hey guys!

so this is probably my last post before i go to the Wilds. Jen will be updating my xanga for me tho... www.xanga.com/awakenotmylove ... so feel free to check it and see what's going on. but. if you want to talk to me directly... email me at hope.anderson@wilds.org i may be on later tonight... i dunno tho. so if not have an amazing summer! and keep in touch! love you guys! ~Hope

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, i will come in to Him..." Romans 3:20a  Friends, as a Christian or not... are you letting Christ in? he calls to you. He'll change you life if you let Him.

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

so.. God's just totally been teaching me how important patience is... and on top of that... how much i need to just trust Him... and the more He shows me this... the more i realize that i can't have patience if i'm not trusting God. it's so freeing just to trust Him...

*last night i got a total of 11 hrs of sleep! is that possible? pretty sure it's flippin' sweet!

*then i spent half the day at the DMV... why you say? well.. A. b/c genius me apparently through mine out b/c it was in my envelope that had my boarding passes from my freshman flight... and B. b/c last summer i never got off my GDL (graduated license)... so yeah... i spent the day.. but hey... atleast i have a better picture now?

*so then after dinner i went shopping for camp... i got some cool short... another jean skirt.. some wife beaters (i need long undershirts)... and some t-shirts... but it was fun b/c my brother went w/ me... sometimes he drives me nuts... but right now i'm trying to take in all the time he gives me since i won't always have him. :) i do love him... sometimes. ;)

*i'm soo stoked about camp! and yet.. i feel so unqualified... but today God totally reminded me of what my friend Mike Jones always says "God doesn't call the qualified... He qualifies the called." so God's totally been encouraging me... and reminding me that this is such a privilage... i may never get another chance like this... i certainly hope i do... but what if i don't? it's all for Him! ~Hopes

i hate how so many women look at Proverbs 31 as condemning... it shouldn't be... God's word shows us our short comings that it may bring us hope. we have to see who we are... so we can understand who God wants us to be.

here's two of my favorite verses of hope... this is the woman i want to be...

vs. 26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tounge is the law of kindness."

vs. 30 "Favour is deceitful, and Beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord shall be praised."

hey guys!!! i'm home for 2 1/2 weeks!!! HECK YESS! LET THE SUMMA BEGIN!!!

*sigh* it's good to be home....

p.s. I'M A SOPHOMORE!!!

okay... i know... second entry for today... Am came over tonight :) she had dinner w/ me and the fam... and then we attempted to watch a movie... haha... first we kept talking about God stuff (which never bothers me... i love God stuff :) and then... we kept dozing off... haha... Am a lil more than me... as always ;) ah... God has truely blessed me w/ some amazing friends... that are amazing because they rely on Him so much... i love it! they keep me in check... specially Am. anyways... after 7 long months... i missed her. and it was good to see her again... and all the other CFA peeps. ~Hope

"Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." Proverbs 27:17

hey guys!

i'm home for the weekend :) i saw AMBER THIS MORNING!!!! AHH!!! i've missed her so much! i've missed everyone... but i saw everyone else at Christmas... well... most everyone. God is so good. i turned in my research paper last Wed... only by God's grace... man that was a bear. everything else is going pretty good. in 3 1/2 week i will be a sophmore! i can hardly believe it! i'll be home 2 1/2 weeks and then i'm off to the Wilds. i'm so excited!!! anyways... i love you guys! miss you!!! comment me! ~Hope

this is me and my friend Mike at fine arts :)

hey guys! miss you all! i'm off campus in AL for my grandad's funeral... it's hard... but pray for my family. i love and miss you all! ~Hope

p.s. pics of me and my fine arts date to come

hey guys! long time no talk! miss you all! things here are great!!! missions conference was this week! i cried every service. God totally just reminded me of the commitment i made a few years ago to go where He wants me. and it also just made me more excited about working at camp! i can't wait. i found myself sitting there... listening to the needs of other countries and thinking "God... i'll go there... God, send me!" but i know that those aren't the places... i have no idea where i'll end up... but i know that right now His will for me is here... writting stupid papers of things that to me have nothing to do w/ reaching the world... that's the cool thing tho... i don't see what He sees... i don't know what He knows... and it's all for His glory and honor in the end. and i love that about Him. i love& miss you guys! -Hope

p.s. comment me!!! i may be a few weeks before i'm back but i LOVE comments ;)

AM!!! I MISS YOU! AND YOU NEED TO CALL ME!!! OR I'LL CALL YOU! i'm reading that book... 15 min here and there.... but i love it... it's shown me so much...

hey guys! long time no talk! miss you all! things here are great!!! missions conference was this week! i cried every service. God totally just reminded me of the commitment i made a few years ago to go where He wants me. and it also just made me more excited about working at camp! i can't wait. i found myself sitting there... listening to the needs of other countries and thinking "God... i'll go there... God, send me!" but i know that those aren't the places... i have no idea where i'll end up... but i know that right now His will for me is here... writting stupid papers of things that to me have nothing to do w/ reaching the world... that's the cool thing tho... i don't see what He sees... i don't know what He knows... and it's all for His glory and honor in the end. and i love that about Him. i love& miss you guys! -Hope

p.s. comment me!!! i may be a few weeks before i'm back but i LOVE comments ;)

AM!!! I MISS YOU! AND YOU NEED TO CALL ME!!! OR I'LL CALL YOU! i'm reading that book... 15 min here and there.... but i love it... it's shown me so much...

i'm leaving tomorrow for round two of freshman year. i'm excited. can't wait to start... i know it'll be over before i know and then i'll get to head off to THE WILDS. so.. there's a lot to look forward to. i won't be updating on here very often (only when i get a chance to go to Panara Bread... or my sister's house)... if you want to email me... my addy is HAnder5135@pcci.edu so holla!

i will miss you guys tons! pray for me if you think of me... and i will certainly be doing the same . i love you guys! have a great semester! see you in May! ~Hope

"Faithful is He who hath called you, who also will do it." -1 Thess. 5:24

so i learned something new today... i just bought this book Captivating... Am bugged me about reading... she's in love w/ it... and has given me some great quotes that really just... blessed me... so i finally bought it.

anyways... i was reading it... and i breifly said something about how girls connect their self-worth with the relationships they are in... and the quality of those relationships... it said something like "doubt it? just mess w/ a woman's husband, children, family, or friends" and it suddenly made me realize how true that is... i'm soo pretective of my relationships. (i mean... i said something about it in my interests a week or so ago.)... i can't stand it when people dawg the ones i love most. and then it made me realize that this is a reason why so many girls are so wounded... b/c maybe someone they loved and trusted broke that trust... or maybe they don't have many true relationships... and in both cases (and many others) they're wracking their brains and searching their hearts trying to figure out what they did wrong. i think that's one reason why we as girls find it so easy to put up walls... we try so hard to be strong and shut people out so they can't really love us... and we won't risk being hurt. the sad thing is that there's one relationship that should be held above all in our self-worth... one that allows all the other relationships to fall into place... the one relationship that we tend to neglect... our relationship w/ God. we tend to forget that He's the only One that can complete us the way that we're looking for... everyone that we love or will love on this is earth is an imperfect being... like us they will make mistakes... they may even fail us a time or two... but if we're sticking close to God... and guarding that relationship above all... we'll live through any pain that we may feel... and we'll come out better for it. i don't know about yours... but my heart holds many scars of the past... but in God's eyes... it's the most beautiful thing to behold... He sees it trash and all... yet He still wants it for His own. what an awesome thought! ~Hope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

correction... today makes two days! LOL. yea-ah!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm ready to go back to school... i'm even ready for the work. i know i know... i sounds really crazy... but it's true. i've been out of my mind since i've been home b/c i haven't known what to do... and i've felt way out of place... i mean... there are people here that i truely love... but this town has nothing for me anymore. i think God's showing me that so i won't look back and grown... and totally ache over this place. God's got things for me elsewhere. although... i have to say... Sarah's man Jon gave me some great advice... i don't know if he meant to or not lol... but it's true "today is a day you will only live once... so make the most of it" (that was a paraphrase more or less. lol)... but yeah... i had never thought of it that way. today holds so many oppertunities that tomorrow may not (no matter where i am). so it's up to me to do my best to live those out. anyways... i'll prolly write again tomorrow. ~Hope

so tonight was my last night at CFA for like.... a year (since i'll be at the Wilds all summer). and it was cool. i was on dishes... i think i had a little too much fun w/ the soap bubbles (i can't resist :) haha. got some hugs... i think i'll stick those in my pocket and save them for later. lol. in some ways... moving on is so awesome.. and in some ways... it's always hard. i guess it's a part of growing up... spreading your wings and flying. i'm not a little girl anymore... so why do i still feel like it at times? somethings and some people are easily left behind... and others... well... not so easily. but they stay in your heart... and you can look back and remember what they mean to you. the hard part is the emptiness it leaves... but that's one of the reasons that God is always there... He's the only One that can fill those shoes and stand in that gap of your heart at all times. He's the One that knows that you've been awake all night thinking... He's the One that hears your deepest sigh... He's the One that sees who you've been, who you are, and who you can and will be. He's the One that knows you're nervous about that test in 3rd period. He knows everything that goes on in your life.. He knows your strengths, weaknesses, struggles, hopes, fears, longings... He knows it all! so... for me... He's my reason to keep pressing on. ~Hope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 days!!! woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so i went to Alabama today. it was awesome. turns out they sent my granny home last night. my grandaddy seems kinda weak... but he's still a nutt. lol. he makes me laugh... they were trying to give him some potasium in his juice... and he kept going on and on about how it was the worst stuff he's ever tasted... and he was like "and buddy... i have had some baaad moonshine... but this stuff is aweful." haha... and my daddy looked at the nurse and replied "he's not kidding either" haha... so then we went to go see my granny... she's okay... she just seems really wiped out... but i can't blame her. and i saw my aunt and uncle... and i haven't seen them in ages. so yeah... today was pretty awesome... hard to seem them sick... but it's better than not seeing them at all... right? ~Hope

p.s. so here's my reselutions for the year... 1. become a better listener... and 2. stop bitting my nails... sound good? i think so... i got a long ways to go on both. lol. :)

photo from Mdillon2543

who are these people you may ask? well... the girl on the left happens to be one of my best friends. that's her w/ some of the people in Thialand. pray for her... and pray for the people. pray that hearts would be moved... and that eyes would be opened to the love of Chirst. pray for those ministering... pray for safty, health, and strength to endure. i mean... it's got to be tiring to go to a whole knew land... and work w/ so many people on a daily basis... that's got to be taxing both physically... and emotionally. Am, you go girl!!! you be a woman of virtue! shine for His glory!

so... my granny and grandaddy are both in the hospital... my grandaddy has been paralized from the waist down... since... as long as i can remember.... but he had to have most of his legs removed within the last few years... he's had some bed sores... and they've gotten so bad that they go to the bone... and my granny... she has broncitis (sp?) pretty bad... my parents are planning to go visit the in Alabama this weekend... i guess i'm going too. it's just really hard tho... i don't know how many more times i'll be able to see them... it's going to be hard to see them like this. but i know that it would be selfish not to go. i don't think either of them know Christ... if my grandaddy does... well... then he turned his back on God a long time ago... and my granny... i could be wrong... but it all seems outward to me... i mean... she goes to church... but she lives the same at home... and as much as i try to stay numb... and not feel it... it hurts to not know where your loved ones are going when they die.

i worked today... it was pretty fun i guess... Jon Ray showed us how to make cool straw gun thingies! heck yes! lol.  and Brian gave me a major heart & attitude check... ouch... i needed that....  umm... i guess.... i don't have too much to say right now... i don't have any words... so i'll just let God's word speak.

"For there is not a word in my tongue, but lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether... Whither shall I go from thy Spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost part of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me." -Ps. 139:4,7-10

**once again, me and my brother were mistaken for a couple. gross! no, siree! he may be handsome... but NO!

**on a lighter note... i have an announcement to make.....  I HEART CHOCOLATE COVERED ESPRESSO BEANS! lol. they're awesome.... David gave me some last night... can you say... divine? lol.

**on a more serious note... i was thinking about it in church today... how could anyone truely get to know Christ... and not be changed?

**did i mention that Michael came up behind me at work the other night and totally just ripped off my love handles... it hurt sooo bad! haha... we have too much fun sometimes. lol. it makes me miss Am. i can't wait for her to come home from Thialand. (pray for her).

~Hope

okay... so this is random... but there's a quote going through my head from school... a guy in my speech class used it... and it's stuck

"Two things testify about you. your talk talks and your walk talks. BUT your walk talks louder than your talk talks."

lol... kinda sounds crazy... but if you think about it... it makes sense.

*so i was at church the other night... and for some strange reason i was reading the bulitin (strange... b/c everyone at church knows that i always politely take one... but never actually open it)... and i was reading over the prayer list... and i saw my name! which was also strange... it was a request to pray for my freshman year... i thought that was sooo sweet.... that my church family loved me enough to put me on the list... and then it hit me... their prayers for this last semester were answered... b/c all that i got accomplished sooo wasn't me... and the fact that i wasn't home sick... and how much God really blessed me... God blessed me soo much and gave me all kinds of grace... mainly for the reason that people prayed for me. awe!!! that really choked me up! ahh! it's soo awesome!

*thought for the day... "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace." (Romans 8:6) this was in my devos today... and i really made me think about how as Christians.. when we focus on the world... and we focus on material things... or we lust after what we don't have... it kills us spiritually... but when we focus on the things that can't be touched... when we seek to serve those around us... and just seek after spiritual things insted of worldly things... we become spiritaully alive... and we find the peace. how awesome is that? and it just made me take a step back... and think about all the things that just kill me spiritually. it was really just a good heart check for me... so i thought i'd share it with you guys... maybe it means nothing to you... but maybe it's something you need to hear to. anyways... it's late. night guys! ~Hope

i'm feeling so rushed in the love department. lol. i mean... at the biginning of the semester my sister and my mom were both calling me night and day trying to find out if i had any dates yet. lol. (maybe not night and day... but pretty close). yeah... i had a few dates... but no one of interest... so toward the end of the semester my sister sets me up on a blind date... and now she's talking about setting me up on another one. my brother won't leave me alone about the first one... and my brother-in-law interegates me all the time. i guess the deal is... both my parents and my sister & bro-in-law have found something so wonderful... that they can't wait for me to find it too. and i think that's awesome... but i'll find is when God brings it my way. i don't even want to focus on it so much... i have so much more going on right now... i have so much i want to be doing. how can i pour myself into all of it if i'm sitting around moping about what i don't have?.... i already have soo much. i'm afraid that all that God has planned for my semester (or even year)... all the things He wants me to learn... and ways He wants me to grow... all the friends i'm supposed to make (guys and girls)... will just go over my head.. b/c i wasn't looking for them. if the right guy comes along this year... awesome. but i'm going to leave that one up to God. He knows what He's doing. He knows the beginning... and the end :) ~Hopes

I've heard a tale that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise?
It has never been done
Well I never climbed the highest mountain,
but I walked the hill of calvary

And just to be with you I'd do anything,
there's no price I would not pay, no
Just to be with you I would give everything.
I would give my life away.
Yeaaaa

I've heard it said that a man would swim an ocean
Just to be with the one he loves.
But all of those dreams are an empty emotion
It can never be done.
Well I never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

And just to be with you I'd do anything,
there's no price I would not pay, no
and just to be with you I would give everything.
I would give my life away.
Yeaaaa

And I know that you don't understand the fullness of my love
How I died upon the Cross for your sin
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you
And I promise I would do it all again

Just to be with you I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay, no
Just to be with you I gave everything
Yes I gave my life away.
Yeaaaaa

Just to be with you
Oh, just to be with you

**so... i'm looking back over the past year... and realize i'm not the same. and i'm glad. i think it would be sad if i was the same. i want to grow! i want to change... i want to become more like Christ... and i know that i fall soo short of that... and i always will... but "if you shoot for nothing, you'll hit it every time"

**i look back and see all the blessings i was given this past year. all the friends that have been placed in my life... i keep replaying the night me and Am just sat in her car for an hour and a half... talking about everything on our hearts... i think of the day i found out that Whitney was going to PCC too. i think about graduation. i think about my last visit to camp. i think about my first day at PCC. i can't forget how alone i felt at first... and how quickly that passed. i think about the day my no-dating commitment ended... and how my suite all made it special. i think about going on my dating outing w/ some random guy that my roomates found at the soccer game the night before :) (now i have a story to tell all my freshmen in the future. hehe) i think about mid-terms. i think about Chels standing in the middle of the room screaming that we pull tighter and zip her into the formal that she's determined to zip. lol... and how she ended up wearing something else. haha. i think about my blind lunch date that my sis set me up on... and how i was shocked that he was really cool. i think about finals... and how God totally took care of it. i think about my last breakfast on campus w/ Mitchell (my best guy friend)... and i laugh about how he went from 8 to 90 demerits in one week. haha. i also think of all the times God totally guided me... He was there w/ me all the way... and i see how blessed i truely was in 2005... now i'm trusting that God has so much more instore for 2006

**this next year i really just want to focus more on ministering to others... and not myself. i want quite making excusses and go on Christian service... i want to serve those around me more... i know i must have been a terrible roomate... but anyways.. i'm gonna go. night, kiddos. ~Hope