So today in JROTC, they played that game with the different colored hershey kisses that stand for pregnancy or various diseases and such, yes?

Well, most of these kids have played this game in middle school.  So they all take the silver ones, because those are always the disease-free ones.  By the time they get passed to the seniors, there's one silver one and a whole bunch of gold ones left.  Trish and I take the gold ones, assuming we've caught some terrible disease, while Clint takes the silver one.

Everyone who has a gold one is told to stand up.  This means me, Trish, and one or two of the sophomores we teach.  We're all certain that we now have gonorrhea or chlamydia or something, but lo and behold... they've changed things up.

The gold ones apparently now mean that you've stayed abstinent.

And the silver ones that all the "good" kids took mean that they got knocked up.  (This must have been 20-something kids in the class.)

This may seem like a boring story to you, but trust me...

There aren't many things funnier than me and Trish Fusco being the "abstinent" ones in our class.

(Also, as a disclaimer:  I have been abstinent thus far in my life, but not because of a grand commitment to save myself for marriage or anything.)

Anyways.  I guess you had to be there.  Feel free to go about with your daily business now.

Trish:  Sarah!

Sarah:  Yeah?

Trish:  WE HAVE SEX ED THIS WEEK!

Sarah:  Seriously?

Trish: *nods*

Sarah:  YAY!  *jumps up and down with excitement*

My favorite about teaching a sophomore class in JROTC?  SEX ED!  This will be the... sixth year in a row that I have that abstinence-only program that Rutherford County runs.  It hath melted my brain.

Abstinence Lady:  So, if you found out today that you were pregnant, how would that change your plans?  You'd have three choices.  You could either raise it, put it up for adoption, or have an abortion...

Me:  I'd be a lot wealthier a year from now... I'd sell mine on the black market!

Ahhhh... This is my favorite week of the year.  I love to see the disappointed look on the AZITA people's faces when they realize that their preaching to a bunch of hyperactive sex addicts...

"If I ever got my nipples pierced, you're the first person I would show them to."  -- Mady Robertson

This is what happens when you stay at Starbucks till 11:30 and then IHOP till almost 1 AM.

You steal cars and you say really dumb stuff.

Wooooohooooo.

Life has actually been pretty cool to me lately.

We're not best buddies or anything.  But we don't shoot each other dirty looks either.

So me and life, we're good for now.

My grades are good for the first time in over a year.

I have a steady job that doesn't make me want to kill myself.

I'm not ready to apply to college yet, but I'm out of time.  So it sucks to be me.

Soo yeah.  Enjoy your holiday everyone.  I would ask you to come visit me at the mall on Friday or Saturday, but it would do you no good.  I think I'll be so fried that I wouldn't even be able to recognize my mom if she walked up to say hi to me.

Scene: Sarah Vermillion has just gotten off work and is leaving the mall. Before she goes home however, she has a big ol' craving for a venti gingerbread latte, so she starts walking to Starbucks. All of a sudden, a car rounds the corner and stops nearby, with the window rolled down. Two thirty-something-year-old women are inside.

WOMAN IN CAR: Excuse me, ma'am?

SARAH: Yes?

WOMAN: Are you from around here?

SARAH: Yeah.

WOMAN: Can you tell us how to get to the (mumble)?

SARAH: I'm sorry?

WOMAN: The (mumble).

SARAH: I'm sorry, one more time. Where are you wanting to go?

WOMAN: The new (mumble with definate d sounds in it).

SARAH: The Dollar Store?

WOMAN: The new ADULT store.

SARAH: . . . .

WOMAN: . . . .

CRICKETS: (chirp)

SARAH: Oh, sure. That's on Broad Street. You see this road here? This is Old Fort Pkwy. You need to turn left, go down two lights, and turn left again...

(Sarah continues giving directions until end scene, and then exits stage left to Starbucks).

---

This ladies and jellyspoons, made my day. : D

Kelsey, Joseph, and Jennifer... They're amazing.

Business owners in Mufreesboro... They are not my friends.  I don't like them very much.

You should all be writing on phusebox.  Why should you write on phusebox?

Because phuesbox can still be accessed from one of the computers in the art lab.  I am bored.  I logged on phusebox.  There should be lots of entries to keep me entertained.  But there aren't.

So you should feel shame.

Seething, burning shame.

Tsk, tsk you guys.

Gotta love those days when your parents cuss you out for something that you didn't even know you were doing wrong.

He'll probably apologize tomorrow.  He always does whenever he does something particularly asshole-ish.

And it was like, "Great.  Now I have to come out of the closet with knickers on."  -- Austin Hitt

How ever would I survive my senior year without the kids at my lunch table?

(This is of course, a shameless shout-out to Rachel, Danny, Blake, Austin, and Autumn.)

Ahhhh... My Friday night was fun.  Mady and I went to Hastings, bought a movie, took it back to my house and watched it.

Mady:  Run it back - I want to see what the postcard says!

Sarah:  *runs it back, pauses*

Mady:  *reads*  Okay, so now they're going to meet in November?

Sarah:  Ummm... Mady?  BIG RED STAMP ACROSS THE POSTCARD.

Mady: *gasp*  HE DIES?!?!

...Apparently Mady was under the impression that Brokeback Mountain had a happy ending.  Oops.

The rest of my weekend was kind of lame.  But that's okay.

Here's some advice.

Don't go out to the battlefield graveyard at 1 AM.

Especially if three of the six people in your group have to pee.  And if two of the six people decided not to wear jackets.  And if none of the six of you have flashlights.

And especially if the cops just got a phone call about six people (who are not your six people) playing chicken with the trains at the nearby train tracks.

(It also doesn't help if one of you, due to severe allergies, looks stoned off his rocker.)

You know, just a tip.

Pretty sure that I, the slacker who loses at math-life, got my calculus test grade today...

And that grade was a 94.  An A.

Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too.

Espeically since this is probalby a total fluke because all my straight-A-in-calculus-getting friends made 80-somethings and the like.

Sooo.... I dunno?  *shrug*  I'm not complaining.

You know that feeling you get when you stay home from school and you really shouldn't?

...Yeah, I don't know that feeling either.  : D

Juuuuust kidding.  I really did sit and debate it for about 10 minutes this morning.  (A 10 minutes I could have spent getting ready and gettting to school on time.) 

I woke up about 40 minutes late, my car was covered with frost, and I've just generally felt like crap for a while.  No tests or quizzes or big assignments due today.

So I went back to bed and slept a few more hours (one hour more than I meant to).  And now... Television?  Breakfast?  Laundry?  Yesterday's homework?

Who knows.  I'll think of something.

Good idea:  Driving with your headlights on at night.

Bad idea:  Driving a ratty 17-year-old Nissan, possessed with the spirit of a decrepit old man, that has an electrical bug that causes your dashboard, console, and tail lights not to come on, leading YOU the DRIVER to not notice that you are driving after dark with no headlights.

As I discovered today, the police generally frown upon this kind of behavior.  But...

I was obeying the speed limit. (I had only just pulled out of a parking lot.)  The policeman didn't see my non-functional tail lights, just the fact my headlights weren't on.  (Whew.)  I hadn't gotten a ticket in my entire year and a half of bein a licensed driver.

So I got away with a "Promise to keep your lights on while you're driving for the rest of the night," followed by an immediate "Yes sir."

Quote of the day:

"Hey, that's funny. If you'd gone down more, you would've sucked less!"  -- Will Veale

(On Rachel's rummikub skills.)

For those of you that neglected to read the user manual:

5:30 AM, or any other time before sunrise, is too early for Sarah Vermillion to be active.  Allowing Sarah to be active at this time, especially behind the wheel of a car, may be hazardous to your health.  If, in the event of an emergency, Sarah must be active at this early an hour, keep a steady flow of caffiene pumping into her bloodstream until she can function at her normal level.

Thank you.  This has been a public service announcement brought to you by the letter R and the number 7.5.

In other news, I think I passed my calculus test today. (Sweet!)

I am, however, displeased that one of the questions I left blank because I could not find my mistake... I relized EXACTLY what I did wrong and how I could have fixed it.  The only problem is that I came to this realization about four hours after I turned my test in.

Oops.

Tomorrow begins my first big rush of orders as S-1!  Woooohoooo!  Wish me luck.

This video's been circulating around the web.

If you have a spare 30 seconds, it's worth watching.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/home_films_evolution_v2.swf

Costume ideas.

I have none.

Supply them.  NOW!

(Grace has already suggested Scarlett O'Hara.)

Your turn.

*hums*

Errrrrrrrr... blech.

School is back.  That is the opposite of nice.  It is very UN-nice, actually.

Things you should know:

I miss Grace.

I adore Rachel Hodorowicz, Michael Cole, and Mady Roberston.

I'm not that bad of a navigator... until I get a little bit lost.  And then I'm hopeless.

If you ever decide to get lost in a corn field, take Andrew Loaki with you or else you'll never make it out alive.

I'm starting to not completely suck at Calculus again sort of kind of.

There is a Torrid in Memphis.  Methinks I may be making a shopping road trip with Trish.  (That's right, Brian.  I don't care about you.  I just want some nice clothes that actually fit me.)

Except, you know, without Anna Paquin and all the geese.

So.

Me.  I'm coming home tomorrow.  And seeing as how that makes my fall break time with my friends only two and a half days long - I expect mad fun from you guys.

Yes, that's right. 

YOU.

FUN.

NO CHOICE.

If all goes well, I'll be astrollin' into the Nashville airport around 12:35 tmorrow afternoon.