Class started today. Which I was looking forward to until the whole English class vs. history class dilemma arose. So while two weeks ago I was sort of excited about the new year, sometime last week that completely faded. I asked God to make it really clear when I sat in southern lit. if that was a class I would enjoy. Well... it wasn't clear... so maybe that means I wouldn't enjoy it. Sounded a little interesting and a little boring at the same time.

I like English, but in college it's kinda funky because the classes get to specific time periods or themes. If I could just take five lit. classes that covered whatever the heck the professor felt like from a wide range of authors and themes and time periods ...that would just be so much better to me. I flippin' loved 2030 (experience of lit). If I could take it five more times with the same professor but with different books and different names so I could get the fifteen hours I need for my minor... that would be fantastic.

So... despite the fact I said I wouldn't... I think I very may well go to Tenn. hist. tomorrow and check it out.

If it turns out I am taking Tenn. history instead of an English class, I am hereby vowing to devote myself to some sort of ministry at church, as well as throwing myself into production, both at home (yep, plan to buy a Mac sometime in the near future) and at MTTV. And right now, I'm thinking that maybe the best thing to do. What do you think? 


P.S. One of the reasons for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory's PG rating is for "quirky situations". I kid not, go check it out yourself!

Well, I've had my serving of humble pride for the day. I got an e-mail from the Shawn McDonald music video contest people today, with a link to a website with the videos of the eleven finalists...

And I didn't even make it there... out of only 80 freaking people... I couldn't make it to the top 11...

It hurts.

A lot.

So I guess tonight begins my quest to bargain hunt for Macs.

Rewind to the past. There we sat in our third grade classroom, learning about the solar system. Our teacher asked us, "What is the name of the ninth planet - the smallest of them all?"

And we replied with enthusiasm, "Pluto!" That was an easy one for us to remember, because we loved that dog from the Mickey Mouse cartoons.

"That's right," our teacher smiled at us. "Pluto is the ninth planet in our solar system.

Fast forward to the present. Somewhere today, there is a third grade class learning about the solar system. When class begins the teacher announces, "Well children, you want to know the truth?" She looks down and the students see tears filling her eyes. "You may not be able to handle it."

"What is it, what is it?!" The third graders look at their teacher with wide eyes, horrified, mystified... scared... and afraid.

"Well, I know how I told you yesterday that Pluto was the ninth planet in our solar system. But it turns out that we have all been deceived." She looked up bravely, looking each student in the face, not knowing how to break the news. "Pluto has left the building," she states as gently as possible. The teacher pauses for a moment to sniffle before finally wailing out loud, "Yes my dear children, it's all true! They have decided that Pluto is just not good enough for our solar system anymore! Its title of 'planet' has been taken away."

And there was much mourning and weeping.

Yes folks, it's true. It was just one big fat lie. Pluto is not
a planet, never was a planet, never will be a planet! Poor Pluto is
just too puney, so it must be an asteroid or something of that nature instead. No one loves Pluto.
Pluto's just a reject. What a sad, sad day for Pluto.

There are third graders out there, wanting desperately to learn about the other worlds out there, who have been disocuraged in their efforts because every astronomy book published to date in wrong, wrong, wrong! How deeply wounding it is to have a part of our beloved solar system ripped out and taken away in one instance! We didn't even have a chance to say goodbye...

All this because some scientists wouldn't pick on a planet their own size.

Facebook has now added a nifty little "notes" section, with which I am able to import my Phusebox blog. In fact, when I did this, it imported my last ten entries. Wowzeers! The wonders of technology! Here are quotes from last Thursday that I totally meant to put on here but never did...

"If I was liberal, I would fuss..." - guy in the business office

Anna: "What is the legal drinking age in Montenegro?"
Nemanja: "Well, you must be born, and you must say beer, and they will give you one!"

I know that this looks a little long, but it's a fairly quick read. I hope you'll take the time to at least scan it. These are excerpts of journal entries I made three years ago when I first moved to Tennessee, just in time to begin my junior year of high school. I hope these will be an encouragement for those of you who are going off to college or expereincing some other sort of change.

It's really neat for me to look back three years and see how much God has brought me through in that time period. (For one thing, my writing has improved... ha ha...) I hope that through reading these entries and from knowing me now, you can see how far God has brought me in my life through change, and what He can do in yours. Enjoy...

8-14-03
"...today was miserably boring. Kinda lonely too... I'll just have to give it some time. It's hard right now, because at this point I am like so ready to just high-tail it back to Texas. I called Theresa [an old friend from TX] today and it was so nice to hear her sweet voice..."

8-15-03
"...Tonight... was one of the most awesome nights of my life. You see, Mom agreed to work the [Lifeway] table for this concert and karoke deal that was happening at a church [Northside Baptist] tonight... well I came back from watching some of the karoke and Mom was saying she talked some with the lead singer of Everman, Brad, about Texas... I got to meet the guy for myself... he is serioulsy like the nicest guy in the whole universe! ...he wrote a special note inside my CD cover that says: 'Marsha & Amy, Providence #3 is for you! Romans 8:28'. Mom said that once when I wasn't there with them that he prayed for us! And his wife and daughter are back in Texas [just like my dad]! Talk about so strange! And you know what? For the first time since I've been here, I was myself. Tonight was the first time that the real Amy had emerged in Murfreesboro. And the real Amy had such a fun time joking around and hanging out..."

8-16-03
"Today was one of those days when I got up on the wrong side of the bed... I just felt really crummy most of the day. Not even listening to my very own song helped. And you know how you would figure after something awesome happened like last night that everything would suddenly seem brighter and more perfect? Well it didn't..."

8-17-03
"Well, we went to Belle Aire today and both Mom and I liked it. I met two girls who were really nice to me. Their names were Sarah and Amber... I met a few guys too, but we didn't talk much... Anyhow, I got the sweetest e-mail from Danielle [old Texan friend] today! ...she was saying how God was going to use me..."

8-18-03
"Well school was... school. Pretty boring and average. I haven't really made any new friends, but I was talking to this one guy in environmental science and after class he handed me a post-it and it had his phone number... ha ha..."

8-19-03
  "Well today was better... I can see the kids in my classes are starting to warm up, and we're starting to become more friendly towards one another. And yesterday, for no reason at all, I ended up with a schedule change that flip-flopped my last two classes. At first I thought I would hate the change, but now I'm seeing how they are for the better! (God just totally rocks!)
  "...in Spanish there's a guy from Belle Aire, and I saw another guy in a Christian t-shirt. And we had to work with partners... and mine were really nice. ...sixth period drama... we had to talk about ourselves. One girl was really brave and stated, 'Something that is interesting about me is I'm a Christian.' Wow! I couldn't help but admire her for saying that! ...that was all cool and it encouraged me...
  "Then this other guy named Zach comes up there. 'An interesting thing about me is that there is a lake named after me,' he tells us. Mr. Curry asked Zach about it and he explained there was this lake at this Funny Farm place where his mom would go to or whatever because she is a Christian comedian. ... so anyways, we talked a little at the end of class because our assigned seats are right next to each other, and he asked what church I went to... I told him that we had just moved here so we were still looking around... I really hope to become good friends with both Zach and Rebecca...
  "God, thank you for the "fluke" schedule change. I suppose maybe you were showing me that you still do care..."

8-20-03
"... we went to Belle Aire again tonight, and Sarah, Amber, and Amy were still just as sweet as ever to me... things are starting to feel more familiar. Maybe I'm starting to realize I'm not on vacation, but it's still hard and I still miss everyone..."

8-23-03
"...Right now I'm at the point where I suppose I don't really mind too much about being here, as long as my purpose of being here is reavealed soon... I know it's only been about three weeks, but feels so much longer. I'm ready to discover why I'm here..."

8-31-03
"We got our rainbow today. Every time we move, God always sends us a beautiful rainbow as a promise. Today it was big, bright, and vivid... it was God's promise for us that we so needed to be reminded of..."

9-4-03
"...So school is getting more and more comfortable... I'm feeling more comfortable with the people and such. If only we could figure out the church issue..."

9-8-03
"Well, today I realize how desperately my school needs Jesus. Seriously...  she [a girl from one of my classes] ... made a comment about how this is the Bible belt and she can't wait to move away from it because people cram stuff down your throat. I don't want to be that way. I want to shine brightly for the world, but I don't want to beat people ove the head with a Bible in order to do it. Earlier today I just sat down and prayed and asked God to reveal Himself to me... all I know to do now is pray for these people, and to keep on shining! I'm enjoying Riverdale, and I know God has a purpose for me to be here!"

9-10-03
  "Okay, tonight at church was awesome! The topic was peace, and after Chris (the youth minister), spoke, he handed it over to this college guy named Clint. So Clint gave us a testimony about having peace even when his mom died... He said a couple of things that I can see ring true in my life. One thing is that we all go through Job situations. We're either going through one, fixing to get in one, or just getting out of one... He also said that it's during those tough trials that we realize where our joy is. Is our joy... anchored in Christ? That's the only way to receive true joy and true peace...
  "And I just now realized how many people I already know! Seriously! Like all these kids in my classes, and then Swing Club kids, drama kids... Anyway... it's so neat to think about how comfortable I am in school... It's so cool just how many people I know and say hi to me and talk to me! ...And several of them aren't Christians, and maybe one day I'll get to tell them about Jesus!"

9-14-03
"Well Mom and I both know that Belle Aire is definitely the right place - no fighting it any longer..."

9-17-03
"Tonight I've just really reflected on how far I've come since we've moved here. It's pretty amazing! It's encouraging to think about, because now I can see God has a plan. And it's cool how many people I have gotten to meet and can recognize in the hallways. Today a girl from the play tryouts that I had never really talked with smiled and said hey to me. Ditto with a girl, Emily, that I met at See You at the Pole. It's just really neat and encouraging..."

And it's like "they" say... the rest is history... and how glad I am that God brought me here.

So, I went to a lot of trouble to sign up for my Intro to Lit Studies class. I had to go get special permission for it and everything. Then today, I went to Phillip's to look at the books for this class, only to realize that this class is going to be pretty darn awful. One of the books we're required to read is called Literary Theory. Oh, and if that isn't bad enough, there's The Dictionary of Literary Symbols! What the mess?! I just want to read novels and short stories! Anyhow, and this is the only English class required for my minor, and I'm noticing that the other teachers aren't as hardcore as mine. The only other class that fits into my schedule with a good teacher is currently closed (mine's new so I didn't know he was going to be like this!), and what really ticks me is if I had found this out yesterday instead of tody, I could have woken up really and snagged a spot whenever the purging was going on. But no, I just found out and it's closed.

I do have the option of dropping this class instead of my Tennessee History class that I have been meaning to drop for an eternity, but I soooo want to take English and not history. When I didn't have English last semester I had withdrawls from it! I'm an English nerd, but I am not down with literary symbols and junk. I just want to read some happy stories and write papers about them. I've tried looking into other English classes but they are few and far between. Here's what's left: classes I'm not interested or bad teachers! Or it's at an awful time... my 2030 teacher, for example, whom I love very much, is teaching a class that sounds alright... too bad it's on Wednesday nights! Bleh! Anything else that sounds interesting and has a good teacher is closed or interferes with what is otherwise a perfectly lovely schedule that I have. I'm sad though because I really wanted to take this class with my good friend Jolene.

Maybe this class would be good because it would help me with other classes I take in the future. I dunno... maybe. I'm just kinda confused, and the countdown to school is pretty darn soon.

On a happier note, Aimee's Cracker Barrel get-together was tons of fun. I put up about 38 pictures from it up on Facebook, and you should go comment on them.

-First, Windows Movie Maker disappeared from my computer.
-Then, after a week in MS with very little online contact, my router decides to be stupid and not work.
-Then, my computer and printer don't communicate.
-And then sometime last night, the student information system at MTSU decided to crash, thus resulting in much pandemonium this morning at work. Thankfully, I was able to bury myself in prenote checking.

Also thankfully, three out of the four above problems have been fixed. The one that was not fixed I worked around for the moment it was most crucial.

Ah, technology...

P.S. I may also have one of Dell's exploding batteries of doom... I've got to check for sure... and guess who made these defective batteries? SONY! Figures!

I think I missed a lot in the Boro while I was gone... for one, I came home to find 35 new entries, and it seem as if 20 of them were very vague and mysterious... hmmm...

So, I like change... sometimes. But not always. I guess growth is not so bad (though it can hurt), but anything that seems to have the opposite effect, shrinking I suppose, really stinks. Watching my grandfather going downhill just kills me inside, because I think about the way he used to be. Now I suppose all I can do is pray that soon he will be in peace in heaven.

Finding Alice by Melody Carlson is an amazing book. I want to make it a movie.

As I walked to the nursing home from grandma's room in assistant living, I felt like I was about to witness an execution. When I got there, that is exactly what I saw. To see my grandfather so thin, fragile, and frail, sitting in a wheel chair, looking so alone and empty... it was exactly like seeing an execution. A few tears managed to escape from the overwhelming flood that wanted to come out. To see a man who survived WWII, raised a family, preached, counseled, and made us all laugh just a few years before, has now had purpose stripped away from him. I know he lived for purpose, just as I do, and it kills me to see this way. I pray and ask God to take him away soon, out of my love for him. I just want him to be happy and in peace. He doesn't get that in the dark nursing home room that too much resembles a hospital with the lady down the hallway that screams at the top of her lungs. Her cry is the cry that many there feel. No hope, no peace.

As I am here in Mississippi this week, I brought a book to read. It's a fiction book about a girl with schizophrenia (from her perspective). Scizophrenia and Alzheimer's have some amazing similarities, and to witness these two lives and two experiences at once is overwhelming and eye-opening. Mental illness is one of those things that I don't understand... I mean, why would God allow that to happen? I suppose to make people, like me, who witness these tragedies to realize that I am not in control. I can lose my mind any day. My world can simply fall apart within a few weeks, days, hours, even minutes. But it's God that keeps me going. I hope that God is giving my granddad some comfort through our little visits. I hope that when he does pass, that he passes knowing that he is leaving behind a great legacy, and a family that loves him and wants to live full lives such as his. I hope that God gives him those two realizations as he passes from this life and into eternity.

A day in the sun = a tan. :) I love my skin tone...

Heading off to Mississippi on Monday. Which leads me to this conversation from Wednesday night...
Me: I won't be here next week. I'll be out of town visiting my grandparents.
Keith: Ah, I understand. I did that last month. But my grandparents live in the Rockies, so I really like to visit them because I love that area.
Me: My grandparents live in Mississippi. *dramatic pause* There's nothing in Mississippi.
Keith: No, there isn't.

Hope it goes well. The last visit was really rough with my grandfather (who has Alzheimer's) going downhill fast. At least I'll have a better idea what to expect this time around.

Went to Cool Springs yesterday with my mom for tax free weekend. Needless to say, it wasn't as successful as I hoped, walking away with a pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, a pair of khakis, and an umbrella. I really need several pairs of shoes that I have a hard time finding thanks to really narrow heels, one of my feet being slightly larger than the other, and the fact that I would prefer not to tromp around campus in high heels...

Wow...

So yesterday I described as rough because work was kinda stressful and I was dealing with stuff concerning friends and family. I guess it wasn't a horrible day, but it was sort of draining for me.

And then today... I don't know. I mean, today was perfectly fine for me, but I keep hearing story after story... reading entry after entry on here... and it seems as if everyone else's worlds have drastically changed in the past few days. A lot of changes are happening, and I cannot help but wonder, What is going on???

Don't lose heart my friends...

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:15-18

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the
glory that will be revealed in us. -Romans 8:18

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. -1 Peter 5:6

Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice
behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." -Isaiah 30:21

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understading no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they willl walk and not be faint. -Isaiah 40:28-31

Do not be afraid, for I am with you. -Isaiah 43:5a

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
-Jeremiah 29:13

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do noy know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. -Romans 8:26

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. -Ephesians 6:10

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." -Exodus 14a, 15

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials for many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. -James 1:2-4

"If there is no strain, there will be no stength." -Oswald Chambers

"If God has given you a silence, then praise Him - He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes." -Oswald Chambers

"I belive in God even when He is silent." -Joseph Leftwich

I'm praying for you - all of you that may be going through something rough... know that I am praying that God will take that and turn into something beautiful for His glory, something that will make you grow stronger in Him, that you may be "mature and complete, not lacking anything". I love each one of you.

Rough. That's the best word for it. Today has been rough.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. -Isaiah 40:28

"His [Satan's] strategy to capture us is... to disconnect us from our heart and the heart of God toward us by any means possible. It is what he no doubt had to do to his own heart to bear the loss of heaven." -John Eldredge

Don't lose heart, friends, because that is where God places our deepest desires and greatest loves. Don't allow that to be taken away from you.

So, for those of you who have had to hear me complain lately about my low wages at work will be glad to know I got a 25 cent raise! It's been for like a week or so, but I just discovered it and, needless to say, was quite happy indeed. Work is getting crazier everyday as fall approaches.

The music video for the contest has been sent off today. Pray hard!

I wanted to share this C.S. Lewis quote: "We don't need more Christian books, we need more Christians writing good books." That really speaks to me. I actually am interested in writing books some day, and some of them probably would be Christian books, but this quote was encouragement that I can just write a really cool story or produce a really awesome film, and it doesn't have to preach in order for it to reflect God's glory. I can include elements of my faith without it being blantantly obvious and scaring people away. Sometimes I'll complain about how almost everything on TV is so corrupt, and to think... I can just make good shows one day and help change that. People may not fall on their knees and pray to God as a direct result of that, but maybe I can make people think about values and such. Anyhow, I just liked it and felt like sharing.

For those of you who don't know, I'm extremely opinionated. So, pretty much everything matters to me, and this inclides politics. Unfortunately, I just don't agree with a lot of politicians. So it's very frustrating for me. I mean honestly, the local government affects me more than the national government, so who's in office is really important. I didn't vote in the last local election, and that kills me inside. So I want to vote this time around. I was just looking at the local election guide on dnj.com and it was frustrating for me because most of these guys are pretty old and experienced in politics so I really have no clue what they're talking about.

I mean, I'm a pretty intelligent college student - I'm not a moron. So why am I not understanding what I'm reading? And how come the Republican guy running for county mayor has a commerical about low taxes yet according to the DNJ, he wants the property taxes to be raised? What sense does that make? I don't think there ought to be a raise in property taxes unless there is going to be a major decrease in housing costs. So do I go for him, or Shacklett? Because I sure don't know what Shacklett wants to do either. I just know he isn't a liberal (sorry Kelly and Clint and whoever else that may affect). And I am also mega frustrated because my two choices for county commissioner in my district (actually, I'll be voting for my old district, not my new district, which also frustrates the crud out of me!) is a liberal Independent and a Democrat. Well that's just great. So yes... I digress...

Read my entry from yesterday if you haven't already and you like a good story...

And lastly... if you want to see my music video, I have it up online, but I don't want to announce it to the whole world (I have it up to where only I can see it unless I give you a direct link to it) so leave me a comment if you're interested and I'll message you the link. I may put the link up on my Facebook as well... yeah I'll do that so you can check there. Unfortunately, the video doesn't look as good online as it does on CD and DVD, so yeah... keep that it mind if you watch it. Graham gave it two thumbs up though.

When I started reading Prince Caspian, which I just finished, I just couldn't imgaine it being as impactful as The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, but wow... oh wrong I was. It's an amazing story. Here are some of my favorite quotes and moments:

Edmund: That's the worst of girls. They never can carry a map in their heads.
Lucy: That's because our heads have something inside them.
(That made me laugh out loud!)

"Wouldn't it be dreadful if some day in our own world, at home, men started going wild inside, like the animals here, and still looked like men, so that you'd never know which were which?" -Lucy

Aslan: Welcome, child.
Lucy: Aslan, you're bigger.
Aslan: That is because you are older, little one.
Lucy: Not because you are?
Aslan: I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.

Aslan: We must not lie her for long. You have work in hand, and much time has been lost today.
Lucy: Yes, wasn't it a shame? I saw you all right. They wouldn't believe me. They're all so-
(Aslan growls)
Lucy: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start slanging the others. But it wasn't my fault anyway, was it? ...you don't mean it was? How could I - I couldn't have left the others and come up to you alone, how could I? Don't look at me like that... oh well, I suppose I could. Yes, and it wouldn't have been alone, I know, not if I was with you. But what would have been the good? You mean, this it would have turned out all right - somehow? But how? Please Aslan! Am I not to know?
Aslan: To know what would have happpened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that... but anyone can find out what will happen.

Lucy: They won't believe me!
Aslan: It doesn't matter.

"...things never happen the same way twice." -Aslan

"Susan. You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?" -Aslan

Reepicheep: I can eat and sleep and die for my King without one [a tail]. But a tail is the honour and glory of a Mouse.
Aslan: I have sometimes wondered, friend, whether you do not think too much about your honour.

Caspian: I was wishing that I came of a more honourable lineage.
Aslan: You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve. And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor in the earth. Be content.

And this is my favorite:
Aslan: Welcome, Prince. Do you feel sufficient to take up the Kingship of Narnia?
Caspian: I - I don't think I do, Sir. I'm only a kid.
Aslan: Good. If you had felt yourself sufficient, it would have been a proof that you were not.

I am very happy to announce that I have successfully made two copies of my video onto CDs, one which shall me mailed in for the contest, and another which I shall keep for my own use to keep (and show off of course)! Turns out the DVD burner was pointless so it looks like we'll be taking that baby back. Anyhow, it doesn't even seem real almost... that it's finally working for me! Please pray pray pray that I win... ok that sounds bad and selfish I suppose... ha ha... but it would just be really awesome! So yeah... if you want to see it... um... I suppose you'll have to come visit me sometime, or I you. I think it'll only play on computers, but at this point I don't care... as long as it plays somewhere! Although I'm also thinking about burning CD to DVD using my mom's co-worker's DVD burner. But yeah... I'm happy that it works now!   

God must be trying to teach me patience, but I sure don't remember asking for it!

Yesterday I edited my video (again) on my aunt's computer. Then today we go out and buy a DVD burner (which isn't exactly $20 or anything like that) to get the video from the computer to a DVD. Well, to make a long story short, that isn't working too well for me.

I think God's trying to help sort out some of those control issues that I have. So three things I have learned thus far:
1.) God is in control, and I am not.
2.) I shouldn't freak out about small stuff.
and 3.) Bill Gates is not my friend.

got married!!! I am NOT kidding! I'm not really one into celeb news and
all that, but I just stumbled upon this discovery, and felt the need to share...

Thanks for all the computer advice guys, I'll do something eventually. I think that I'm going over to my aunt's this Friday and use her computer to edit my video, and then worry about my own computer. And if WMM never works on there again, oh well. I'm trying to be a little less of a control freak and a lot more flexible these days. 

So since summer is a pretty slow time at work, I've been able to read a lot lately, and I've read three books in the past few days from a series I loved when I was a teen. And I can see why. I still enjoy them, and something I read in the third book today really made me think. Really, it made me think about all the silly things I worry about, like saving up my money to some large sum and not spending any of it out of fear disaster may strike or whatever.

Anyhow, I've been thinking a lot lately about what God wants to do with me and I'm praying about some different possibilities... I guess I'll see what happens! I've also been writing a lot more lately, which is really the first talent I discovered I suppose, way back in the first grade. It all started with a story about a girl and a deer...

I. hate. computers.
And how necessary they are! I mean, the job I want one day, the major I'm in - depends on computers! Yet mine's been a real stinker lately. Since I couldn't get the Windows Movie Maker to be friendly, I had to download a free trial of some other video editing software and upload almost all (but not all for a reason that will be explained in a minute) of the footage I have ever shot for my contest video (because I'm using all sorts of random stuff.) Capturing video was interrupted because all of a sudden, apparently I have like no room left on my C drive! AUGH! Anyhow, I just deleted like half of my picture in an effort to free up some space, but it didn't do much good (not to mention an extremely painful thing for me to do, but they're all backed up on at least two CDs if not more!). I think it's mostly the video stuff. Sigh. I could really use that Mac now...

I think if I don't win it one from the contest, I'm just going to break down and buy one for myself for my birthday. I can afford it, I would just rather not spend the money. But I do have it and I don't really have anything else to use it for right now. I am saving some money in case I study abroad but there are also scholarships avaliable for that and I'll be getting more money from MTSU between now and the time I actually go (if I go). I also wanted to have some financial backing for whenever I get married, but I guess I should just chill out and realize that God will take care of all that. He controls money, and He can supply it as I need it. I probably still have another two or three years to go before I get married, so I still have time to save up money for that. And since I'm stuck at home for the moment at least I don't have rent expenses.

I guess I overthink these things, but I just want to be prepared for anything the future throws at me. I grew up in a household where my parents were very discerning in how they spent their money and often times bought much less than they could have afforded. They chose to not buy every new and big and wonderful thing, and I think that's really helped us in the long haul. But I digress... all this started from a rant about computers. I suppose if I get nothing out of this contest, God is teaching me more about trusting Him.