i am one tired cookie. i bet you didn't know i was a cookie, did you? and yes, i do like to eat my own kind...

er, i mean, ummmm....

anyway, hillsong played tonight at rocket town. a group of us went up there. luckily, i was able to eat at sbarro, which was all fun until amy and i got left there. oh yeah. true story. left and forgotten by our friends. tis tis. we had to walk all the way back to rocket town by ourselves at night. but we managed.


hillsong put on a great show!




i was a lot closer than this...check out the picture in the photo box kids. but yeah, we just go back because we had to take some guy from tulsa to his hotel. on the way back nathan made us do some riddle. it drove me crazy. i can get impatient with those, especially when i am tired. but i want to go to bed. i hope everyone has a great night!

well, i guess sometimes you don't realize the extend of how important things are in your life until they are gone. i have an aching in my heart to be able to play, laugh with, and help my lil loves. i was looking through a few pictures of them and i just cried and a smile came across my face a couple of times remembering the fun times. being firemen, birthdays, and of course all the fun times with my little "boyfriend". i would tell him i was going to eat his pudding (man that kid loved pudding!) and he would just laugh. i remember the first time i heard him laugh. that made my day. his giggle was something special. i just laugh thinking about it. i was laughing so hard that day, i was crying. his face would light up when he saw me. i never got tired of the little arms that would wrap around me when i came in. i loved being their friend. if that meant playing dress up, building with blocks, sitting next to them, making a band, having an art show, dancing, acting silly, listening to their BIG adventures or maybe even participating in them, or just helping them... man, i miss those kids. but i know God is in control. and everything will be okay and He will help me. it is all for His glory. so i am going to get ready and go search for another job now. i hope everyone has a great day and remember that no matter what happens, good or bad, God is in control...trust Him in every situation.

ahhh i just stood out in the rain. i just stood their laughing. it was fun! and my dog came out with me too. it was great! i love the rain. and even more than that i love the joy God put in my heart despite current cirumstances.

i think bethany dillon said it best in her song, beautiful:

"i want to be beautiful
and make you stand in awe
look inside my heart
and be amazed
i want to hear you say
who i am is quite enough
i just want to be worthy of love
and beautiful"

yeah, that pretty much describes it. a longing deep inside me and most girls. too many times we search for approval of our beauty in the world. and many times our definitions for beauty are set by the world's standards. in growing closer to my Creator and reading 'captivating', i am learning about beauty. "every woman has a beauty to unveil. because she bears the image of God...beauty is an essence that is given to EVERY woman at her creation ." how awesome is that?! that quote would be from captivating, but the bible is full of God little messages to us as well.

"show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely" -songs of songs 2:14

"you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes" -songs of songs 4:9

"the King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for he is your Lord" -psalm 45:11

God loves us and finds us captivating. He thinks we beautiful beyond compare. you are, indeed, loved and pursued by the Creator of the Universe. and when you begin to draw close to him, seeking after His heart, he will unveil your beauty. "true beauty comes from the inner parts of us. our hearts". God will illuminate your heart with joy, compassion, and love. your beauty will show through. a great verse for this is, "they looked to him and were RADIENT", go to him with your longing and question of beauty. He is the greatest lover, and the One who whispers the things you long to hear.

that is just something God has been laying on my heart. you are beautiful, you are loved. always remember that. i hope everyone has a fantastic day!

goodness i am tired. i worked from 7:30-5:30. l-o-n-g day. but thankfully, after about 2 weeks of not being able to, i was able to hang out with some of my friends! yay for applebee's, the park, great people, and great music. yay for summer nights and moments when you feel infinite. oh oh and i got to hang out with my maddie!!! i am so happy to hang out with her again!

some highlights of MY night:
-getting in a boat and going to never never
land
-allowing others to hear great music such as:
{something corporate
andy davis
alexi murdoch
coldplay (till kingdom come!)}
-being an airplane
-wearing a fun belt
-listening to praise music at the park, knowing
God is all around us
-knowing my tears will one day be wiped from
my face.
-and kowing that my God finds me captivating,
and tells me through all kinds of things...when i
need to hear it most, when i need to know i
matter, when know one else seems to
understand, when i am being a silly girl-full of
emotions and inner turmoil, when i feel like i
can't do anything right, when i feel alone, the
God of the universe wants me. He tells me the
things i long to hear.


so yeah, pretty cool night. yeah, it may not be cafe lalo, or new york city (jk jk), but it was fun.

i hope everyone has a great night!

i sure like that edit button...

sometimes i feel so misunderstood. all day i have felt confused and stressed. and all i wanted was someone to understand and tell me it was okay. sometimes i just feel like i can't do one thing right-- bascially this entire week with certain situations. i feel like all i do is upset people. satan is for real kicking me down right now, making me feel like junk.

anyway, i met up with becca tonight at milano's. i am so sad she is leaving sunday! but i know God has big plans for her. and it hit me that it is august, which means my amber is leaving next month. but, i know, with that God has huge plans for her as well. but i will be sad when they go.

but i think i am gonna get out of the house now that my car is fixed. i can't sit and think too long about all the thoughts filling my head. if anyone wants to do something give me a call...i'll just be driving. i hope everyone has a great night!


*edit* thank you for your prayers and encouraging comments! i feel a lot better. God just continues to remind me that all of this has a purpose. and most importantly i am loved and desired by Him, the Creator of the universe. wow. hope everyone has a great night!

long, i know, but read on...

whew. thank goodness i am finally home. yeah, so i was supposed to be home yesterday afternoon. but let me tell you why i just got home this morning...

to get to delaware there are a couple connecting flights. you have to fly into philly, then into this small town in maryland. so after our short flight, with no problems from maryland, we arrived in philly. we went to our gate and waited for the flight before ours to leave. well, their flight got delayed due to maintance. our flight was scheduled to leave at 2:15. it was like 1 something, so it seemed we would only PERHAPS be leaving a little late, if at all. so this maintance turned into a tire change. so they said as soon as they boarded those people we could get on our flight. so finally, about 40 minutes after our scheduled departure time we got on the plane. so we got up to the runway, and apparently it was backed up.



photo from rachael

and the guy said we were like number 40 something...the wait: 45 minutes to an hour. okay, kinda stressful, but not too bad. so there were some kids behind me...they were loud and kept hitting my chair. but i stayed patient and did not say a word. well, during this wait, it began to rain. so then they tell us they don't know when we would be able to leave. so bascially, to make this long, annoying story short, we sat on the runway for 6 HOURS!!! then, we were told our flight was going to get re-routed..but we had to get more fuel first. yeah right. liars!!! they took us back to the terminal, told us to grab our stuff, got us inside then told us our flight was cancelled. okay, so after 6 hours, annoying kids, and a migraine, i was still not home and stuck in philly until the morning. we had to sleep in the airport. okay, so we STAYED in the airport, no sleep involved. it was freezing and they were eventually, at like 2am nice enough to bring us pillows and these space blankets, which were seriously a peice of silver plastic.



photo from rachael

and when people were wrapped up in them , trying to find warmth, they looked like aliens or baked potatoes. BUT i am home now. and praise God, because i learned patience like no other.

so because of being up for over 24 hours, i am going to sleep. i hope everyone has a great day, especially my friends that are luckeee enough to go to 722. you better be thinking of me when you see louie!!!

And in addition to my previous post, I wanted to share what God just showed me. To be honest, I have felt very alone during this trip, causing me to be sad and allowed for satan to tamper with my insecurity. Thus making me question others love for me and long for it. I just sat on my bed crying to God. And asked Him to let me feel love. And then He showed me this verse: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you in with loving-kindness. I will build you up again." -Jeremiah 31:3&4.This just made me smile and cry even harder, but with joy. Even when I feel alone, I never am. And just because I am a christian does not mean I won't feel alone or be sad, because I will. And this does not mean I can't question whether or not I am loved...that of course comes ten times as much being an insecure girl, which God is working on by the way. Anyway, God is good. And He loves us all that way, always has and always will. Praise God! He is so awesome!

I am leaving tomorrow! yay! so maybe I will see some of you! I hope everyone has a great night!

"Have you been wondering why you are going through certain circumstances? In fact, it is not that you have to go through them. It is because of your relationship with the Son of God who comes through the providential will of His Father, into your life. You must allow Him to have His way with you staying in perfect oneness with Him." Oswald Chambers

"Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come , he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you'." -Isaiah 35:3-4

Praise God even when you are going through trials. Everything little thing, good or bad, can and will be used for His glory. Even if you can encourage one person, then it is all worth it. Remember God's many promises. He will deliver you and save you. He will give you strength and courage. And ALWAYS remember He is with you.

I hope everone has a great day! i miss all of you back in the boro and a special person who is only 3 hours from here!

so here i sit. bored and dying to escape. there are soooo many people...and i only know a few. so picture it: a lot of italians, notherners, loud talkers, and a bunch of people drinking. yeah, that pretty much sums it up. BUT! i am going to have a positve attitude, because God can always use me! i just got to let his light shine through me! yay for God!

God has blessed me though. i was very discouraged from all the weird looks i was getting from family members when i was talking about what i want to do in the near future. silence and side glances was all i was getting on the subject all day. so as i was walking inside, extremely discouraged, i prayed for God to help me and remind me that i must let his light shine. then i sat down at the table and started talking to my 3rd cousin (haha that whole family thing is funny) anywho, she wanted to hear about my plans. so i told her and she was so excited. she felt a joy in her heart and told me i inspired her. God spoke through me to her! it was great! and that also encouraged me and helped me realize my passions. God is so good. and so as i type this i feel God telling me, 'child don't waste your time in here, God spread my light, joy, love, and hope.' yep, so i bid you goodbye all my faithful phuesbox readers. pray for me, this is hard. and for other issues that satan is throwing at me-my insecurity! blah on satan!!! haha. have a great night!!!

whew. yesterday was crazy! so after my parents got off from work, we went to the airport. our flight left at 4pm, and we were pushing it leaving at 2:30. when we got there the long term parking lot was full. so we had to drive around the circle thing, back around to the economy lot. which was extremely full as well. so then we had to wait for a shuttle for about 10 minutes. we finally got in the airport...we tried to do the electronic thing, but because we were there 20 MINUTES before our flight was going to leave we were unable to. so the lady behind the desk said we would not make our flight and was being sooo rude! but after her being so slow we got our bording passes. then of course the security line was long. after that we had to RUN! our gate was at the very end of the hall...it was straight out of a movie. the plane had already begun to pull away. i just sat on the floor, expecting to have to wait until a later flight, then the lady asked if there was anyone left. so then, she says "the last three passengers have arrived". so we had to run OUT to the plane. everyone was waiting on us. it was crazy! and it did not stop there. when we got to D.C the were calling for me over the intercom. apparently i dropped my id. it was insane. then flew to philly, then to maryland. where my grandparents picked us up, to drive 30 minutes to delaware. and that was even a crazy trip with my pop-pop driving!!! whew. i am glad to be able to relax a bit. which won't be much, we have a big party tonight, then my aunt's wedding tomorrow.

but i miss all my wonderful friends! i feel like i haven't seen you guys in forever because of being gone to NY and now here. but you guys can call me, it won't be a problem, TRUST ME! i hope everyone has a great day!!!

"What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believeing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance- they happen entirely by the decree of God. God IS sovereignly working out his own purposes. If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are." -Oswald Chambers
that is awesome! God is teaching me to trust and wait for Him. He will lead me where I need to go in the right time.

i just got home a little while ago. it was a great trip! i was the photographer for the week at paint the town. i enjoyed doing that sooo much! everyone worked very hard and did a great job! especially the belle aire group that definitely "prayed" a lot in the prayer room! i enjoyed spending time with the moore family. they treated me so kindly. God showed up there in huge ways. it was amazing to take pictures of all of the students worshiping our God and serving Him.

and the highlight of my week:


photo from rachael

first date with nathan! it was amazing! best date i have ever had! God has been so faithful! this story has been one long in the making. a lot of waiting and trusting God. nathan and i talked about our stories of God working in our lives to bring us to this point. God IS FAITHFUL! This story is so amazing and only could be written by our Creator. Praise God for His faithfulness and may all this bring glory to Him! nathan's post on our date was great, so you should go check it out along with the MANY pictures he took. but i do want to say that he treated me like a princess. we got picked up from his apartment, went to a fancy italian restaurant, then to a great little cafe, then to the brooklyn bridge with the beautiful city as the backdrop. just like a movie. he is amazing!!!

but i didn't get a lot of sleep on the trip, so i am going to bed. tomorrow is my only day of rest until next week sometime. i have to work wednesday, then i am leaving to go to delware thursday. busy busy. i hope everyone has a great night!

ah last night was fun! amber and i got frosties and watched 'sleepless in seattle". great movie! and then we took pictures... if you don't know yet, amber is a walrus:



photo from rachael

fun times. [don't hate me lil ambeth!] then i got a really exciting phone call! my maddie called me!!! ahhhhh i haven't seen her since may and i was all spastic and stuff! it was great! so we met up at marble slab! oh, and about the spastic part, well, you see, i am getting help for this small problem. a child at my work and i have offically made a group. SAMA. spastic arm movers anonymous. my first excuse, well i am italian...it is in my blood to move my arms about....but i am rachael, i have a problem.

okay, so i am a bit tired. can you tell? i am leaving shortly to go to NYC with the moore family! i am really excited! i get to see maria, ellie, ashley, some new people that i am sure are really awesome, and also some person named nathan. you may know him. i am excited to get up there and see all the stuff God is doing through the NHNY and TLJ people. they have been working very hard, and i know that it will be great! i hope all of you going up there remember to keep a flexible spirit. remember you are doing this for God and for the students and faculty attending those schools. draw close to God and remember to have an undivided heart for Him. and to everyone staying here, please keep us in your prayers. and seek ways to serve God here. there are always people in need. as Christians, we NEED to show God's love in practical ways. i hope everyone has a great week!

The Soundtrack of My Life
- Opening Credits:”Speed of Sound” by Coldplay
- Waking-Up scene: “I Want to Save You”, “I Woke up in Car” by Something Corporate or “Take Cover” by Acceptance, or maybe even “Perfect Time of Day” by Howie Day...I dunno...
- Average Day scene: “Everything’s Right” by Matt Wertz
- Falling In Love scene: “$8 Movie” by Rob Blackledge
- Love Scene: “Bigger Than Us” by Andy Davis
- Fight With a Friend scene: “Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?” by Relient K
- Break-Up/Post Break-Up scene: “The Brilliant Dance” by Dashboard Confessional
- Lonely scene: “Screaming Infidelities” by Dashboard Confessional
- Get Back Together scene: “Till Kingdom Come” by Coldplay
- Fight scene: “Selfless, Cold, and Composed” by Ben Folds Five
- Wandering Around Randomly scene: “Vienna” by Billy Joel
- Heartbreak scene: “Hurts To Watch” by Andy Davis
- Mental Breakdown scene: “Same Problem” by Waking Ashland
- Driving scene: “Skyline Drive” by Mae
- a scene that would ONLY happen if i was MARRIED: “Colorblind” by The Counting Crows
- Dream sequence: “Let Go” by Frou Frou
- Party scene: “Sell Out” by Reel Big Fish
- Happy Dance scene: “Dance in the River”!!!!!!!!!!!
- Regret scene: “Come Let Us Return to the Lord”
- Long Night Alone scene: “Hear You Me” by Jimmy Eat World
- Closing credits: “Orange Sky” Alexi Murdoch

God sweeps me off my feet, takes my breath away, he makes my heart skip a beat. God is so amazing! he is my favorite author, he writes the perfect stories in each of our lives. i love to see one start to unfold in my life and others around me. i just sit here speachless because of my Perfect, Holy, and Sovereign Lord. i love even though i feel lost, confused, hurt, insecure, bitter, and other emotions, that i have HOPE- that my God is holding me close to his heart. and this story he is writing, is more perfect and wonderful than i can ever imagine!

and to amy bonin and amber, one day we will look back and remember our conversation right there in the church parking lot! i love you guys and can't wait to hear the stories! what a testimony we all will have!!!

i hope everyone has a great night!

right now it is 12:16am... therefore, it is the 19th! I DID IT!!! yay! *dances* God is so awesome! i can't believe a year ago God told, right after i woke up by the way, that he wanted me to take a year off from dating. and now, a year later, i can say i did it. and tell you for hours what God did in my heart and in my life. i will definitely post more on this later today, but it is 12 something in the morning...and sleep sounds good. and not only is today great because of that, but i am going to 722!!! yay!

amber was so kind to go with me to take pictures today! it was a lot of fun...that is until we had some complications. and i will leave it at that. but a word of warning to people that enjoy photography: some people just don't understand art...and some people don't like young people, and some people don't like you being in their town unless you are from there. just a warning...



photo from rachael

but i did get some pictures...check them out in my photo box if you want.

oh and i must say that the message today really just slapped me in the face. if you read my previous post and realized the underlying emotion in it then perhaps you would understand why i loved and needed to hear the this morning. i just laugh at my foolishness sometimes. i am extremely thankful that even when i am faithless, God is faithful.

but i am going to be meeting up with my lovely friend lauren in a little bit. but i hope everyone is having a great day!

i think sometimes that i forget that i have POWER in Christ. and when i am getting attacked by satan, with the power through Jesus, i can overcome that. i can't wait until the day when i can boldy say this is me...this is where i came from, this is my life...this is what God did in it. i can't wait until i can find my security in God. i want to stand firm, nothing moving me... i want to realize that God alone can meet and go beyond any expectations that i do so foolishly make... he will NEVER disappoint me... i want to really, really, for sure, realize that God loves ME. that i am truly treasured by someone... i hate being an emotional mess, so i guess in cari terms i am having an "emo day"... and i hate how those days can flow over into your relationships with people...and make everything all blah. so sorry to anyone that i may of made upset due to my emo-ness. and i am tired...full of thoughts and emotions... a tad sad, a tad lonely, and most of all just plain confused. oh well, that is life. and God is faithful and loving enough, that despite who i am , he will rise me up. so that should give me great hope, eh? sorry that i am all sad and down and crap...and crying, which you can't exactly see...but shhhhhh, so sorry for the "emo" post...and i am gonna stop now because the tears are totally making it so i can't see the stupid keyboard...haha that made me laugh. i hope everyone has a super great day! please remember that God loves you!!!

I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies."

wow. that my friends would be from charlie and the chocolate factory. i went to see it at midnight at the imax. pretty sure that is one of my new favorite movies! bascially i laughed the entire time, it was GREAT!!! i really want to see it again! yay for us cool kids (bj, monica, justin, and jonathan) that went to see it last night!!! i recommend all you fellow readers go see it as well. yes, that means YOU.

okay, so something pretty big hit me last night. well, you see this massive fish just kinda fell from the sky and pounded me right on my head during that storm last night...ok, so that really didn't happen, but it kinda feels that way when God shows you something... one thing i need to remember when i am going through anything, is who God is. remember his character. he IS loving, compassionate, secure, in control, forgiving, kind, ridiculously generous, full of grace...he is I AM. and knowing who he is can surely help you along your journey. just a thought. okay, well i gotta get ready to go to the world of slobber and dirty diapers. yay for me!!! i hope everyone has a great day!!!

photo from rachael

fun times tonight! we are shaking our hair! we had a little party going on at our super "fab" table. and the best part was when bj was talking about texas...."everything's big in texas.....oooo!!! maybe i'll grow!!!" hahahaha!!! love it!

jonathan got me the best little bird! i named him pe-pe



photo from rachael

if you like to see pe-pe on his many adventures check out my photo box

well kids that is about it. tonight was great fun! i hope everyone has a great day!!!

God has blessed me with great friends.

a WEEK. just a week. crazy. yep, tis true, i only have a week left in my commitment! God has brought me sooooo far.

...and i really don't have anything to special to say. except that i really love strawberry cupcakes/cake. now that makes me happy. have a great night!!!

well i decided that i needed to clear my head, and one of the best ways for me to do this is go somewhere random and take pictures. well, i drove and drove... and drove some more. i saw this one road, but passed it...so turned on this one road to turn around. well, as i was driving, i noticed that this was a pretty cool little road. and then as i approached a stop signed i looked to my right at this great little town. i felt like i was on a movie set. i was most definitely in picture heaven...



photo from rachael



photo from rachael



photo from rachael

so there's a few pictures... i wanted to take more, but there were two men looking at me strangely... perhaps they don't see many "city" girls come and take pictures...who knows...but i gotta go on another drive...to woodbury! have a great day!

so last night a group of us went to the drive-in. i have been trying to do this for a while now, but every time it just didn't work out...but!!! finally it did!



photo from rachael

it was a great experience! and tons of people were there... and we made the people behind us mad because the truck was bigger than theirs...but oh well...



photo from rachael

yeah, that was a lot of people to fit in one truck bed and watch two movies, but it worked out. yay for funnel cakes, drive-ins, and fun people. and also for great scenery. the drive-up there was great, i do believe i will have to go back up there with my camera one day. and the stars look amazing!!! and also yay for when they finally cut country music off and we listened to matt wertz! j/k guys, your country isn't too terrible...

i guess i am going to go have my lazy saturday! watching movies is my thing to do! and thank you sarah and amy for your comments on that previous post. i am sorry that i had to be so negative, but then again, that is just human to be hurt and show emotion. but thank you! i love you guys! i hope everyone has a great day!!!

let me take like five seconds to be negative and honest; which i don't like to be, but for the sake of getting stuff out at like 2:41am when no one is up...and most likely will delete this in the morning anyhow... right now, i am not okay. i feel super insecure, hurt, and tons of other things that i do not like to feel. feelings that i should not have to feel quite honestly, especially because this situation is not even okay. not even. but i will continue to be a prayer warrior. and take rachel's great advice over the situation, and let it hurt for a little bit and then move on and give it to God, and try to remember his promises. he is faithful. even when i can't see it, he is. this really does not feel good at all.....

but!!! i went to a drive-in tonight and it was fun fun! i will post about that later...

hope everyone has a great night!

i really feel like i want to post something, yet i have nothing to say...which if you could take one minute to be like a super hero or something then you could possibly read my mind and tell that i had a lot going on up there...too much thought for me equals no words to express that... at least a lot of the time anyways...

so bj, becca, and i went to marble slab and then to her house to watch 'big fish' tonight. from what i did see of the movie it was good...i missed the last thirty minutes, but oh well. the reasons were worth it and i can just borrow it or rent it.

i really feel God pressing the power of prayer upon my heart. i know i have to be a prayer warrior because that is all i can be and can do sometimes. God is blessing me with such meaningful and healing relationships right now. first, for the past few months i have had an opportuntity to get close to the moore family. i enjoy every moment that i am around them. they each have blessed, encouraged, and inspired me in ways they will never know. it is so refreshing and inspiring to be around a godly family. and especailly nathan, who means more to me than i could ever epxress in words. he has challenged me in huge ways and sets an awesome example of a man of God. i have also had the chance to talk to clint and rachel. both awesome leaders and have given me great advice during the recent 'bumps' i have experienced. also, i have been able to spend time with some of the youth. i love you guys! (and i am not mentioning all the names of youth b/c i am tired and don't want to leave anyone out) that may of seemed off subject, but it all flows together...along with the power of prayer being pressed upon my heart, i feel i am entering a time of healing. healing from insecurities and past hurts. i feel so blessed to have a Father that loves me enough to want to work through all the junk in my heart so that i can be a better tool for him. may it all be for his glory. sometimes i feel sad and lost, but i know i am in his hands. he will never let me out of his sight.

but now that i have rambled away i am going to bed. i hope everyone has a great night!