they said we couldn't make it

each too different

and i guess they were right.

one day she was gone

and standing there alone

i looked to the window

calling me with open arms

ready to embrace me

in its beauty, and i let it.

through its frame and out

into the open sky

like a bird, never understood,

until i finally set my feet

down on the sidewalk

ten stories below.

later, there was a

closed-casket funeral and

they called it sin but

i call it art.

am i mean?

if i asked you to run away with me, would you come?

(have you ever noticed that the people you want to answer this kind of question the most never do?)

sometimes i feel like i'm drowning.

other times i feel like i'm flying.

most of the time i can't tell which is which.

Well kids, here are your answers:

Mady-How much do I love you? Well I think that I would have to say . . . almost as much as Jesus does. That’s a whole lot. That’s also about how much I love everyone.

Rebekah-Naked? For a million dollars? Shoot, my clothes would be off faster than . . . something very fast. Yeah, that was a pretty terrible analogy, so I’ll try to do better . . . yeah, I got nothin’.

Kelsey-No, the party was not more fun without you, I’m sad that you couldn’t make it. What’s the other question?

Aimee-I needed you to ice a cake for me . . . a very special cake . . . that’s about all I can say on here. Message me.

Sara Shaban-Love at first sight? Seriously? Probably not. That would probably be something more along the lines of infatuation. But I do believe that sometimes you can feel a deep connection with someone at first sight . . . I just don’t know if I think that that’s love.

Andrew-I am not, in fact, a treacherous traitor; I am a treacherous whore. Aside from that, it’s all quite simple: I once signed a pact that I would never betray anyone-ever-and that I would certainly not whore about . . . we see how well that worked. That fiendish Chloe . . .

Megan-Of course I missed you after you left my party; I didn’t get a chance to poke you or bother you about Kelly.

Anna-I thought we already settled this marriage thing? The deal is if neither of us are married by the time that you turn 30, we get hitched. I proposed to you a long time ago . . . and now that we’re both 18 I guess it technically counts . . .along with 54 others, but we won’t go there in this paragraph.

Beth-How many times have I been in love? Probably never if we’re being realistic; though I’ve either been there or close on one or maybe two occasions in my opinion.

Sarah Bowers-Hmm . . . probably $5. I am not to dependent on Starbucks coffee that I wouldn’t go home and brew my own if it got any higher than that for one drink. Of course if I were buying for a lot of people, I would buy until I had no more money with me, just to be nice. And so I could sip everyone’s coffee.

Dani-You ask me a very interesting question. I would think that the answer to your question is yes, we (boys) are all stupid, at least as far as matters like that are concerned. But hey, who isn’t stupid at some point or another, especially in relationships? I do believe that the general rule of thumb is "boys are stupid and girls are evil."

Kim-Yes, I do like Pirates of the Caribbean . . . in fact, I can’t wait for the sequel to come out on July 7th. Or maybe it was the 8th. Early July, either way.

Jessica-The meaning of life . . . hmm . . . I think it would change depending on who you asked. Personally, I think life is supposed to be your love letter back to God. Life is a journey, not a destination, and it’s all about what happens along the way and whether or not you get pulled down in the trenches or persevere and make life a little easier for the people to come after you. The good and the bad, you have to take all of it and learn to appreciate every experience you have. Your actions against-and reactions to-your circumstances are what makes you who you are; and when you realize who you are, you have realized the meaning of your life.

Ben-No. Lol, just kidding. You will be romantically happy when you quit worrying about it and just live. Girls are pretty cool . . . but don’t let them consume you. See the above paragraph.

Cara-If I had a dollar for every time I made a complete fool of myself, I would be the richest man alive. As far as your college question, I’m going to take the cheap way out and say that you will end up wherever you are supposed to go. If I knew where you applied, I might take a stab in the dark to see how close I could get.

Nathan-Big Bird is totally a guy. I think . . . gah, that’s going to bother me now . . .

Michal-I didn’t invite you to my party because I really didn’t think you would come if I did. Simple as that. I was actually on the verge of asking you, but chickened out. Maybe next time . . . can’t have you walking around with a broken heart.

Caleb-Cottage cheese and bologna together, or just in general? In general, yes, I do. Together, I have never tried, but it doesn’t sound particularly tasty. How would you eat it? On a sandwich? Or would you just smother the bologna with cottage cheese and roll it up Swiss cake roll style? This is interesting . . .

Zach-As much as it would bother our parents, friends, your girlfriend, and our religious affiliation, I guess I have to say yes, I will marry you. Now get at the back of the line, ;P. I have missed you a lot this semester, and you better hang out with me whenever you get back for Christmas break.

Sarah from Alabama-This question is tough, because if I say yes, I sound conceited, and if I say no I sound like I have self-esteem issues. And, of course, it all depends on exactly how cool people say I am . . . which I really can’t imagine to be very cool . . . but we’ll go with yes.

Christina-School buses smell like pepperoni? What bus have you been riding? Just kidding, school buses smell like pepperoni because the patron saint of school bus drivers is St. (Papa) John, who also happens to be the patron saint of pizza, so they burn pepperoni-scented candles to him under the dash. I thought everyone knew that . . .

Amy Powers-I have several theories as to why random people request friendship on Phusebox. Any or all of my theories may apply to any random Phuseboxer who requests your friendship: A) They think that you are hott. These people usually accompany their request with a message to you saying about as much. They are also, quite often, awkwardly younger than you are. B) They are extremely insecure and have no real friends to be friends with, so they ask random people in the hope that it will make it look like someone does, in fact, notice (and care) that they are alive. C) They are having some sort of a contest with someone else to see how many friends they can get and don’t really care whether they know you or not. That’s not all of them, but it’s the top three main reasons, in my professional opinion.

Emily-This question was pure evil. If I could marry seven people, who would I marry? I could take the cheap way out and rattle off a bunch of really attractive actresses that I have no chance with ever, but where’s the fun in that? I’ll rattle off a bunch of names of people that I actually know that I have no chance with ever (in no particular order). 1) You. You deserve to be married to me for asking this question. 2) Sarah Moore. Because we would make random sounds at each other about as often as we actually talked. 3) Michal Mulane. She’s funny and pretty (fun to be mean to). 4) Megan McDonald. Because it would really tick off Kelly. 5) Sara Mohammed Shaban. You never know when you will need al-Qaeda connections. 6) Jessica Sanders. Just to cause lots of drama and keep things interesting around the house. 7) Kelly Sullivan. Because she makes funny noises when you poke her in the side. I’m sure I left out someone important, but that will have to do because I ran out of numbers . . . you should have asked who I would marry if I could marry 55 girls.

Michal-Will I be your boyfriend? Sure, why not? No one else will take me . . .

Aaron-You in a word? Weird.

Katie-How do you measure a year? With a calendar, stupid. Hehe. No, but seriously . . . I guess this is one of those sappy things where you are supposed to say you measure a year by your experiences, good times with friends, etc. Personally, I've had a very interesting year so far, but I can't say that I will be terribly sad to see 05 go . . . because that means 06 is coming!

Bethany-Do I think that people in heaven can see us? I guess that depends on whether or not you believe that people go straight to heaven when they die; do they go on up, or do they wait in the ground for the rapture? I think it makes more sense to believe that people wait in the ground, because if they went to heaven why would they come back to be raptured? Of course the fact that elijah was carried up to heaven in a chariot kinda messes with that theory, but he was elijah, so maybe he's special. I guess what I'm getting at, despite wishing to the contrary, is that I don't really believe that people can see us from heaven. As nice as it is to think that generations of your ancestors and heros are up there watching, I'm pretty sure that if you were in heaven you would be far too blown away by God to be paying attention to anyone else, especially us mortals. Of course, there is that verse in Hebrews about the cloud of witnesses, but that could be angels, or it could be that the people in heaven are in fact watching . . . so basically I just spent a huge paragraph running around in circles to say nothing more than I don't know; I don't think anyone really will until we are on the other side. This would be a better conversation to have in person than on a forum like this, so . . . bring it up sometime.

Holy cow, that was a really long post. I'm sorry. I did try to make it interesting for all of you, though.

ask me any question you want to and i promise i will answer you in the next post.

people go through life always wishing they were bigger, better, stronger; they never really realize that they have always been big enough, good enough, and strong enough for wherever they are.

it's finally my birthday. guess who's legal.

i can think of two applicable quotes:

"coming out of my cage, and i've been doing just fine . . ."

and a quote by a dear scottish friend of mine:

"freedoooooooooom!!!"

so i got myself grounded.

got in an argument over whether i control my life, or my parents do.

they won.

my parents pick the most inopportune moments to yell at me.

so i won't be on here for a while.

like, til my birthday.

that's november 29.

holy cow.

it's like lent. only longer. and not voluntary.

other than that, it's basically just a bunch of extreme limits on how late i can be out, how often i can go places, required amount of hours i have to spend with my family, etc.

i'm telling you, these folks are psycho.

but i guess i deserve it.

oh well, not going to let this ruin my senior year.

so yeah. you are morally obliged to call me when you plan something. or call me to keep me company. whatever. whenever. 890-7454. do it.

ciao, mes amis.

"havin' fun, fun, fun til daddy took the t-bird away . . ."

i have come to admire children because they don't care what you think of them.

a child will carry a blanket, or perhaps a teddy bear, with them everywhere simply because that is what they love. that is what gives them comfort.

and they aren't afraid to show that to the world.

they haven't yet been told they're "weird" or that "that just isn't done."

they are simply who they are.

a young boy might take to wearing a pirate hat everywhere he goes, or perhaps a cape with his underwear on the outside of his pants. a young girl might wear a tiara, or strap a pair of wings to her back and wave a wand about.

they don't care what you think of them. they haven't yet been laughed or coerced into what is considered "normal."

they just are.

and it's priceless.

i'm convinced that "normal" kills most of the world's pirates, super heroes, princesses, fairies, cowboys, indians, astronauts, and ballerinas before they reach their full potential.

before they hit their prime.

before they can make a difference in the world.

but i have a secret for you:

"normal" isn't real.

it's a lie someone came up with a long time ago to make you feel inferior. different. like you don't belong.

don't give in.

don't believe it.

go dust off your wings, or your cowboy hat, and be who you really are. who you were before you were afraid to be you.

the world would be much more interesting. much more alive.

"become who you were born to be."

i have come to admire children because they aren't afraid to be themselves.

me? i'm a pirate.

you?

so i think--maybe--that i might just be developing something of a crush on you. very random, i know, but . . . i don't have any control over that.

this could throw a kink in things.

we'll just have to see how all this plays out.

now the question you, the reader, must ask yourself, quite naturally, is whether or not the three previous paragraphs are all on the same subject or not.

well, are they?





are you sure?

you know, being mysterious/dramatic is really rather enjoyable.

but only when you know what is going on.

adieu.

ap history results came in today. who made a 5? the brian made a 5. woopt!

i can't stop listening to the lifehouse cd. i think i'm addicted. it's beautiful.

i'm making a pizza for lunch. i remembered to take the cardboard off this time. i'm famous for forgetting to do that.

i feel like i should have something important to say, but i can't think of it.

ever felt alone?

well i am tremendously bored, so i've decided to keep you up to date on my personal plans for once i've taken over the world.

i would, of course, need somewhere to live where i could concentrate on all the pressing problems world rule would be sure to bring.



photo from raoul_de_castor

ah, versailles. large. festive. near paris. yes, i think that will do. but just in case it's not big enough, i think i'll take . . .



photo from raoul_de_castor

. . . the catherine palace, as well. just outside st. petersburg. sizeable. ornate. blue. i like it.

however, i will also need a small country home where i can escape from the pressing matters of state and perhaps fish, play golf, or do whatever else rulers of the world do to relax.



photo from raoul_de_castor

i think that will do nicely. the chateau de chambord, in the loire river valley. small. quaint. out of the way. a real retreat from it all.

not that i would limit myself to only these properties. i'll have a mansion in venice, a coffee plantation in brazil, a villa in tuscany, a flat in new york, my own private island in the pacific . . . you begin to see my point.

of course, i certainly shan't keep all of it to myself. i've already promised many of you huge tracts of land (such as japan, spain, north america . . .), unfortunately i don't remember exactly what all i've promsied to whom. if i've promised you somewhere, remind me.

and if i haven't promised you anything yet, ask.

now, there's only to find someone willing to be queen of the world . . .

happy bastille day.

a couple hundred years ago today a bunch of angry parisian peasants completely destroyed a prison, signifying the beginning of the end for the french monarchy.

twenty years later, after following a very short corsican on a mad dash across europe, the peasants had run france down into a shambles and the bourbon family was back.

now that's what i call effective revolution.

you know how characters in books are introduced? there's a party or something going on and they step in the door and their manner, personality, walk, and appearance are all briefly summarized by the author.

if you are bored, and have some talent with words, take a paragraph or two to introduce me as a character.

i've just always wondered how i would be introduced and described by someone in a book.

if you do it for me, i'll do it for you.

so . . . anyone want to do la siesta at 12:30 or so? please? call me (890-7454) if you're in.

i need out of this joint.

TODAY

STARBUCKS

4:00

BE THERE.

(i'm serious, go)

the bosses are out of town.

this means i have free time.

what to do, what to do . . .

*edit*

also, i can't get aim to work. so if you plan anything, don't count on getting ahold of me that way.

so according to my mother, i should have the entire rest of my life planned out from this point forth.

somewhere she missed the fact that i am only 17. that i don't know exactly where i want to go to college. that i don't know what i want to do "when i grow up."

she thinks i haven't been thinking about it at all. that all i am concerned about is having fun with my friends in the here and now.

i don't remember the last time i just sat and hung out with my friends. i've been working all day most every day for the past few weeks.

i mean, that obviously shows that i am lazy and don't think about the future. what a horrible, no good teenager i am.

so, to all you kids who've already done this whole college application thing: when did you start working on it really hard?