*so i've really been struggling in this one area lately... i guess mostly because i just desire it so badly... and it's like i'm torn b/c i want to give it to God and yet i don't. it's like i take a step forward and begin to hold it out to Him... and then i step back and snatch it away before He can even grasp it. and tonight i was on my way to work listing to my radio... and all the sudden it's playing "I surrender all... my silent hopes and dreams... though the price to follow cost me everything... I surrender all... my human soul desires... if sacrifice requires that ALL my kingdoms fall!!!... I SURRENDER ALL!!!" and it just brought tears to my eyes... b/c if i trust God the way that i say i do... i've got to surrender my heart's desire. here i've been looking at it completely wrong i've seen it as something to fight against... insted of seeing it as something to be surrendered my Father's hands. i've got to be so willing to follow Him and go His way that i don't care if i lose everything that i hold so dear. i forget that this world has nothing for me. i forget that the people and friends that i love soo much don't belong to me... they're lent to my by God... it's all Him... and i try to make it all me.

okay, God. i've tried to fix my heart and all it's peices... but Lord, insted of putting it all back together again i shattered it into more peices. God... i'm ready to give it all to you. i surrender my heart and my desires into your will. it's yours... not mine... you paid for it w/ your precious blood. thank you for you love and mercy. i love you, Father. in your Name. amen