so i must say i am happy! extremely happy! would you like to know the source of this happiness? well, let me explain:

1st: i got a really nice message this morning

2nd: earlier this week, my iPod decided it was not going to connect to my computer... no wait, my COMPUTER decided it was not going to read my iPod. yes, my computer hates me, and i hate it. it is a bad relationship- i need to find a new one. so, i spent hours (not even joking) on trying to fix this problem. uninstalling iTunes, reinstalling iTunes-- doing l-o-n-g, ridiculous steps in order to get my beloved iPod to update. i gave up for a little while, but lo and behold, iTunes 6 would be released, a perfect opportunity for my little friend to update. and i plugged it up, and there it was in the side bar of iTunes! woo hoo! you better believe i got up and danced! yay for my new music and podcast finally being on my iPod.

not that any of you really care, but i am happy! heck yes!

i hope everyone has a great day!

"The truest test of a person's spritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening. A person's worth is revealed in his attitude toward the ordinary things of life when he is not under the spotlight"  -oswald chambers

awesome.

and by the way... you know it is bad when the praise songs 3 year olds sing get stuck in your head. tonight for me it is: "God made the animals, yes He did! God made the animals, yes He did!" "What does a piggy say, oink oink oink" this is currently going through me head. sad, but true. though i do love those 3 year olds! fun kids.

and may i also say... in the words of a 3 year old... i need to be a "big girl". next week this time i will be setting off on an adventure by myself... one i have never done alone. that shall prove to be very interesting. so i must be a "big girl" and do it. and in the words of thomas, "i think i can! i think i can!" i bet you didn't even know i worked with kids! it isn't at all obvious.

and may i also say... nothing. i am done. i hope everyone has a great night.

and just so you all know, i have no idea what my title means...

tonight was great! kids make me laugh. for example: tonight we only had 3 kids in the room i was in. we were all playing uno, and the other teacher, brittany, was using this kids name tag as a card holder. she said, "this makes a great card holder". the 9 year old boy says, "maybe you're a good card holder". ahahaha this really made me laugh. and then he said that he doesn't understand girls. and this, too, made me laugh. it really does start at a young age. and i know girls, you are thinking, but we don't understand them! i know, i know. so simple, yet so confusing. we girls are complicated. and brittany finally admited to it. thus we formed GAC. the girls are complicated group. however, not to be confused with GAC on tv. (see the complicated-ness) anyway...

tonight i was also able to dig into God's Word with nathan. i love that God can reveal amazing things through stuff that you didn't think had any huge meaning. sometimes we focus so much on the main verses, like john 3:16, that we miss awesome Truths and life application stuff in the verses that are usually skimmed over without much thought.

so yeah, great night. funny kids and an awesome God. not much of an update, but i guess that is what happens when your life is boring. oh well... i hope everyone has a great night!!!

i haven't been this happy in a long time... probably like 2 months. wonderful feeling.

and the stars were amazing tonight!!! what is it about the fall and winter months that make the stars even prettier?

i find it funny that this time yesterday morning i was up...

and now i am going to bed all happy and stuff...

i am about to attempt to go to bed... amazing. i haven't been to bed this early in forever. but you know what will happen, don't you? i will get in my room, think about some stuff i need to do... do it... and then it will be late... and then i will be asleep a total of, hmmm about 2 or 3 hours. yes i said 2 or 3 hours. why you ask? well, i am meeting everyone at amber's at 4am. yes AM. her flight leaves at 6:18. so gotta get there early ya know. so in the event that i would not sleep well, i took a risk and took some sleeping medicine. yeah, we'll how that works out when i wake up at 3:15. but i will try my hardest to sleep tomorrow during the day. which may be a tad difficult considering i will be anxiously awaiting my next airport visit tomorrow night! *dances* nathan is coming home!!!

speaking of nathan, he remined me i always have a friend in Jesus, even if he was just saying it in a joking manner, because i was crying and he was just trying to make me happy. but i do. and he would always want me around. he would have me over anytime. he won't ever leave me out. praise Him for that!

well, i am really going to try to get some sleep. so i hope everyone has a great night!!!

today when i was shopping (yes, again, and YES it was frustrating again) i had a little encounter. a person i have not seen since may '04 was there. i turned a coner, and there he stood. whoa. he was actually polite to me and we talked for a couple of minutes. as i was leaving, i saw him again, and he smiled. it was crazy. now, this isn't just some random people i haven't seen since graduation. this is a person that i used to be best friends with. and for those of you who do not know, in december '03, i felt God leading me to stop hanging out with my two best friends. he was one of them. this was a hard choice to make, but God told me He needed to do something in my life. and wow did he ever! i look back on that night (december 15th 2003) and i look at how different my life is now. when i saw him, it brought back so many memories. we all had soooo much fun. but God needed me. i would probably be at UT or into "bad things" if it wasn't for that choice. it is so amazing how one choice can change your life. my life began to change the very next day. praise God for friends like Ellen Dent. and a wonderful church like Belle Aire. because of God and Ellen, i am where i am today. and i like it. even in the hard times. life is truly great. i am incredibly blessed. Praise God!

but yeah... and by the way, thanks to dr. bethany moore, i am feeling much better. that stuff was worth the $10!!! thanks!

i hope everyone is having a great night!

tonight sarah and i went to see andy davis and mat kearny play at trevecca university. i actually drove there. yes, me, the one who is scared to drive anywhere but to my dad's house in nashville. i could even see the skyline! yay for that. but back to andy. it was this big outdoor event. i was a nice date (hahahahahahaha) and used my jacket as a blanket for sarah and i to sit on. haha. anyway... i took pictures, so all you phusebox readers could feel a part of this wonderful event. haha


my ticket...


sarah and i


andy davis playing on the keyboard


andy davis again


mat kearney


sarah and i played mash at arby's



so yeah. it was a great night! there are some more pictures over in the photo box kids. and a phusebox worthy moment came when we were passing through a sobriety check point. just as we were passing through, near the end, without getting stopped, sarah goes "wooo hooo". luckily for us the cops didn't hear us. they would of pulled us over thinking we had been drinking. that would of been crazy! but yes. i hope everyone else had a great night! i did! i got to see my FAVORITE musician play!!! yay for good times and great music!

Megan Carter, the 13 year old, autistic girl, i have been praying for is safe!

Praise the Lord!

today i met up with rachel nadeau at starbucks. we just talked and talked. oh and there was most definitely a man there snoring. and he had a huge drink, too. it was hilarious. i couldn't help but laugh... and then feel bad. but anyway... so then we got lunch and talked some more. i have been wanting to talk to someone and God has faithfully answered my prayers. good times.

i officially don't like shopping when i have to do it. you can never find the right clothes you need, when you need them. why? the world may never know...

well just thought i'd give you guys an update. my legs hurt from working out and i kinda like it.... but then again i am thinking it is affecting my walking... hmmmmm

oh oh oh! and i get to see andy davis and mat kearny tomorrow! *dances* yay for that!

so yes, i hope everyone has a fabulous evening. haha. k. bye (picture me running like napoleon now)

*edit*
if only :(

oswald chambers that is...the other ozzy can be rather creepy...

so, yep, more my utmost for His highest stuff...

"When you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place..." -matthew 6:6

"the primary thought in the area of religion is-- keep your eyes on God, not on people. your motivation should not be the desire to be known as a praying person.... have no motivation other than to know your Father in heaven.... God does not hear us because we pray earnestly-- He hears us soley on the basis of redemption. God is nver impressed by our earnestness. prayer is not simply getting things from God-- that is only the most elementary kind of prayer. prayer is coming into perfect fellowship and oneness with God."  -oswald chambers

we don't even deserve to talk to God. but He desires intimacy with us despite our sinfulness. wouldn't it be awesome instead of going to God with my desires, wants and needs, that i just sat in His presence seeking after His desires, wants and needs. to listen to Him. to stop making prayer just something i have to do or do because i am in need. but desire it and grasp what it is and what God designed for it to be.

God is AWEsome!

i hope everyone has a great night!

if you could only see me now...

i'm sitting here, or the occasional getting up to swing dance (yes alone) listening to michael buble...

and you better believe i am wearing a fedora hat. not even joking.

my favorite songs are definitely home & the more i see you. great songs. however, i like them all.

haha.

the end.

"if all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life." -oswald chambers

"stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing." -oswald chambers

"but i trust in you, O Lord, i say, 'you are my God' my times are in your hands" -psalm 31:14-15

andy davis!!! here's the info:

September 23
Nashville, TN
Trevecca University
with Mat Kearney
7pm / $8 in advance, $10 at the door, $9 at the door with student ID

anybody want to go???

come on, you know you wanna!

"shall we accept the good from God, and not trouble?" -job 2:10

God never promised us an easy life. there will be many trials. but in the end will all be worth it.

if you feel overwhelmed by all that life may be throwing you, stop for a moment. and turn to God. rest in His presence. feel His embrace and let His love and peace flow over you. He is in control. and everything will be okay.

God is good all the time.

"restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me" -psalm 51:12

i hope everyone has a great day! and happy birthday sarah moore!

"The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never focus your eyes on the obstacle or the dificulty. The obstacle will be a matter of total indifference to the river that will flow steadily through you if you simply remember to stay focused on the Source. Never allow anything to come between you and Jesus Christ- not emotion nor experience- nothing msut keep you from the one great sovereign Source" -Oswald Chambers

i think for most people it is a battle not to look at a trial that they are going through. i think it is difficult to surrender those emotions, questions, and attempts to control over to God. God definitely spoke to me through that passage last night. with tears streaming down my face because of the emotions that have been flooding my heart and my mind, i felt God telling me to keep going, give it to Him, and look only to Him. so what if i have been feeling lonely? so what if i have been sad? instead of wallowing in my emotions and self-pity, i should turn to Him FULLY. not just sometimes when it hurts really bad. but all the time. no emotion should come between God and i. nothing should. i just have to remeber that He is in control. there is a reason behind everything that i have been going through. He is the only one to fill me up, when i feel empty. He is the only who will NEVER disappoint me. He will always be there whispering things i long to hear. He will always tell me i am beautiful, loved and needed. He always pursues me. i am passionately desired by Him. so knowing that, i am confident that He is a Sovereign and loving Father and will take care of me.

"God has been opening up wonderful truths to our minds, and every point He has opened up is another indication of the wider power of the river that He will flow through us." -Oswald Chambers

so i hope everyone has a great night!!!

*edit*
i love God

::dances::

AO was awesome. loved the worship. loved the message. i'm starting to see clearly that God truly desires for me to have an intimate relationship with Him. think about a relationship. you put your time and effort into it. you hopefully talk to that person daily, you get to know their heart, they get to know yours, you think and care about them... that is what God desires. not just a platonic love... He wants you to be IN LOVE with Him. a deep unhindered, passionate, love. a relationship.

so God is great in many ways... i also received two messages of coldplay playing in NYC. so that was just topped off my great night. yay for an awesome boyfriend, coldplay, and a big yay for God!

so i hope everyone has a great night!

so there comes certain points in yor life...times when you realize things that come with maturity and a deeper level in your relationship with God. you realize somethings are meaningless and you learn the cherish other things.

you realize you are not promised tomorrow, and you better be living right today.

you may think back on your life and automatically want to go back and do it all over again. but if you think about it for a minute you will realize how those events shaped you into the person you are today.

i was thinking like that a little while ago and earlier today. at first i let the feeling of regret enter me, but quickly pushed it away. i know that God will use that for the good somehow. i was thinking about my heart, and how i did not guard it the way God would of wanted me to. it started today when i was listening to "bless the broken road". i began to realize how i did wish i could go back and pick up all the pieces of my heart i so carelessly threw away. and tonight the thought came to me again as i was reading something. i thought about all the "firsts" that were taken away from the special man in my life, because of my mistakes. i wish that i could of honored my future husband ALL the days of my life, like it says in proverbs 31.

think for a moment about that day you meet your future spouse. think about all your past relationships. think about all the times you gave away your heart, and even how you may of given yourself away physically, yes, this even includes holding hands or kissing. and think about what you may hear.

that breaks my heart to think about...

with the more i learn about God's faithfulness, i have realized that if it is His will for you to marry, then He will bring you and that person together. you don't have to date around to find them or just to see what you like or don't like in the opposite sex. God does put desires in your heart about certain traits in the opposite sex for a reason. He will fulfill those desires and bring you one awesome person. instead of dating around, wouldn't it be awesome to devote your single years to having an intimate relationship with God?! letting Him develop you into the person He created you to be, learing how to have a godly relationship and serving Him with an undivided heart.

i know some of you are thinking that is too radical of thinking and you are crazy...

and some of you maybe thinking that is a good idea, but are thinking "i have made mistakes and i can't possibly to that now"...

and for you, there is hope

God has been behind you picking up all the pieces of your heart you have given away. He will give them back to you and restore your heart if you let Him. the process may not be easy, but it will be worth it.

this is something that has been on my heart lately. i hope i didn't offend anyone, that was definitely not my intention. i want to encourage you guys to seek being satisfied in God alone. making Him number one in your life and not a boyfriend or girlfriend.

just seek after God and He will guide you in the direction you need to go.

i hope everyone has a great night!

so sorry if anyone read the post i recently deleted.

God is good all the time. even if things don't look good, he is working it all out... our minds are just too small to see His big plan.

"satisfy us in the morning with your UNFAILING love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble" -psalm 90:14-15

i hope everyone has a great night!

okay, so i know i have been putting up a lot oswald chambers quotes lately...and there is about to be more. i have been reading my utmost for his highest in my quiet times, and i think it is awesome.

"our Lord's teaching was always anti-self-realization. His purpose is not the development of a person- His purpose is to make a person exactly like Himself, and the Son of God is characterized by self-expenditure."

so last night, i put up a post, but deleted it this morning. and reading that quote above is bascially what i was trying to say. i am no where near to being like His Son, i fail many times, but God has patience with this stuborn child, and continues to form me into the likeness of His Son. over the past year and a half, i have learned that a relationship with God is what is important. not just attending church and calling yourself a christian, but an actual relationship. relationships take your time. in order for them to grow you must put your time and energy into them. the same applies to your relationship with God. you must spend time with Him, revealing your heart and getting to know His.

"...not being bound by a particular set of rules, but being totally surrendered to Him. God poured out the life of His Son 'that the world through Him might be saved' (john 3:17). are we perpared to pour out our lives for Him?"

the closer you grow to God, the more you realize it is NOT about you. this life is not about you at all and never will be. it is all about the One who created all this, the One writing this story, the Savior, our God. i like the phrase 'wreckless abandonment'. i like to think that God call us to wrecklessly abandon our foolish ways to follow Him and be formed into the likeness of His Son.

"our spiritual life cannot be measured by success as the world measures it, but only by what God pours through us- and we cannot measure that at all"

the truth is none of us are perfect. we are going to fail, we are going to sin. but we have to keep persevering to the end. the Word says, anything is possible with God. and He WILL form you to be like Christ if you allow Him. it is all a process, one full of ups and downs. and the world may not understand what you are doing, and it will be difficult. but that doesn't matter. what matters and what lasts is your relationship with God. continue to let Him form you.

"my soul clings to you" -psalm 63:8

"you have made known to me the paths of life; you fill me with joy in your presence" -acts 2:28

"you will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you" -isaiah 26:3

"make known among the nations what he has done...tell of all his wonderful acts. glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always" -1 chron. 16:8-11

well, God is pretty awesome. despite me, His love, patience, and Grace continues to cover me.

and yay for all of you who just finished your first week of college! once you get used to it things will get easier! hope everone has a great day!

it is weird going to work during the evenings again. part of the time tonight i was at a meeting and the part i was in the room watching the kids. we played uno, and i was not having any luck at all...but it was fun! and i got to see mrs. darlene!!! i have missed seeing her! we made a deal to go get mexican food now that i am back. our group that loves the golden girls are reunited again! i really like it at WOC a lot.

and while i was there, i did a little something for nathan...


hehe



it is true! more than the length of the brooklyn bridge!




i am so blessed to have him in my life! he treats me like a princess! God continues to show us His faithfulness each and every day!

but! i hope everyone has a great night!

goodness i am tired. this weekend was the leadership reatreat. it was fun fun! especially had fun with cari, elizabeth, and sarah. though there was some tension around 4am, it was good. i am very impressed by the student leaders in our youth group. they all bring different gifts to our group. i loved spending time with them!

tonight sarah and i went to expresso joe's



it was a lot of fun. then we went to her house. which i was super excited about because i haven't see the moore's since paint the town! i love spending time with them! there is always something entertaining going on!

i never knew screaming at the top of your lungs in the car could be so much fun...i did it tonight for no reason at all....and i felt rather liberated. haha

i am very excited for all of you who are starting MTSU tomorrow. it won't be bad, i promise! you will get there and realize how much better college is than high school. even if you aren't super happy about attending MTSU, God has you there for a purpose. and there may be one life that you can help change. i will be praying for you all! hope you have a great day and try not to be too nervous! enjoy it and get there in time to get a parking spot, they sure go quickly!

i hope everyone has a great night!

well today was one of those days, but you know, it is something i am getting used to. i did, however, draw today. and that was a nice therapy time for me. and thankfully i will be going to the leadership retreat tomorrow. which shall be fun. cari is going, so i KNOW that it will be great fun!



so, i made a new friend tonight. his name is sporky.


he's a pretty cool alien. he sure likes to talk on his cell phone though. and in this picture it appears that we have a lot in common, but i was merely trying to be cool....and i am just not as cool as an inch tall green alien named sporky. oh well....

but tonight was pretty good. i talked to two wonderful women, amy and jennifer. thanks guys! you helped a lot!

i would also like to give up a praise shout (haha) to God who is helping me not believe the lies i have believed for so long, find healing, and know that despite the horrible past few weeks i have had that there is hope in the darkness and brokeness. he is faithful and he does have a purpose for it all. and for all of you who have been crying your eyes out, been up all night with thoughts flooding your mind, with lies from worthlessness to thinking you are alone, thinking life just can't get any worse, there is hope in Jesus. you are indeed worth everything that He endured on that cross. and He loves you dearly, with an everlasting love. nothing can separate you from Him. you are His.

and it will be a constant choice to push negative, satan lies away. but with God you can do it. it will take time, and be difficult, but it will be okay and definitely worth it.

so yeah, i am going to go spend time with God and hopefully get some rest. i hope everyone has a great night!

what does it take to live passionately? maybe for you it starts by reading some awesome devotional. maybe it is spending some intimate time with God- discovering who He is and who He created you to be. mabye it is through ministry. maybe it is by telling others about His love. maybe is it just resting in His presence. but living passionately for the Lord ultimately results in abandoning your old life and taking hold of the life God has for you. this means handing over every area of your life to God.

i read this today in my utmost for his highest:
"we will never know the joy of self-sacrifice until we surrender in every detail of our lives...as soon as we do totally surrender; abandoning ourselves to Jesus, the Holy Spirit gives us a taste of His joy...have i ever yeilded myself in absolute submission of Jesus Christ? if he is not the One to whom i am looking for direction and guidance, then there is no benefit in my sacrifice. but when my sacrifice is made with my eyes focused on Him, slowly but surely His molding influence becomes evident in my life."

total abandonment of our lives. allowing God to enter and reign over every aspect of your life.think about the people who influenced you the most. are they not passionate about their God? it is not some big act that they put on, it is merely that they are passionately in love with their Savior. so in love that they sacrifice their lives, their dreams, and their own written stories to Him, the One who made the greatest sacrifice for them. passion is a deep, unhindered love. let your passion for God flow from you. allow others to see what God can really do.

God rocks my little rachael socks right off. He is awesome. i hope everyone has a great day!

who would of thought i'd be so excited to go back to work?! today i started back at world outreach nursery. i was gone for a year working at special kids. God had blessed me so much with this job! i walked in and my boss asked if i could for sure work wednesday mornings, and then she kept asking me about other days! so i will be working tuesday nights, maybe tuesday mornings if they start a class, wedneday mornings, and saturday nights. along with any days i can sub. so whoo hoo! i love that God is sovereign and provides for all of our needs. and i loved seeing all the people i used to work with! they are great. and i was blown away by how big the children have gotten. some of the parents even remembered me! that made me feel special. i always enjoyed working there. it is great!

but elizabeth cut and dyed my hair last night. i put up some pictures... and i think it is definitely model material. haha jk jk. thanks elizabeth!

i am still just sitting here in awe of God's faithfulness to me in ALL areas of my life. He provideds. He loves. He is pretty cool!

i am hungry. speaking of food and hunger...i always like WOC becasuse i could eat nilla wafers and other yummy treats. haha yesssss! anyway, hope everyone has a great day!

oh oh! and i decided that kids named eli are great. all of them.

"Whenever anything begins to disintergrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once, asking Him to re-establish your rest. Never allow anything to remain in your life that is causing the unrest. Think of every detail of your life that is causing the disintegration as something to fight agaisnt, not as something you should allow to remain. Ask the Lord to put awareness of HImself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all." -Oswald Chambers

and another one...

"A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer." -Oswald Chambers

when i was reading these the verse that came to mind was definitely, 1 timothy 6:12. "Fight the good fight of faith". daily we have to fight against the things that try to pull us down. hold on to faith. fight for it. let God be the center of your life. let Him develop your faith. know that He is indeed faithful, so your faith may be unwavering.

praise God for that little reminder in my life. i hope everyone has a great night!

tonight i went up to nashville to see my family. we went to eat at johnny rockets. it was my first time there and it was pretty good. i think my fun was merely in taking pictures and attempting to take a picture of some hippie couple behind us. which by the way, i failed at because i think they noticed. bad idea.

i found out that my other cousin is engaged now. so now all my cousins in the jackson family are engaged or married. fabulous.

overall, today was one of those rare "faking it" days for me. i smiled and went through my day. but if someone would of looked a little deeper they would see my eyes were a little more red than usual and i had an ache in my heart. but praise God even in bad times, i know good times will come soon.

and may i rant for a moment...girls please don't fall into the trap that some families set up for you. the trap that your worth comes from having a guy in your life. you are important and valuable whether or not you are in a relationship. don't let them bring you down. remember that your worth comes from a relationship, but not with some boyfriend, it comes from a relationship with Jesus.

that made me feel a little better. a little. there is always hope in every situation. God is good. i hope everyone has a great night!