Ok so this has nothing to do with my life whatsoever, but it is a deleted scene out of a story I'm writing.

We knew this day would come; we had gone to chase dreams, and those dreams took us in different directions. Maybe you changed, maybe I changed, that's not the point here. The point is that something changed. You aren't the guy I fell in love with, and I'm not the same girl. What we had was nice, it was beautiful, and it was fun. But it couldn't last forever. How long could we sit and pretend that nothing had changed?

Niether one of us wants to say it. So why don't we just skip ahead to the part where we lie and say we can still be friends? No one wants to say it's over and done. No one wants to be the one to say I don't love you anymore. Damn it, are you going to force me to say it? You are, aren't you? I was trying to put it nicely, and I was trying to make it less painful, for both us. Well fine I'll say it, but it won't be pretty. I'm done dressing the truth up and coating in sugar. It won't make it easier to swallow anyway. So fine I'll say it.

It's over, and I think it's been over for a long time now. We wanted to make it work so much, that we ignored the plain and simple facts. You don't love me anymore, maybe you never did. We were kids then, and we didn't understand what we were doing. And I thought I loved you, I tried to love you, but I don't think I ever really did. I know it hurts, but it's the truth. We were never in love with each other, we were in love with being in love. It's sad, but I think that we needed the distance to see it. We needed to chase our dreams so that they could take us apart and show us that we don't belong together. So I guess this is goodbye. We can lie and say it isn't. We can say we'll still be friends, but I don't think we can be. Not for a very long time. Good bye.

T-minus 2 days until my birthday.

T-minus 5 days until Kenny leaves Arizona to move to Virgininia.

Ok so these two may seem like they have absolutely nothing in common.But all good time it will at least attempt to make sense. Last night was the first mock trial class/meeting of the year. Now Mock Trial is one of my favorite things ever since the people are great and the work is usually fun. I repeat, usually. So I get on campus about ten after five because I want to park close to Peck Hall, and there is already no parking anywhere close. I wind up driving around campus for fourty-five minutes before breaking down and parking in the gravel lots out by Rutherford. So I was about five or ten minutes late and Dr. Vile thought I got lost. Anyway there were a lot of new faces this year, only ten of us were returning Mockers. Which is sort of scary in a way. I hope that we crazy returners haven't scared any of the newbies off.

The returning mockers had to stay so that out of us ten they could choose captains. We hung out for a while laughing about last year and talking about the case for this year until Brandi and Dr. Vile returned to inform us who would be captianing the so far four MTSU Mock Trial teams. Well there is almost always an after party on thursday nights, and last night it was to be at Jason's. However there were only us returning mockers to decide that sort of thing. So El Presidente, Jason Walker, who is now the ex president of mock trial decides that we shall all returning mockers go to La Siesta for dinner at almost ten before heading to his place. We pretty much laughed about past rounds and the really dumb things that happen. It has been decided however that MTSU Mock Trial will kick some serious butt this year. I didn't go to Jason's because I was too tired, but I still didn't manage to make it home until eleven thirty.

So that's Mock Trial

You're all smiles and silly conversation

As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile and you turn your eyes away
C'mon, tell me what's right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody's talkin'

And there's something here I'm supposed to realize

'Cause your secret's out, and the universe laughs at it's joke on me

I just caught it in your eyes, it's a beautiful surpriseWhen did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue

'Cause I swear I never knew it

When did you let your heart run free?

Have you been waiting long?

When did you fall in love with me?

When did you fall in love?



Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let's rewind

C'mon, let's go back and replay all our scenes

You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time

All the ones that slipped by me

I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin'

Well I guess it don't matter now that I realize

'Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now

Right there before my eyes

You're my beautiful surprise



When did you fall in love with me?

Was it out of the blue

'Cause I swear I never knew it

When did you let your heart run free?

Have you been waiting long?

When did you fall in love with me?

When did you fall in love?



Was it at the coffee shop

Or that morning at the bus stop

When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand

Or the time we built the snowman

The day at the beach, sandy and warm

Or the night with the scary thunderstorm

I never saw the signs

Now we've got to make up for lost time

And I can tell now by the way that you're looking at me

I'd better finish this song so my lips will be free



Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love

I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall

Have you been waiting long

When did you fall in love with me

When did you fall in love?I really love this song. I heard it on the radio, and it reminded
me of how everything turned out with Kenny and me.

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!



How do you feel today?
Here's to you

What's your outlook on life?
Roller Derby Queen

What does your family think of you?
That's when I'll stop loving you

What do your friends think of you?
When sand runs out

What do strangers think of you?
More Than A Feeling

What do your exes think of you?
Walk Away

How has your love life been so far?
Easy Money

How will your love life be in the future?
These Dreams

Will you get married?
After The Thrill Is Gone

Will you have kids?
All The Way

Are you good in school?
In America

Will you be succesful in life?
The Day Before You

What song should they play on your birthday?
Look Away

What song should they play at your funeral?
I Can't Tell You Why

The Soundtrack of Your Life:
It's Gonna Be Me

You and your bestfriend are:
Holes

Happy times:
Still in Saigon

Sad times:
Free Bird

Every day:
Saturday In The Park

for tomorrow:
New Kid in Town

Somewhere in the midst of that last kiss
and the glow of your tail lights as you drove away,
I screamed for you to stop and come back
and cried out loud because I loved you.

Somewhere between email number eight
and txt message number fourteen,
between phone calls number five and seven
I slowly lost my mind.

Somehow between beginning to fall
and trying to convince myself I hated you
I came to a sudden realization.
I couldn't make myself hate you; I had failed.

At some point between the first sleepless night
and the hundredth day of angry tears,
between the sad walks and tired mornings,
I missed out on some really great days.

Then some time between some very good news
and the first nights of actually sleeping in weeks,
the sun came out, the world became bright,
and I got the thrill of a life time.

And suddenly between reading a letter
and knowing you were going to be gone
I found myself regretting things
I never got a chance to say.

Because somewhere between a history class
and a sad little going away party thrown in a flash
I fell in love with the most unexpected guy.
I fell in love with you.

Warning: Boring class schedule

MWF
Astronomy- Exploring the Universe 9:10AM-10:05AM
Elementary Logic and Critical Thinking 11:30AM-12:45AM

TR
Microeconomics 8:00AM-9:25AM
World Prehistory 9:40AM-11:05AM
Astronomy- Observing the Universe 12:40PM-2:45PM (Thursday)
Mock Trial 6:00PM-9:00PM (Thursday)

I edited my profile and added some movies to my list, and the stupid thing automatically changed my birthday to January 1st. I keep having to change it back.

Why do we constantly worry about petty things?

Why is it that we are more concerned with what the cute stranger thinks of our appearance than we are about what type of person we are becoming?

Why do we worry that we will be remembered as the geek or the ugly kid or something else socially damaging instead of focusing on being remembered for being a good person, a kind heart?

In the end will it matter whether in high school you were a part of the out crowd or part of the in crowd? No it won't.

Will it matter what that cute stranger thought you were hot when all is said and done? Not really.

Will it really make a difference that you were popular and cool in the end when you are alone? Nope.

What difference will it make whether you were attractive or not when people can't stand you because you are petty and shallow? Absolutely none at all.

All those petty, superficial things we worry about all come down to nothing in the end. They will mean absolutely nothing when we are all old and when we are dead and gone. No one in the history books is celebrated because they were petty, shallow, and vain.

This is another one of my monologues inspired by recent thoughts, conversations, and emotions. Nothing is quoted from any conversation or from any one encounter. I don't have a title yet, but any ideas are welcome.

How can you look at me as if I have betrayed you? Are you angry, hurt? Because I didn't choose one of  you, country and southern? Is that fair? I chose from my heart, and you know I respect that above everything. So I did something unexpected. I went beyond the farms and the country. I went beyond the horse shows and southern accents. Maybe it's because I grew up. I don't know. Did you expect me to pick one of you because we were playmates, because we spent so many days playing together? It's different now. We aren't ten years old anymore; those days are a bit past us now don't you think? No I don't want to leave them behind and forget them. But it is time to look past them.

We are friends forever, guys; we come from the same backwoods lifestyle and have the same country attitudes, and we are friends. We fished together, swam together, played cowboys and indians together, laughed together, rode horses and four wheelers together. But that makes us friends and family, not couple material. You should know that by now. It won't work; I know it won't. I made a choice. Yankee? Yeah, he is. City? That too. But he makes me feel good, he makes me smile and laugh. I fell in love. And if you can't understand that then maybe we should part ways.

There you go again. Giving me that betrayed, hurt look. You can't make me change my mind. I haven't changed. I'm still me. I'm the same girl. Don't even say it. I know you're thinking that you can make me change. What are you going to do? Take away my toys and throw dirt at me? We're not seven anymore; that won't help you, and it won't hurt me. Trust me for a change. We aren't kids anymore. And you don't have to protect me. I'm a big girl; I can make my own descisions and fight my own fights.

Life is strange, but it's fantastic. Everything seems to be going extremely well now, and for a change I'm really happy. In September Kenny is going to be leaving Arizona to move to Virginia. He'll be in Tennessee at some point as a stopping over. I'm exited about that.

Good news for Ms. Mackey too. They convicted Kyle gilley of First degree murder, so she is finally seeing justice done for her daughter after 22 years.

In March of 1984 Ms. Mackey's daughter Laura Salmon was murdered, and the man who killed her is just now going on trial twenty-two years later. I grew up with the case in my house since my dad had Ms. Mackey for English, and he knew Laura and Kyle Gilley, the man on trial. She is even buried just a short distance from my great grandfather, and my dad stops by her grave everytime we go to put flowers on my great grandfather's. I know I'm probably one of the few, but I actually liked Ms. Mackey's class. I know that a lot of people called her Wackey Mackey, and she was a bit crazy, but she had good reason to be. But she needs our prayers as she goes through this ordeal. Even if she wasn't your favorite teacher or you didn't have the opportunity to be lectured by Shakespeare or take her class, I ask that you keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

the way God works things out. But everything always works out just as it should. I was thinking about it. My freshman and sophomore years were not my best, and to tell you the truth I wasn't really happy at all. I lost a guy I thought was great, found a guy who worshipped me and didn't really know me, couldn't seem to make any friends, felt like an absolute awkward fool, and just wasn't happy at all. Then junior year came along and things got a little better. I found that I didn't have to change to find friends. I was a bit more confident and a lot stronger. That year I had to take US History honors because I didn't find out until too late about AP. I was so ticked off because I wanted to take AP and couldn't. I passed that class, but I still wanted to take AP US History. So I wound up taking it my senior year. If I hadn't I would have missed out on the most amazing thing to happen to me in a long time. I would never have met Kenny and would never have begun the great roller coaster ride that brought me to where I am now. It took some interesting events to make me see that I was in love but in the end I did. I knew there was something there when I received some pretty painful information that most of my friends thankfully pulled me through. I found out that he had a girlfriend, and I had been hugging, and flirting, with someone else's guy. Sure I hugged Dash, who had a girlfriend, and sort of flirted, but that wasn't as real. I didn't do it for the same reasons. But that wasn't the big thing. I realized it was something big when I found out he was moving. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out again. I was lost and it hurt so bad to know that he was going to be leaving. I can't remember the last time I cried like that over a guy, but I just fell apart. It all clicked. I had been planning to go the University of the South, but my application didn't get in on time. So I chose MTSU. If I hadn't I wouldn't have met the Mock Trial teams and become a part of that, which has been a learning experience and a thrill. I also would've missed out on some fairly interested classes that were a blast. But most importantly I think is the fact that I wouldn't have been in Murfreesboro when he came back to visit. I would have missed it completely and missed the opportunity to see him again. I wasn't sure that he felt the same way I did, and I would never have known if I had gone to the Sewanee. It turns out that so far things have worked out beautifully, and I thank God they have.

Why Don't You & I

Since the moment I spotted you,
Like walking round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies... ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied
ooo

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around
ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in'

And slowly I begin to realize this is never gonna end
Right about the same time you walk by
And I say 'Oh here we go again, oh'

Everytime I try to talk to you
I get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in'

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in'

Forget what I said earlier and read this. I'm happy again. you may thing that I'm just crazy, but I just got some really great news.

and admit that I'm not ok."

"It's time to take off the shades and let you see I've cried."

"It's time to end the charade and just let it all out."

I sit down, and I cry, and I'm miserable. But I lie and tell everyone it's nothing, that I'm alright.But I'm not. I'm going crazy, and I'm falling apart. There are days when I just want to scream cause it hurts so much, and it's so unfair. I feel in love with a guy over a thousand miles away.

It's like yesterday I curled up in my room and just cried my eyes out. I couldn't even think straight. Am I an idiot for putting myself through this? I don't know. Sometimes I wonder.

I know I'm tedious and my ramblings about my love life are annoying, so I'll just apologize now.

What do I do
when the time is done
when we part ways
and it all ends?

What do I do
when you are gone
when things all stop
and nothing is the same?

What do I do
when everything
seems to crash down around me
and I can't even think?

What do I do
now that I'm so
since you aren't here to find me
and I'm all numb inside?

What do I do
with you so far away
now that I'm missing you
and I'm so confused?

Tell me what to do
because I just don't know.
I used to have it figured out,
but not anymore.

Help me, love, please.
Tell me what do I do.

Teach me to live.
Teach me to love.
Remind me that it's real.

Let me fall in love with the wrong ones
So I know when I've found the right one.
Point me in the right direction, then let me go.

Let me get my heart broken </3
Then teach me how to mend it. <3
I wanna live and learn.

Push me off the cliff
So that I learn how to fly.
Let me feel the wind for myself.

I wanna make mistakes.
Yeah I want to screw up.
I wanna do it wrong so I learn to do it right.

I wanna live.
I wanna love.
I wanna know it's real.

But I wanna live and learn.

I wanna be real not phony.
I don't wanna be somethin I'm not.
I wanna believe in myself
And maybe somethin else too.
I wanna trust in love.
I don't wanna forget who I am.

It's the way you feel when the phone is ringing in the dead of night and you suddenly realize that it's him... when your grouchy feelings melt away because you hear his voice.

It's the way you hold onto a bottle or a pressed flower just because it reminds you of all that is good.

It's the number of times you read a letter or a message or an email just to make sure it's all not just a dream.

It's that feeling of absolute electricity every time you kiss, hug, or even touch.

It's choosing a two hour wait to see him for five minutes because even the shortest moments together mean so much.

It's spinning around so fast you fall, just because you can smell the scent that belongs only to him.

It's scarey, but it's beautiful... and it's what makes you lie awake at three in the morning just thinking.

It's everything you can't explain... it never makes sense, and it leaves you confused and lost.

It's love.