"i say all the right things, at exactly the right time,yet i mean nothing to you,and i don't know why..."vertical horizon

man, kids, i NEED a little change... not much new... pt  project soon to be begun... yeah, begun... pretty gay... ever felt like you could see the light at the end of the tunnel... then something gets in the way... pretty much what happened to me not too long ago... god, i was so close... but then the floor crumbled from underneath me... i relly am not sure what 2 do anymore... i guess that's the story of my life... something seems to go right, then it goes wrong... just want one damn chance...

"i can't do this alone..." 7 perfect murders, my old band ladies and gents...

so, kids how what the extended weekend? pretty useless week, sat on my couch watching MTV2 'till like 2, then i just went anywhere... this weekend was pretty busy... parental figures forced me to check out this college, which was pretty gay, cause i'm not going to a TN... watched wrestlemania... freakin' awesome fight...

--The Mexican

PS: "Say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth savin' me"

yeah, i wish... but that dream's not that far away, i am a junior... hope u kids enjoy ur spring break and elizabeth, be Zen... this sucks, everyone's going somewhere, exept the Mexican... eh, i'll survive, unless i get my keys back... moslt likely u ppl will read this after u come back, so leave a comment telling me how'd it go...

--The Mexican

Ps: <"Say it for me,
Say it to me,
And I’ll leave this life behind me,
Say it if it’s worth savin' me">
-Nickleback

Labels of Stupidity

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping." [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!]

On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." [Evidently, the shoplifter special.]

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how?]

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion.]

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." [Oops, too late!]

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." [As sure as night follows the day.]

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." [One would hope.]

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." [As opposed to what?]

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." [I gotta admit, I'm curious.]

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." [NEWS FLASH!]

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta.]

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

and my personal favorite, plus proof that some idiot out there is willing to castrate himself in the name of stupidity...

On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". [Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief!]

I kno the title has nothing to do with anything, but c'mon i kinda wore all AC-DC today... so, i guess i'm in a better mood.... although i really shouldn't be. english i have a research paper due... haven't given it much tought. (gonna come back and bite me in the ass later...) we realized in PT today that we may have bitten off more than we can chew... i'm having seroius doubts that we're gonna be able to build this tesla coil. yet, surprisingly, i'm actually not worried about math... and btw, jess is swimming this whole weekend, including friday, and if any of u care, it's at the sportsplex... nashville. i wish i could go, but i'm still grounded. shut up forrest... j/k

talk 2 u kids later, and i kno u all adore me, but gotta go... lol

--The Mexican

hey, guys. may be a bit random, but hope u ppl enjoyed pie day. srry if i've seemed a bit depressed lately, but so much stuff's just not right. chelsea, thanx 4 listening 2 my uncomplrehensive ramblings. ur a true friend. forrest, thanx 4 the ride in the vette.really cheered me up, buddy. 115, oh, yeah. hey, still waiting 2 see that cobra though. lol   and even though kayla doesn't have one of these, i'll thank her too.  and annie, hope ur foot gets better. hope is all that's holding me from a complete breakdown...

--The Mexican

mrs. o'steen made us read this short story. it had a part that really hit me. it said, "my heart's my own prison." these feelings don't allow me to even think.

"Scars"

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

In this hole
That is me
The dead are rolling over
In this hole
Thickening
Dirt shoveled over shoulders

I feel it in me
So overwhelmed
Oh, this pressured center rising
My life overturned
Unfair the despair
All these scars keep ripping open

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

In this hole
That is me
A life that's growing feeble
In this hole
So limiting
The sun has set; all darkens

Buried underneath
Hands slip off the wheel
Internal path-way to contention

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

Are you
HAPPY?

Are you
HAPPY?

Are you feeling happy?

In this hole
That is me
Left with a heart exhausted
What's my release??
What sets me free?
Do you pull me up just to push me down again?

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?

Peel me from the skin
Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear me from the bone
Tear me from the bone

Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy?

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing

I've been stealing
Time where I can get it from
I've been losing
Grip on what I used to hold

If I could get another chance
I'd put it in a ziploc bag
And keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket

Tell me
When I start to blow it
Would you show me
What I need to do
Before you hate me
I could never live with that so
Tell me
Before you're better off without me

I've been watching you
Sleeping with a troubled look
I'm sure your bad dreams
Are probably all about me
And better off without me

If I could get another chance
I'd put it in a ziploc bag
And keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket

Tell me
When I start to blow it
Would you show me
What I need to do
Before you hate me
I could never live with that so
Tell me
Before you're better off without me

I've been losing
Grip on what I used to hold
I don't want you
to be better off without me

If I could get another chance
I'd put it in a ziploc bag
And keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket
Keep it in my pocket

Tell me
When I start to blow it
Would you show me
What I need to do
Before you hate me
I could never live with that so
Tell me
Before you're better off without me.

ziplock by LIT

so, guys, i feel like such a tool. i have a lot of stuff going on this week, it's not even funny. job interview, the mustang, THE project, an who knows what else. the good thing is, next week i get a party, so it'll give me time 2 realx. hope sam doesn't show... that could end ugly. guys, i may not have time to check this thing, unbeleivable...

--The Mexican

sick of playing games here i just want to kno what's going on, that's all. is that too much to ask? am i stepping over the boundary? what's the deal here?

she knows this is about her. the rest of u, sorry, don't feel like explaining.

guys and girls, my life is starting to crumble here. so many things that should have gone right turned on me. still got some hope for things, but others i'll soon give up. finally got the damn car home. in case u haven't heard, the other day, the car wouldn't start, so i had to leave it in school. towed it home w/ the pathfinder, which was pretty fun, gotta admit. forrest, SHUT UP! lol. and elizabeth, WHAT DO U WANT? guys, let me give u a little advice, don't give a v-day card to someone u like. that, in my opinion, is the lamest gift u could give. all it is is someone else's words with ur signature at the bottom. completly thoughtless. i mean, it's like, "hey, this looks like something i would say, i'll just put my name here, aaand, done."

i just had to say that in case any of u think about a card.

--B B B Benny and the Jets

hey ppl. i've been thinking a whole lot. choices to be made, not in haste. feelings to be taken into consideration. in other words, i don't have a clue what to do.i have so much to think about right now, i keep forgetting a lot of things i was supposed to do. i'm trying to work some things out w/ elizabeth. and on top of that, i cannot fall asleep, my brain surging with thoughts.everything keep piling up. i try to sleep, but my restless mind will not shut down. what to do... i kno that this will mostly work itself out, but it's my habit to overthink everything. i need some time out. out of everything. time to sort things out. then maybe i'll be able to get some rest.

guys here's a question i want everyone to answer. it may help me. if you could go back and redo something in ur life, what would u fix? why?

tengo bastante que decir, y no quiero que nadie me entienda. estoy cansado de ser algo que no soy. de aora en adelante, yo no voy a ser la persona que todo el mundo quiere que yo sea.ES HORA DE SER YO MISMO.

guys, no one knows what that says, so i'll clue u in. from now on, i'm gonna be myself and no one else. i'm sick of feeling like a phony.

yesterday went to watch underworld: evolution. didn't go to watch the movie. i went because of the extraordinary girl i went with, elizabeth.chelsea and jordan were also there. started off thinking about what allen said " just friends..." but about 25 min.s into the movie, i couldn't help it. i reached around her to cover her eyes, (bad scene) when we just started holding hands. i guess i didn't follow ur advice brother. chelsea wouldn't stop staring at us and saying "how cute."

so, yesterday, i went to world outreach w/ elizabeth. not the greatest idea. now, susan, b4 u yell @ me,i really liked hanging out w/ u and ur fam,but i mean b/c of my foot. yesterday, i twisted my ankle, and susan invited me to go to church w/ her. decided to go, but it was difficult, for i had a SWOLLEN ANKLE! could barely walk, but i wasn't about to make a big deal out of it. service ends, and then we went to fazoli's, btw, susan, aren't u glad i was the one to do someting stupid? still embarrased 'bout that. that and something else i didn't do... finally got home, and i could barely get my shoe off. but it was worth it. pretty sure i got the thumbs up by deborah, and also sure kids love to throw paper @ me. elizabeth this one's 4 u.corny joke in 3...2...1:  "two peanuts were walking down the street, one was a salted." man, pretty sure susan's fam. thinks i'm a mental runaway. i translated my last entry, so check it out if u want.

ttyl,

ben ,aka larry, aka the mexican, aka benny, aka j-man, aka bobby, aka crazycoconuts351, aka the joker, aka bullitt. (man, u ppl need to settle on one nickname)

life is hard. specially when you've got no one to share it with. i'm thinking i need to do something, because if i don't do something, she will end up with someone else. if this happens, this ben WILL dissapear. promise. first, i gotta do something, something that may change everything between one of u and me. its time to end this, its do or die, no holding back.

everyone has their good days and their bad days. today is  bad one. i cannot take this anymore, why does everyone have to rely on me to solve their problems, yet when i have a problem, i'm pushed aside? yesterday travis was being truly annoying, and may have made elizabeth hate me. elizabeth if ur reading this, u kno i'm not like that. truly not. but then again, no one knows who i really am. i'm so sick of being the guy who jokes all the time. really don't think anyone has a clue about who i really am. the worst part of it all, i don't think anybody cares. to add to this day, i blew off my new year's plans to be with u-kno-who, but stupid me thought that she might actually want to spend new years with me. like that's gonnna happen. i'm not even sure we could  ever happen b/c we are just so different. but this thought roams my head, and it will not desist.

i don't think i'll update in a while, b/c nobody would really care. i'm out.

my day blew. first, supposed to hang out w/ betty, sorry elizabeth, but that didn't happen. now i found out gome f_ _ ing great news. don't ask, don't feel like talking 'bout it. i may later when i cool down. screw it, that's all i have to say. teaches me for getting my hopes up. not gonna happen again. i'm gonna go punch my punching bag outside now, and yes, i do realize it's like 34 degress outside, i REALLY don't care. to add to this horrible day, may have not passed my math midterm.

no solo eso, creo que estoy empezando a sentir differentemente por ella. no se, pero creo que esto empeso quando yo pase el dia en esa clase. y me pregunto si ella siente lo mismo.

if anyone understood that, yeah ,that's part of it

how many times have i woken up thinking, how did i make it through yesterday? as i predicted, sam's back with her ex. oh, well, no reason to cry over spilt milk. and its definite, this drummer's retired!!! band's not cooperating, so i just decided to leave it. had a great song written too. i'll post it later on. ever wonder if what ur trying to do is really worth the work? guess what, IT'S NOT!

saben que, ya estoy cansado de escribir en ingles. solo se que esta vida es dificil, y yo ya no quiero ser quien yo soy.

adois, el niño español.

another year almost gone by. man, time flies by. 2 more weeks, and x-mas break. gonna be great, kris, finally back!!! get my new cell, and plus, pretty sure 2 or 3 weeks off school should be fun. been hanging out a lot w/ sam. think we're dating, but not sure. don't want to ask, so i'll leave it at that. won't last long though, 'cause i'm sure she'll be back w/ the other dude soon. oh, well

espero que todos ustedes tengan una buena semana, y una feliz navidad. (just felt like writting in spanish)

adios, mis amigos, el niño español

in case u don't already kno, that's what the name of the band's gonna be. in u guys have any suggestions, leave a message after the beep... beep. anyway, i like the name, but it hasn't been set in stone, so... man, people, if you get an opportunity, take it, no matter the consequences. sometimes the reward is greater than what ur giving up. guys, this durmmer may be retiring, so the band may not ever happen. man, i seriously don't know what to do. life's just getting too confusing!

hey, i just got my photos of stacie, but this computer's homosexual, and it won't load the f_ _ _ing pictures!!! oh, well, forrest, i guess u'll have to wait. lol our last day away from school ppl, so tomorow, were back 2 prison. (those from siegel should get that, but kris, don't expect u to) lol. ttyl to all

all right, ix-nay on my plans. not going to happen. oh, well. the other day i was calling one of my buddies, and he picks up the phone. i talk to him, but he's acting like he has no idea what i'm talking about. two pieces of advice: 1. be sure u kno who ur talking to, and the person on the other line isn't, i don't kno, their dad. 2. do not use fake locations, like bubba's strip club, to get the other person to make them stop acting like they aren't who u think they are. i learned the hard way. long story short, i'll make sure i kno who i'm talking to b-4 i say something like that.