Someone who reads this pray for me. I've spent a good part of the weekend trying to study for a big math test I have on Tuesday, and I feel like I'm just pounding my head against a brick wall. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in. Math does not come easy to me, and at this point I'm about ready to give up!

Outside of the multiple unnecessary painful events of the week, life has gotten rather mundane. I'm ready for a change....

So tonight I showed up again for our second intramural game, and again Gracie and I were the only 2 there for our team. And so again, we forfeited and then took our team off the roster and joined in with another who needed a couple more, so that worked out good. So we just played for the heck of it against the team we had to forfeit. That went pretty well. I got slammed pretty hard in the ankle, but nothing too awful. Then the new team we joined played DZT, one the girls' greek clubs here. Pretty sure they played extremely unfair, but at least they played hard for once. However, here's the fun part. With about 4 minutes left in the game a girl went to score. The ball went up in the air, she went for, my team's goalie went for it, and I went for it. We were all apparently trying to knee it and so knees hit. My knee got caught between theirs, which were hitting at pretty good force. Something in my knee made a nasty popping noise and felt like it moved and I ended up on the floor. The ref had to come straighten it out and help me of the floor. I can usually take some pretty good kicks, but wow did it hurt. My knee is now propped up with ice on it and what do you know, it's swelling and bruising. But on the brightside, we won! So that was my good thing of the week, along with a couple more bad.  

God has taught me a good lesson this week.....

I love how things can get put into a new perspective. That has definetely happened in the last day or so.
This week has not been a very good week...actually it's been the worst week I've had in LONG time. Everything that could have gone wrong has. Here's just a bit of it....I tried to loft my bed on tuesday, it fell off ON me. We had to forfeit our first soccer game. Yesterday morning I fell OUT of the bed about 5 feet to the floor. I burnt myself on the straightner and lost a contact. After class I fell down about half of the staircase in the education building. I'm over my head in homework and observation hours and tests that keep coming, and all these deadlines are coming soon. This has just not been my week.

In the middle of all the chaos yesterday I started 30 hour famine, which is something a lot of us here on campus are doing this week. At first I didn't really want to, but had already signed up and figured I might as well. I decided since I was doing this I might as well read the book Fed Up about 30 hour famine. WOW, did it put things into perspective. I read some of the statistics on world hunger, and how many of those are children. It's ridiculous.

Here's an example: More than 840 million people in the world are malnourished. Of those 840, more than 153 million of those are children under the age of 5.

So, I've got about 5 hours left in this thing, and I have to admit it's hard. Nothing but water for 30 hours. But how many people out there go for DAYS like this? I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would be to be in a situation like that.

So like I said,God showed me a lot. Yea, I fell out of the bed, but at least I have a bed to fall out of. And yes, I made a wonderful trip down the staircase that I wasn't too happy about taking, but at least I can afford to be going to college where I have the simple opportunity to fall down the stairs....

I'm really glad I did it now. God just really made me realize how much I have, how much we all have, that we don't even think twice about that some people would kill for. I'm blessed FAR beyond what I deserve!

So today isn't looking much more promising than yesterday. In the 30 minutes I've been up I've managed to fall, not even gracefully just flat out fall, off of my bed, which made me wish i hadn't lofted it, burn my finger on the flat iron and lose a contact. But at least this morning I've been able to laugh at it all. I'm hoping and praying the rest of the day gets better...

And it hasn't....it's about 4 hours later and the day has not even come close to getting better. In fact, coming out of my last class I fell down the steps to add to the injuries. I just want the day to get better!

So this is one of those days that I'm starting to wonder why I got out of bed. I had class from 7:45 to 9 that was pointless. I'm pretty sure my professor retaught us how to add and subtract whole numbers. I know I'm in elementary education math, but still, that was a little ridiculous. Pyschology wasn't too bad. I skipped chapel to take a shower b/c that seemed like the only time I'd have to. So after I took a shower and got ready for the rest of the day I had half an hour left, so I figured I would loft my bed onto my desk and dresser b/c I've been meaning to do it forever and finally had the time.....

So I got Vanessa to help me and we figured we could do it. Bad idea. To our surprise the bed comes off the wooden ladder/post thing it looks like it's built to. It came off and fell on top of me. Vanessa did a good job of holding the bed up while I tried to get out only to discover the nice little metal spring thingy on the bottom had hooked my shirt, hair, and some skin. Needless to say getting out was not fun. It was at that point I decided to skip my next class, and within an hour I had the bed lofted and the room back togther. I have a feeling I'm going to feel it tomorrow tho....

The rest of the day has had just a bunch of little minor mishaps that I really could have lived without. I think if I'd had sleep, or a little less stress, today wouldn't seem as bad, but right now I feel like I've wasted a day and all I have to show for it is a bed about 5 feet off the ground and some cuts and bruises. But with that said, I'm going to attempt to make this bed and then crawl back in it until time for my soccer game, where maybe I'll get to take out all this frustration.

***Edit****

And so the soccer game didn't help things too much. We had to forfeit b/c Gracie and I were the only 2 in our dorm who showed up. All the other girls either didn't show for w/e reason and the few I talked to didn't want to be gross when they came back to open dorm and all the boys were here. That's got to be the most annoying thing in the world. Let's inconvenience other people b/c we don't want to look a little less than perfect. But we split up w/Atkins-Ellis and played for the heck of it. I slammed one really ridiculously rude girl in the face with the ball, on accident, but I have to see it really made me feel a lot beter.

Open Dorm was kinda awful at first. Lots of boys I really didn't want to see..everywhere, and all I really wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. But some of the guys we actually know eventually showed up and played guitar and sang and such and it was about the most enjoyable thing all day. So all in all, today has been LONG and tiresome.

So this weekend has actually been good. Things are  getting better for the most part. It was nice to have a weekend without stress for once! And only 2 and a half more weeks before I get to be back in Murfreesboro again.

Ever stop and wonder why you've wasted so much time on some people, and don't invest some more time in certain others?

These last few days have proved interesting. Maybe things are starting to get better...

Confusion, Stress, and Frustratiom. The three things consuming my life right now, in that order....

Ever get the feeling that you'll never be enough for someone?

On the brightside, Halloween was fun. Hung out w/some girls from the dorm, and then went to open dorm in Hughes Hall with Vanessa. It was just a really fun time being stupid.

So I discovered this morning that driving back to Lee at 6 in the morning, when I'm half awake is probably not the greatest idea, but oh well. The weekend made the trip back worth it. I hung out with a friend from high school. I got to go see SAW 3, which was amazing. And I get to be at church, go to a pretty good church concert, and hang out with some of my favorite people in the youth group afterwards. So yea. It was worth it. Plus, by the end of the weekend I think the drama and people being had subsided. However, the 20 questions game definetely didn't budge

Somewhere between the drama, the confusing people, playing 20 questions w/people about things that aren’t their business, the hateful people, and the people who just make my emotions kinda go everywhere, sometimes I wonder why it is I get so excited to get back here. But then again, I guess it’s things like seeing high school friends and certain people who make coming back worth it.

is the one thing about Lee that I do not like. It is always colder here then it is in Murfreesboro. I've been sick for a week. Cold weather needs to go away!

So fall break is over, and I'm back at Lee. It was fun, and I enjoyed it, but it was odd at the same time. I realized I'd kinda missed being home, but at the same time I'm glad I'm not still there. I don't miss the drama and junk. Everyone seemed happy to see me, which was nice. But I kinda felt on the outside of it all. In some ways it felt like I'd been gone for a week, and in other ways it felt like I'd been gone a year. A lot of people seemed to try to keep me included, but at the same time it was like I'd missed out on everyone's lives a little too much to completely still be part of it all. Idk. It was an odd feeling to say the least. The drive back here felt really long, and the dorm was empty for the most part for about 2 hours after I got back, but it was nice. It gave me plenty of time to think about everything from what God's been doing in my life, to how things have changed, to relationships, etc. It helped me realized a lot.

Anyway. I guess I'm done rambling now. I'll be back in Murfreesboro this weekend. If anyone wants to hang out let me know

So I came back for fall break. And I realized I'd missed everyone more than I had thought. It was nice just to hang out with everyone again, and I was really happy to see certain people. It's good to be home for a change. And since pretty much everyone I know is going to the RAMP in Hamilton next weekend I'm debating on coming back again then. Who knows? I'm kinda surprised to realized I've missed it this much.

so a few people have asked me how college life is going and i said more than i have to time to tell. well now i have time to tell you so i will. classes are still awesome. only now i have homework flying at me from every which direction. but that's ok b/c at least i have somethin to do other than sit around the dorm or campus and be bored. and besides it isn't hard....yet.. I've gotten involved in a couple ministries and clubs. Within a few weeks I'm sure I'll be super busy.

There's also been a series of small adventures. Cliff jumping. A trip to the hospital to have an ultrasound on my gall bladder. During which my RA, Jackie, went with me and took pictures of the whole process. We captured a chirping cup. Oh and I've even got my own little family up here. Hannah (my roommmate), Candace and I have a little brother named Wilson who just happens to be a coconut! However, he was kidnapped last night and so our parents, Katie and Adam, are meeting the kidnappers demands by writing a 2 page essay on why they love Wilson. Meanwhile we've got Matt, our cousin and Wilson's bodygaurd, trying to track the horrible guy down! lol. oh how i love college life and my crazy friends.

But yea. That's what I've been up to and that's how life has been.

So I got to go to Murfreesboro this weekend for a few hours friday night. Saturday my parents and I went to Alabama for my little cousin's first birthday, and then we came back to Murfreesboro to spend the night before I came back to school today. Oddly enough Murfreesboro really didn't feel like home anymore. I realized I hadn't missed it at all and it felt like just another town to me. Not the town I grew up and thought I'd miss so much. I hadn't missed it at all and I was glad to leave it today to come back to school. I guess that's how it should be, but it was scary that it's happened so fast.

So I've now gone to all of my classes at least once, and I'm looking foward to all of them except math. It's at 7:45 in the morning and  the professor is going to make me fall asleep. He's monotone and boring. So yea, not looking foward to that at all.

The people here are still overwhelmingly friendly, but I like it that way. It makes it easier to meet people. I've continued to meet more people than I can count. I don't think I remember half of them, but oh well. I stood through the registration line, the ID line, and sat through all of my classes and I have yet to meet the love of my life Lee keeps promising! lol. totally just kidding. I have met a few people that impress me, but none that grab my interest enough for me to care. But that's a good thing. Gives me time to settle here and study and focus on things. I'll let God do what He wants with that.

I can't say I've missed home for even a moment. I mean yes I miss being at church and youth with everyone but that's it. I've hardly talked to anyone from home since I've gotten here. There have been a select few. And thankfully those two or three have at least made for some interesting, and at times surprising, conversation. I've been too busy to miss anything at home really. Yesterday morning my roommate and I went with a local church to do a food ministry. We collected good leftover food from local grocery stores and then took it to the slums in town and passed it out to the people who needed it and just shared Christ love with them in that way. It was amazing. The reality of how blessed I really am hit me hard yesterday. I'm looking foward to going to do it again. This morning we're off to find a church.

The college life is so far still good!

How is it I can be 2 hours away from home, pretty much getting to start over and leave everything I didn't want behind and yet I can't. I've done good with forgetting every little thing. Every person who bothered me. Every stupid pointless thing that I didn't want to deal with anymore. And even the bigger things. I've left those too. And I'm out here. And it's been great. Classes are good. I'm meeting amazing people. And yet there's the one thing I can't let go of...why?

So college is pretty flippin great so far! I actually really like it here. I'm glad I jumped out of my little comfort zone of Murfreesboro! I'm taking 17 hours this semester, and I'm looking foward to just about every class except math. I have a special education class I'm super excited about. English seems like it'll be pretty good too. I find out how the rest of my classes are gonna be tomorrow. I've met a ton of really cool people. My roommate and suitmates are awesome! The only thing I haven't enjoyed is being told my every teacher here how I'm going to meet the love of my life in every place you can think of, the registration line, a service project, bible class, etc. But so far college is turning out to be the best decision I've ever made. I'll write some more about it later. Right now I'm headed out with my roommate to go meet some really random people.