im so tired!!!

im working so much that i don't have time for anything. i've got two jobs and its working nicely but i can't go to the lake that much because me and amanda work diff schedules... so whenever we coordinate its good.

i can't wait to go camping!!! oh gosh! whoo hoo!

love life: eh... i don't really want to get into it. its complicated.

what i want for my birthday is a personal massues and a new car. preferably tall, dark and handsome with big hands... and a hard top Jeep Wrangler. (:

i bough new glasses made by versace. oooh ahh. haha yeah cost me $367 AND 48 cents with insurance.. and they couldn't make them in the store because my perscription is so strong thy don't carry it in stock so i have to wait about 2 weeks, if that..

so i bought a new cd: The Fray-- I FRICKIN LOVE IT. gosh. its a great cd. i pretty much know it by heart. lol.

so i got my car fixed, everything is good, got my shock done. driving great whatever, well toby called me into the back of the shop and showed me the cv axles on my truck and how the front passenger side is missing a boot meaning, i need a complete new one... UGH!! everytime i frickin turn around i have to FIX something. eh. who cares. i'll just get more money off of it.

now i think its time for that hot steamy shower... that i will most likely fall asleep in.. (:

so my life has been some what eventful, shall we say, in the last week or so..

so y'know my car..? yeah well it kinda blew up. and i was bumming rides off people left and right so that i could make it to work.well i just got my car back like 2 days ago. and still my shock wasn't fixed.. and the car details of it blowing up... too long and too many things to tell you about it. BUT one exciting fact: my anti-freeze boiled!!

yeah i know. amazing.

i went to the lake. i so had fun. i bought a little grill thing. it was great we grilled out and had a blast. phillip and chris a. jumped off the bridge. its was awesome. i so wanted to do it, but i was afraid of loosing my top. :D cause you know them 2 pieces you gotta watch out for.

but... i'm emotionally having a ruff time... ): i even called Barb (the ex Mrs. Leeper) and told her about it. you see... i haven't been able to see my boyfriend in, atleast, 2 weeks or more. and its like that every other time you know..? cause we only have off Monday & Tuesday together and we still don't get to see each other then anymore (barely).. and its really made me upset and i need some companionship. well me and someone important to me got close.. (or maybe i just thought we did) and you know... i got to where i "liked him" liked him.. ): and we were spending time together after work.

so... i've been asking him personal questions and such.. wondering if he wanted a girlfriend and such... etc. whatever. and he started to kind of avoid me... (or it felt like it) would text back, he was always busy, didn't want to hang out anymore.. and so i was getting a bad impression... so i was like whats up?! and he told me he was dating a girl for a couple of days now...

well i was smashed.. ): even though i really shouldn't have been-because i have my own boyfriend and i love him very much.. but you know... ): i was still smashed... :

so i skulked over a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and watched Gone with the Wind. :

rejection stinks. >:{

anyways. on to brighter subjects... I ordered stuff from target!! :D i got a polk-a-dot shirt that is uber cute on me. a tote purse with is really cool and it has the big tassel on it (etc) and i got Dane Cook's Harmful If Swallowed cd. it's great, he is an awesome comedian. i burned Retaliation from Justin. (:

i have two jobs now. im back at mcdonald's and im not takin shit from no body!! >:} muwahaha.

i saw a BEN-LOOK-ALIKE! his name is cody and works with me.i miss playing dominos and going to chef wangs with rocky and ben and sam. those were good times. (:

...And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

wow, do you know what makes me happy...? shall i make a list for you?

♪ no more highschool
♪no more stupid ass people
♪no more fucking drama
♪no more lunch lines with stupid underclassmen cutters..
♪no more artificial friendships
♪no more lame excuses or bull shit

yeah... im free. im a graduate. im older. whatever. im glad to be out of school and i will definitely miss friends and i will want them to keep in touch with me always even though i know most of us are going seperate ways and we will be too busy making new friends to really remember the old ones. but definitely try to keep in touch. i have your number in my phone! no reason not to randomly text me when you want to talk!

im in nashville alot these days... even though im driving a car im trying to sell because it is fucking me big time because of all the shit im repairing on the peice of junk. im looking for a new car. and i want a jeep wrangler. but then i want a full suv y'know. i like my big bodies. people move out of your fucking way.

when is school officially out? is it may 31st or what cause i gotta bring that stuff back to mr. griffith. stat. and im working on it, and i was suppose to bring it up there yesterday and i got busy and had to go places. and today im in nasshville so i really can't take it up there cause i have to go to work after i get back so... sorry. *shrugs*

graduation was pretty good. i got a digital camera (a kodak easy share- comes w/ a printer) and that was cool cause it was on my list of shit i wanted. then my computer... i haven't got it yet but i have atleast have of the money down on it. i just need about $800 more... (: im getting a mac. yes, yes, yes. Y-E-S.

alright i gotta blow this joint. hit the mall for a little bit until sam gets out of school and then head home and go to work. : oi..

so... i never blog anymore... ill get around to it one day when i feel like getting on. most likely the days after exams and school when i have something to say. :P

prom was great (:

so the play was cute. the costumes looked great. i was proud. the fog machine didn't look like it worked again. i was kinda sad that i didn't get any recognition for costumes but thats okay. April (Ms. Gunter) said she would try to get pictures of people in costume for me to put in my porfolio. so thats awesome. (:

no current events for a week!!! me and justin went riding around in my neighbor hood. and we went into this private drive in the back of my neighborhood that like goes up into a mountainy area (i've been up there before) whice is supercool. but we turned around. :P

im at home chillin for the rest of the day. (:

well we are finished with the costumes for the play!!! yay!! whoa that was alot of sewing but its all cool. im going to see the play with Justin on sunday because that is the unison night we can go.

so Prom is next week!!! ohmigosh.. i am so excited!!! im like that little kid on tv where they are going to Disneyland or whatever and hes like 'I'm Too Excited to Sleep!!" yeah that's me.

now i have to go work on graduation invitations. >:|

so this weekend and the beginning of this week has been a walking disaster today. its not cool at all and it really sucks because i have been a walking accident waiting to happen.

i smashed my finger in a glass fridge, a giant laundry trashcan that was brimming with nasty tablecloths fell off its wheels and landed on the back of my ankle so now that is killing me too.

today at work, a pitcher of tea almost toppled onto my head, a glass also fell but didn't break, teas was on the floor so i mopped it up and STILL a lady fell and dropped all of the food she was carrying.

then! brittany was rolling a cart with glasses on it and caught the back of her shoe (i guess) with the wheel and it bounced a glass off of it and the thing like bounces 4 feet into the air 3 times before it shattered. then less than 2 minutes later you could hear in the dish room that nate or someone dropped a glass and a bowl or something cause there were two different shattering noises.

it was crazy tonight. i think we were jinxed... they gave us a little talk that OSHA was comiung and that we needed to be safe and know where all the safety books and stuff were... i think that jinxed everyone... it was a disaster.

plus i spent all of my day sewing costumes for the wizard of oz play. and im not even on the t-shirt for costume design. that pissed me off. i designed half of her damn costumes.. but fine. what does it matter.

now im going to dry my rat-nest of hair... and go to bed..

(:

today the senior's had a meeting which was totally about after prom and they gave away prizes today in little paper chests. which on the stage where you saw the beach scene with the palm trees and etc... yes brigette helped paint that. (: smile and say wow! you're great! :P

anyways we got little treasure chests when we left which had bubbles and beads and bubble gum coins and i pirate eye patch. :P (which ayla smacked herself in the face with! ha!) it was cute.

but so me and this girl, named falon, had a bubble war with the cuban in our fourth period. lol she is the coolest. but she is strange. she eats like hot fries... everyday.. almost. :P yeah shes weird.

so i was totally going to put a picture of justin on here and talk about him but he said no because he was too bashful. (: i love him hes such a good best friend. its a nice picture too. i won't tell you what we were joking about... but, i'll tell you it had to do with me reading my porno-for-girls-books. :D

tomorrow im going to lay out in the back yard naked and tan..

:P no not naked. gotcha! lol.

now im gonna sit back and listen to Michael Buble` and relax.. (:

e'er'body ready for the easter bunny?

well yesterday i spent the day at home because i slept in early, but i also helped my grandma move around the furniture because we are remodling like half the house... so yeah and she's like 78 and still kickin so i don't want her to hurt herself. :| so i stayed home (:

i wanted to drive up to Memphis to see my cousin. she is really deathly sick because is in in the hospital with a ruptured appendix which is really scarey. ):

i got my prom jewelry. its pretty :D i would show you a picture but you would call me hickey because i got them all over my neck :p i like 'em. i don't understand why people don't. i feel they are a sign of affection and love. and... i like when i get them too. >:} mwuahahahahaha.

anyways im off to eat home made tacos!!!! isn't life great? (:

so today my job was so awesome. i had a really good time. I worked in A/L and finally not healthcare for once!! I was actually a real waitress this time. it was so great. like it was just great and i had fun. :P and thy said i was really strong in a/l and they want me to work sunday mornings also. which is okay with me.(:

so i should get my paycheck real soon which would be great. i really kinda need it now. lol. i can live, but its  not easy going almost over 3 weeks without a check. and i want to get everyone something for easter (: cause i like to do stuff like that. :P i like seeing people happy.

prom & graduation are getting closer and closer!!! :D omigosh i cannot wait. im sooo excited its killing me. (: a girl i work with who is a couple of years older than me and she is sweet is dating a black guy and she has a baby with him and they live together and its so sweet cause i see that as me and sam. (: its so cute. we were talking about it today (:

i ordered my invetaions for graduation just now lol. hopefully ill get them in time. cause as soon as i get them i will start addressing them. i like doing that stuff. :D that o i might just stick them through my computer and print the info on the envelopes. (:

im excited!!! about everything.

there was so much i wanted to say but i don't remember!! (:

oh well. ill give you an update on the projects within my house. (: as everyone knows we always have a giant yardsale each year at our house and we always have awesome stuff so everyone should stop by. (: so my grandma is making me up a box (she kinda figures for my apartment/or things i want to keep for my future living arrangements) of stuff she doesn't want that i do (keepsakes included - i hope :P) and i've already claimed the blender, waffle maker, coffee maker, etc.

next is my grandma's bedroom and bathroom are going to be painted green. a soft pastel green i suppose. (: if it was me it would be like neon green or grass green :P and then the next room to be painted is the living room and it is going to be the color of orange juice, or just a hair bit darker. :P but i picked the color out and they love it. cause we have that dark black oak furniture (which we also just got cause we are selling the other in the yard sale)

and also in the living room we are putting down hard wood floors ourselves. :D theat and mosaicing the fireplace and doorway.

then my secret own project that i am doing for my mom is painting the bathroom and redoing it. i am painting one wall as a lavender field and then i am tiling the rest.( i might wait on the tile because she wants to tear out the sink and bathtub, etc.) atleast i can paint the walls right??

alright. :P thats it for now. other than...

im hungry. :D

so my first period teacher is getting a litle bitchy. personal i don't give a crap. im going to be out of school in way less than a month and hey im ready to go. im ready to party, go to the lake and have fun in the sun.

she threatened us about current events. it was crazy! of course. i didn't care anyways. i never do my current event until like the last day. i don't care. senor-itas set in a long time ago. like... the end of junior year. :P

but then she said she is taking away the computer priveledges too. hey oh well.

r. flited with j. again today... its getting gross.

ugh... i don't get paid anytime soon. im afriad i can't buy anyone easter gifts... :'(

and im starving my lizard too... :'( i don' have money to buy him crickets. im starving myself... we are just all starving..

i don't geel right bumming off of people.. its just not right to me. i don't take kindly to charity!!! i will give to charity but i wont accept it... exception: financial aid for college... :(

ugh...why can't life be more simple... :(

well yeah.... see this guy... that is david boreanaz.. he played Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... and other things like his main show Angel but other than that hes pretty hot.

Justin told me and rachel today about a girl that stopped him in the hall last year and was like "ANGEL??" and grabbed his arm and stuff and was like just flabberghasted. I was cracking up. it was great. And he also told us she did that like almost everyday which is hilarious.

yes i am implying that Justin looks like David B. and you know what i think of him... from my earlier comment.

Other than than. I have nothing more to write about. other than rachel found the same picture as me.

(:

I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!

upside....

Ben's birfday party is today. (:

do you remember when the convienece of having a hot water heater in your house was created..?

well im sure my grandmother does.

and i on the other hand have had the experience of having to boil my water for a bath and to wash my hair like you used to way back when.

so today, we finally got a new hot water heater and had it installed... :D we went out for a celebration dinner and then i went home and took a nice hot shower with new fresh hot water. talk about the joys in life. (:

on to other news. :D my case was dismissed in court. i went up to the judge, had my pictures ready to show as evidence and etc but i never got the chance because my officer said to the judge that he had written on his copy of the ticket that he was going to ask the judge to dismiss it because he had pulled over the wrong car... and they had caught the other car after mine. so it was all good and i didn't have to pay anything :D

and my cop was nice afterall. but he did still look like a prick. mom on the other hand was hoping that the girl who pitched a fit and argued with the judge the last time was going to show up for entertainment. :P (which she didn't but thats beside the point)

well im off to bed.. i have work tomorrow. i think im pretty much dreading it... : should i look for a new job yet lol...

wow... what a night...

i really can't explain... it was just a random... i dunno if i like it. i don't know if i will like it. but i will tell you this. old people crack me up. :D

today... i spent $35 i dont really have but i do.. but... yeah... i have court again tomorrow. i really hop he dimisses it so that i don't have to pay court fines... because number 1 i don't have that money because i just quit my job and got a new one... and 2 i have a phone bill... and number 3.. i don' know when i'm going to get paid again...

bummer... plus its spring break... ugh :

Senior Skip Day...

what joy... :)

last night sam told me that he wanted to nashville....

i don't want him to move. he wants me to move with him... i don't know.. i just.. im not even going to college yet, i just got a new job and im just not ready for this big push. I know it is hard on him to drive back and forth to murfreesboro in the morning and at night and it would be totally easier for him... but i feel if he moves to nashville then i will never see him again because we dont see each other enough as it is. im worried that i will only get to see him maybe a few hours of one day a week....

its not fair and i don't want us to break up or split or anything like that. and to tell you the truth i knew this day would eventually come. and its just not cool.... im just really upset.

i don't feel good today. and i have a feeling that im getting sick and that something else may be happening. i don't know. im low on funds and i've got alot of things to pay for once again.

its just not a good day....

plus: my battery just died. ):

lunch time was a war zone today.

i just about kicked underclassmen ass.... i hate it whne people cut line!!! its just stupid. njust cause you think you're hot stuff doesn't mean that you have the right to cut line! im a senior and i patiently wait in line to get my $2 worth of crappy food that's greasy and hard and not all that healthy for a person...

it started with one person and then all of his friends just jump up beside him like its no bother to anyone else. grrr!! usually i am one of the first in line today i was not and then all of these little kids jump in front of me... y'know its really not fair to the people who wait in line everyday. and if i had said something to someone like someone did behind me the person in charge just simply without a care in the world replies 'If i don't see them cut then I can't do anything about it' and its not fair!

well people may say life's not fair but in these circumstances, its stupid because people dont have any manners anymore and it irks my nerves. when i have kids they are totally going to act right and do the responsible things in life.

they dont have to be goody goods but i want them to respect other people. Be good and good things will come to you, right?

besides bad manners, another thing i can't tolerate is annoying, loud people. they also irk my nerves. especially when they laugh obnoxiously, throw food and manage to get some all over your stuff.... well... ive really had enough.

y'know... today in psychology... we were talking about Alfred Adler's theories about psychoanalysis and Freudian theories and how they differ and how people in their childhood feel inferior to someone cause the "bulley" effect...

i feel inferior to younger people who graduate at the same time i do and are more accomplished or smarter than i am... and they are like two years below me. and ive worked my butt off in school and i think i've done really good. then i seen a freshman coming into high school taking advance algebra and like... calculus!! i feel so stupid!  :|

sams not eating... it worries me... but i suppose im just the same... i think i eat to much...... ugh

detention today. i forgot my book. so i suppose i will draw... otherwise i wont be doing anything... and they will be like 'where are your assignments?!' and ill get mad and yell at them im a freaking senior back off!! (:

so i fell asleep at the end of Grey's Anatomy... :'( and i don't know what happened. someone care to fill in the details?? i seem to be doing that lately. so i just watch season one over and over again and memorize every word to make up for it. :P

so im looking for colleges. i need to get on the ball... i never did anything to get ready for college. i dont have any financial aid papers filled out... i don't know what to do... but i don't like going to guidance because when i go she is never there... and it makes me mad, so i just gave up on guidance to help me. (:

Anyone know any good art schools to go to?

(:

so today....

i got started on some of my investment mix today. not a whole lot though. I really didn't weigh it so i have no idea. :D but i did get started.

i asked kelsey about this art college in franklin. supposedly really nice. but i cant find anything on it... so someone can help me. (:

i don't know when i want to go to college. i dont want to rush into the school scene right when i get out of it. it defeats the purpose!! i don't know where i want to go, i don't know how im going to pay for it...
and i havent filled out any of my forms and ive taken the act 2 or 3 times and my score always sucks because i can't take standardized tests... they suck and school sucks and yeah... big stress ball taking over my life!!

on the plus my GPA is good but not super. and i have straight a's so far. :D so really. im doin great..

ugh... i can't wait till PROM!!

... so i've done a little self-exploring... and i don't like what i see... or what i think i see.. im sure.. im full of flaws...

im foolish
im selfish
im insecure
im fat
im a giant
im abusive
im inconciderate
im ugly
im a horrible girlfriend
im nasty
im stupid
im evil
im lazy
im annoying
im a bitch
im a drama queen
im moody
im a failure
im outspoken
im disrespectful
im ignorant
im insensitive
im plain
im a disappointment

...im never good enough...