i FINALLY got my highlights done!!!  it's really blonde...wow.  i do NOT feel very well...i can't breathe!  i didn't sleep lastnight...i think i'm an insomniac because that happens to me a WHOLE lot...what's up with you fun kiddo's?  OH i wrote a poem in my time of not-sleeping lastnight...i think i remember it...

Love is...kissing the sky

touching a heart,

holding a hand,

caressing a thought,

Love is...thinking of you

wondering why,

your words broke my heart,

when you said goodbye,

Love's...an immaculate impulse,

a bittersweet notion,

the feeling inside you,

more than an emotion,

Love is...the feeling I have,

the feeling you don't,

I keep saying you will,

But my heart says you won't,

Love is...a push and a pull

A tight joint effort,

Knowing you can face,

Everything together...

WOW I REMEMBERED IT!!!

well that's about all...remember-life's too short to not have fun!

:P

well.......i'm dealing with a lot right now.  stuff i really don't like dealing with...but i guess you don't ever really like problems, huh?  my uncle and his family left today.  i am so scared of high school...oh speaking of high school i think i might end up going to creekwood instead of DCHS...yup.  i would be fine if i just stopped life right here and fast forwarded to when i'm out of college...i don't think i've ever been so scared in my entire life.  and i don't have too many friends left to go through this with.  i think i might give up phusebox for good now...if you haven't noticed, i'm just typing whatever pops into my head...except for some things because i don't want to offend anyone.  maybe i should just say it...naaaah.  all this seems to be doing is frustrating me.  i miss a lot of people...like my best friend and keri and megan...but i miss people that i still see a lot too...i miss the way they used to act, the way it used to be.  but i guess everyone's changing and that's something i just have to deal with.  but i don't want to lose the few friends i have left.  i'm tired of it and i wish there was something i could do to stop it but there's not, is there?  well...je suis dans l'amour...and it's making me confused!

I get carried away by the look by the light in your eyes
Before I even realize the ride I'm on baby I'm long gone
I get carried away

Nothin' matters but bein' with you
Like a feather flyin' high up in the sky on a windy day,

I get carried away...

==========================

NOTHING MATTERS BUT BEING WITH YOU

i've had a bit of a crazy week but i've DEFINITELY learned something from it.  God is faithful through it ALL!!!  My uncle and his family arrived safely from TX and let me tell you his daughters are SOOOO beautiful.  Okay well back to my other story.  God has proven so much to me this week.  I didn't really understand the power of prayer or being saturated in the Spirit.  Prayer is probably our greatest force as Christians.  I always wondered why when I asked for something it didn't always happen.  Part of it was because I didn't need that at the time and probably because I wasn't humble in asking it.  I realized that when you become humble and broken in front of the Lord he sees it.  You can't ask for things out of selfish ambition or whathaveyou; it has to be from a "broken and contrite heart".  And I learned also that to get an answer from the Lord, you have to listen.  Not with your ears but from your heart.  God has done a work in me lately and I think I'm gonna try and do a little in return.  I think there was so much going on in the past few weeks that I realized that no person could help me here; I had to turn to God.  In fact, about 2 months ago, I was at a Gospel Lights concert at our church.  One of our family friends came up and told me that there were going to be some things in my life in the next few weeks that I would have to go to God-He had spoken to him.  Of course, my initial reaction was 'ok'...but inside my head I was thinking "How does he know what's gonna happen in my life he doesn't really know me he hardly speaks to me!"  But it looks like he was right.  OH YEAH good news.  For those of you that didn't know, our church has been looking for a pastor for a little over a year now.  Well tonight we had a vote...there were 202 people there.  198 of them voted YES for the new candidate.  It only took two thirds of the "membered" congregation to vote him in and we had a 98% positive vote!!!  I am so happy.  well i'm done now.

i had an interesting day.  i got my nails and toes done and they look purty!!!  i went to a birthday party for my cousins and i had a lot of fun.  i hung out with grace a lot of the time..and she took pictures.  i'm finding that i'm becoming more and more like my mother every minute...i'm just the life of the party, so it seems.  which can be both good and bad.  tonight it was pretty good.  me and lane won the little dance competition thing...and we got some socks.  (practical presents!)  this day is not as fun when i write it down!!  well i am tired and have no one to talk to right now so i guess i'm gonna go.  Oh YEAH i bought some CUTE shoes today and oh my gosh they were only seven bucks!!!  HECK YES!!!  i am so awesome...okay well...bye

this song makes me cry...especially the part with the old man.  and the woman with the husband in the war.  omg but it's great.  i'm not particularly a big avril fan but i love this song.  i miss you...

i don't know why i titled this entry '-amore-' i just did.  i wish that when i talked or tried to explain something i actually made sense sometimes.  cuz the stuff i say actually makes sense to me and a few other people that are wierd like me...or just know me really well.  what i'm about to TRY to say is probably not going to make ANY sense.  so brace yourselves.  have you ever been in a position where you are so sure of something that nothing can change your mind except for yourself?  like you are so sure but then you start thinking and you aren't so sure anymore.  ugh i hate that because i feel like that A LOT.  it's quite frustrating.  well anyway, i guess i will just write.  i haven't done that all summer so this could be kinda long.  my uncle is coming from texas tomorrow.  i really miss him...he has two daughters.  i've only seen one of them and she is 3...the other one was born while i was in Hawaii and the only thing i know is that she has dark hair...and i know her name, of course.  I really love my uncle.  He is so tall!!!!  He's 6'10"...i hope i got some tallness from that side of the family.  if i have it's not quite kicking in yet.  it all goes to my feet...lol.  but what is so great about my uncle is that he is funny...i love to laugh!  this is a kinda pointless entry.  that brings me to another wish...i wish i had some meaningful thoughts every now and again...maybe i do.  *GASP!!!* I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!!!  i have not posted ANY of my poems on here...wow.  that's absolutely...strange.  so here's one i did a little while back.

"To Not Feel Love..."

To not feel love is not to feel life

To not feel pain is not to feel strife

To not feel confusion is not to feel real

To not feel real is not to feel love

To not feel heartache is not to feel adoration

To not feel anger is not to feel irritation

To not feel pity is not to feel compassion

To not feel compassion is not to feel love

To not feel betrayal is not to feel lies

To not feel awe is not to feel alive

To not feel sad is not to feel hurt

To not feel hurt is not to feel love.

so...yeah that's about all. 

When I'm lost, in the rain...In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way...When I'm scared, losing ground.  When My world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.  And when I'm down, you're there-pushing me to the top...you're always there giving me all you've got.  For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm...I turn to you.  For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on.  For everything you do, I turn to you...well enough of me boring you...go on with your lives now.  sorry to waste your time!!!!

so...i've also been thinking lately (i know, odd!)...and i'm kinda stuck.  I've realized that i don't want to be a teacher or a doctor or whatever....i want to sing so bad like it's what i've done all my life.  but i do like to teach.  so, do i go after my dreams or settle for the norm?  because what if i go for it and i don't make it...and then what would i do?  but then what if i settle for normal and know that i had a chance?  i am so confused!!!  i know what i want to do but i don't know what i should do...help!

oh my gosh this has to be like one of the funniest commercials in the history of ever.

"If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be? So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press Play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the Next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
7. Don't skip songs.

---Eh, sometimes repeat artists come up.... skip it or keep it. . .whatever

Opening Credits
In The Jungle - Artist Unknown

Waking Up
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" Green Day

First Day at School
"Not Ready to Make Nice" Dixie Chicks

Breaking up
"Where You Are" Rascal Flatts (gosh i got a twisted life)

Happiness
"Bicycle Race" Queen
Life's Okay
"My Immortal" Evanescence
Mental Breakdown
"Complicated" Avril Lavigne
Driving
"Born to be Wild" Steppenwolf?
Flashback
"Hips Don't Lie" Shakira

Getting Back Together
"Barbie Girl" Aqua

Wedding
"I Could Get Used to This" Everlife
Birth of a Child
"White and Nerdy" Wierd Al (OMG!!!!) haha
Final Battle
"Run it!" Chris Brown
Death Scene
"Temperature" Sean Paul...lol
Funeral Song
"Homecoming" Rhonda Vincent...wow that's perfect
So Long  
"Ms. New Booty" Bubba Sparxxx (lol)

i have gone and screwed up yet another friendship so it seems.  and it was one that meant more to me than anything but i sure didn't act like it.  it was all because of a stupid prank stupid me wanted to pull...gosh.  i feel so stupid and now i've got the one person that means a whole lot to me mad and i don't know what to do except wait it out and apologize and pray real hard that this won't totally mess things up.  i've lost someones trust and i've gotten my heart broken all in about a matter of 5 minutes.  part of me is mad (that part is not very big) another part is hurt (that part is extrememely huge) and another is so mad at herself that she can't think straight and all she wants is to fix things or go back in time to before all this crap and change it all!  because i hate this and i am sick of living in it; not being able to think or anything...

i can remember when i used to LOVE these guys.  I had posters, every album...all of it!!!  I thought some of you might get a laugh out of this!  aww they're so cute and young and...kinda fruity looking but anyway!  I know like every song...still!  kinda sad, huh?  it's the same way with nsync.  that's what the 90's will do to you i guess.  maybe i'll put one of their vids on here later...lol!

i am very upset.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was all so crystal clear, words like music in my ear...we had it goin' on, but something's wrong...something's changed

Cuz when I'm with you these days, you feel a million miles away, connection's not so strong, what's goin' on?  What's going on???  Cuz every time I try to talk to you, I end up feeling so confused...like you can't hear a word I'm saying...when I try to get close to you, I'm having trouble getting through, I can't stand it, it's so tragic, I feel static between us.

You turn your back then you take my hand, It's getting hard to understand...is it you, or is it me?  Is it time or space you need?  When you're here, you're not around...communication breaking down!  If I say goodbye to you, will that get through?  Will that get through???  Cuz Every time i try to talk to you...I end up feeling so confused, like you can't hear a word I'm saying...when I try to get close to you, I'm having trouble getting through.  I can't stand it, it's so tragic...I feel static between us.

====================================

so, this has been my life since wednesday.  i'm really confused and...well that's about it.  So yeah.  um...how are ya'll?  Sorry this is kinda depressing but about the only thing i've done that's been interesting was the going-away thing and working in nursery today.  and that's all.  yeah i know...boring.  well...yeah 

okay so guess what?...i can do it!  woo go me...i'm going to do this because i have set my mind to it and i've already overcome the first big obstacle...myself.  so i'm gonna do it

Mark the things that you have:
[x] A mom
[x] A dad
[ ] Stepmom
[] Stepdad
[x] A younger brother
[] A younger sister
[ ] An older brother
[ ] An older sister
[x] Grandfather
[x] Grandmother
[X] Cousins
[ ] Half-brother
[] Half-sister
[] Stepbrother
[] Stepsister
[ ] Brother-in-law
[ ] Sister-in-law
[ ] Niece
[] Nephew

1. Are you a child of the 70s, 80s, or 90s?
90's
2. Where were you born?
a hospital

3. What city did you grow up in?
dickson

4. did you have a good childhood?

i don't remember it so i can't answer this question

 

5. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

well...i wanted to be a lot of things but the 3 i mainly remember are a janitor (because i read a junie b jones book and she wanted to be a janitor...and i wanted to be junie b jones...so yeah) and a makeup artist (3rd grade) and then a singer which is still what i want to be 

 

6. What do you want to be now

um...a lot of things...a better person for one

 

7. Name the first memorable vacation you took as a kid?
canada

 

8. What was your first best friend’s name?
-Keri

 

9. Are they still your friend?
-yes they are

10. Can you name all the schools you ever attended?
oakmont elementary and dms

 

11. Were you closer to your mom or dad as a kid?
-i don't know

 

12. What was the first record, tape or CD you remember buying?
-probaby nsync or backstreet boys

 

13. How old were you when u first heard of chuck norris?
-very young

 

14. Are you scared of anything?
-yes i am scared of rejection 

15. How old were you when you wanted to get your ears pierced for the 2nd time?
- like 10

 

16. Did you buy school lunch or bring your own?
-both...

17. Broken any bones or had any freaky accidents as a kid?
-no not really

 

18. Were you a mean kid?
-sometimes

 

19. Favorite board game of all of time?
-probably clue 

20. Did you play house or pretend to be a super hero?
-wow...i definitely played both

 

21. What was your favorite class in elementary school?
-not math...never has been.  um probably art or music 

 

22. Seriously, are you still just a kid at heart?
-of course

 

23. Did you ever come close to dying?
-no i didn't...i don't think 

24. When you were little did you ever do drugs?

nope didn't do that either

so i have a little bit of a dilemma...not a big one...a little one!  I was asked to sing special music a LONG time ago at my church.  They keep asking me because apparently they want me to sing...duh.  But I am never ready or not here or sick or something and now I've finally figured out what I want to do.  But...I don't want to do it by myself so I've gotta figure out someone to sing it with.  There's my dilemma.  Do I choose my mom and maybe ask Lane to do sign language or...(I'm not sure Lane would to this but...) ask Lane to sing with me and get someone else to do sign language or have no sign language...AAAH!!!  Oh, since we're on the subject...I want to sing 'I Surrender All'.  There's a version that a bluegrass group called the Isaacs does and it is SO beautiful.  Oh And I want to sing it a capella..(that means no music)...but I'm not sure If I can do that...but if this falls through then we start over with the "not here, sick, not ready" thing.  GRR.  I really want to sing for my church but something like this always happens.  Wow.  But It is so beautiful the way they sing it and I just LOVE it.  Yes, it's an old hymn but I think it can have the same power and effect as any other song.  I'm purty excited about youth group tonight..but I always am so that's nothin' new.  I don't want to read those two stupid books that I have to read for high school...but I have to read them!  So I guess I'll get to that...eventually.  Gosh I am a procrastinator.  Well...I guess I'll talk to you people later.  Or now...or whatever.

~carmen luvs austin~

p.s. hey austin make sure you bring your hat to youth group... :P

so...my week was...let's just say it was AMAZING...well for the most part...except for the sunburn part.  but it doesn't hurt anymore.  and wow this is a lot shorter that i thought...but that's okay.  how was your week?  funny, no one ever really answers that question when you ask it.  i really didn't mean for this to be so pointless...or short...or boring.  but i don't have much else to say.  except i heard a song just a minute ago and...i loved it it was so sweet.  wow....great.  okay bye

haha there's a school bus in the background...lol

so anyway...here goes nothing.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Whats your favorite color?? orange

 

Do you like to swim?? um yeah

 

Do you want to stay where you are or move?? i want to move but not like far away...just somewhere...else 

 

Do you like to take pictures?? OF COURSE

 

Do you have a camera/iPod?? i own both 

 

Do you love someone??  um yeah i do

 

Do they love you back?? no they don't...

 

If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?? i would...i don't know anymore

 

If your happy and you know it what do you do?? i sing the song

 

Do you like toast?? sorta...sometimes

 

What are you wearing?? jeans and a t-shirt 

 

Before you took this what were you doing?? cleaning 

 

DO you play any sports?? no

 

What is your favorite Food like Mexican, Cajun, Italian ect. ?? Italian cuz it's fancy...well sometimes

 

If you could be doing anything right now what would it be?? living my dreams 

 

Do you think surveys are gay?? sometimes

 

Do you like to stay inside or go outside?? well what might the circumstances be??

 

Have you ever been outside of the country?? uh huh...CANADA

 

Have you ever flown??  only once

 

If you could have 1 super power what would it be?? i wish i could make people accept me...or love me...or whatever

Fill this out in YOUR OWN WORDS and repost as "My Autobiography"

Prologue 1. Where did you take your default pic? in my back yard 

 2. What exactly are you wearing right now? some maroon cheer shorts and an orange tank top thing

 3. What is your current problem? i have lots

 4. What makes you most happy? being with austin

 5. What’s the name of the song that you're listening to? When I Said I Do by Clint Black and Lisa Hartman Black AWW

6. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away? yes 7. Do you ever watch MTV? uh sometimes

 8. What’s something that really annoys you? i can't think of it right now

 

 Chapter 1:

1. Middle name: unknown to mankind 

2. Nickname(s): carmel, macchiato, carmel macchiato

3. Current place? office

 4. Eye color: blue

---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2:

1. Do you live with your parents? yes

 2. Do you get along with your parent(s)?sometimes

 3. Are your parent’s married/separated/divorced? married

 4. Do you have any Siblings? 1..but he's not a sibling...i don't know what he is

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3: Favorite...

1. Ice Cream: mint chocolate chip

 2. Season: winter

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 4: Do You..

1. Write on your hand: yes i do in fact...well sometimes 

2. Call people back: no no one ever calls me

3. Believe in love: yes how could you not

4. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? huh

 5. Have any bad habits? i guess

 6. Any mental health issues? um...yeah.

----------------------------------------------------

Chapter 5: Have You....

1. Broken a bone: no, surprisingly.  as many times as I've fallen on my face the answer is still no.

 2. Bought new stuff in the last two weeks: yeah i guess

3. Had physical therapy?: no

4. Gotten stitches: yes

 5. Taken painkillers? yes

6. Gone SCUBA diving or snorkeling: i went scuba diving in neely's pool!  lol

7. Been stung by a bee? yes i am allergic

8. Thrown up at the dentist: no but i've yelled at the dentist 

9. Ever sworn in front of your parental. no siree

10. Had detention: uh uh

11. Been sent to the principal's office? yeah but not for a bad thing

12. Been suspended: NO

----------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last

1. Movie(s) you watched?: Titanic 

 2. Person to text you: um...i don't text cuz i don't have a stupid phone yet

 3. Person you called: i can't remember

4. Person you hugged? neely

5. Last person you tackled: i don't quite remember...

6. Thing you touched: well by the time this is done it will have been the letter or key z. 

7. Thing you ate: cheerios  

8. Thing you drank: regular milk

9. Time you cried: lasnight

10. Wished on a star: lastnight.

ouch.  okay nevermind about the tan.  i am so pale that i wanted a tan SO badly that i hallucinated and thought i got a tan.  no...not a tan.  i mistook my skin color for a nice golden brown instead of its true color-a bright red.  yeah.  SUNBURN...ouch.  it hurts bad but i look really funny because just spots of me are burned and some are tannish like my arm and so i laugh but that hurts so it doesn't last too long.  yeah...dang it.  oooh yay my daddy got me some lidocaine from the store...yay.  OUCH

yeah, I know, I already told you about my Titanic adventure...but I couldn't resist this.  It's so sweet...awww.