Girl's emotions

January 23 2007

I'm going to be
honest and say it amazes me how easily a girl can be swayed or
emotionally affected by a guy whenever he does something "sweet,"
in the sense that he says, does, or expresses something complimentary
or just generally speaking, emotional towards the girl.
I can
watch a guy who knows that what he's saying isn't really that
heartfelt or that original say it simply because he knows what a
powerful effect he's going to have on whoever she is, and uses that
to his advantage.
I can also watch how girls melt when they watch
some guy do something "sweet" to any extent and think "O..
he's the man of my dreams!  How I long for such a guy like
To just be honest, sometimes this makes me sick,
becuase the guy could very well be a jerk with crafty words.
thing, I'm not bashing being a sweet, selfless, loving
boyfriend/husband, I totally agree that's how a husband should treat
his wife; that IS the way it should be.
Second thing, I AM saying
that girls can over react to this, and guys use it to their

Girls need to understand something: Just because a
guy can write a romantic song, write a romantic poem, or schedule
some romantic date, doesn't mean SQUAT for his character.  To
put it bluntly, this could all just be a well contrived scheme to get
in your pants.  Or, if not to that extreme, to win you over, not
necessarily because he feels the same way about you, but because he's
a guy, and, well, guys want to win the girl. In other words, a guy
doesn't have to feel like he's totally comitted to a girl to write
her a love song, poem, or any of these things, BUT girls tend to
receive such a message: and frequently get their hearts broken. 

Finally, I know this may seem horridly pessimistic.. maybe it
is.  The only thing I'm saying is.. girls, pray and seek God
about guys: just because they can drop a rose at your door, or right
you a cute love song doesn't mean they're the one for you.

HYPE was hype yo!

January 19 2007
Tonight was the first HYPE, and it went amazingly well.  I was
really surprised how well God helped me bring this thing together. 
He's so awesome!

We had 21 guys show up, besides myself, and
then a 22nd who came midway because he had to be somewhere the first
half, but he brought sandwhiches
most we had last semester was 17, and tonight, a night that I was kind
of worried I hadn't announced the first HYPE enough, we had way more
than we've ever had.
Not only that, but man... the discussion, and everything, went so well.

It should be cool to see where HYPE's going to go throughout the rest of this semester.

This semester is good.  God is good.  I love... being here, and seeing what God's going to do with me.
Yep :-)

A challenge (for me and you)

January 13 2007

Wow, I've never really thought of this, I mean, I have, but not in the depth I just did.

12: 4But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray
him, objected, 5"Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to
the poor? It was worth a year's wages.[
6He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was
a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what
was put into it.

tend to look at this passage and look so poorly upon Judas, but don't
we do this all the time? Don't we so often look at a situation and spit
out some memorized response, rather than a heartfelt one?

In other words, we frequently handle situations like a church member, rather than like Jesus.

point is, Christianity is not about having an instruction manual for
every situation in life, but about a consistent Christ like attitude,
one that's always seeing the world through the passion and love of
Jesus, not through empty, ritualistic approaches mindlessly brought
forward from your denomination's regulations.

if we don't approach situations like this, we'll be the ones looking a
desperate church member in the face asking for money saying "you should
have tithed," looking at a pregnant teenager saying "you should have
been at youth service," or heartlessly telling a heartbroken spouse
that their lost family member "had plenty of chances to come to Christ.

other words, if we don't stop ourselves from treating God as teacher
and not Lord, reciting words for religion rather than compassion, it
won't be long before we look ourselves in the mirror and find that we
too, have become, a modern day Judas.

Back to School

January 09 2007
Well, I"m back at Lee, it feels pretty good.  Our retreat thingy for hype was pretty sweet, but what I think was cooler was the meeting I just had with the other floor leader and our chaplain about what we're doing in the dorm this semester for HYPE.  It's going to be awesome.  I definitely believe that my prayers for this semester are going to be answered.

That and classes start tomorrow.  Cool, I guess? 
O, and for spring break I'm going to IRELAND!!!!!!
And um... I spent WAY less on books than I thought I'd have to.

I guess that's the important stuff.  God is awesome, looking forward to a year of breakthrough.
Yep :-)

God, is... God

December 16 2006
God is getting my attention about something in a manner I don't understand, and quite frankly, it's confusing.
of all the times I've heard people say "I don't understand what God's
doing," or something to that degree, I am experiencing that, probably
to the greatest extent I have in my walk with Him.
It's awesome, sort of, but then again, it's just weird.

God is cool though, because, yeah, He's so big and knows so much more than me!
So even if I'm not hearing Him to well, I still know He knows what He's talking about.

A better one, at least I think so....

December 11 2006

This is one of those that I am the
most satisfied with after having finished... I really feel like I got
across what I was trying to say.  And it's pretty cool, because it came
totally from what a friend of mine is going through.  I don't know, God
is good

Proverbs 19:21

My brokenness is
cracked and bleeding,
My preconceived
plan is fleeting,
All that I knew
before today,
Seems repeatedly
crushed with everything You say.

My open heart is
As you're
continually revealing,
A way I won't
foresee until you take my eyes away,
And let them see
that way.

My fragile
thoughts are shattered,
My thoughts ring
with the clatter
Of words against
all that I knew,
Rung with this
plan I only vaguely understand, through You.

My cracked heart
is baking,
In the penetrating
heat of your Son,
I'm done trying to
comprehend your purpose,
For which I've
wrung myself out,
Now I'm undone.
Take my withered
decaying will,
And make it Thine

So yeah... a poem

December 08 2006
So far beyond what I can fathom is the life I'm living now.
Every moment exceeds all paramaters placed around this finite living house In which I'm caved in for now, though with intermittent escape,
Found deep within the eyes of my loving Savior's face.
He gives me insight into a realm not of my own,
And though I can't take full grasp of it now I will  yet take hold
Of the small bits that He offers me today.
Outside of myself, exceeding my restrictions, is His power, in which I find
Remission for all sins, both past and present too, and peace beyond all measure, a truth that's wholly true,
And without such time with Him I know I could not endure,
All the times I spend surrounded by this morally concocted sewer,
And in such place I know that all answers will be found,
As long as You are always my assister, my strengthed fallen crown.
Conquered by none by submitted to o so many,
You are my servant deliverer, my escape for whom I'm ready
To be with forever and ever, abiding by you, I will find my peace,
Beyond what I could fathom.


December 07 2006
The other day I had a girl in my class say that "You can't hold that God is
omnipresent and then say that hell would be without the presence of
I guess that kind of makes sense... ish, but I'm pretty sure she's wrong.
do you guys think?  I don't agree, and I could argue why I don't, but
I'm interested in what others think on this.  It is quite an
interesting question.  Yes, or no?

Certainly Weird

November 24 2006
So I had to come back
from thansgiving break early this year, and being here in hughes hall..
and it being quiet is realllllllllly weird.
I'm glad to be occupied with work most of this time. 
anyway, bunch of new music I'm listening to, new dead poetic, kids in
the way, new shane and shane, sanctus real, new casting crowns, and new
I wuv it!!!!

And there was much rejoicing

November 19 2006
Yes, I'm coming home for thanksgiving.  Leaving tuesday, coming back to cleveland on Friday to work..
O no no please
Hold your applause.
haha, jk.

Revisiting a topic i discussed before

November 13 2006
I don't understand.  It's so frustrating, depressing, and in the most
sincere manner I convey, I believe it truly hurts me.  To see so many
people, sucked into the chasm, of a size that continually baffles me,
of worthlessness. 

I am so saddened by so many people who simply don't understand the enormous worth in their existence. 

I honestly can't adequately convey it, but the fact is that we are
worth enough, for the Son of God to die for us, and yet we can't seem
to stop giving ourselves away.  Whether it be attaining attention from
guys via clothing that we know is going to get their attention, or
attending parties full of fake people, hoping that these friends we
have will somehow... make us feel accepted.

It kills me to see so many females parading their bodies around to be
captivated by the lustful eye of any passing guy, and even more the
fact that they somehow think that such attention is going to have some
type of pure contingency.

I'm going to be even more honest and say that when I see Christian
girls who don't seem to understand this, and get so lost in
relationships devoid of God and true meaning, I think it hurts me even

To know that I have seen girls who claim to be christians dress more
provocatively than those who don't.... needs some type of attention. 

I just don't understand how someone who apparently knows God.. wouldn't
understand that showing your body for all to see is.. I'm going to use
this.. almost turning your back on God.  Because you're saying that you
want attention from guys who will give you that attention based on your
physique, which is honestly, physical, fleshful, and has nothing to do
with a true love towards marriage.  A guy doesn't go to a girl when he
can see down her shirt thinking "I want to love her and have her for my
wife."  We need not go into what he truly is thinking.

I don't know, maybe i'm being extreme.  Maybe someg girls just aren't
aware of their worth in Christ, though they have in fact encountered
Him.  Well, I want all of you to know

"Christ loves you so much! Don't compromise that.  You're worth more
than thousands of precious jewels in His sight.  Please... don't give
yourself away."

The goodness of masculinity

November 08 2006
So last night was pretty much AMAZING!
You know why?  Monkey soccer, ladies and gentlemen, monkey soccer, in the rain, full contact.
night a whole bunch of guys in our dorm went to one of the fields at
around midnight, and for two hours we played full contact monkey
soccer, in the cold rain, and it was so FREAKING AWESOME!!!
Basically, you dribble with your hands, and hit people, and slide around in the mud, and have a blast.
Haha, at one point, my RA just out of the blue ( I was nowhere near the ball) just TOOK ME OUT.
went flat on the ground, man it was a great hit.  And me, being a guy,
got up and was like "Jessi, that was so awesome!"  and laughed.  Yes,
hitting is.. fun?  It's a guy thing.
One problem: my shoulder is killing me right now.
the beginning of the night, I went towards the ball, and as i was, an
athletic black guy on our hall, Marquise, was coming too.  So I lowered
my body and basically tackled him at the knees.   When I did that, he
kind of rolled over on me, and somehow my shoulder got stuck in the
mud, or stretched, or something, but I heard a VERY loud sequence of
pops, kind of like those people you know who can seriously pop their
neck, in my shoulder.
I got up, it hurt, and I had that "my nerves
are tingly numbish, and I know this isn't that good.." I felt to make
sure it wasn't dislocated, it wasn't, otherwise I would have been in
instantaneous agony, so the adrenaline took over, and I went the rest
of the night hitting and being hit, having a blast.
It wasn't until
I took a shower, that the pain started to set in.  At one point last
night, I had A VERY sharp pain in my arm, so that I was like "OWW!" 
Paul can tell you.
and today it's gotten progressively worse.  So
yeah, it kind of sucks, I'll get it checked out, but it WAS SO WORTH
IT!  I hope we play again!
Comments anyone?  On the stupidity of male bravado?  Or just on.. how cool we are!!

Long time

October 30 2006
It's been forever for me and poetry.  It feels good again...

I want to reach you.
Yet you seem so far away.
I want to reach you,
But my hands are nailed in place.

I want to reach you.
But your words push me aside.
Bound by unbelief,
My sacrifice is tied.
Can I reach you?
Or will you mock my smitten state.
Spit at my hopeless sacrifice.
And curse me to my face.
Can I reach you?
Or will I stay nailed to a tree.
Pierced by your harsh words,
As you constantly deny me.
My life I gave,
With my arms stretched out
And smashed into a cross,
Leaving me broken. Yet without
You I knew I was incomplete,
Lost, without a cause,
And I knew that with every drop, my
Was worth My loss.
So here I am, paralyzed, in unbelief,
Broken both inside, and out.
Longing to hold you,
But forcibly done without.
Hoping for the healing of a broken
Though it's thrown in my face,
Begging of you to see my misery,
And remove me from this place.
I've been pinned here too long,
Sealed in agony beyond compare,
Waiting for you to remove me,
And embrace the love I share
For you, and your purpose,
Your empty writhing heart.
If you would just, please, let me reach
We weren't meant to be apart.

I reach you.

Back to Busy

October 29 2006
Well, fall break was great.. but it's kind of depressing how
pretty much as soon as I got here, things have been going crazy again. 
This past week has been pretty non stop, and right now I'm studying,
hoping to be prepared as much as I can before I go to work tonight and
then study more tonight when I come back. 
Four exams next week.  One shouldn't be that bad, but the other three require a fairly large amount of my time.

Thanksgiving break anyone? haha.

The Judgment

October 26 2006
As many of you know, Paul, Chris our friend Patrick and myself went to see the judgment.
You guys were SOOO AWESOME. I'm not kidding, it really moved me, very powerful, very effective.
The only thing about the judgment is that both times I've seen it, it leaves me longing to be in church acting again.
I don't know if I can adequately convey the desire kindled in me when I see you guys ministering through scenes to do the same.  I want so badly to do it.

I'm not here to fish for compliments, but I think, anyways, that God's gifted me to some extent in theatre, and after leaving the judgment last night, the desire I felt has left me wondering. 
I'll put it this way, the only other thing that close to my heart is preaching :which is my calling.
So.. it's an item of prayer now.  I guess, am I gifted enough here?  And more so, God, are you calling me to theatre, in some extent?  (Because I'd really like that! ;-)

Spiritual Warfare

October 24 2006
For Jesh, this is pretty much what I talked to you about that one
night that I said I'd post eventually.  It's not nearly as in depth as
I could, and maybe should, make it, but this is what I made for my guys

this one's a bit different, more on the philosophical side, but it's
really what God's been doing with me. Also, there's a whole lot
more that I have to say about this stuff, so if you have any
questions, please ask. I hope this benefits you as it now does me.

do we have to wage spiritual warfare?

can't God intervene and stop the devil from attacking us?

if God is all powerful, if the devil is attacking us, doesn't that
mean He's allowing the enemy to attack us?

are the questions that I've dealt with recently, prayed over, and
really feel like God's given me some insight about.

of all, the first two questions go hand in hand, because since God is
all powerful, He could intervene in my life and stop the devil from
attacking me. Which makes me ask “God, why don't you do this? It
seems like you're just letting the devil attack me.”

in response to this, let's say God did always intervene. He never
allowed the devil to throw anything at my life to divert me from Him.
But think about that. That would mean all temptation would not
exist, because temptation is of the devil, and if God always stopped
the devil from attacking us, then temptation would not exist.

we know temptation does exist. Furthermore, we know that God created
us for the sole purpose of having a relationship with Him: as can be
proven by Christ's sacrifice on the cross

leads back to the question: “If God wants us to have a relationship
with us, why would an all powerful God allow the devil to hinder that
relationship in any way?

essentially, the answer to all of these questions is free will.

the only way God “could never allow the devil to attack us” is if
He always intervened. Why? I look at it this way. God
always keeps me from having lustful thoughts, but then there's one
time that He doesn't. Well, that one time is going to be the time
that I have to resist it, quote scripture, pray, wage spiritual
, to overcome it.

the only way spiritual warfare doesn't exist is if God always
intervenes and stops the temptation from coming.

doesn't that mean that I'm never really choosing to serve God? If
every single time there's any type of distraction or challenge to my
faith, God stops it, am I really choosing to serve God? Or is God
keeping me in continuous ignorance to the world, and He's more or
less manipulating me to serve Him?

my opinion. Either God allows us to wage spiritual warfare, or He
always intervenes and renders us as people living a robotic spiritual
life. Never really choosing to serve Him, but only doing so because
we don't know the alternative.

the problem with this is, as I said earlier,is that it seems God's
allowing the devil to attack us.

in response to this, I say that God has fully equipped us to wage war
against the enemy. Look at it this way.

trains his student to be a great warrior. But if every time this
warrior has a chance to fight, the trainer intervenes, would this
warrior ever be as great as the trainer wanted? Furthermore,
wouldn't the warrior begin to get frustrated, and actually want to
start implementing what he's learned, so he could become a better

That's how I see it. We live in a
lost world, and the moment we start trying to win them to Christ, the
devil's going to come at us with all he has. And I don't know about
you guys, but I want to be as rooted and trained in the art of
spiritual combat as any, so that when I step onto the devil's turf,
he knows he's facing someone God's fully prepared to achieve victory,
and not someone cooped up inside a life of spiritual ignorance.
Spiritual warfare is a necessity. We need it in our lives as
Christians, for without it, we can never be truly rooted in our
faith. That, in my opinion, is why it exists.

Living for God for God

October 17 2006
I'm not out to prove anything to anyone.  I love the way Paul
puts it in corinthians.  He essentially says "I could care less what
you think, GOd is my judge."
Every day I seek to please God, solely
for the reason, of pleasing God.  And I pray I can always have that
mentality.  Not to be a good evangelist.  Not to be a good floor leader.
Not to be "good enough" for some godly woman God wants for me.
But the man of God He wants me to be, and nothing else.
There's just something so good about just seeking God, for God, and just Him, without the concern of what anyone else thinks.
not saying that's what consumes me, or any of us, but sometimes the
pressures of the world around us, of the church, or whatever else, at
least in my life, begin to press on me sometimes.  Sometimes it's  hard
to just seek God for God alone, and nothing else.
But when I find
myself, in that alone time with Him, knowing that if it's only me and
Him, for the rest of time, I'd be totally content, that I know what I'm
made for.
Until that time, I'm here to help other people come to that understanding.

Audio A!

October 15 2006
So, for some reason, I'm listening to Audio Adrenaline last night, and now.. I have this new found.. INTENSE.. love for them.
Ahh.. they're just sooooooooo gooooooood :)
Powerful christian messages, with just such.. charisma.. in their presentation of it.  Joy honestly just kind of comes up in me listening to them.
Spiritually edifying, most def.

I'm a man. Overboard.
I'm a man. Overboard....

If it wasn't for the light house
where would my life be?
On a ship bound for nowhere,
On an unforgiving sea.

I thank God, for the lighthouse

So many who need Him...

October 14 2006
I don't know... tonight I worked with another girl I've been working with for a while.  Basically, most of the people that I work with are your typical southern christian people.  They're "christians.." but, I mean.. it's more of a .. i don't know, I'm HONESTLY not trying to offend anyone, buy I'm sure most of you get my drift. 
And then I go on their myspace accounts.. and see their lives.. how they really are.. so lost, without him
Putting their bodies out there for show for anyone to see.
I can't help but think of how Jesus felt when He looked at the multitudes.
36When He saw the
throngs, He was moved with pity and sympathy for them, because they
were bewildered (harassed and distressed and dejected and helpless),
like sheep without a shepherd.

You're worth so much that that! Don't put your body out there to find love.. Christ loves you.  He is that missing affection and attention you're missing.. There IS  man who has YOU at the center of His universe, and it has nothing to do with how much of yourself you can sell to anyone else.  He wants you pure, and just the way He made you.

God is good.

October 11 2006
I've posted this before, but having some type of journal or
something, especially in reference to devotions, is something I hold a
strong belief in.  I stumbled over this tonight.  God is good.

seemed to recognize Jesus a lot quicker than the Pharisees, or most
"normal people" for that matter.  I think this points to a basic
principle between humanity and Him:

*It becomes a lot easier to see Jesus when we
look through desperate eyes*


October 07 2006
51 to 33
A team who's averaging an allowed 6.8 points per game, and only 34 ALL SEASON.
And we scored 51 points in one game.  The only other team to score fifty points in Georgia is FLorida back in 1995, when Steve Spurrier's run gun n fun offense was at its height.

Lunch Lady Land

October 01 2006
Well I woke up one morning and I woke up to see,
all the pepperoni pizza was a lookin at me,
It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold?!
I said I got the spatula just do what you're told.
Then the liver and onions starting joining the fight,
And the chocolote pudding pushed me with all its might,
And the chopped suey slapped me and kicked me in the head
" It's called revenge lunch lady!" said the garlic bread.
I said "What did I do to make you all so mad?"
They said you got flabby arms and your breath is bad.
Then the green beans said you better run and hide.
But then my friend sloppy joe came and joined me side.
He said, if it wasn't for the lunch the lady the kids wouldn't eat ya
You should be shaking your hand and saying "pleased to meet ya."
She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal,
You should be kissing her feet and kissing her mole.
Now all the angry foods just leave me alone, and we all live together in a happy home.
Thanks to..
Sloppy Joe, Slop, Sloppy Joe.. ....

Another try at profoundness.. ;)

September 23 2006
I assume my last post was too intimidating in length to try and read..
Here's a quote from my RA last night in bible study, that I thought was AMAZING.

18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death

We have
the power of life, and death, in our words, and every day, we're
killing people, and we don't even have to put a gun to their heads.

Why is God always worthy to be praised?

September 20 2006

I hope you guys take the time to read this, I put a lot of time into
it ;)
And who knows, I might just minister to you ;)

God is always worth of our

Now I know that we frequent
this statement in our Christian faith, but for some reason, as I came
across it tonight in Psalm 96:4, I was really compelled to find out,
“what exactly does that mean?”

Why should I give God
praise? What is it exactly that makes him always worthy of praise?

    Before one can delve into
this debate, one must first go to the source of things that we see as
worthy of praise in the first place, or in other words, things one
would declare “good.” Well, acknowledging the numerous scientific
discoveries that have nullified the possiblity of evolution, and
therefore accepting the only other alternative to existence, a Divine
Creator, we can almost instantly discover this source. For if there
was a divine creator that spoke all humanity into existence, more
specifically, a Creator that made us in His image, then every bit of
our natural understanding of what is “good,” comes from Him,
which in turn would mean that He, this Creator, is in fact our source
or standard
of good ( or things worthy of praise ).

    So, with that stated, one
can see that things we see as “worthy of praise,” ( qualified for
verbal or physical actions of thanks )such as goodness, kindness,
love, sacrifice, purity, and the like, are all really just
reflections of the ultimate source of all things good: God. From here
it doesn't take much to understand why God is always worthy of
praise, because with the assumption that humanity's natural knowledge
of “the good” or “what is worthy to be praised” was placed
within us by God Himself, then everything that we see as “worthy of
praise” is thus declared so because it is the God given intuition
within us that leads us to such a conclusion. All of this ultimately
explains the statement “God is always worthy of praise,” because
well, if God is good, and if we have ingrained into us a natural
intuition to praise things reflective of His goodness, then obviously
God is “always worthy of praise,” because God is always good.