It may not excatly describe me but it comes kinda close. Please enjoy Eric Church's "Guy's Like Me" I am so sorry for being late with this post please forgive me.

Do you think there are good and bad people in the world?

Or do you think there are only good people who do bad things sometimes.

Honestly, which am I to you?  

So I finally did what I have been try avoiding doing for a long time. I took a cold hard look at myself. Something that was over due. I saw somone I was for sure inlove with but I saw something in that person I need to change...yes in the metaphore I am in love with myself....ok fine any day of the week I am in love with myself.  I know I need to change somethings about myself that no one else sees. The thing that those people love about me. I have had help from my brother making me realize that it is a lot like a gun fight. A western draw. You don't have to be the first to draw, the first to draw is usually first to die. You must be the first to realize what is going on. You have to be steady, calm, and no doubt insane. It is the only way that other people see you. (thank you Levi Davis for the help realizing those things). But you know what, You are the only person you ever have to live with. God has forgiven you already no matter how much you want him to forsake you. So now deal with yourself, your own convictions. What is right, to you, what is too far, for you, How far will you go before it is too far, for you only. That is the only thing that matters. It is not the girl you are dating, your family, or heck even your wife. One day they will be gone and you better has hell not look back and say man I screwed up because it will eat you alive until you are dead and those people who you passed by to help yourself are there waiting in the after life. At least you did something good for yourself when you screwed them over because if they care about you they will understand. Kinda like a gun fight, you better not be looking back saying, "man I should have shot a little to the left" Chances are if you are able to do that you are probably doing that from your back and those are your last thoughts. But I guess sometimes you just have to give in, other times it is enough just to take a positive step in the right direction. And even though it seems cliche you should just try to be there for them.  For so long I ahave done the opposite of what my best friend told me, today he stopped me from doing one of the stupidest things ever. I guess when the people you expect to screw up do something right for once it knocks you on your...well back...and you have no other choice to accept their hand as help.

There should be a law about putting up those dang survey things on phusebox. on myspace you can use bullitens so not everyone has to see them. Because the cold hard truth is no one really cares what kind of gum you chewed two hours ago, or what song you are listening to. Yes I know if they bother me so much then why do I read them? I DON'T. They take up so much dang room on here. It pisses me off that I have to scroll down to get past someone thinking that other people care about that blog. Now has anyone read all the way through on someone elses survey? Like every single word? Yes I know my blogs are long and annoying. I bet not one person has read all of mine. But mine mean something I am not talking about what kind of socks I am wearing, dang. Any ways back to where I started. There should be a law against putting those surbvey things on phusebox...at least limit them to like 3 a week.  Well that is my whining for the day.

So yeah I have screwed up a lot in the past. A lot of things went wrong that in that moment I would have done anything to change. But now in this moment I am fine with everything that has gone wrong because it has brought me to this one place where I fine with being. I take that back and in this one place am absolutly, wonderfully, greatfully, blessed, to be alive to be here now.

I sencerly appologize for being late with this week's "song of the week" I ask for your forgiveness. I put it off and put it off and I forgot. But don't let me being late stop you from enjoying, Brett Dennen's "Ain't No Reason"

A Christmas Carrol

For the first time in a long time I finally feel the urge to smile and embrase what is happening around me. I see the hundred of years of it happening, and the people where I once was and now have came to where I am. I feel the urge to fall and praise why it all happened. I hated Christmas but now I see ya know it is not for me at all. It is for the little ones who still believe in santa the ones who write letters and leave out the cookies, the parents who stay up late together as their 4 year old lays asleep with them waiting for christmas. That one big fight between the newly wed couple who managed to put it behind them for the sake of Christmas. It is for the ones in the nursing home who believe that the baby doll is alive and they spend their last few dollars to buy it a new bib. It is for the mom who lost all her kids and everything she loved, who stayed home and made a turkey sandwitch for dinner. The son who sends out a letter from jail in wishes that his family has a great Christmas as he paid for the mistakes that he willingly admits to. I speak of these things out of knowledge and first hand experiance only. It is for the soldier who fights for your right to hate why he is fighting. And sit in that fox whole another 8 hours so his friend can get christmas chow. It is not for me to hate. It is for me to respect the ones who it is for. One day I will be there. One day I will shed the tears as the ones before me did. Until then I will join the the song singing. The christmas traditions. I pray to God that he stregthens me because I am nothing and have nothing. I have no place to say what I think. I was dropped into this family, and yet they caught me who am I to say what I think? Dear God bring to my knees, I pray that you teach me how to stand on my own.

 

Merry Christmas. I now understand.  

I would love remarks.

Ok real quick I am just going to give you my opinion on torture, it is fine. I am pro-torture. But I am not going to write about how great torture is I am going to follow the current debate to whether "Waterboarding is Torture, and is torture right or wrong"

    For those of you who don't know waterboarding is what we did to

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, who is the Al Qaeda number two guy that planned 9/11. Waterboarding is simply  restraining the subject and  placing a rag or cloth over his face and mouth then,  pouring water over him to give him the "sensation of drowning" without actually doing any harm to the subject. 

   Now that you know what waterboarding is let me tell you a little about the people I am talking about in the following paragraph. Nancy is the Speaker of the US House of Represenatives. 3rd in line for President.  Go back to 2002 after the 9/11 attack on America. The CIA breifed Congress on their techniques of obtaining information. The entire Congress including Nacy Pelosi asked if they were doing enough and if they need to use more than just waterboarding, which was one of the things the CIA breifed the Congress on. Congress had no objections to the CIA. Then in 2003 she conccured with a Democratic colleague in a letter to the CIA. Now one of the senators says "I don't want the United States to engage in the type of torture that [Senator] John McCain had to endure." John McCain went through waterboarding back in Vietnam. So now I have to ask does Congress have any idea what they want or where the heck they stand?

John McCain went through what every American Special Forces team must go through to complete training. A school called SERE training. SERE stands for Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape. You are trained to Survive the torture that the enemy does. Waterboarding is only one tactic they learn of and survive in SERE school. They are taught this in extreme forms though. They are trained as if they were captured by the most feared and ruthless war lord there is. They do this to simulate what will really happen if captured. And that is what happend to John McCain. He was captured and went through torture such as waterboarding. Now the enemy and Al Qaeda are exercising much worse Techniques of torture. Cutting off our military men's heads and sending to their families. Torture using electic tools to shock subjects while covered in water. Now these things are used to invoke fear, and hardly to gain information. So how can you say that when we are doing it to save people that it is wrong? Not forgetting the training out men go through to ensure that they can protect us is far worse then the waterboarding that Khalid Sheikh went through. 

    Sure the vidoes were destroyed but does it really matter? Do you really care what the CIA is doing to protect you? As long as you are safe right? It is the same arguement of should priviate citizens be allowed to own a gun? We have to right to own a gun first for the protection of an uprising governement and second to protect ourselves. So if you are mad about the CIA protecting us then why do you have a gun? Ok say you don't have a gun. Then you rely completly on what our military does for that protection. Say that you don't have a gun and we did not get information form the Al Qaeda members. Say that they went through with their plans because we did not torture one person. Now Al Qaeda is in America the priviate citizens don't have weapons and we don't know how to stop Al Qaeda from taking over America because we are a Nation that doesn't believe in a little pain to protect their people. I believe in a don't ask don't tell policy. I am fine with whatever the governement does to protect us. If it legitmitly protects us and not knowing about it. As far as I am concered they could have played russian roulette with the man to get information. If the bullet lands on him then that is one less Al Qaeda member we have to worry about. If it lands on us then he died in service and deserves a proper funeral, flag folded 21 gun salute and the whole shabang. (Russian Roulette is taking a revolver and putting a bullet in one chamber spinning the cylinder so the bullets location is unknown and taking turs with the gun to eachothers head pulling the triger)      

      Ok so those are some of the facts now let me ask you some questions and give you some personal  opinion, sound good? Good.

So are we not able to trust the people who are trying to protect us any more? We must question what they do to save American lives? It is a fact that the information the CIA recieved from  Khalid Sheikh Mohammed did save many American lives. So let me ask you do you think hurting someone is wrong if you save someone else? Do you think that a little water in the mouth and lungs that burns some is bad if you save your best friend, spouse or brother? Is waterboarding torture, maybe, but the fact is, is that it helped people live. I told you before I am pro-tortue, I say do what you have to do to help people live. Is that not what a doctor does? He may do something that hurts a little but you better believe he is doing what is best for you in the long run. So what do you think. Are you going to stand with the majority because there are more people on that side, or are you going to stand up for what you truly believe in. Don't pull a Nacy, don't say you are for torture just because I am, don't say you are against torture because now Congress debates it. It is all about personal convections. Because you are the only person that you have to live with forever. 

Yes I know really really crappy video but, it is the only one with good sound quality and a clean video. Yes Tyler is coming back that is why I posted it. Sad I did not post a Christmas song? you can read and find out why later in my blog today. But hey call Tyler some time when he is here message for number.  Please enjoy Thin Lizzy with their song "The Boys are Back in Town"

Have you ever came away from a church and thought to yourself wow that worship really didn't do much for me? I have. Ever kinda thought wow that band could have been better...that singer missed a note and kinda hit  a few flat spots? I have came away from a few churches critizing their bands. Then I kinda got to thinking...and listening to Pastor Pete. Worship has nothing to do with you, or what you think of it. Well it does have to do with you doing it. A lot of people who go to church seem to think "well I don't really worship, when they are singing...I just don't worship. There are groups of people who worship and who don't. I am in th don't." The fact is EVERYONE worships. Even if you are an athiest you worship something. It is just a matter of what it is. I can garentee you that the person who "doesn't worship" goes home and tries to be as popular as they can.  Or as accepted as possible. That is a form of worship...not good but it is still a form. Who or What you worship can form you. You can and will become a reflection of what you worship. If you worship popularity then you will become the world. If you worship acceptance then you will become a slave of everyone around you. If you worship the almight God then you will become more rightous in the things you do. So everyone worships it just depends who or what you worship that shapes you. Also how you worship can shape you. If you only worship once a week in a church to the song "Just as I Am" During the alter call that lasts for 20 min and in your opinion you think is 19 1/2 minutes too long. Then yeah it will be harder for you. But if you worship God 24/7 (wow a lot a fractions in 2 1/2 sentences...ahh can't stop!!!) in everything you do then it really means something. If you randomly find yourself doing something that you could not worship God while doing then why are you doing it? Just something to ask yourself during the day. Have a good one.

I won't complain to you if it is cold and I did not wear a coat.

I will not whine to you if I cut myself.

I won't cry to you if I trip because I was looking back.  

I will not wimper for help from you if I got myself caught.

I won't fuss to you because of the agonies I put myself in.  

So why do you do nothing but complain of your infermaries?

Why do you stab me to help yourself? 

I will come willingly but why do you gain pleasure from my blood?

Why do you set traps for me to walk into and hang myself.

Even then I will not cry out to you.

I will not beg for you to stop the tortue you put me in.

For I got there myself.

"I would give up forever to touch you..."

"I don't want the world to see me because I don't think that they would understand.."

"When everything feels like the movies, ya bleed just to know you're alive..." 

"Iris" Goo Goo Dolls

Love this album "Dizzy Up The Girl" 

please enjoy my song selection 

So I have just kinda been hanging out. Friday I went to a see Peter Pan at the Renaissance center [Dickson TN]. It was not all I hoped for and more though. It was a great play don't get me wrong, but it did not meet my expectations. I thought it was a good play though. During the changing of the sets it could have been darker because I could still see them moving, I also heard some talk. I thought this to be very amateur, it also broke the kinda feel, if you will, of the play. There where a couple of sence that I thought Peter Pan should kiss Wendy. Yes I understand that it was not a romantic type play, but it just seemed right. Ok so Peter asked Wendy to be the mother of a bunch of kids that he takes care of, then safes her, and she basically begs for it. I quallify saving someones life enough for "dude kiss her"  I had to hold back from screaming that a few times. It seemed as though the main actors held themselves very well. Over all I enjoyed the play. I almost want to go buy another ticket and see it agian. For some reason I love, love, love, plays. So I just got home from work about an hour and a half ago. I love working, almost as much as I love seeing plays, lol. I work with Westerman Farm inc. Yes on Aaron's dad's farm. I just think it is great they are a corporation now. Gosh that is cool. I had to try to stop a 1600 pound bull today and I lost. He hit me with his head a few times and I jumped back. I was told that his neck and head strength could throw me 10ft in the air. So I was glad he was not really mad. He just wanted more feed. Well that is where my weekend is at.

I'm me
Me be
Goddamn
I am?

 Not very nice lyrics but a great song. Only says it once so Please enjoy and edit out that part in your mind. 

Well I had this really long blog written out about how much I hate christianity and the preacher and what not. I accidently deleted it before I posted it. Right after Aaron (my cousin that I live with age 29) came into my room and sat down and I told him that I have started to hate preachers and most people who claim to love Christ. We talked for a little while and he said that you see the bad the most because it sticksout you don't see the little woman giving up her meal so some child in Africa can have it. You see when people mess up. Forever it has been like that but there are more people fighting for what is right then screwing up. As long as we have one person fighting for the right thing we will be all right.

 

--

Ok so we didn't say all that but that was adding some in. You get the point. I was going to judge most of christianity for a few people being stupid pricks. I still love what Ghandi said "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." I really believe it is true and I still stand by it. But for all of those who are standing beside me from so far away I salute you my brother. 

Ok so I think today I am going to do something nice for someone. I am not sure who it will be or when but it will be today. I think it might even become a yearly thing. On the third of December Austin Mathis will do something nice for someone. Maybe even monthly. Like the monday after the first sunday of that month. Yeah what do you think? Just remember you yes you could be that lucky person!!!

Ok so I am going to do something nice for one lucky person today.  

Why is it that I feel different and the same all in one?

How can I do things different but see things the same?

Do I have alternate motives for you? or for me?

Why are there these other thoughts haunting me?

If I am not ready to jump then why do I try to fly?

If I know my max then why do I put 10 more pounds on the bar?

I don't look back

I look beside me to see what my shadow is.

My shadow is dark with these other feelings, 

How can you fight something that is not real?

Or is it real, how can I tell?

What makes something real?  

I can't see what is there but I know it is.

I can feel what is there but I can't touch it.

I can't fight what has been but I can move what is in front of me.

Can you remeove the black that follows me?

Do I want it to be removed, or is it what keeps me knowing what is real?

If you hate me then why do you say you love me?

If you ask for the truth then why do you deny it?

If you beg me then why do you push me so hard away? 

Where am I going to be with all of this?

Will you be there too, or do you fight hard in the other direction?  

And you're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive, and not dead

 

 

--

I have decided to post two songs today. I told someone I would post this for them but I am posting another that is not for the "Song of the Week" it is for "Song for the Austin" 

    Please enjoy Edwin McCain. 

If I were you would pretend like I didn't even see this blog. (just ignore it)

    Ok so I am going to start saying with my hate for the world is complete, I can now say whole....not heartedly, I deny having one. Ok...I can now say with everything in me that I hate the world. For all of those who still admire the world I am attracted to your ignorance. There are no good people. Only people who do mostly bad and some good. What is good anyways. What is the point in it?

    Now on to my next ramble. I hate those little survey things. gosh they are annoying, especially when everyone is doing them dang post something meaningful. I am guilty of posting one or two myself. But gosh do you really think anyone cares what you were doing 30 min ago? Heck I don't care what you are doing now or tomorrow. Yes I know YOU don't care what I think, then let me ask you one question if you don't care what I think, then why are you reading this? Maybe more of a question for yourself and not me.

    For those of you who know or have anything to do with the mime team then maybe you will understand my next ramble. It is turning into, for lack of a better word, crap. The parents think that they can control everything and that it matters who is doing what and who with. That only matters if they are doing it at mime. Let parents be parents at home that is why they are here not to tell everyone elses kids that they are doing something wrong. My mom may have not been the best example to say that she is guiding me in the right direction but Amber and Aaron are doing a heck of a job. What I do with that is up to me and my personal convictions. So maybe you should read this verse Matthew 7:3  please follow this link to the biblegateway NASB version of the verse. Now not that the students aren't doing a great job, because they are, they are doing better than I could have ever imagened me doing. Great job team, I give no recoginition to the parents, although there are some good ones. Some that I respect, there aren't many of them, there aren't many worth respect.

     With all of that said, or typed, I wish a good day to all.   

Creative title I know. If you could ask anyone in this world one thing who and what would you ask?