I firmly believe that when you take a picture and capture a moment on film, you stop time, and that moment never ends. That is why I like to take and keep photographs; it is my way of preserving things so that I don’t lose them.I know the pictures in this entry are of flowers but it was the best I had, and they are really pretty. But they do make my point as well. These two flowers are in bloom and were in bloom yesterday. But soon they will fade away and the blooms will be gone. But these pictures will stay the same. The blooms are there forever.

 

I know it may seem crazy, but here is my reasoning. In a photo subjects are in a position permanently. They don’t move; they don’t change or disappear. So it holds the memory forever in place. That means that though in the outside world, time keeps going and wipes things away; in pictures they last forever and do not change at all. Isn’t it possible that we possess the power to stop time and prevent it from destroying things as it passes? I argue that a good photographer possesses the power to save a moment forever.

 

 

This is rather interesting. I'm not sure what I think of the new phusebox yet. I guess I'll just have to wait and see won't I?  But I would like to know how to delelte pictures because for some strange reason it uploaded two of my pictures as black squares, and I know they were actual photos.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.  ~Albert Einstein

So yeah today is the second anniversary for Kenny and me... huzzah we have lasted this long.

OK so apparently Kenny can rewrite history. Well actually he just clarified history and totally screwed up my dates and such. Yesterday was Easter {le duh} and so I went to the home of my cousin James and his wive Tanya's house for the annual celebration. We had ham and stuff, I stalked everyone with my camera, my mom stalked me with my camera, and then we went out and hunted Easter eggs. While I was out stalking the hunters with my camera, I missed a phone call from Kenny {le boo} and he left a cute message. Anyways about ten last night he calls back and we had the first real conversation in months.

This brings me to the rewriting of history and such. We talked for an hour and a half, and he managed to score 5 points to my 1, rewrite history, and inform me that it was inevitable that we will get married because he had recurring dreams about it. All this while we laughed and talked for the first time in ages and I began to feel better than ever. I have missed him so much lately, and I love him with all my heart. We were talking about all the notes that we had passed {Because I am strange and have them in a box}, and I found one where he was asking me all these questions that I wouldn't answer. I had been playing this game with a deck of playing cards where you ask te cards yes or no questions and depending on what suit you get that is the answer and I wouldn't tell him what I was asking. That took us to the subject of memory and Prom and our first kiss. And from there he rewrote history because was one of the questions I asked the cards was this "Was he just a good friend I could get away with kissing?" Apparently the answer was "yes as in my boyfriend." At last history is set straight. Our anniversary in actually April 23, as in 2005 and the night of my senior prom which means I celebrated on the wrong day a month early and shorted us a year. Strange huh?

This rewriting of history means that all my dates are off, sadly enough my father was right, and the summer, fall, winter of 2005 and the part of the spring of 2006 was absolutely terrible and painful for no reason. My dad had been declaring that Kenny was my boyfriend since Prom and I of course didn't know that he was and therefore adamantly denied it. But he was in fact right and Kenny wants me to make sure that I tell him so and that he know it was him who made him right. Obviously all my dates are wrong because we have been together two years not just a little over one. And as for that period of time, if you read back on some old blog entries you can see what I mean. I went through total hell trying to figure out what we were and thinking I would never be with him and wouldn't you know it… I had him. Sometimes I get so confused.

This Nicole… she looks angry and grouchy… this is what she looks like when she discovers that she has to buy a whole side-view mirror for her blazer because someone knocked the glass out and then the piece that the glass attaches to fell out on her way to campus this morning.

So here is what happened: My mom somehow managed to her hit the driver's side side-view mirror with her shoulder the earlier. She hit it pretty hard because her shoulder has been really sore ever since and yesterday my kid brother found the glass in the driveway where it had fallen out the night before. Apparently the guy I bought it from a year ago knocked the glass out and reattached it with regular silicone, meaning it wasn't very secure in the first place. So I had to drive the damn thing with no side-view mirror yesterday and planned on going to Advanced to get adhesive today. But that would just be too easy.

I was on my way down 96 when I noticed the mirror looked odd, like something was missing, but sometimes I'm just paranoid about my blazer. So I take it to the car wash cause I'm running early and my father was refusing to work on it until I got it washed and it desperately needs an O2 sensor and spark plugs put in it. The thing is getting 13  miles to the gallon when it should be getting 22 and that's really bad considering that gas was $2.51at Walmart with a gift card.

But then I get to campus and realize that something is off, the outer cover for the mirror is hanging off and I get out to fix it after I park. That's when I realize there is piece missing. I got the glass out and tried to put it back, just to make sure I can, and it didn't go back. So when I get home I've got to call Averrit's and pray they have a side-view mirror that fits my blazer and it they don't I have to call Pelham's and pray they do. Then tomorrow morning I get to go get one and put it on. Not cool.

So sitting here listening to In Love With the 80's by
Relient K on my iPod and thinking, I know odd and terrible things
happen when I start that thinking stuff. Anyway I was thinking about
all the things that so far in two years college has done to and for me
and decided to comprise a list. Its not everything, but it will do for
now. The college girl speaks once again.

• I am now addicted to Facebook,
  which is fun. I swear I couldn’t remember half my friends’ birthdays or
  know about most of the parties I’ve been to if it weren’t for that
  site. I go on the damn thing at least three times a day, usually more.


• Since starting college I have finally downloaded AIM,
  and constantly invent away messages and chat with friends. It’s open
  while I do almost everything, compose emails, write papers, do mock
  trial work, just about everything. It’s probably not a good thing
  except I really enjoy it.


• I’m addicted to my iPod and refuse to leave home without it, which
  is something I never did before I started college. It is a pleasant
  distraction that gets through the day. It was actually college that
  convinced me I needed it for walking to classes, hanging out, studying,
  taking trips, and working at the computer lab, which is where I am now.


• When on capmus and not in class, I know practically live in the
  computer lab, writing papers, waiting for class to begin, updating the
  blog, visiting facebook. It’s actually kind of ridiculous.


• I’ve forgotten what sleep is, since I do it so very rarely. I just
  don’t and it’s not healthy. I manage to get through the day on less
  sleep, though my caffiene intake is much higher now. I learned over the
  years that I can go on three hours of sleep provided that I spent the
  time before partying and such and I get a coke and some food.


• The above brings me to my caffiene addiction. As a senior in high
  school who was in theatre and on student council and taking AP classes,
  I was seriously addicted to caffiene, and I got headaches if I didn’t
  have any caffiene in my system. The summer before college, I broke the
  habit pretty well. However college has made the addiction rear it’s
  ugly head once more, and it’s grown in strength.


• College has taught me that guys don’t change, and the college guys
  high school girls drool over are just high school guys in college. They
  are just the same for the most part, unless you get lucky and find a
  mature one, and those are rare.


• The problem in college is that you get separated from your friends
  and sometimes you get forgotten and left behind. College has taught me
  that your true friends are the ones who don’t forget and leave you
  behind.

In other words, why can't things just stop being so crazy and inconvenient for once in a while.

I can't sleep for various reasons, the first of which is a bloody sore throat I've had for a week and the stuffed up nose that is an on and off thing. It started last Saturday with just a sort of can't breathe, must blow nose scenario that happens to me a lot this time of year as the weather gets warm, but by that night I was coughing and my throat started to get sore. And the sore throat started before I was coughing. I've been taking over the counter medicine and popping Halls Fruit Breezers till my tongue feels sort of numb, not to mention the hot tea, which didn't help, and the gargling of salt water, which so far provides brief temporary relief that lasts maybe thirty minutes or an hour. So I can't sleep, can't really talk, and sometimes can't eat or breathe. Fun! Please note the sarcasm in that statement. I don't have time to be sick, not at all. I'm going to the walk in clinic in town today after my government test, and I shall be praying it's not serious. The other reason I can't sleep is because I'm worried about Kenny, who is miserable in VA from what I can tell. You see, I love him, regardless of the distance, the inability to communicate, and the various other flaws in our ordeal, and I can't stand to know he's unhappy. Apparently he is by himself and constantly working, which bothers me cause he works way too much and way too hard. He's like me in that he has a serious caffeine addiction, except that his is much worse, and this will lead to him drinking more coffee. He already was told to switch to decaf and not drink so much, but you know... Any way I miss him and don't like him to be miserable. Therefore I intend to somehow rescue him for that. Not sure how or when, but I will.

Like I said earlier, I don't have time to be sick, at all. I've got tests to study for, papers to write, books to read, projects to complete, and preparing for a tourney in one month. Clyde assigned Colonel Chabert Monday with the essay that goes with it, and I had to get my notes from Sarah because I was sick Monday and my car was still at the shop. I ordered my copy of the book from Amazon and it should be here Friday. Bradley has assigned lots of reading and an essay for her class, plus I have to meet with her Friday at 1:30 to go over my last paper because the grades over all were apparently really bad. Not that I mind, but I need to see my freaking paper already to see what I need to ask her about, and she won't give it to me until we meet. Besides that the woman is treating a basically Junior English class as if it were full of high school freshman or sophomores, and it's not at all. And she acts as though her class should be treated as if it were the only class we have, and I can't think that way. I'm taking thirteen hours this semester. I've got a government test today, which I haven't studied for, a geology lecture exam next Thursday, and a geology lab test next Wednesday. Not to mention that I have less than a month before I fly to Chicago for the John Marshall Law School Diversity Mock Trial Tournament. I haven't seen the case yet and my partner has never done mock trial before.

Someone please come hold the world up and keep it from collapsing on me.

This is dedicated to a dear friend who took own his life in December of 2006. This is for Nathan. It was inspired by a funeral procession that I stopped for as I was leaving campus the other day.

I hit the brakes and turned my head
as I caught sight of the line of cars.
They were passing by so very slowly,
and I paused and closed my eyes.

I said silent prayer for the dead
and those left behind I never met.
I asked the Lord to help them understand
and to help them to find a little strength.

Then I remembered not long ago
driving in a line like that.
And I remembered losing you
and wondering just how I would survive.

I could see it all so clearly,
the casket and the grave,
and thinking this cannot be real.
I had fallen back in time.

And I started to cry and pray,
"Lord please give me strength,
help me carry on somehow.
Lord give me hope to go on."

Then I found my way back
to the time that was now,
and I realized that He had
Given me strength and peace.

As I watched the cars go by
slowly moving down the road
I thought about the way it feels
to know that you are missing one you love.

Then I thought of you
and where you are
and how you're better now
and I smiled for you.

Because there are no more
funeral processions going by you
and someday we will find
ourselves together once again.

But until then I'll think of you
and wish that you were here
and evey funeral procession
will take me back to that day.

We laid you in the ground,
and we cried tears of pain.
Then we sent you off with prayer
promising we'd be together again.

Since the day you left us behind
I have thought of you so many times
and remembered the good things
the way I know want me to.

But I have not forgotten
and never will I try
death cannot stop friendship
like the one belonging to you and I.

She has just kissed him, without warning and spontaneously. He stands in shock, staring at her with an expression that reads what the hell just happened here. A blush on her cheeks and stammering, she explains her actions and tells him just what’s going on, slowly getting stronger as she goes.
Ok… so that was sudden. You always kissed me; I didn’t kiss you. But this was different, I had to. I’m sorry… wait… no I’m not. I’ve wanted to do that for so long it’s unreal, and I’m not sorry I did. You may be, but I’m not. You see, you’ve been driving me crazy for a year and a half. Sitting there, unreachable, daring me to do something about the way I feel, silently and subtly, but still. It’s like this. I spent the first of this mess telling myself to stop, telling myself that you’d just hurt me and it wasn’t worth it. But that failed. I pushed you away, and I pushed hard. Or at least I tried to anyway. And when I couldn’t, well I sort of fell apart. I knew I couldn’t have you, that I could never be with you. It was a simple reality. I’d tried flirting; I’d tried everything and nothing worked. You didn’t even notice. It drove me nuts, and then you left. You moved and left me here alone with no answers and a broken heart.

It was you who raised the questions, with the flowers and the bears and the hugs and damn it the kisses. The simple kisses that left me confused. What were you? Who were you? What were we? Were we friends? Were a friend who I could kiss and get away with it? How did you feel about me? Did you think of me as a friend or more? Why? Why were you kissing me? Why were you letting me get so close?  Did you know how I felt? Did you care? What was I? You went to another state, miles away and left me with all these questions floating in my head. Do you realize what that’s like? To feel like the person you are supposed to be with is that far away, when you feel empty and alone. To feel like you’ll never be with them, and hoping they are happy anyway. Do you know how hard it is to live like that, day after day?

Girls like me are a dime a dozen. I’m nothing, just a simple country girl from the south. I’m nothing special. I’m not the most beautiful flower in the garden; I’m the simple daisy next to the rose. All I have is my mind. I’m smart, not pretty; I waited too long in the line for smarts and missed out on the looks department. I’m replaceable. You can find another like me if you just look. But you are special. No one else in the world can make me feel like this. You make me feel alive; you make me feel special, like I’m more than just one of the guys, more than just a regular country girl. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, and I know I’m probably just freaking you out. But I have to say it, before it eats me alive.

What I’m trying to say… how do I say this without freaking you out? Why is this so damn hard? I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you, and it’s scaring me to death. I tried to stop. I tried to tell myself not to; I tried… but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. Somewhere between the moment I met you and the moment I watched you drive away from me into the night; I realized I loved you. But it was too late. You were gone and there was nothing I could do about it. Until now. And I have to tell you, cause its killing me. I can’t take it anymore. If it means that I’m about lose one of the best friends I have so be it. I guess it’s better that you know I feel this way and walk away, then for me to keep hiding in the dark. If you want to walk away that’s alright, just go. But walk away know this one thing: I love you, and I always will.

Kenny is in VA and I’m in TN and the drive between us is a at least 10 hours. It really isn't that far but it feels like he's on the other side of the world sometimes. It sucks and I don’t like it. All I wanted for Valentine’s Day was to be with him. I didn’t want flowers or presents or chocolate; I just wanted him. And thoughts of him is what brings about this entry. So here are some quotes that seem to really catch how I feel about love.

“So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows… but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you’re enjoying your life, and the next you’re wondering how you ever lived without them.” -Hitch

“We do not love someone because they are beautiful. They are beautiful because we love them.”

 â€Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” - The Princess Bride

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” -Albert Einstein

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”  -Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Love is a thing, well, its kind of like quicksand:  
The more you are in it, the deeper you sink
And when it hits you, you’ve just got to fall

“If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.” -Lynda Barry

“Love often knocks you off your feet. That is why it is called falling in love, not standing in love”

So yesterday was the Vanderbilt Scrimmage that our teams go to every year just for practice. Two rounds of mocking intended to help us be ready for regionals next weekend. The only problem is that I'm almost positive it didn't help us at all, in all reality I think it was almost a waste of a weekend. But before I get into all of that, lets begin at the beginning shall we?

My blazer has a cracked head, which I discovered last Wednesday, and it really didn't need to be driven long distances. It was overheating pretty badly, not safe. So I spent Friday night panicking trying to find out how I was even going to make it in the first place. Note, it is really bad when you are captain and have no idea how you will make it to the competition. My mom, yeah 19 year old college sophomore catching a ride with her mom= loserness, wound up taking me all the way to Nashvegas that yesterday morning and I caught a ride back to the Boro with Jason.
We did two rounds, one on each side, and our score was  2-1-1, which means we won two, tied one, and lost one. Not bad at all. 660, our other team, had a score of 3-1, so they did great too. From what I saw I think we have a good chance of getting out of regionals and Chinnery seems to think so too. Vandy was supposed to be really good this year, one of the best, but they just weren't. So let's talk about how it actually went shall we.

Round one, defense, went really well; Natalie's opening was great, far better than the Vandy opening, which the guy read, and my closing, while sub par, was still good.Our witnesses were great. Matt's Tony Smith had opposing council giggling and Logan's Martinez was fantastic. I was so proud of both of them, especially Logan. Sarah's Polson was great as always, and she managed to come out looking better than normal. Vandy's witnesses were interesting. I got Sach's to say anything I wanted him to, Natalie freaked out Johnson, and Ryan had few issues with Haskins, though I'm still upset about his suicide line of questioning. It just doesn't work. Our judges were ok, just a bit stupid.


Round two, plaintiff, went well too; Vandy's A team was a bit better than B team. My opening was a bit rough, the new theme needs a little work this week before we go to KY, but Ryan's closing went much better. Our witnesses were good; Logan needs emotion but his character is clean, and Matt's Cross was fabulous, especially for having only worked on it for two days. He won top witness with a score of 10 out of 10. Sarah's Haskins was perfect as usual; no problems on direct or cross. The only issue I had was a really nasty cross of Polson, who lied six times to the same question after I impeached her and made her read the line in her affidavit and threatened to do it again. Rya's camera trick worked with Martinez, though I fear that we will get a smart Martinez who will say it isn't a camera. Natalie had to deal with a moronic Smith who replied to this simple question "You didn't see the gun in the alley, did you?", with "Man, stop confusing me and using big words." Major eye roll there.

Like I said, I rode home at the end of the night with Jason, and several of us went O'Charley's for dinner, still in our suits. I was the only person from 661 at the table, and the only girl. It was still fun, even with Jason picking on me. Daniel ordered a Raspberry Iced Tea, and Chinnery and J.R. said that it would be served in his purse. Many humorous conversations ensued involving religion, politics, and drinking. It was an absolute blast. I'm still ticked I couldn't go to the party at Jason's, but my blazer wouldn't run after I got home and changed. But needless to say, Vandy was fun and had it's ups and downs.

"Who the hell wants a $2000 Easy Bake?" ~My father after looking at an oven that cooked with a halogen bulb.

Why do people constantly worry about what makes sense? There are lots of things in life that don't make sense and that is the beauty of it. Take love for instance. Why do people, like me, wait for someone who is in another state? Does it make sense? Is it the most sensible and normal move? Probably not. I've actually had people tell me that what I'm doing is crazy,  that it makes no sense. To which I respond "Why does it have to?"

Life doesn't have to make sense, and neither does love. According to Keats the purpose of an education is to learn to live in a world where the ends don't meet. Which I totally agree with. Thank you Clyde, my Law and the Legal System professor, who does not want to be called Dr. Willis, and his Rules Thirteen.

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin." Mother Theresa

Warning: Not a warm and fuzzy blog entry.

I'm falling apart at the seams, and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I screwed up. I'm afraid I lost him. I did the freaky girlfriend thing and tracked down his phone number to call him. If he wanted me to know that number he would've given it to me. But I had no choice I had to talk to him. We'd just lost good friend, and I had to let him know. I was afraid that he wouldn't find out because he wouldn't check his email so I did something very drastic. And now I'm scared that I lost him, that I totally freaked him out. Cause he hasn't emailed me or anything since he sent the one saying he couldn't come for the funeral.

But then I think maybe there's a good reason that doesn't mean I lost him. Maybe he just doesn't have internet for the same reason he can't call me. Maybe he's just very busy with classes and work and everything. And I keep hoping that these could be the reasons. I don't want to lose him. I love him.

I don't know why or how or if it's possible... but its like I feel a million things at once.

I finally broke down and downloaded aim. I had been using the express version. But anyway if I know you feel free to drop me an im at ladymidori05.

You think it can't happen to you or your friends. You think that never in a million years could something like this happen.

So did I. I still can't believe it and don't understand. The phone rang at about 11 o'clock at night saturday and my mom woke me up to tell me that there was something wrong, that someone I knew had died. I jumped out of the bed and ran to answer the phone and it's Carolyn, who tells me that Dash needed to talk to me. That's when the most unbelieveable and frightening news comes. He tells me that Nathan Wallis died friday. I'm not going into the specifics or anything just that he died friday. Our phone had been messed up all day and I wasn't home, and they had been trying to get a hold of me all day to let me know. So tommorow I'm going to a funeral for a friend.

I instinctively called several people to let them know and emailed Kenny{lack of cellphone}. And then tried to get some sleep, which I failed to do. So last night, out of fear that Kenny would not check his email in time, I sat down and began to track a number down to call him . After an hour or so I managed to find one and get a hold of him. He's going to try to come down, but he's not sure he can get off work or rearrange his schedule.

So please pray for the Wallis family and Nathan's friends at this time. I don't normally do this sort of thing, but I think that they'll need it.

Teams set up, roles assigned. I'm unhappy, but I'll survive.

Anyway I worked really hard all semester, relearning rules and writing stuff out, and I get taken off the attorney table and put as a witness. Not that there is anything wrong with being a witness just that I hate it. And I pretty much suck as a witness. I'm now the owner of the bar.

Dani, you are on my team, with DeSab, Kortney, Ryan, Sarah, Logan, and Natalie. They have given you Tony Smith as the witness you shall play.

And tommorrow night, I'm gonna go see Nick fight at the Rec center. A bunch of the mockers are going.Yay Nick!!!!

So the picture has nothing to do with the post today, but it is still awesome. I'm using it as my wallpaper on my computer.

Anyway it's time for a quick update. Finals are coming {Not really a great thing}, Classes are coming to an end{ A better thing}, and Kenny is coming {The most amazing thing ever.} The year in review will come in January, which means prepare for a boring entry that will review a crazy year in my life. I promise a real update soon, maybe not tonigght, but probably tommorrow.