It kinda sucks when your dreams and the future you planned out to a T all comes tumbling down like nothing, worst part about it...is that it happened within 20 seconds and I never saw it coming.

I know I sure am. What is wrong with SOME liberals??? Just because you have a right does not mean it is right. There are liberals in some states protesting infront of USMC and other recruiting offices. Not letting anyone in. You people make me sick! I bet you my last dollar that if a country invaded America you would not be protesting them fighting. This really shows what kind of picko, double standard, pick, liberals you really are. Now I am not saying that all liberals are but how can you stand for something that calls themselves that. It is the same as me calling myself christian, I am ashamed because of the people who claim to be (different story, different time) Let me finish with this "If you don't fully stand behind our military, feel free to stand infront of them" Semper Fi, Marines.

It is just like an old west gun fight. We are just circling each other waiting for the other to draw, but for me, for me I am waiting on her to draw. I will not touch my six shooter all though I have threatend to. Not even when, or rather if she draws, will I touch mine. I will let her shoot me down. I just pray that she shoots straight like she has so many other times. Hit me in the heart, that is where you started for me, and that is where you will end me. It won't be fast, I will bleed out but I would rather do that then have it quick and swift, not to have any last words. Or maybe we can just stop this circling, stop staring down eachother, stop the twitching of our trigger finger, and work this out. I came into this fight with a loaded gun, it was a waste of my time to put all six in, I only need one if any at all.

Great song by a great band. Please enjoy "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey

Hey I just found this song like this week and I can't get it out of my head...I think the begining is really catchy. I imagine it would be an extremely fun song to play for both drummer and guitarist. Ok well please enjoy this song "The Best of Me" by The Starting Line.

 

"The worste is over and you can have the best of me, we got older but we're still young we never got over this feeling that we won't give up" 

I asked, "This is gonna kill me? Are you sure?" She said, "Yes.

"Well I guess I am gonna die" -some one of some importance (I think)

 

"There is a difference in switching to auto then pressing a button, and staring down the sights into the eyes of the person and putting a bullet in his heart" -someone else (why I am going to become a sniper)

 

 

"Some people call me the space cowboy some people call me the gangster of love"

 

Great song. Please enjoy "The Joker" by Fatboy Slim 

How can I not stop where I am at and look around me for the good.

I see what is happening to me, where I am going but I am not there yet. I see me in the future, the future me is on his knees screaming at me to stop but the screams are nothing to my deaf ears. I must learn by doing it is all I have ever known. It is what I am still taught. I must screw up myself to get it right. Never to be done by others examples. What do you want me to say. I am stupid? yeah I am. What do I want to hear? "Austin you are better than that?" No because I have told myself countless times. God can't help someone who doesn't want it. God can't be there where he is not acepted. Even if he when he is there I push him to the side and tell him the same thing I have told all who have tried to stop me. "Go away, I will learn for myself." I have told myself that. Even now admitting it is not hard. It is like admitting that a train is coming and I am standing on the tracks, it does nothing to talk about it. It does me nothing to see thousand others die before me, I must learn for myself that trains are a little stronger than me. I must kill myself to live. Do not tell me I am mortal, as far as I am concerned I am still alive. So far, I am invincible.  

 

So have been told a lot this song reminds people of me. I guess it kinda does describe me. I will be the first person to tell you I don't care what you have to say about me. But if you are going to be say something about me, be a man and say it to my face. That is all I ask. So for those of you who like to tell people how to live thier life...don't waist your breath on me. Listen to the last line of the song...I like.

I don't normally post blogs like this but I am going to give it a try.

So today is going to be like a really long day but I am expecting it to be pretty frigging good. Weight lifting in football which is awesome in itself cause I get to show off my huge muscles. Then I am going to walk to the hospital at about 4 after school. So late because I will be working out late so I can get bigger and I am going to take a shower there. Like I said then I will be walking to the hospital which is pretty cool I love to walk. There are some pricks on the road though. Wednesday I walked there and this trucker laid on his air horn and kinda scared me but it is cool I am sure he got a good laugh out of it, I don't mind people being happy if it is at my expense. I will hang out there for about an hour and a half, then I am going to Elizabeht's house to hang out with her family which will be pretty cool. I really have never seen her WHOLE family. I have meet her mom, dad, smallest sister, her big sister, and two brothers...I get confused with names though. I hope I really don't embarress myself though. Oh well if I do. Then I begin the long ride home. I hope everyone else has an equally exciting and good day...wait no I don't. Just go do...whatever I don't care. lol  

I have redescovered one of my all time favorite movies (not including Forrest Gump and Princess Bride) Tombstone. I love most western movies I think. Any ways I have watched this movie about 3 times in the last few days...Yes bored I know. This is a great movie and it baffles me to find out how many people really have no idea what I am talking about when trying to quote the move. "I'm your huckleberry." I think that if I could be anyone in that movie I would be one of three people...yes it is that hard to decide. I would either be Doc Holiday played my Val Kilmer. He was the fastest in the west at that time and well a drunk but even when he was drunk he had his witts and speed about him. He was also a well educated man being a doctor. Now note I would not like to be a drunk or die of lung disease like he did...I have seen it happen in real life an it is not an enjoyable thing to go through but none the less Dr. John Henry "Doc" Holliday "He was the most skillful gambler, and the nerviest, fastest, deadliest man with a six-gun I ever saw." -Wytt Earp.

    Which brings me to my next and 2nd in ranking of "wanting to be" Wytt Earp. His reputation preceded him everywhere he went. He was called many things from "Kansas law dog" to "American Legend" Either way you put it and no matter how he tried he could not escape his fame and infamy of his Colt. I would not enjoy the fact that my brother died infront of me, but I would however enjoy being this great fighter even if he did do a lot of it for revenge in the end he got what he wanted and stood his ground for what he faught for. 

    The last is known as a deadly gunfighter, deadly outlaw-"and the fastest gun in all the West, the quickest ever known." Although that must not be completly true because of his early death due to Doc Holliday in a draw. I idealize Johnny Ringo, the amazing cowboy, because not only was he an amazing fight with a gun but he was very educated and knew two languages fluently. There is just something about being an outlaw during this time that sounds fun. This quick draw was infamous for being the most deadly man in Texas and all the West until he and his cowboy gang had a run in with Wyatt Earp and his companions in a Arizona town known as Tombstone. There was only one fight Jonny Ringo did not win...and that is all there ever has to be. ]

    So yeah those three people, men, fighters, outlaws, lawdogs, and fasinating people are and always will be the people I could see myself being if I lived during this time. I absolutly love the movie Tombstone and as far as being historically correct it hits the head of the nail. So I would recomend it to anyone. Please enjoy the movie if you do decide to watch it, and if you do decide to watch it, I am sure that you will enjoy it.  

     

Ok so what happened to the American way? "We'll stick a boot in your a** it's the American way"? This is a very contraversial topic but I am going to dive head in and try to swim. We sent troops over there to fight a war, which we did. Now listen real quick. I am all 100% for killing the everyone who was involved in the planning, and had anything to do with the attack on America. But this war is no longer in Iraq. It is needing to be faught in Iran, where we are currently being threatend, and Afghanistan, where Bin Laden is believed to be. Instead we have our military men acting as police officers, which is not what they are first and foremost trained for. 

    Another question, Why the heck is our military such panseys? I am almost ashamed to want to enter into our Army. What the heck is up with our battleships complaining and whining to our government when a speed boat threatened to blow them out of the water. You know what should happened when someone threatens our military, or our country, or for that matter any innocent lives? They should have a quick and swift bullet in their head. Or in this case our battle ships, which did nothing, should have fired on the threatening ship. Say that the boat did fire on our ship, while we were complaining about this we would have a torpedo heading for us and then we would not have a chance to do anything. Then the people who are saying oh we have to wait until we are fired apon would be saying why didn't we do anything about this earlier. If we wait until we are fired apon that is too late. We hardly need to wait until we are given a mean look, that is when action should be taken, especially in a time of war. It is a lot easier to ask questions when people are dead. 

    I say that we stop having our fighting men turn into polic officers and let them do their job and get out. Now I am not politician or military man but as a teenager in America and in the world at this time I am forced to ask these questions. Rome did not become a great empire by sitting around and having meetings, they did it by killing everyone who opposed them. Same as the Egyptians, which I might ad were around for over 3,000 years. So they did something right. I am not saying that we become Natzi, I am just saying that we assert ourselves as a nation. Yes blood will be spilled but you better believe I would rather do something that is a little wrong to protect the entire nations good. If that means we shoot first then ask questions fine, at least then we won't have to worry about speaking Chinese in a few years.

 

What are your thoughts? 

 

Please enjoy Toby Keith's "Courtesy of Red, White,and Blue. 

Sorry for being really late.  

So within the next few months I am going to have to make a decision that will really effect my life forever....ish. I really want to apply for West Point and if I plan on doing so I must decide that before my softmore year...and well that is not so far away. I really like West Point and it is a great collage but I am not sure if that is what I want. After graduating I will have no higher rank in the Army than if I too ROTC at ASU. But West Point is incredbily profound. That is what I am leaning towards. West Point is also in New York though. So it is a really long drive to visit my friends and family. Aaron put it this way though. "If you are going to college for the state you are in then you are probably not going to learn now are you?" So I mean I would be leaving a lot of my friends behind but after those four years I could come back a 2nd LT. and well kick some tail. This would also be very helpful in running for president. My uncle Ron went to West Point and so did my Aunt Mary's Cousin...not really my aunt but that is what I call her other wise known as mocha. So overall the perks are much more overwhelming than the cons but I think that we all know Austin Mathis. He has to screw something up before he can learn from it....or do it the hard way first. Maybe it is a character flaw but that is the way I am. Obviously the smart thing to do would be to go ahead and try to get the goveners recomindation but like I said I am Austin Mathis and that is not how I do things. Right now though if people were to ask "Austin where are you planning on going to college?" I would reply "West Point" I think that it is probably the smartest choice. After graduating I would go into the Army's Speacial Forces unit, not Rangers but the other unit. Many people would refer to them as the Green Baretts but I talked to one and they said they hate being called that. So I call them by there actuall name Speacial Operations. So maybe in about 9 years people will be calling me commander Mathis...that is what I would like to accomplish by then...and well it is possible so...I guess it all just depends on what my desteny holds for me...or fate brings me to...what the box of chocolates has in it, as Forrest Gump would say. But now I will say Good Day to you and in a few years I will tell you that I am not at liberty to dicuss my missions thousands of miles away. Commander Mathis out.

So I know this is not what most people are saying right now but I need to gain about 25lbs...that is going to be my goal to be at before the football season starts...if I can get to 175 I will be unstopable...I know I will probably not gain 25lbs in less than a year though...so maybe I will get to 160 or 165.

I'm gonna take a Holiday in Spain.

So we made it through the hard and fragile time. The time where anything was easier than what we did or will still have to do. But let me ask you a quick question, "Is the reward for what you do worth the pain to get through it?" Our football coach says this in a different way. He talks about the championship and how we want to win it and how great it will be, he tells us that if we want to win then this is what you have to do to be a championship football team...and he is right. We have to sweat and we have to shed blood. Nothing in this world comes easy. It is like what the Barenaked Ladies say in the song "Falling for the First Time"

"Anyone perfect must be lying, anything easy has its cost
Anyone plain can be lovely, anyone loved can be lost"

So never hold too tightly to anything unless you are prepared to lose it because anything can be taken away in an instant. That is why when you go through the more fragile things you in your life you must learn to have a soft but firm hand. So these past few weeks have taught me a few things. This blog seemed to drif places... 

 

ha ha ha

Heaven doesn't want you and Hell is too afraid you will take over. So I guess you will be stuck in pergatory with me...*quick smirk and gentle laugh*

 

This is for when you have hardened yourself so deep it is hard to feel yourself again.

This is for when you have made yourself so proud you can't let that one tear go even when you want to.

This is for when you have lost everything and you still can't admit it to anyone, not even yourself.

This is for when your emotions, or what you have left of them cannot help you.

This is for when you have no control over your mind.

This is for when you beg to keep things the same, only different.

This is for when you try to scream but nothing crys out.

This is for when you cry out but no one can get to you for the bridges you burned.

This is for when you want to do something but you don't want to hurt the person that you have to do it to. 

This is for when you are so screwed up inside you can't tell which way is up.

This is for me.  

I love you.

What the hell does that mean?

Break it down and explain it to me because all I can tell you is that I am not too sure.

Maybe it is because I am terrified of commitment.

Maybe it is because I hate not seeing you.

Maybe it is because I hate your parents.

Maybe it is because I only want what I can't have.

Maybe it is because we have different futures.

Maybe it is because I am still not past that.

Maybe it is because of how far I still have to go.

Maybe it is because of who I am.

Maybe it is because of who you are.

Maybe it is because of our last conversation.

Maybe it is because we seem so different.

Maybe it is because even though it hurts so bad it seems right.

Maybe it is because of that one gut feeling that hurts so bad but tells me it must be right.

Hell I don't know it might just might just be because of how screwed up I am inside.

But everything inside of me is screaming something different all at the same time....and my heart and head are silently oving the conflict.