trying to find where i belong.
where i fit in..
how i can help.
what i need to do.

so, variety show is finally flipping over.
thank the lord god almighty, most high..haha

my
feet hurt, i have a horrible headache, my voice sucketh a lot, i'm
completely and utterly exhausted, and i'm so glad this part of the
choir performances is over.

trust me, the actual choral music for our concerts sound better..haha
please come to them, they're free and are SO much better.

but yeah, so this week was fun....NOT
and if mrs. g doesn't let us sleep tomorrow, i'm gonna have issues.
we do not need history to repeat itself ;]

okay.
well. here are some pictures.
but...i think i'm gonna go..hehe

couple of friends (and one i absolutely ADORE)

me
and the AMAZING caleb! who i dearly miss in my old spanish class! hey
buddy, you still owe me some notes!!! hahahaha.. i will also miss him
when he quits dairy queen =[  i'll have to go back to sitting alone. no
caleb to talk to. how sad!!


and....


me
and tyler.. yeah, he's amazing. without him, there would be no reason
for me to be happy at school/bowling team. i dunno..there's just
something about him...makes me really happy. and he keeps me positive
when all i could ever do for so long is be negative. thanks ty, for
everything. you're an amazing friend...  =]



(sorry for
the horrible pictures of me guys!! hahaha..the first one's not too bad,
but the second one is horrible because the variety show had just
finished last night...)

variety show this morning was...

ugh!!!

oh my goodness.
apparently everything is my friggin fault.
my dad comes in ticked off from work,
nathanael so kindly informed my mom that he was performing something tonight at school that he had to be at,
my mom didn't even know i had to be at school early in the morning, when i told her like last week
variety show is stressing me out
stupid people at school can't keep their mouths shut
no one decides to inform me on things that i need to know about.

i give up.
i'm at the end of my rope.

sorry manda.

he's fine now.
the doctors still don't know what's wrong.
my mom's thinking it was gallstones.

hmm..yeah.
so thanks for the prayers.


love you all,
[becca]

my brother matt is in the emergency room right now.
i'm actually at home alone until i leave for school.

be prayin for him please.
thanks,
[becca]

so, i'm doing better..haha..
no longer mad at the world..

but yeah, i am single again.
things just weren't working out...that's all i'm gonna say.

i'm still happy and loving life.
yeah..well, remarks are cool! =]

i absolutely HATE it..yes, HATE it..when my friends get so down on themselves.

they think i don't know what they're freakin going through..trust me, i've freakin been there...let me help you...
stop getting so down on yourself and making yourself sound horrible...what you think other people think of you doesn't matter...i've learned that. and 99% of the time, it's not even true...just stuff you've made up in your head.

yes, i still have that voice in my head that tells me i'm worthless, that no one wants to be around me, and makes me wonder why i'm even here..you think i can completely erase that from my mind? no. if i could, it would have been a long time ago.

i just want to help people.
that's all.
is that too much to ask?
apparently so.

so..

guess who's happy?

so..
still not talking about last night..

during service last night, god prompted me to do something. i consider it a major challenge..and i took it.

so the journey started this morning when i woke up and won't be completed until friday night when i go to sleep. yes, a long time...but it's definitely worth it.

pastor nathan preached on obedience last night. AMAZING message. really stepped on my toes, but that's what i needed to hear.

things around here have been crazy, and i've basically been scheduling god for sundays at 10:30AM-12:30PM and 4:30PM-7:30 PM and then on wednesdays from 7-8PM. it's a bad habit that i need to break...soon...so, that's bascially what this week is about i'm guessing...using my time to grow closer to god.

so please, pray for me...especially this week...
i definitely need it..

[[becca]]

i'm so glad tonight was over.

let's just say it was a bad night.
nuff said.

[becca]

he was once a little green slab of clay...gumby!
you should see what gumby can do today...gumby!
he can walk into any book, with his pony pal pokey, too..
if you've got a heart, then gumby's a part of you....

---

dang, it reminds me of waking my dad up at 5:30 on saturday mornings just to sit there with a HUGE bowl of ice cream watching cartoons..

man, i miss that..

yeah...school is crazy, i'm grounded until further notice, everyone in their right mind is sleeping..and me, well, i can't sleep. i just lay there.

i'm really thirsty.
think i'll get some water... =]

yeah.
random post, i know..
just letting you know,
i'm not dead...

well...yet...mrs sullivan might take care of that for me ;]

love you guys!!!!
[[becca]]

okay, so pretty sure i sang lead on a song tonight in front of the youth group.............alone..............and pretty sure i was FREAKING OUT...lol, but russ made it better. he had faith in me, so i guess it went alright. thanks again russ..   ;]

but yeah, today was an AMAZING day. turning point youth group saw me in a skirt for the first time...ever...pretty sure i got compliments out the wazoo, so yeah...gonna have to go buy some more clothes!! hehe.. then tonight just capped it all off. thinkin about what i'm gonna do with my life has been crazy...but life is good. and i can acutally say that.

love you guys!!!
[specca]

i guess it's time to move on from that last post..
although it hurts..i'll never move on from that face.

----------------------
apparently fine arts was amazing! my girls allie, laura, mags, and audrey WON with their small vocal ensemble. oh my goodness...i heard through like forty different texts (haha...maybe not that many, but it seemed like it) and was crying all the way back here in tennessee...the first year i don't go, something out of this world happens...ugh... =] it's all good, cause EVERYONE knows turning point now! hah! lol..i still love you guys over at fwc though..it was hard this year not bein with you guys...REALLY hard.

so, school is starting back up. really not looking forward to it, but i'm 1/4 of the way done with it all...then college hits...hehe...

but yeah, i'm doin pretty good.
i've been having major tension headaches...borderline migranes and they've been killing my head. pray for that, and also a friend of mine is having some problems and he's basically been blocked off from everything but school/work...so yeah, please, please, please be praying for him. church is a big thing in his life, and he can't go. he just needs prayer right now...that's all we can do.

well, i must be going.
[specca]

OH YEAH...i need answers...now! lol...okay...

should i...
[   ] wait for my hair to be long enough to donate
[   ] cut it NOW!!!

okay...please, please, please let me know...i'm havin a hard time deciding...ugh

EDIT:
if i did get it cut, it'd look like this:

i miss this guy like freaking crazy.
he was my best friend...especially when no one else was there...
i messed up, and didn't take certain opportunities...
now he's gone.

i miss him...so much...
anyone agree?

so, as you guys know...i've been having dreams about the end times for around two weeks. causing me so much pain for the people i know who are lost, that i don't get any more than around 2 hours a night since then. god's placed a burden for the lost on my heart ever since i was called into the ministry. and now that i feel the end times are near, the pain in my heart for them grows every day.

not only have there been things all over the news about possible wars starting, and of course the tsunamis, earthquakes, and crazy weather we've been having...but my pastor has preached two weeks in a row about the end times. not only that, but there have been pastors on television and the radio...mostly all talking about the end times or the rapture.

i don't think this is a coincidence.

here's the scripture pastor lowrance taught on today:

Matthew 24:4-51 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

 4 Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ,^[a]' and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains.

 9 "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

 15 "So when you see standing in the holy place 'the abomination that causes desolation,'^[b] spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand— 16 then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. 17 Let no one on the roof of his house go down to take anything out of the house. 18  Let no one in the field go back to get his cloak. 19 How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! 20 Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath. 21 For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again. 22 If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive, but for the sake of the elect those days will be shortened. 23 At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Christ!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it. 24 For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible. 25 See, I have told you ahead of time.

 26 "So if anyone tells you, 'There he is, out in the desert,' do not go out; or, 'Here he is, in the inner rooms,' do not believe it. 27 For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. 28 Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.

 29 "Immediately after the distress of those days
   " 'the sun will be darkened,
      and the moon will not give its light;
   the stars will fall from the sky,
      and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'^[c]

 30 "At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. 31 And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

 32 "Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it^[d]is near, right at the door. 34 I tell you the truth, this generation^[e] will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

The Day and Hour Unknown

 36 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,^[f] but only the Father. 37 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38 For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; 39 and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. 40 Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. 41 Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.

 42 "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. 43 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

 45 "Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46 It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47 I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48 But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time,' 49 and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. 51 He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

---

yeah. we need to get ready and stay ready for his coming.
this is gonna be one heck of a ride...
hold on.

God Only Cries


On an icy road one night
A young man loses his life
They marked the shoulder with a cross
An' his family gathers round
On a piece of Hallowed ground
Their hearts are heavy with their loss
As the tears fall from their eyes
There's one who'll always sympathise.

God only cries for the living
'Cause it's the living that are left to carry on
An' all the angels up in Heaven
They're not grieving because they're gone
There's a smile on their faces
'Cause they're in a better place than ever before
God only cries for the living
'Cause it's the living that are so far from home.

It still makes me sad
When I think of my Grand-dad
I miss him each and every day
But I know the time will come
When my own gradnson
Wonders why I went away
Maybe we're not meant to understand
Till we meet up in the Promised Land.

God only cries for the living
'Cause it's the living that are left to carry on
And all the angels up in Heaven
They're not grieving because they're gone
There's a smile on their faces
'Cause they're in a better place than ever before
God only cries for the living
'Cause it's the living that are so far from home
Yeah, we're so far from home

---

that's definitely my new favorite song.
first time i heard it, i cried...

as of tonight, my parents have my password to everything on here.

if you wanna contact me without them being able to read it, email me at any of these three email addresses:

drpepper1110@aol.com
woahbabyitsbecca@aol.com
love_never_fails00@yahoo.com

or there's always the cell phone... =]

i love you all...
[becca]

life at the moment is......stressful.......
pretty sure i have like a bajillion knots in my back. =/
and i've pulled three muscles in about two days time. gah. it sucks.

been having these REALLY weird and awkward dreams about the end times. seeing one of my closest friends (or we used to be anyways) turn and go the wrong way...in one dream, he got the mark and tried to get me to get one...the next, he was with the antichrist and was verbally abusing me because i was a "christian" and god was never going to come back for me and the others, and that i was never good enough anyways.

these dreams have been happening every night for about the past week. i've only slept about a total of 3 hours...you know, cat naps basically...i'm extremely low on energy, and sometimes i wonder if i'll make it through the day. today, i was driving in franklin for my mom and i had to let her drive the rest of the day...it was just too much for me at that moment. i also didn't get to see gabri =( almost made me cry!! especially since she's leaving tomorrow....gah, i miss that girl.

then, you know..the family problems arise in the household...you guys don't wanna hear about those...

but everything together has been....almost too much....
can't sleep, hard to eat, and stress is slowly taking over my life.
stupid things tick me off, and i'm on the edge 24/7.
only thing that calms me down is being with meag...i mean, i don't have to worry about anything when i'm hanging out with her. she's amazing, and i dunno what i'd do without her... =/  meag, you're the best.

and, before you ask..don't even get me started on the whole guy situation...after everything that's been going on lately with me and the guy i like...or...liked...i'm so confused at this point....i've been having really bad self image issues and doubting myself. i dunno what triggered it, because i've been rejected more than once. it's horrible. i hate feeling this way......gosh, if only the guys knew what it did to me to just make certain comments or give certain looks. ooh, especially when they rub things in your face *cough, cough*..yeah, you know who you are...it ticks me off REALLY bad. don't do it again...

just keep me in your prayers, please..and my friend..
it means a heck of a lot.
[becca]

yeah, i'm a cool sister! you're just jealous...

he's thinking "why do i even talk to her?!?"

this is what i'd look like if the world were in negative

apparently the flash was too much for my nose.
it ran away...

nothing new happening in my life.

[becca]

yeah..things are finally starting to work out again

it's the "just out of the shower" look...it's the cool thing to do!

so, maybe i don't really have a life?

nothing really has changed from the last post.

-still missing "the guy"...
-listening to my mom play countless hours of the same song on the piano...
-have my phone beside me....just waiting for someone to call.
-still thinking about everything going on my life, and wondering why i'm still so blessed
-waiting for my family to get out of this situation
-my brother is out getting his community service done for court
-i just got wireless internet
-my aunt got to come home from the hospital and she's doing fine
-i'm still missing youth camp like crazy
-yesterday was a year from when my great-granddad died..yeah, it was hard.
-the fireworks i saw all weekend just made me miss him even more

yeah.

that's my life for ya..

---

new pictures...

so...here it is...3:10 in the morning...
i'm still wide awake...
listening to angels and airwaves (thanks to the massey)
watching meag sleep
waiting for church to be here
wishing i could see "the guy" again...one more time tonight.
wishing all of this drama could go away and life would be semi-normal.

yeah.
that's my thoughts.
[beccanator]

so, things are okay.

my aunt was re-diagnosed with cancer.
that hit me hard. i'm still recovering from the last round she had with cancer.

friends are confusing me.
i joined the puppet team.
and you should come visit me while i'm working at the fireworks stand in the sam's parking lot. i'll let you guys know when i'm working.

mucho love,
[becca]