So I finally did what I have been try avoiding doing for a long time. I took a cold hard look at myself. Something that was over due. I saw somone I was for sure inlove with but I saw something in that person I need to change...yes in the metaphore I am in love with myself....ok fine any day of the week I am in love with myself.  I know I need to change somethings about myself that no one else sees. The thing that those people love about me. I have had help from my brother making me realize that it is a lot like a gun fight. A western draw. You don't have to be the first to draw, the first to draw is usually first to die. You must be the first to realize what is going on. You have to be steady, calm, and no doubt insane. It is the only way that other people see you. (thank you Levi Davis for the help realizing those things). But you know what, You are the only person you ever have to live with. God has forgiven you already no matter how much you want him to forsake you. So now deal with yourself, your own convictions. What is right, to you, what is too far, for you, How far will you go before it is too far, for you only. That is the only thing that matters. It is not the girl you are dating, your family, or heck even your wife. One day they will be gone and you better has hell not look back and say man I screwed up because it will eat you alive until you are dead and those people who you passed by to help yourself are there waiting in the after life. At least you did something good for yourself when you screwed them over because if they care about you they will understand. Kinda like a gun fight, you better not be looking back saying, "man I should have shot a little to the left" Chances are if you are able to do that you are probably doing that from your back and those are your last thoughts. But I guess sometimes you just have to give in, other times it is enough just to take a positive step in the right direction. And even though it seems cliche you should just try to be there for them.  For so long I ahave done the opposite of what my best friend told me, today he stopped me from doing one of the stupidest things ever. I guess when the people you expect to screw up do something right for once it knocks you on your...well back...and you have no other choice to accept their hand as help.