man. so today was good. little surprises are fun, and i must say, i love my friends. especially friends who make me proud to say that they are my friend. it's actually quite funny how much of a contrast i'm starting to see between certain friends. especially guys. but a lot of times i find myself resenting certain friends because they aren't other people, which i can't do to them or myself, but it still happens occasionally. really bothers me sometimes. and the other thing that really seems to nag me is when i have such a great time with other guy-friends, and then afterwards i immediately feel guilty or sometimes worse than before, which is stupid because i know i shouldn't feel that way, because Bruce wouldn't want me to and because it's just not right. but i always find myself wondering if it's gonna be that way all my life. well, too much thinking for now.

in other news, Bro. Dean deliver yet another excellent sermon today about fellowship. and michael came and sat w/ me in church, so that was fun. it's nice to sit by a guy who opens his Bible and pays attention to Dean instead of try to make me laugh or whatever the whole time. well i must go for now, but i leave you with a very depressing song. much love---Cari   

my yesterdays are all boxed up, and neatly put away/but every now and then you come to mind / and you were always waiting to be picked to play the game / but when your name was called you found a place to hide / when you knew that i was always on your side./ and everything was easy then / so sweet and innocent / my demons and my angels reappeared / leaving only traces / of who you thought i'd be / too afraid to hear the words i'd always feared/ leaving you with only questions all these years / is there some place far away, some place where all is clear? / easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear / or are you left to wonder / alone eternally / this isn't how it's really meant to be?