The Second Coming -- William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand;
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries
of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

appropriate? i think so. just something to think on. let me know your take on this poem.much love ---Cari

gahlee. in case i haven't reiterated it enough, i'm kinda stupid. but only in some matters.

so, last night after church we all went to the Mellow Mushroom, and it was mucho fun. pizza was extra good, and i got to sit in the "magic bus" (ha) with a bunch of people. had a great time.

Kudos to Justin for the amazing message last night. he made a point that really hit home with me, and that is that we should consider others better than ourselves. Christ calls us to love, not judgement. so the question is, when are we, as Christians, going to stop talking about what we believe and act on it? Love is not just an emotion, it's action. It's also a reaction to Christ's love for us that fills us up and enables us to do the same. Odds are, you are not going to walk up to the lady at the counter in McDonald's and say "I love you!", (partly  because she'd probably pepper spray you.) but you mostly certain could smile at her and tell her thank you and that you appreciate it. That's how people are going to notice a difference in us. They will know us by our love. So, next time that weird looking kid or the pregnant girl walks into your/our church, school, or anywhere else, regardless of their circumstances, appearance, politics, sexual orientation, race, or anything else, love them. We serve no purpose if all we do is judge, and as if we even had a say in how much God cares for them. We were the ones who drove the nails through Jesus' arms and feet, and He loves us anyway. We know better, and yet we sometimes act worse than non-believers. I am by no means saying that i perfectly exemplify these standards, because God Himself knows my heart. All i am saying is that it all comes down to love. Regardless of your past, God loves you the same as He loves me, and therefore i have no right to judge any of you. well, i guess i am gonna go for now. much love to all of you. ---Cari  

gahlee. in case i haven't reiterated it enough, i'm kinda stupid. but only in some matters.

so, last night after church we all went to the Mellow Mushroom, and it was mucho fun. pizza was extra good, and i got to sit in the "magic bus" (ha) with a bunch of people. had a great time.

Kudos to Justin for the amazing message last night. he made a point that really hit home with me, and that is that we should consider others better than ourselves. Christ calls us to love, not judgement. so the question is, when are we, as Christians, going to act? Love is not just an emotion, it's action. It's also a reaction to Christ's love for us that fills us up and enables us to do the same. Odds are, you are not going to walk up to the lady at the counter in McDonald's and say "I love you!", (partly  because she'd probably pepper spray you.) but you mostly certain could smile at her and tell her thank you and that you appreciate it. That's how people are going to notice a difference in us. They will know us by our love. So, next time that weird looking kid or the pregnant girl walks into your/our church, school, or anywhere else, regardless of their circumstances, appearance, politics, sexual orientation, race, or anything else, love them. We serve no purpose if all we do is judge, and as if we even had a say in how much God cares for them. We were the ones who drove the nails through Jesus' arms and feet, and He loves us anyway. We know better, and yet we sometimes act worse than non-believers. I am by no means saying that i perfectly exemplify these standards, because God Himself knows my heart. All i am saying is that it all comes down to love. Regardless of your past, God loves you the same as He loves me, and therefore i have no right to judge any of you. well, i guess i am gonna go for now. much love to all of you. ---Cari  

man. so today was good. little surprises are fun, and i must say, i love my friends. especially friends who make me proud to say that they are my friend. it's actually quite funny how much of a contrast i'm starting to see between certain friends. especially guys. but a lot of times i find myself resenting certain friends because they aren't other people, which i can't do to them or myself, but it still happens occasionally. really bothers me sometimes. and the other thing that really seems to nag me is when i have such a great time with other guy-friends, and then afterwards i immediately feel guilty or sometimes worse than before, which is stupid because i know i shouldn't feel that way, because Bruce wouldn't want me to and because it's just not right. but i always find myself wondering if it's gonna be that way all my life. well, too much thinking for now.

in other news, Bro. Dean deliver yet another excellent sermon today about fellowship. and michael came and sat w/ me in church, so that was fun. it's nice to sit by a guy who opens his Bible and pays attention to Dean instead of try to make me laugh or whatever the whole time. well i must go for now, but i leave you with a very depressing song. much love---Cari   

my yesterdays are all boxed up, and neatly put away/but every now and then you come to mind / and you were always waiting to be picked to play the game / but when your name was called you found a place to hide / when you knew that i was always on your side./ and everything was easy then / so sweet and innocent / my demons and my angels reappeared / leaving only traces / of who you thought i'd be / too afraid to hear the words i'd always feared/ leaving you with only questions all these years / is there some place far away, some place where all is clear? / easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear / or are you left to wonder / alone eternally / this isn't how it's really meant to be?

so. the 4th was fun-ish. Jared ended up being the only person that could come but it was still fun. i'm mondo excited about Rush this year, but i can't say much else in case someone who got in actually ever reads this. woot! Bro. Dean gave a really good sermon this past weekend about our country and such. He's very, very tactful and quite good at articulating what needs to be said without going off on some kind of rant. very cool. i don't think i could do that.

in other news, we went to the drive-in to see Pirates of the Caribbean dos in Woodbury. 'twas fun, but man was it cold. i was fuh-reezing.

believe it or not, i am actually at the point to where i want to go back to school. i just kinda wanna go ahead and get my junior year over with so i can be a senior. well i must go now. cherrios and cornflakes to you all. much love--Cari

so. on Sunday i left for DBS Convention @ the Opryland Radisson in Nashville. it was actually really different from what i expected. i actually kinda had fun, and made a few new friends. i really learned a lot, and i'm really excited about this coming year in DBS. but man am i gonna hafta shell out a lotta moneys....ha. i'mma hafta start selling drugs...j/k, guys, j/k. the hotel was pretty neat. and i got to go shopping @ Opry Mills w/ not a penny to my name. sad. oh well. i don't really have much to say i guess. i was in the process of watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but i turned it off. i'mma finish it tomorrow, cause i was a bit too creeped out. scary stuff, but well-written scary stuff. cool beans. nayways, i'mma got to bed. nite nite g's...much love---Cari 

Jack Johnson is amazing. enough said.

ahhh, summer. that time when a young man/woman gets to wake up at 11 AM, and that's ok...because they don't have to go anywhere...ok. maybe that's just me...but whatev.

so. today was somewhat uneventful. woke up late, had to go to a DBS thing @ Tiffany's house...Convention starts on Sunday...i'mma gonna have to miss church...poo. but hopefully it will be fun. i am super duper mondo muy muy mucho excited because i actually found a dress that i lurve to wear to closing banquet...fun fun. i just realized however, that i am going to be around nothing but sorority girls for 4 days...uh oh. j/k..i'll live. 'twill be fun.

in other news, Nacho Libre is quite funny and you all should go see it. i liked it lots.

GOOD NEWS! they are still gonna do the MTSU fireworks again this year behind my house for 4th of July! WOOOOT! i am only inviting a few peeps, but it will be supa-dupa fun fun. i can't believe summer is almost half over. and i've done nothing...waaahhh. oh well.

also, i am currently very confused. if God were calling me to be single, why would he put such a love in my mind and heart for this one person? maybe i'm just exaggerating in my mind. who knows? i'm nuts. i think i should just go ahead and become a nun. ha. not that being Catholic is a prerequisite or anything...i'd make a great Baptist nun. ha. well, i'm obviously quite tired, so i should go hit ze sack. g'nite jiggaboos. much love ----Cari

well. long story short, i got fajita'd...yep. my box of fajitas defecated on my jeans and my favorite shirt. oh well. alas...nayways. yeah. it's so funny how when we lose someone, we don't seem to expect God to fill that hole or even try to comfort us, and yet, if you actually look to Him to fill it, He then blesses you so much. and in this case, it's with a friend. i haven't had such wonderful conversations with such a wonderful guy since Bruce died, and i really missed that. but i found someone who can give that to me, and though they obviously can't replace Bruce, they really make me smile and brighten my day. anyways, had some really good convo on the way to woodbury in a bus. wasn't really expecting it, but it was so nice. nayways, i gots ta go hit the sack. nite nite suckaaaaahhhhs! much love to all of yous guys! --Cari

 "Jesus paid much too high a price for us to pick and choose who should come..." --Casting Crowns

so. it has come to my attention that i have been much too arrogant in the past few blogs. i have come to realize that even if i am right or basing these things on my beliefs, it does not give me license to be cocky about it, as though i came up with the ideas or anything. so please forgive me for coming across so rudely. i am just very passionate about what i believe, but i have gone about it in the wrong way. i am really asking God to make me less judgemental, because that's His job, not mine. this does not, however, mean that i am apologizing for anything that i said, just apologizing for the way i said it.

so, this morning Bro. Dean's sermon was really good. He was talking about the story of Tychicus and Onesimus, which isn't really well-known, but it's just an example of what kind of servants we are supposed to be. it really encouraged me to serve in a way that is joyful, not begrudgingly.

in other news, i really can't wait for Fall Retreat. i know it's still June, but i LOOOOOOOVE Fall Retreat. like, the beach is great, but my heart lies in the mountains. nayways, yeah. life is good. 

question: do any of you feel called to be single for life? i think that God may be calling me to that. not that i'm not wanting to be patient, but i was contemplating marriage and children and all that, and i don't know that i am necessarily being called to get married. i don't even know if want children, which is nothing like anything i've grown up thinking. who knows? i'm sure as soon as i think that that's what i have to do, God will end up bringing me a husband. He's funny like that. nayways, just a thought. i am only 16, but ya know...never too early to start thinking about it. much love to all of you! --Cari 

ok. so. yet another thought for the day:

all Baptists are not bigots. it really stirs my apples that the only baptists that you see in the news and such are the ones who picket funerals with signs that say things like "God Hates Fags" or "Thank God for 9/11" and other stupid garbage like it. first of all, they are not even real Christians, because none of that is true about God, and secondly, they are a very small sect, not the majority. anyways, any thoughts? i hope you guys don't see me that way, and i want all of you to know, that despite anything you say or do, i don't hate any of you. i may not agree, but it's not like i'm gonna hold that against you. and i'd appreciate it if that same courtesy were shown to me. it seems to me that the so-called "open-minded" are open-minded to everything but Christianity and/or conservative beliefs. so, if you're gonna be so open-minded, make sure you're open-minded to everyone...much love to you all ----Cari

so last night i had a super weird dream involving some of my friends...very,very strange...and a coupla nights ago, i had a dream about Bruce. we were just sitting on a porch swing and catching each other up on life. and it was really nice, because it was like i was able to just have a little visit with him. yesterday i went with my mom up to Carthage for the funeral of her Great-Aunt Grady, who was apparently quite a staple in the family. i met a lot of people that i never knew, including a lot of granddaddy's brothers. all in all, it was a pretty well-spoken funeral, but the pastor was reeeeeally long-winded and quite repetitive. but at least he wasn't one of those screaming preachers. after the burial and stuff, i went to dinner in Gordonsville with my grandparents and aunts and uncles, and that was a lot of fun. i really love my mom's side of the family. they're all so fun to be around, and it's a lot nicer now that my granddad has mellowed out so much. nayways, i guess what i'm trying to say is, that with the combination of all the deaths that have happened recently, love your family while they're still here, because you really never know when they could be gone. much love to all---Cari

thought for the day:

if it's a woman choice of what to do with her body, why don't you choose to not sleep with people and therefore ensure that you don't get pregnant? birth control anyone?

**edit** i really shouldn't be so trusting. i kinda wondered if George Carlin actually said any of that, being as it was the opposite of just about everything he normally says...but w/e. so kudos to whoever actually said it. I'm just sooooooooooo sorry Will.

ha...i found this quite funny, and quite true to my own opinions...

"I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money.I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what is going on with gas prices... again?"

---whoever actually said these...

nayways, so this weekend, i got to go on a surprise vacation to Hilton Head Island, SC! WOOT! it was beautiful. we got to stay in a condo for free, and we went to the beach, and to a pier, and a lighthouse, and all that jazz. i got a pretty good burn but it'll turn into a tan soon. i saw dolphins (up close), a manatee, sea turtles, a giant scary prehistoric-looking crab, live sand dollars, and a bunch of other stuff, while swimming in the ocean. and man, there's nothing like walking on the beach at night, under a full-moon, listening to Jack Johnson...dang. i heart the beach. wow. 'twas amazing. nayways, a bunch of my church homies are in St. Louis right now, so i'll be prayin for them. anyways, i'mma hit the sack now, cause i'm dead freakin tired...'nite.----Cari

p.s. ---one of Laura Beth's classmate's mom died this morning, very suddenly, so pray for their family. this little girl is going to have to start high school and everything without her mother, and i can't even imagine how hard that's gonna be. so keep them in mind.

**edit** I"MMA GOIN TO HILTON  HEAD TOMORROW!!!!!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! this week just keeps gettin better and better....

so uh, yeah. i don't even know what to say. i led a friend to Christ tonight....gahlee! i can't believe God would even use me like that! i came to church, not at all expecting to even really get anything out of tonight, and lo and behold, guess who shows up, but Marlene...first time i've even seen her in almost 2 years, first time she's been to Belle Aire, and so we get to talking, and i ask her if she's ever asked Jesus into her heart, and she wanted to so badly, but she just said she didn't know how, so we talked more, and she let me pray for her, and then i helped her ask Him into her heart!!!!!! OMGOODNESS!!!!!! how exhilarating...i just still can't get over it...and what a testimony she is going to have...AHHH! I can't wait to see what God is going to do in her  life! WOW! so yeah. pretty exciting stuff. but the coolest thing is that it was alllllllll God....it was just Him coming through me, so i (thankfully) can't take any of the credit. I am just so thankful that he used me like that! nayways....yeah. good day. much love to you all, and don't forget that God can do anything, because we take that so for granted...---Cari

so, i'm feeling much better today. God's given me a real peace about it. i dunno what that means, but i'm sure it's good.

in other news, do me this one favor:

if you've ever liked me at all, tell me at some point soon. i'd just like to know. maybe i liked you too...haha.

so nayways, some people kinda stir my apples lately...oh well. i'll live. secondly, others make me smile. you've just gotta wonder what's going on when you find someone whom you have just about everything in common with and can talk to forever...and then they have to move away...what is this? who knows...but i know i'll make it. it's just no fun when it seems like things are dangled in front of you, only to be taken away. but i've got to keep reminding myself that God is not like that, and he doesn't want to harm me. i realize how narrow my vision is in the grand scheme of things, so i just need to shut up and let him do what he does best, which is everything. i think that i am going to make a committment not to date at all in high school. not because i'm sad and lonely, or because i think guys are stupid, or because i am trying to get something out of God, but because i think maybe He's calling me to do that. also, be praying for me about whether or not i'm going to go on the New Jersey Mission Trip on July 8th-16th...i feel like, thru my quiet times and prayer that God is wanting me to go, but He's gonna hafta provide those means, especially financially. so yeah. we'll see. nayways, much love to you all! ----Cari

gahlee. i am such a girl. a 16-year-old girl at that. why on earth am i so attached to this person? i barely know him, and yet i feel like i've known him for a million years. and guess who that reminds me of? i honestly feel like i've finally met someone worth my time, and he's leaving. and besides, nothing would ever happen. he probably doesn't even know that i feel that way. gahlee. how can a level-headed, cynical person like myself just fall head over heels? over someone i don't even know that well? i feel like, for the first time ever, i have actually experienced that whole love-at-first-sight thing....which is retarded, because it's completely illogical. i've been trying to figure out if there is something else that i'm needing to deal with that is manifesting itself in this totally retarded and yet not retarded crush...but i can't find anything. gah. i just want someone to love me back the way that i love them. for once. and yes, i know that God does. but, well, you know. i guess i'm just much too insecure. but for now, it just all feels a bit too real. much love to you all ---Cari  

ok...humor me for one moment:

gahlee....why is it that i finally get to know someone right before they have to leave? it especially sucks when that person is really cool....argh. i'm getting tired of waiting on boys. i really think i'm just not girlfriend material. like, really. i cannot see myself dating anyone without it being weird....gahlee.

so nayways, Saturday night @ 7:00 and Sunday nite @ 6:00, i am in "The Hiding Place", @ Belle Aire Baptist Church...it's a play about Corrie ten Boom and her endeavors during the Holocaust. it'll be pretty cool. come see me be a sad (and ironically quite Aryan-looking) Jew, and see Brian King be an angry Nazi.

on to other news, i watched "The Butterfly Effect" yesterday. GAHLEE! i watched the director's cut today, which has a few extra scenes and a different ending...OMGOODNESS...it was awful (awfully good, that is...) and it made me cry... gah. great movie, except for all of the F-bombs and a few implied sex scenes. also, DO NOT RENT "FREEDOMLAND"....that is the dumbest movie in the world, and sooooooooooo not worth your money. it is k-tarded. well, this Jew gotta bounce. g'nite! much love to alla yous guys ---Cari

so today, i was thinking a lot on the way home from McMinnville. and i thought a lot about war and soldiers and all the ethics involved in it. now, don't get me wrong, i haven't been "indoctrinated" or anything, and though i support our soldiers, i'm not too sure how i feel about the war right now. i think that there were good intentions in the beginning, and now i'm pretty sure that we probably can't get out of it, but i think it needs to stop. but i'll guess we'll never really know what might've come, but it could've been horrible and the war stopped that....i dunno. i just wish it didn't have to happen. cause from what i hear, war is so terrible, and though i know that currently they choose to go over there, i still wish they didn't have to. i just think about all of the families of fallen soldiers, and i look at some of the crap that our country quibbles about, and i almost think maybe we need to be shaken up a bit...America has taken its freedom for granted far too long. when our founding fathers drafted the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, i doubt they figured there would be a need to write in a clause or amendment about gay marriage or abortion, because such things just didn't happen. people like Cindy Sheehan march through the capital and bash our president (who is not perfect, but i'd like to see her do his job...), who is doing his best to defend her very right to do so...and spreading that same democracy to other oppressed countries...now granted, some tension in government is good, because absolute power corrupts, but c'mon...i'm so tired of seeing nothing but protests and pundits blowing hot air up each other's arses and going on and on about how crappy Bush is, and what a shining, moral, and compassionate party the Democratic (or liberal) party is....gahlee...we need to stop worrying so much about our "rights" and start respecting our leaders. when President Bush sleeps with a White House intern, then you can start bashing him. until then, LAY OFF!!!

this is exactly what's wrong with the U.S. ---the good stand down and stay silent, while the corrupt and wrong are the loudest...if anything is to change in America, we have to stand up and defend our way of life. i'm tired of being called intolerant and closed-minded because i don't accept lifestyles or other things that are not right. i believe that there is forgiveness for all, including myself, who needs it just as much as the next person, and i believe that God loves all. but He is a holy God and cannot accept sin. and that means gossip just as much as murder. so, stand up, and defend what you know is right!

ok, thus is my political rant for this Memorial Day ....GOD BLESS AMERICA!

I'm still proud to be an American.

much love ----Cari 

 quite possibly one of the most beautiful poems in history:

"To be, or not to be; that is the question; Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them. To die: to sleep: No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to; 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. To die: to sleep: To sleep: perchance to dream: aye, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, The pangs of despis'd  love, the law's delay, The insolence of office, and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death --- The undiscover'd country from whose bourn No traveler returns --- puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought. and enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action."

          ---William Shakepeare, Soliloquy from Hamlet

What do you think?

dang....The Producers is a funny movie...and Will Ferrell is my hero..(right up there with Martin Luther...ha, j/k.)...

so...people who copy off of other peoples' phuseboxes kinda make me wanna hurl...

in other news, last night was my little sister's 8th grade graduation. i wasn't sad, but gahlee, she sure was. she was bawling, and she never cries...dang. i felt kinda bad for alla them. but i don't think they realize that as soon as they get into high school, they're gonna love it. they'll make new, better friends, and have way more fun.

so. went out to lunch with a friend yesterday, whom i will probably not see all summer. too bad. he's really funny. in fact, i won't see a lot of my friends this summer. i wonder if junior year will be as different from sophomore year, as freshman was from sophomore...hmmmm...who knows? i'm still trying to see if i can get through high school without dating. ha. we'll see, i guess. it's goin great so far....

so yesterday, i was thinking about how easily people change. like, there are so many friends that i've had that've completely changed over the past couple of years...including myself...some for better, some not. but it's also amazing how people can just be blown by every wind that comes their way. people who, as soon as they find a new person to obsess over, leave you in the dirt, and start actin 'afool...i just don't quite get it. especially when i can see what this new obsession is really like, and yet that person can't see it....gahlee is that frustrating. but i'll live.

also, i told you all that i was trying to stop dwelling on guys and such. i've been doing pretty good. but there's one person that keeps on tugging at my mind. and he's not really all that great. but something draws me to him. i just don't quite get it. but then again, there's obviously a lot that i don't get. w/e. i just have to keep telling myself that if God means for it to pan out, it will. if not, it won't. and i just have to be content with that. well, i must go. bye for now yous guys! much love ----Cari