For the first time in a long time I finally feel the urge to smile and embrase what is happening around me. I see the hundred of years of it happening, and the people where I once was and now have came to where I am. I feel the urge to fall and praise why it all happened. I hated Christmas but now I see ya know it is not for me at all. It is for the little ones who still believe in santa the ones who write letters and leave out the cookies, the parents who stay up late together as their 4 year old lays asleep with them waiting for christmas. That one big fight between the newly wed couple who managed to put it behind them for the sake of Christmas. It is for the ones in the nursing home who believe that the baby doll is alive and they spend their last few dollars to buy it a new bib. It is for the mom who lost all her kids and everything she loved, who stayed home and made a turkey sandwitch for dinner. The son who sends out a letter from jail in wishes that his family has a great Christmas as he paid for the mistakes that he willingly admits to. I speak of these things out of knowledge and first hand experiance only. It is for the soldier who fights for your right to hate why he is fighting. And sit in that fox whole another 8 hours so his friend can get christmas chow. It is not for me to hate. It is for me to respect the ones who it is for. One day I will be there. One day I will shed the tears as the ones before me did. Until then I will join the the song singing. The christmas traditions. I pray to God that he stregthens me because I am nothing and have nothing. I have no place to say what I think. I was dropped into this family, and yet they caught me who am I to say what I think? Dear God bring to my knees, I pray that you teach me how to stand on my own.

Merry Christmas. I now understand.