you know, somewhere warm? with palm trees?

i do so adore palms trees.

and the tropical breezes gently blowing . . .

and brightly painted little houses . . .

full of happy little brown people . . .

and little children playing soccer in the town square . . .

using palm trees for goal posts . . .

maybe if i just close my eyes . . .

maybe i expect too much out of life. but is a little break too much to ask?

well, it was a pretty good weekend.

i spent saturday night with mccain in martin. and for all the crap i gave him about it being boring, it was actually really fun.

that's right, martin is fun. i said that. if i can say that . . . well, you would all have the time of your lives.

sunday night he came back to memphis with me and i gave him the grand tour . . . the river, peabody, beale, belgrade, gibson's donuts, etc.

so yeah, good times in the m-towns of the west.

speaking of which, what is it with all these places i visit?

murfreesboro

mexico

memphis

montenegro

martin

. . . i'm sensing a trend.

anyway, mccain just left and i have french homework to do, so i will talk to you kids later.

"gurl, ho' dat umbrella closuh tuh mah head 'fo' da rain get in mah brannew weave! i pay a sh*tlo' demunny fo' dis mess." -laquiesha

"sho don' loo[k]it." -shanice

. . . that was an exchange i heard take place between two girls i walked past earlier today.

a rough translation into english for your benefit, amy powers:

"excuse me, miss, would you please hold that umbrella closer to my head before the rain ruins my brand new weave? I paid quite a large sum of money for this hair-do." -courtney

"my, it sure doesn't look like it would cost too much." -emily

good times in the ghetto.

so i finally got my mailbox . . . i can be reached at:

Brian King

The University of Memphis

1344 Campus Postal Station

Memphis, TN 38152

you should send me things in the mail. like money. or love letters. or love letters containing money. or big red. or a monkey. or even a monkey chewing big red and carrying money and love letters.

you know you love me. :)

that life makes the most sense in the middle of the night.

or perhaps it's that i don't make sense in the middle of the night, and thus life and i are finally on the same page.

no matter.

it will all be confused again in the morning.

life is far too complicated, and the human heart doesn't ease matters.

do you believe in love?

i sometimes wonder . . .

"never allow someone to pull you so low as to make you hate them."

i love that quote.

it's definately not always easy to follow, but it's good advice. i try my hardest.

i just woke up.

this is just about the latest that i have ever woken up, except for when i slept til 2 in the afternoon in montenegro. but the time in montenegro doesn't really count because when you take into account the time change i was really still waking up at 7 or so in the morning.

the point is, i got home from beale street and a movie around 2:30 or 3 in the morning and then we decided that we weren't really tired, so we went back out.

we went to germantown and wolfchase.

we went to bartlett and millington.

we were about 3 seconds from driving all the way to nashville just for kicks.

and when we finally found our way back into memphis, we drove the length of poplar in search of a donut shop. and boy, did we make a discovery.

we had finally given up when we found it. gibson's donut shop. open 24 hours. it smelled amazing.

by this time, it was like five in the morning and the shop was already begining to fill with old people. there were two old men sitting at a table drinking coffee and eating the fresh donuts.

and my, were those donuts.

i will be going back.

but seeing as how i didn't get to sleep until 6 or so this morning, i think i am going to go lay in bed and read a book. and just enjoy being by myself, for once.

ciao.

i had the wonderful privilege of going to a pancake breakfast with my brother, parents, and grandmother.

you know, the pancake breakfasts that little country churches like to throw . . . where there are old people everywhere sitting, talking, laughing.

and i remembered why i love old people.

i think an old lady would walk up to an ogre and say, "well, ain't you just the most handsomest, sweetest thing ever!"

because when you're an old lady, you are allowed to say things like "ain't you" and "most handsomest" with no social ramifications. cheek pinching is also within your bounds.

old men, on the other hand, are entitled to huge ears, their own brand of flirting with everything alive, and saying phrases like:

"you can't have your cake and eat it, too"

or

"a day late and a dollar short"

whatever the heck that means.

old people are allowed to forget people's names and have developed their own system by which they address everyone as "boy" or "girl" on the assumption that everyone is younger than they are.

young people, however, better remember their names.

so, basically, old people make me smile.

and i can't wait to be old.

i am coming home

on thursday night or friday afternoon

i will be in murfreesboro

until tuesday afternoon

you should call me

and we should hang out.

if i were a month, i’d be: the lusty month of may.

if i were a day of the week, i’d be: saturday . . . i'm lazy

if i were a time of day, i’d be: three o'clock in the morning when all the nightowls have gone to bed and all the morning people aren't awake yet and it's just me and God.

if i were a planet, i’d be: pluto . . . poor pluto.

if i were an animal, i’d be: duh, un castor.

if i were a direction, i’d be: south.

if i were a piece of furniture, i’d be: a chaise lounge. how hott is that?

if i were a historical figure, i’d be: napoleon.

if i were a liquid, i’d be: coffee!

if i were a tree, i’d be: live oak with spanish moss . . . very old south

and eerie.

if i were a bird, i’d be: a (jack) sparrow.

if i were a tool, i’d be: george w. bush.

if i were a flower/plant, i’d be: a yellow rose.

if i were a kind of weather, i’d be: a soft thunderstorm, where you get the thunder and lightning without being seriously scared for your life.

if i were a mythical creature, i’d be: a monkey.

if i were a musical instrument, i’d be: a tuba.

if i were a color, i’d be: yellow.

if i were an emotion, i’d be: love.

if i were a vegetable, i’d be: fried okra!

if i were a sound, i’d be: laughter.

if i were an element, i’d be: uranium.

if i were a car, i’d be: a silver thunderbird.

if i were a song, i’d be: walking in memphis.

if i were a movie, i’d be: muppet treasure island.

if i were a place, i’d be: rio de janeiro.

if i were a play, i’d be: a midsummer night's dream.

if i were a show, i’d be: transformers.

if i were a material, i’d be: cotton.

if i were a taste, i’d be: big red.

if i were  a scent, i’d be: honeysuckle.

if i were a word, i’d be: spoon.

if i were an object, i’d be: an icon.

if i were a body part, i’d be: hahahahahahaha.

if i were a subject in school, i’d be: history, duh.

if i were a shape, i’d be: something complicated, not a square like amy powers.

if i were a number, i’d be: 2.5.

if i were an article of clothing, i’d be: flip-flops.

is 75 a reasonable temperature to keep your home at?

in september?

in memphis?

wouldn't 65 be much better?

SOMEONE TELL MY FREAKIN' SUITEMATES THAT!!!

i refuse to give up . . . i will not surrender.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
    the Creator of heaven and earth,
    and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived of the Holy Spirit,
    born of the Virgin Mary,
    suffered under Pontius Pilate,
    was crucified, died, and was buried.

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven
    and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty,
    whence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the one holy church,
    the communion of saints,
    the forgiveness of sins,
    the resurrection of the body,
    and life everlasting.

Amen.

so who am i supposed to call when it's 2 o'clock in the morning and i can't get to sleep because there's too much on my mind?

i don't know anymore.

i thought everyone was supposed to have someone for that . . .

ok, there are some people out there that need to hear this.

YOU CANNOT SAY "COULD OF."

or "would of," or "should of," for that matter.

in spoken english it might SOUND like that's what you are saying . . .

BUT IT'S NOT.

you are saying "COULD'VE."

as in, "i could've killed you for writing 'could of.'"

or perhaps, "i should've killed you for writing 'should of.'"

you could have done something, you could not of done something.

the preposition of is NOT a helping VERB.

you would know that if you would've paid attention in 3rd grade english.

. . .

and while i'm at it, y'all is spelled y-'-a-l-l.

SO STOP WRITING Y-A-'-L-L,

because that doesn't make any sense either.

. . .

i think that's it for now. come on, people, let's write correctly.

What a weekend . . . I know that people don't usually enjoy reading play-by-plays of what people did, but . . . this weekend was too good not to.

So after eating the free food at Noonday with Nikki and Rachel, Nikki and I headed to "Kosovo" Kroger. We made a slight detour to PetCo, however, to look at hamsters.

Once in Kosovo, it took us a good two hours or so to find everything we needed . . . and ended up costing us more than 50 dollars. We paid about half of that in change, much to the dismay of the worker working the check-out line (not to mention everyone behind us in line).

When we finally had everything we needed, we went over to Nikki's apartment where we began the preparatory work on the meal for the Fiesta Friday bash. Josh showed up to help with the cooking, and by the time we were done the entire can of seasoning that we had bought was gone. Mmmm, tasty.

The full menu ended up somewhere along the lines of: chips, salsa, rotel, my cheese dip, tacos, burritos, Mexican rice, some AWESOME punch, and assorted condiments.

Nikki's radio was requisitioned and Relient K was soon blaring as Nikki, Josh, Rachel, Kyle, Whitney, Kelly, Kerri, myself, and a few others that I can't recall the names of at this hour began to stuff our faces. And of course Valerie and Aly made various appearances through the night.

We watched the movie "Dodgeball" on the tv (brought over from my room because Nikki doesn't have one), and it was decided that we are going to meet every Friday to eat and watch a movie. Next week is Italian themed, and Kyle's responsibility . . . I need a break.

Kelsey and Cameron finally showed up about halfway through the movie, and with our party then complete I was able to begin work on my masterpiece . . .

FRIED ICE CREAM.

Yes, I said it. I cooked it. It was amazing. I can't wait to do it again.

Anyway, we ate that while Cameron and Kelsey worked on the leftover Mexican food. After all the food was gone, we decided that we wanted to do breakfast in the morning . . . but we didn't have any bacon. So where better to go on a search for bacon at midnight? Why, Arkansas, of course.

So Cameron, Kelsey, and I piled into Rachel's car and headed to Arkansas . . . where they aparently don't have bacon. Or anything else. So we went back to Memphis and stopped in Piggly Wiggly.

Of course, I showed them Beale . . . and we explored the Peabody further. And we did various other things you can do (when you live in a real city) until 3 or so in the morning.

And thus concludes Friday.

Saturday was a little more calm. It involved French toast and bacon for breakfast, a campus tour, my world-famous chocolate chip cookies, a game of Risk, and "The Producers."

And now Cameron and Kelsey have gone back to Murfreesboro . . . and I think I will be coming to visit there in a couple weeks.

So, after all that, I'm really tired. Goodnight.

the english word "surrender" comes from the french word se rendre, "to give oneself up."

heh-heh, the french.

my two favorite people in the whole wide world (right after me, of course) are coming to visit me in the greatest city in america.

i can't wait for friday . . .

well, i believe i'm going to have to close the polls.

that makes the score:

MEMPHIS: 10

KNOXVILLE: 12

however, i did not lose.

it is merely halftime.

though this did serve the purpose of displaying that just over half of phusebox has poor taste in cities.

of course, most of you live in MURFREESBORING, so i guess that was a given.

*storms off in self-righteous anger*

WESTSIIIIIIIIDE! *gang sign*

well the score is currently:

MEMPHIS 5

KNOXVILLE 6

CHICAGO 1

so it would appear that i am going to have to throw in some propaganda.

VOTE MEMPHIS BECAUSE . . .

we have the hotel that martin luther king, jr,  was shot at.

we have the pink palace museum.

we have the peabody hotel and it's world famous ducks.

we have BEALE STREET.

we are the third largest port on the mississippi . . . the most important river in the world.

we have riverboats.

tunica (with her glorious casinos) is like, 30 minutes away. :)

i can think of at least 3 songs written about memphis, of which one is 'walking in memphis,' one of the greatest songs in history.

justin timberlake is from memphis . . . so sexy will ALWAYS be coming back here.

and what does the sign say when you get to memphis? that's right, home of the blues AND rock'n'roll. without us, you would all be stuck listening to classical or country.

memphis has better booty.

I am in memphis.

we have the largest pyramid this side of egypt.

fedex is based out of memphis.

memphis is just a freakin' cool name.

memphis stayed loyal to her state during The War.

we have an nba team.

our basketball team made it to the elite eight.

we have the best barbeque in the world. oh, and the best catfish, too.

we have more people.

our downtown is nicer.

we have a rap song about our school.

our school color is royal blue and not convict orange.

oh, and our fight song isn't obnoxious.

and, of course, the clencher:

WE HAVE ELVIS.

game over.

now, as for knoxville . . .

. . .

. . .

i suppose they have that world's fair tower with the tacky gold ball on top?

so . . . people of phusebox, i ask you:

memphis or knoxville?

which is better?

*MEMPHIS*

or

dirty, nasty, stinky, uncultured knoxville

ben and i were having a discussion.