I've discovered that I've gotten so good at hiding my emotions, that to my amazement, because of simple song lyrics I've discovered something I didn't even know was hurting me.

"It's like her mind just quit
Oh, but bring up grandpa
It's like someone flipped a switch.......

Black and whites of days gone by....

We started losin' her when she lost him
But to hear her carry on
You'd swear she's seventeen again...

While the world is fading all around her
Sharin' a sundae at the counter
He's goin' on and on about her
Bet she's right there right now
Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today
But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948"

If u don't know my grandparents love story..well it was amazing. And something I'm still trying to record for my own knowing. (If u wanna know about it ask when u've got LOTS of time). But I don't think my grandmother was ever the same after her and my grandfather divorced. Her dementia set in pretty bad the last 2 years, but mention my grandmother or he went to see her, and it was like the entire world just lit up and for a moment she was fine. Even when she got SO sick there at the end he still made her happy. Idk...I guess I just miss seeing her light up when he walked in a room. Basically...I just miss her.

And I still need the prayer.

For anyone who knows me. Pray for me. I really don't want to discuss the ton of situations wrong, but PLEASE pray for me. I really need it.

So far spring break has proved pretty pointless, but in just a little while my parents and I are gonna go goof off in Chattanooga and then head over to Cleveland. I get to go to LEE tomorrow. Kinda sad I'm just now seein my collge and I start there in like 5 months or so. Oh well, at least I'm gettin to go!

I realized tonight I never tell my friends this enough. So every single one of u listen and let this soak in. I LOVE YOU!!! now that that's said...GOD LOVES U!! even more than me. you're worth more than you know. your life has an amazing amount of purpose and potential. and despite all the garbage. life is worth every second of it. and more people love u then u will ever know!

remember that...

"Just because her eyes don't cry doesn't mean her heart doesn't. And just because she looks strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong."

For the most part I'm really happy, but there's this part of me that feels like that quote. Mostly because of everything going on right now. (See post below for details.) Today was just a hard day. I know I'll be fine in the end, but right now I'm just messed up feelin.

So this weekend was pretty emotional w/Sarah leaving. I thought I was prepared for it. I wasn't. Lots happened. Youth event, ice skating, drama and lots and lots more. To make an extremely long story short by the end of the weekend this is the summary of how it kinda went...a WHOLE lotta stress, a good amount of fun, a lot of laughter, way more tears, and tons of loud music and driving to keep from crying. So here's what I've got left. One of the 3 best friends I have has moved to Ohio. I no longer have a boyfriend OR a prom date(which scares me more). There was a little something unexpected w/a certain someone. And yet thru all the stress and tears and slight confusion I'm really really happy, and I know it'll all work out in some way or another.

So today life got a little better...

Song describes how I feel. Gotta love TFK.

Everyone Like Me

I've got a lot going on inside
Don't know if I can work things out this time
Need a little space to clear my mind
But I'll be fine

Don't slip, it's not always this cold
I'm tired of acting like I know
Am I searching for the answers
No one knows

And I must confess
Before I take another step
That

This song's for everyone like me
Everyone not afraid to stand alone
And lonely
Can you identify with me?
This song's for everyone like you
Come and ride with me
We will not back down

Wait
It might not be too late
To avoid the tension we create
How about I turn and walk away?
No matter what you say

Its not a combination
I've tried to figure you out
I'm looking for the confirmation
So I can turn this around

And I must confess
Before I take another step
That

This song's for everyone like me
Everyone not afraid to stand alone
And lonely
Can you identify with me?
This song's for everyone like you
Come and ride with me
We will not back down

Every time I turn around
You're looking for attention
You've taken all the things I've said and
Throw them away
Drank them away
Every time you show up late
You're looking for forgiveness

I must confess
Before I take another step
That

This song's for anyone whoever took a chance,
Who started at the bottom to get to the top,
And no matter what you face in this life,
You gotta know what you're up against,
In order to fight back

This song's for everyone like me
Everyone not afraid to stand alone
And lonely
Can you identify with me?
This song's for everyone like you
Come and ride with me
We will not back down

This song's for everyone like me
Everyone not afraid to stand alone
And lonely
And lonely

Anybody feel like finding me a prom date?!?

So I've officially been accepted into Lee University and given the Presidential Scholarship which means freshman tuition is totally paid for. Gotta love how God provides!

Haven't written on this in forever. Life is going pretty good. Had Celebration of Praise or TN youth convention as we're now calling it a couple of weeks ago. It was good but not near as good as last year. Let's see...went to MTCS the other night and saw the musical. Very cute. We're finishing a new human video in drama that I'm excited about.Turned in my college applications. Visited TBI the other day..that was REALLY cool. Other than that nothing really new going on..just the usual school, swing club, church and trying to keep my life as calm as possible. Christmas is almost here! What happened to 2005? It's almost gone..that is so insane. Well, I guess that's about it. Have a great weekend everyone!

VERY tired! Life is crazy, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Looking foward to a youth hangout followed by a girls' night tomorrow. Should be nice. So yea..Have a good weekend everyone! Love you all!

Thank you God for everything you've blessed me with! It's more than I deserve.

Don't really have much to say. All I know is that this thing is SOOOO much better than xanga. But yea....I'm gonna go now.