After church tonight about 15 of us got together at Rachel and Stacee's and all piled out in the backyard and watched Finding Nemo. Between the ice throwing, bug killing, and listening to everyone quote the lines of the movie it was some much needed fun after the last couple of not so great days. But yea...movies and just hanging out with people you really wanna be with.....so great!

Dory: Hey there, Mr. Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down do you wanna know what you've gotta do?
Marlin: No I don't wanna know.
Dory: [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. 
Marlin: Dory, no singing. 
Dory: [continuing] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ho. I love to swim. When you want to swim you want to swim.
Marlin: Now I'm stuck with that song... Now it's in my head.
Dory: Sorry.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

So I went out and walked around my subdivision for no real reason. Mostly just to get out of the house and get some sunlight to see that would help make me feel better. I'm still sick. Granted I'm much better, but I still am sick. This is the longest process I've ever been thru and I'm so ready for it to be over, but it just takes patience I guess.

And while the walking didn't make me feel any better, I was able to get a good amount of thinking in and come to a lot of realizations about things. I've discovered recently that a lot of people are talking about me, and while some of it doesn't bother me, some of it does. Where people get the right to run their mouths I'll never understand, but whatever. It's like I try to avoid drama and it runs to me. I also realized some things about myself that I need to take care of, but those aren't things I'm willing to share with everyone.

But yea, nice little enlightening day I guess. Can anyone tell I'm bored out of my mind??

So camp was amazing. Games were crazy as always. Services just blew my mind. God revealed a lot to me. Even things about myself that I didn't even realize I'd avoided dealing with. It was crazy, but I loved it. There's so much more I could say, but I'm exhausted. I went from a crazy week at camp to a really busy but great day yesterday and another busy day today. This last week has been great, and there's almost none of it that I would change. Gotta love life.

I went back to the doctor today because this week has been the worst aside from the week I was out of school. I figured it was still just my gall bladder acting up. Well, to my surprise my gall bladder is somewhat better, but I'm not able to tell because I have food poisoning on top of all this other mess. It's like I start getting rid of one thing and here comes another. On the bright side, the poisoning should go away in 3-9 days which is much faster than the whole gall bladder thing is taking. I'm hoping all this sickness is not planning on sticking around with me all summer.

So yesterday my mother awoke with the wonderful idea of dragging me to Cleveland,ignoring the fact we'll be there in 2 weeks to register me for classes. Why we went I have yet to understand. We rode around the town, driving down every road in existence. And just for the record, none of them were all that exciting. And then we went and stayed in a rather creepy hotel. If I don't know that town by the time I go to college then God help me because I'll never learn it. We woke up this morning and rode to downtown Chattanooga hunting for a so-called wonderful zoo. Well we found it, and what do you know it's a little dumpy looking hole in the wall place. So we opted to go to the aquarium for the millionth time in my life. I got really cool pictures if that counts for anything. We made it back home about 5, and now I'm looking foward to a fun-filled night of nothing. I know this is negative, but this is officially been the most boring and pointless weekend of my life, and I'm still rather angry at my mother for her overwhelming amounts of ridiculousness (don't ask. long story). But yea. That was my exciting memorial day weekend.

Well it's official. Summer has started. It must've because my family is already making me crazy. I'm sick of all the drama and frustration. The college countdown has started for me, and the sooner it gets here the better. There are definetely a lot of things I will NOT miss. But on the bright side....Thank God for a certain amazing boy who is great despite my crazy family and actually makes me happy. It's looking like he will be the highlight of my summer, and I'm just fine with that.

So graduation has come and gone. It was fun, but I'm glad to see it go and take high school with it. While I'll miss the people I will not miss the atmosphere or the high school drama (which was completely unnecessary about 99% of the time.)

This weekened has proved eventful. After graduation was just a hang out time at the house for me and my family and a couple of friends. Kinda nice. Very crazy. I enjoyed it tho. Today was church, a cookout at the Hipps Grandma's and a movie with the youth. And another short little nice time afterwards.

This weekend has also been extremely emotional. I've had a hard time dealing with some things. I've discovered I have a hard time keeping all my emotions in sometimes. I definetely let them get out of control tonight with someone, and I really wish I hadn't let that happen. I feel pretty bad about it, and yet they claim it's ok. But the frustration I'm directing at myself now is enough to make me crazy. I just need to learn how to handle things better.

3 and a half hours until I graduate!

today's been pretty good so far. woke up at 6:20 this mornin. which by the way, anytime in the summer before at least 7 is ungodly! but yea, went and got breakfast with Carol, and then we headed off to graduation practice. now correct me if i'm wrong, but if you're graduating high school in three days should you not be able to count? when we came in there were sheets posted on the wall with our name and what row and seat number we were in. all you had to do was count down for the rows and over for the seats. not a hard process! however, it apparently was for some people. i watched one poor girl count rows like 6 times only to then not be able to find her seat because she was on the wrong side. i've never seen so much confusion over such a simple thing. needless to say that was my amusement for the day. so far the rest of the day has consisted of cleaning the house. and in just a few hours i get to go to my church's new building where i get to clean again, but for some reason i'm actually lookin foward to that. well yea, that's pretty much it....

GRADUATION IN 4 DAYS!!

Well I went up to school this morning. I turned in my last paper and picked up my honor cords. Still hard to believe it's over. I think the worst part is leaving some of  the people. I never thought I'd grow so attached to some of the people I did, and I never thought it would be so hard to leave. And yet I'm glad it's over!

So today has been slightly insane. This was my last day of high school, and considering that, I did really good. I only cried at the middle of 1st period, the end of 5th period, and as I left school. Which for me, is pretty good. Then I went to a wedding, and watched one of my friends who isn't even 18 yet get married to the guy she's been dating since 8th grade. Cried again. And then after that I went out to dinner with a friend and such. That was by far the best part of the night....for various reasons. but yea. Really enjoyed tonight. It's nice to kinda be stress free for once. Graduation in 8 days!

List 10 influential people in your life in any order by describing them or something you love about them. If you know which one you are, message me and tell me which one you think you are.

1. You have been the greatest friend! I love you TONS! Who knew white out could create such an AMAZING friendship! studying, starbucks, special ed, moving, prom, and now graduation is here. It's all gone so fast! I couldn't ask God for anyone better. You're such an amazing person and I admire you for being so strong despite everything you've been through! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.  We're such opposites. Pink and Black. That's all I see when I think freshman year. I still have moments I wish you weren't a morning person, but I'm gettin used to it. We've got some great memories: poptarts, art boy, the skank, obbessive people we shall not name, and lots more. You've been so amazing! I can't believe we're gonna graduate and I'm not gonna have you to make me wake up and function every school morning! AHH! I'm gonna miss it. And oh yes, you're so visiting me at Lee.

3. We go WAY back. You were the first friend I made at MTCS. We've grown up so much, and even now it still feels strange to go to school without you. You've always kept me sane. Thank God  you're the practical one out of us. And even if everything about us changes we'll always have Mr. Mitchell, MTCS, and all our crazy friend and experiences to look back and laugh at.

4. Where do I begin?? We've been friends 10 years now, and yet it feels so much longer than that. I'm not even sure what to say. You've been the one person I've always known I could come to no matter what happened. You've sat and helped me cope w/funeral after funeral. You've seen me be my best and my worst, and you've stuck by me through all of it. And besides who else can I laugh with about plastic food fights and the pain involved in those?? I love you!

5. You were my only friend for such a long time in middle school. And yea, you didn't exactly introduce me into the best crowd, but you gave me something I needed, friendship. I hate that you've sat and let your life go to where it is. You're so much better than what you've let yourself become. And I don't care what anyone else says. I know the real you and I know what you're capable of. I hope one day you'll see the truth. Until then I'll just continue to pray for you and love you.

6. You and I have grown apart over the last 4 years, but I'll always enjoy the year that you were my best friend. You introduced me to a whole new world, and while it wasn't a perfect one it brought me out of my fear of being myself. You taught me it was ok to be a complete idiot sometimes. I can't believe you're gettin married next week. I hope life comes to be all you've always dreamed of.

7. This one's for a group instead of one person. Ya'll have become my second family. I never knew I'd grow to love every single one of ya'll so much. We've been through SO much together, and it's been an awesome journey so far. I can't wait to see where this summer leads! I love ya'll!

8. You'll more than likely never read this. I haven't seen or spoken to you since the day we left Oakland High School three years ago. It's like you just fell off the face of the earth. You still come to mind from time to time. "If I had to go back and spend freshman year with only one friend it'd be you." I still hear those words every time I think of you.

9. WOW! Who knew hurting my foot could help me make such a great friend! I could say lots of sweet things, but I'll leave you with one little thing that'll say it all!...."He'll be back!" haha. I love you girl!

10. I hate that our friendship ended the way it did, and now all we can seem to accomplish is small talk once every six months or so. I'll never forget how much fun we had together, and all the memories we shared. Who knew hating a boy could've made 2 girls such good friends?

Only Child + Overprotective Parents = Frustration!

10 things you hate

1. Conceited people
2. Skanks
3. Liars
4. Rude/Hateful people
5. Drugs/Drinking
6. Early mornings
7. People who drive w/their turn signals on
8. My econ teacher askin us if we know about 10000 times a day
9. People who drive w/their bass up as loud as it can go like it's a new found fascination to have speakers
10. snakes


9 random things

1. High school is over in like 10 days
2. I graduate in 19 days!
3. I get to spend my 18th birthday in Orlando, FL
4. Gettin your hair curled in a high school gym is pretty fun
5. Katie Peay looks super dark w/a spray tan
6. As sad as it made me at first, I like Brian King's short hair
7. Making up random things starts to get difficult after 6
8. I'm determined my car is gettin a new bumper before i go to college
9. I REALLY wanna watch a scary movie. I'm just too lazy to get up and go get one


8 people you would die for

1. My mom
2. My dad
3. My family
4. My youth group
5. Sarah
6. Katie
7. Karen
8. Everyone else I couldn't fit in the top 7


7 things you like

1. Long hair on a guy i'm attracted to
2. Best friends
3. my iPod
4. Laughing so hard it hurts
5. Disney Movies
6. Fine Arts!!!!
7. Coffee shops



6 things you want to do before you die

1. Lead someone to Christ
2. Get my certification in funeral directing/embalming
3. Be certified to become a sign language interpreter
4. Work w/special education kids
5. Go to another country
6. Adopt a child


5 of your favorite movies

1. SAW/SAW II
2. Life as a House
3. Panic Room
4. White Oleander
5. Gothica (i think i spelt that wrong but o well)


4 of your favorite songs

1. Wide Eyed- Nichole Nordeman
2. Old Love- Eric Clapton
3. Who You'd Be Today- Kenny Chesney
4. What have we Become- DcTalk


3 of your best friends

1. Sarah
2. Katie
3. Carol



2 goals

1.Get my degree in special education                                     2. Work as a mortician


1 person you have a crush on

1. Someone......

SO! prom and districts FAF were this weekend. Fine arts was extremely stressful, but well worth it. Our large human video is advancing to nationals! That means I get to spend my 18th birthday in Orlando, which makes me pretty happy.  

Prom was insane!!! Rachel and Bridgett did my hair and makeup for me. We sat in Centennial High School's empty gym during the FAF break before ceremony and Rae curled and braided my hair and Bridge went makeup crazy. They were such a big help. I made it to our limo just in time. Went to west end, goofed off, went to prom. Made a complete idiot of myself there, and LOVED it! Only survived after prom for a little while. Got home at 4.

Prom had a few rough spots, but all in all it was fun. FAF was tons of fun competing and hangin out w/some really cool people. So had a good weekend, just too tired for my own good!

I think the things that had me the most stressed out are finally over now! Hopefully if is gonna get a little more enjoyable

Had drama practice. Got to beat David w/a coloring book (made the whole practice worth it). Had a Fine Arts service. Hung out at Taco Bell...sadly, that's the most fun I've had in a good long while.

Edit** So after Brian King brought it to my attention I must admit I did have fun the other day on the field trip "swimming" through the rain, and waiting to be seated in a freezing restaurant. That was actually quite fun despite how uncomfortable we were in our rain-soaked clothes.

So I finally went back to school. It felt weird being out almost all week last week. I've got quite a bit of anatomy and english homework to catch up on, but otherwise not much of anything in the makeup work area. However, I get the joy of writing my term paper this week. I still feel just about as bad as I did last week. Only now, at least I can function w/o being in pain the entire time. There was nothin wrong w/appendix (crack head doctor), but now it's lookin like it might be my gallbladder. So not much better. Drama is about to freakin kill me!! We had practice AGAIN last night and only got like a 15-30 second part done. We still have a like 30 second dance and a chorus to get done, which doesnt sound like much, but is actually A LOT more than it seems. And we still have to refine everything. AHH!! This week of practice looks like another one tomorrow, possible one friday, def. one on saturday, and possible one on sunday. Next week will be even scarier. PROM is about the only thing I'm excited about, and the sad part is. I don't even have time to be excited about that. I'm in charge of finishin up collectin money on the limo and finalizing all that, and probably bookin dinner (altho I am gettin a lil help in that area). And my prom dress still isn't done being altered! AHH! I cannot WAIT for April to be over! Ok, pretty much that was a long pointless entry, but I had to get all that out. I'm just in stress overload right now. I hope everyone's having a great week, or at least better than mine. :)

So I don't have anything wrong w/my appendix. Which is good considerin I was still planning to compete at fine arts regardless of if I had an operation or not. However, I do have an infection. And apparently I had a cyst on my ovary which caused a lot of pain and could be part of the reason I'm sick now. The pain is pretty bad, but not as bad as yesterday. And the antibiotics I've been given also don't make me feel any better. So this is just a great big fun situation! But I guess I should be happy. It could've been the appendix or somethin worse. And on the bright side, I was told to not go back to school till Monday. So yea. It all worked out ok I guess.

So yea. Isnt life fun. Went to the doctor yesterday. They said I might have an infection, come back in the mornin. Went back this mornin. NOW they think it's my appendix. So guess who gets to drink 2 enormous containers of barium and go back at 2:30 for a CAT scan?? Yea...hopefully surgery will not follow. We'll see...

I've discovered that I've gotten so good at hiding my emotions, that to my amazement, because of simple song lyrics I've discovered something I didn't even know was hurting me.

"It's like her mind just quit
Oh, but bring up grandpa
It's like someone flipped a switch.......

Black and whites of days gone by....

We started losin' her when she lost him
But to hear her carry on
You'd swear she's seventeen again...

While the world is fading all around her
Sharin' a sundae at the counter
He's goin' on and on about her
Bet she's right there right now
Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today
But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948"

If u don't know my grandparents love story..well it was amazing. And something I'm still trying to record for my own knowing. (If u wanna know about it ask when u've got LOTS of time). But I don't think my grandmother was ever the same after her and my grandfather divorced. Her dementia set in pretty bad the last 2 years, but mention my grandmother or he went to see her, and it was like the entire world just lit up and for a moment she was fine. Even when she got SO sick there at the end he still made her happy. Idk...I guess I just miss seeing her light up when he walked in a room. Basically...I just miss her.

And I still need the prayer.

For anyone who knows me. Pray for me. I really don't want to discuss the ton of situations wrong, but PLEASE pray for me. I really need it.

So far spring break has proved pretty pointless, but in just a little while my parents and I are gonna go goof off in Chattanooga and then head over to Cleveland. I get to go to LEE tomorrow. Kinda sad I'm just now seein my collge and I start there in like 5 months or so. Oh well, at least I'm gettin to go!

I realized tonight I never tell my friends this enough. So every single one of u listen and let this soak in. I LOVE YOU!!! now that that's said...GOD LOVES U!! even more than me. you're worth more than you know. your life has an amazing amount of purpose and potential. and despite all the garbage. life is worth every second of it. and more people love u then u will ever know!

remember that...

"Just because her eyes don't cry doesn't mean her heart doesn't. And just because she looks strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong."

For the most part I'm really happy, but there's this part of me that feels like that quote. Mostly because of everything going on right now. (See post below for details.) Today was just a hard day. I know I'll be fine in the end, but right now I'm just messed up feelin.