah... i know this post is silly and random.... but my life is really random right now... it switches between school and work and friends... and God's in the mix there too... it's just so crazy right now... i can't wait for it to settle down. lol... not that i don't like the excitement... it just makes me tired.

"but it takes a man of true strength to be gentle and be able to set it down w/ care"

*Amber's post reminded me of that... it's something that one of our CIT (camper in training) speakers said last year. and it's really stuck w/ me. any fool can snort and stomp and yell and demand respect... but a true man of strength is going to be more gentle... he's going to care about the people around him... he's going to protect the women... he's going to serve others above himself. and i'm so glad that i've gotten a chance to know some men like that. i consider that so attractive. i mean... i know some cute boys and whatnot... but i love to be around true men . that's who God created guys to be. and men like that don't have to demand respect... people just natuarally do. people natuarally follow a man like that. because they trust him. anyways... i know that's totally random...

*"And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me in the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none." -Ez. 22:30

**this passage just really sobers my thoughts because it just puzzles me... of all the men and women of God, He found no one. and it brakes my heart... a city was destroyed because no one had the guts to "stand in the gap" to tell everyone that destruction was ahead if they didn't repent and turn from their sin. and then it hits me... i haven't been standing in the gap either. i've prayed that God would help me be a light... and yeah... maybe i have a good reputation and testimony... but i really haven't told anyone that "hey, destruction's coming if you don't repent and turn to Christ" i think that sometimes i don't stress to myself enough tha hell is really real... i forget that if i don't tell the people around me (even some of my so called "friends"). and it brakes my heart.

Lord, i pray that you would change my heart. that i would stop thinking about me and fearing rejection... or not being willing to be "uncomfortable" inorder to tell others about your Holiness and Justice and Love. help me not to forget the consiquences of sin. help me to remember that you paid for my life and my eternity. help me to be passionate enough about that to open my mouth. God, save my friends... help my not to fear what they'll think of me... help them to see you through me. God, i want to stand in the gap. i want to blow the trumpet that danger is coming. God, once again... help my friends to know you... and find a deeper love than they've ever known. in Christ. amen

hey guys... so i went to the ranch tonight... it was great. i can't tell you how much i love to be there... i mean... just to be around so many people that love God and want to serve Him... just a visit is almost like being a camper again. lately i've been kind of descouraged b/c i work w/ friends that are Christians... but i work w/ a lot of people who aren't Christians... not to say i don't like or love those people... it's just very trying on one's spirit. i feel like i haven't been myself lately. last night i got voted the meanest leader... that really hurt... i know that they were joking... but i also know that i can be mean... it's hard... and i know that this pride that i've been holding affects it. tonight the speaker preached about witnessing... but he talked about it in a way that i have never heard before... he spoke on Ez. 33:7-11... and how God has placed you and me as watch over the spiritual lives of those around us... and how we're the ones who sound the trumpet b/c of the danger of sin... and the punishment of sin... and how we're supposed to tell others about sin... and about forgiveness and eternal life. and God didn't say "play an impressive song" He says "sound the trumpet... so they know about the danger"... just blow that puppy... don't worry about what it sounded like... and don't worry about how people will react... just do what you were placed there to do. and it just really convicted me b/c... yeah.. people know that i'm a Christian... but do i tell them about Christ? i really don't... do i tell them that the "wages of sin is death?" or that the "gift of God is eternal life?" no! i don't... i hold it in. i may be "shinning my light" but i'm not "blowing my trumpet"... so yeah... i really got a lot out of the message... anyways... i need to go to bed... i have to work in the morning... night all. ~Hope

today was pretty good. i saw an old friend at work. he used to come to my old youth group... he was surprised that i remembered him. lol. it was cool... hmmm... he may be applying at Chick-fil-A... so yeah... ummm... not too much going on... hmmm.... i'm looking for something meaningful to say... but i'm just not finding anything. i'm just emotionally spent i guess... tomorrow night i'm visiting the Bill Rice Ranch for service... so hopefully that will be good.. and then i'm sure i'll hang out w/ my brother and all his friends over there. i like it when my brother includes me :) hehe hmmm.... errrr.... hmmm... i guess that's all i got... i know it stinks... but oh well... night... ~Hope

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." -Phil. 2:2 hmmm... i've got a lot to learn. word.

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

O rejoice in the Lord, He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

hmmm... not too much to say. life is pretty good. i'm getting ready for school. it's about 5 1/2 weeks away :) umm... yeah... i feel so loved when people tell me all about missing me. i'm going to miss so many people. i can't even begin. i'm so blessed w/ family and friends... i have so many friends... the list is countless. God has really blessed me w/ that. and i'm excited to make new friends. i am who i am because of the influence that each person has made... not matter what amount of time they were in my life. :) anyways... umm... God's amazing! and i know that there's so much to experience ahead! ~Hope

*wow... i can hardly believe that i only have three months left. it's crazy b/c it feels like yesterday i made the commitment. the other night i went through and wrote down everything that i've learned so far. it's so amazing. God has changed me in so many ways. the hard thing is that he never really changed my desire... He just changed my focus... but somedays are harder to focus on Him than others. i've learned that the days that i don't spend time in His word are the hardest. i know that God is writing my love story... and i'm just going to wait.

*on another note in church tonight i came across these awesome verses...

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and every sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of God." -Isaiah 53:4-5

the thing that stuck out the most to me was that Christ endured the cross because He saw joy ahead... do know what that joy was? you and me coming into a true relationship w/ Him. is that not amazing? He saw that as joy! the kind that makes you happy to be around that person... the kind that makes you smile as you look back on memories of that person... the kind that goes hand in hand w/ a love that puts the other person before self. Proverbs 8:30 says that i'm daily His delight. man... i just can't praise Him enough for it.. b/c that's something that i've longed for... just to be thought of all the time... just to be remembered... just to be important to someone... just to be delighted in... just to be constantly loved. and i'm ashamed that i haven't seen that i already had that in Christ. food for thought.

*last night at work was crazy insane anyways... but as i was opening the back door to get rid of a box i heard a crash behind me. when i turned around to see what happened my General Manager ,Jeff, was laying on the floor right outside the freezer. he had been getting fry boxes out and he had on the wrong shoes so he slipped and fell and hit his head on something. he was bleeding. so me and Kevin (who was incharge) got him some ice. Jeff was walking around the kitchen saying that he felt light headed... one of the girls told him to sit down. Kevin and I found the phone and i called 911 while Cassie put pressure on his head. it wasn't his wond that i was worried about... i was worried about him going into shock... we would have had a hard time if he passed out on us. the paramedics arrived and took him. i think he's okay. we had prayer after he left. that was nice. yeah... last night ended well i'd say... the hard thing was that after a day of stress everyone was just drained... hehe... but i know i slept well :) it just really made me appreciate the people who do emergency stuff and all... and it made me grateful for the fact that i've never had to call 911 before... and i'm glad that it wasn't worse b/c it could have been.

*things are still going well...

*i'm getting more and more excited about college. last night one of my favorite guy friends asked me to stay and go to MTSU insted... he said that he really didn't want me to go so i asked him why.. and he told me that he'd miss me... and it nearly broke my heart, but i know that God wants me to go to PCC. there have been too many confermations... (besides the fact that i really don't like MTSU)... but yeah... it's hard. the thing that i hate most is that everything is going to change while i'm gone and i'm not going to be here to experience it all. i'll come back and everything and everyone will be completely different. it also hurts that almost everyone has a negetive oppinion toward Pensacola Christian. i know that they are strict... but if i don't have a problem w/ abiding by their rules i don't understand why everyone else cares about it. they're not going there... i am. i just wish they could be happy that i'm in God's will. i wish that they could be happy that i want to serve God. but there's no pleasing some people. it just hurts when those people are people that i love and respect. it just hurts. but i won't let it stop me. i'll never let it stop me. and it really makes me appreciate the people who do stand behind me. who respect my decision. i'm especially grateful for Amber whose actually excited for me. Amber, you don't know what that means. i feel like you're my cheerleader... and i hope that i can do the same for you and others :) "the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away"

*on a happier note... we bought my pattern for my shrugg to go over my formal... it's going to be cute and we also bought a pattern for my khaki shirt since i can't find one that doesn't stop half way up my thigh. lol. yay! i'm learning to sew! haha.. this should be interesting

photo from beautiful_letdown7

^ that's me and Amber last night at Kids castle :)

*me, Amber, and Racheal all went swimming last night. yes! we had a great time :D tihe

*i watched "Hide and Seek" for the first time w/ Amber and her parents last night. her dad feel asleep and started snoring. lol. but other than that i like the movie. but it wasn't as scary as i excpected.

*Amber and John are going out now.. it's craziness i tell ya. :)

*anyways.. today was *great*

*and i'm learning to be open w/ people about how i really feel about things and not be afriad of them getting upset w/ me. i learning that i don't have to feel trapped. i'm learning that people listen. and they do care. anyways.... this was a random post... night guys! love God and follow Christ! ~Hope

*so i've really been struggling in this one area lately... i guess mostly because i just desire it so badly... and it's like i'm torn b/c i want to give it to God and yet i don't. it's like i take a step forward and begin to hold it out to Him... and then i step back and snatch it away before He can even grasp it. and tonight i was on my way to work listing to my radio... and all the sudden it's playing "I surrender all... my silent hopes and dreams... though the price to follow cost me everything... I surrender all... my human soul desires... if sacrifice requires that ALL my kingdoms fall!!!... I SURRENDER ALL!!!" and it just brought tears to my eyes... b/c if i trust God the way that i say i do... i've got to surrender my heart's desire. here i've been looking at it completely wrong i've seen it as something to fight against... insted of seeing it as something to be surrendered my Father's hands. i've got to be so willing to follow Him and go His way that i don't care if i lose everything that i hold so dear. i forget that this world has nothing for me. i forget that the people and friends that i love soo much don't belong to me... they're lent to my by God... it's all Him... and i try to make it all me.

okay, God. i've tried to fix my heart and all it's peices... but Lord, insted of putting it all back together again i shattered it into more peices. God... i'm ready to give it all to you. i surrender my heart and my desires into your will. it's yours... not mine... you paid for it w/ your precious blood. thank you for you love and mercy. i love you, Father. in your Name. amen

i feel a need to update... but i don't have anything to say and when i think real hard about it i feel numb... so why don't i let God's word say something insted...

"These things have i spoken unto you, that your joy might remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another as I have loved you." -John 15:11-12

so i'll leave you w/ this thought: how does Christ love us? is it not unconditional? so why don't we step up and be like Christ. it's time for us to take Him up on that challenge on that command. i know it's not easy. i love to hate people... i'm good at it. it's my nature. but as a Christian i'm compelled to go against nature. it's time to take the plunge. it's time to die to self. it's time to love and be full of that love and joy. i mean... when you're full of God's joy... i seriously doubt that there's room for bitterness and dispair. sounds good to me! :)

*so yeah... i've never really had any real bills to pay... until now... today i wrote a check for 1000 some odd dollars for my first college payment... umm... why didn't anyone tell me that it hurts to write that big of an amount? why didn't anyone tell me that you seriously reconsider college? lol... but it's okay. i'm proud of myself *uh-huh*

*Your love has captured me
Your grace has set me free
Your life the air I breathe
Be glorified in me

Your love has captured me
Your grace has set me free
Your life the air I breathe
Be glorified in me

You set my feet to dancing
You set my heart on fire
In the presence of a thousand kings
you are my one desire

I stand before you now
With trembling hands lifted high
Be glorified

*so before work today i prayed that God would help me to take a new step of leadership... whatever that was... and guess what i was put incharge of? back! yeah... i was actually upset about it at first... but then i realized that God was answering my prayer. lol. the night went really well and everyone was so encouraging. and we got out at 10:40. i know that it was a God thing.

*so i've been struggling in this one area just lately... and like... i'm just like... i've been praying that God would change my desire for a relationship... and everything... and one break tonight i was reading "Every Young Man's Battle" (the girls are suggested to read it... to see why modesty is important and all...) anyways... so i'm reading it... and there's this part about how when there's a struggle in our lives we want God to take our desires away... but in most cases He doesn't. in example the only way for a guy to take control and have victory in his thought life is for him to step up... be a man (not just a guy... not just a boy but a man) and do whatever it takes to fight wrong thoughts. and it hit me... the only way to have victory in this battle is to stop thinking like a teenager (you know the "but how can i not follow my heart?" or "but it feels good" attitude) and be an adult... but real about this. i have to look at exactly what's tripping me up and stay as far away as possible. when i'm tempted to flirt i have to be real and refrain. i have to trust God and obey what i know is right. i dunno... you prolly think that i'm nutts... and that's okay. i'm not trying to impress anyone. and no... i don't think all relationships are bad... but 1. i'm still on my year of not dating and 2. i'm not ready. anyways... that was long. night, guys. ~Hope

*so today is a special day! i hope that everyone is enjoying time w/ family and friends. for me it will mostly b w/ friends... i'll be working. but that's okay... God worked it out b/c i really need the hours. :) and i love the people i work w/ like family (even tho they sometimes frustrate me. lol) i hope that your day is full of celebrations and fireworks (just don't blow your face off please.) i love you guy, and God bless America! ~Hope

*so things were good. i got 2 extra hours b/c Weston needed me to cover him. yes!

*someone asked me if i was dating John Barron... that one still puzzles me?

*i miss Amber already!!! i'm heartless for the next week! oh well.. i guess i will live..

*i dunno why but twice this week i've been asked about sex before marriage. i guess it's good tho... b/c i want people to trust me enough to ask.

*i must confess... i need patience really bad... i mean... it's bad enough when you're just a team member w/out patience... but when your a team leader... it's worse... b/c people like to drive you nutts... it's like... a hobby for some or whatever.. besides... i think that it shows poor character on my part.

*i'm finally beginning to set myself free of a few things... and it's so nice. i'm learning to talk to people about what's on my heart and how i really feel about stuff.

*God, thank you for a great day. thank you for all people who love me. God, you see how unlovable i am... you see the deepest part of me.. and yet you still show me mercy... you still show me grace. thank you. be w/ my friends... help them to seek you and depend on you. and for any of my friends that may not know you... reveal yourself. Father, help me to be a testimony to them. especially the one that is on my mind. God, help me to love others like you do. give me your heart. use me. in Christ's name. amen.

man, i can't get that quote off my mind. it's so true. sometimes i really don't understand what God's doing... and sometimes i get frustrated... b/c i like to have a set path... i like to see what's ahead... and sometimes all i can really do is trust. do i always trust? sadly enough... no... and that's one of my down falls. and yet... God stops... and reaches out His hand. to i have to grad hold? nope... it's my choice. i'm so grateful for His mercy and grace. nothing good have i done to ever deserve even a portion of this. it's not me. it's all Him... i just want to praise Him for it all. life as a Christian isn't always easy... sometimes it's just down right painful... but i'll never... NEVER regret trusting God.

so i had to talk to someone about something tonight (i think Amber's really the only one that knows what i'm talking about)... so umm.... i just basically poured my heart out... and wasn't expecting any reply... didn't even want one... but i didn't expect the awkward silence. i wasn't expecting for that person to look at me w/ eyes that seemed to search within me. i didn't expect to hear my own heart beat. so that friend just sat in my truck... speechless. i expected them to say "well... goodnight... here's my jeep... talk to you later" i had to say "well... it's late i need to get home... don't feel awkward... i just needed to talk to you." and they just sat there... and finally said "okay... goodnight.." hugged me... said a few goofy things... and we left. i knew that God wanted me to talk to my friend. after all we are friends... but i dunno... i felt like it could have gone better. but i also know that i am relieved as all get out. so... anyways... yeah... that was random...

The things that I love
I hold dear to my heart
They are borrowed and
Not mine at all
Jesus only let me use them
To brighten my life
So remind me, remind me dear Lord

Roll back the curtain of memory now and then
Show me where you brought me from and
Where i could have been
Just remember I'm a human and human's forget
So remind me, remind me dear Lord

Nothing good have i done
To deserve God's own Son
I'm not worthy of the scars
In His hands
Yet he chose the road to Calvary
To die in my stead
Why He loved me i can't understand

Roll back the curtain of memory now and then
Show me where you brought me from and
Where i could have been
Just remember I'm a human and human's forget
So remind me, remind me dear Lord

Just remember I'm a human and human's forget
So remind me, remind me dear Lord

so on the way to GA last night the bottom fell out of the sky and the rain started pouring. everyone was frightened (except yours truely only b/c i'm used to driving in storms w/ my daddy :) anyways... so somehow me and this other girl started talking about praise & worship music and how she's beginning to like it. then we started singing "this is the air i breathe, your holy presence..." (you know the one) so we just sang it over and over and everyone joined in. all was peace and calm right in the middle of the storm. isn't God amazing like that?! wow! i thought it was awesome!

so GA was fun... i screamed... the biggest ride i went on was the GA Cyclone... hmm... i really didn't like it... but hey... atleast i can say i tried it! i have to say that i'm in love w/ Thurnder River. rode it about... oh say... 3-4 times? lol. anyways... it was a great trip... but i'm worn out! so g'night Children of the Living God! ~Hope

so i'm gone tomorrow to 6-Flags over GA w/ some ppl from church! yes!!! yeah... i plan to scream like a lil girl... and i also have a feeling that there will be quite a war involving playing cards... i'm so ready! i'll see you guys in a few days!

anyways... i wanted to write that i finally looked in my journel to find out the actual date of my no dating commitment and it's October 17... :) i can't believe that it's already been 8 months! wow! and i look back and i can already see how much my views have changed. how much my heart and life has changed. it's got to be a God thing. He's so awesome and i'm looking forward to what He's going to teach me in years to come... single, dating, or married. i know that the school of Christian life is never out for summer... and graduation day is when the commencement speech is given by Christ Himself... and after that words can't even describe.

i can't tell you how many times this verse has encouraged me all week long.

Proverbs 24:16 "A just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief."

it just reminds me that no matter how hard to try... i'm not perfect... and i have to admit that sometimes when i make mistakes i get so frustrated... but everyone makes mistakes! the just man most certainly does! but guess what? he gets back up! if i want to follow his example i've got to get back up... and not just wollow in it... and woe-is-me... which reminds me of another verse...

Luke 9:23 "And He [Jesus] said to them all, 'If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross DAILY, and follow me."

it's a daily commitment... it's a daily battle... i can't just say a prayer and suddenly be super Christian (although i wish i could. lol). i've got to constantly hate sin and love God... and there's going to be days where i mess up... where i feed my flesh rather than my spirit... there will be days where i hurt God's testimony in me rather than help it... but PRAISE GOD... i can get back up... i don't have to stay down... it's like God gives me chance after chance.... He forgives me. and i'm so so so grateful. ahh!!! it just thrills me inside and out! my God is so gracious! and i really just want to encourage you... yeah... you're going to fail... but don't stay down... there's still so many new chances... so many new moments to live for God... tell others of His love... spend time w/ Him... be a light in our dark world... and when you feel like you've recked it all... Praise God that He wants to help you get back up... Praise Him that He wants to use you regardless of your past. Praise Him for His grace and mercy. Let's Praise Him together!

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I
cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

i was talking to my brother the other day about modesty b/c i know so many guys who find modesty attractive. i was telling David that i've learned more guys appreciate it. he said that it's not so much that more guys appreciate it.. (b/c the majority of guys look for a gal who wears as little as possible).... but most of the guys that i'm around are either Christians or pretty good guys. it really made me stop and think about it. God has placed those guys around me for a reason. i'm so blessed to have guy friends who care more about me than what i'm wearing (or not wearing). i'm so blessed to know guys who want to know me... and not my body. i'm so blessed by the men in my life! and i've never really stopped to think about it before. i guess in the past i've been more concerned w/ not having dating relationship ans forgotten to be thankful for my friendships.

Father, thank you for the guys in my life. help me to a blessing to them. and help me to always do my best to shield their eyes and guard their hearts. help me to serve them as a sister in Christ. in your Son's precious name. amen.

so i was at work last night and Amber's like... "honey, there's something on the back of your shirt... i looks like a booger" i looked... and it was! and it wasn't just one... it was lots. i'm not quite sure who is was... but i have a pretty good idea. either way i was paranoid all night long. silly? maybe... insane? yes. but for good reason? absolutely.