So after hours and hours of work we finally pulled it all together to make the best Christmas Hall ever! We all had characters and made our hall interactive for the judging.  It was SO fun!! The end of the hall I live on was pretty traditional Christmas. We had all the doors wrapped in wrapped paper. Santa's toy shop. Some reindeer and snow. A sleigh. Penguins. A nativity and little kids being read the story of Jesus. And then you got to the lounge......

The home of Ricky Bobby (which I got voted into being) and his wife (Vanessa). We did a short, cleaner version of the scene of his prayer and argument with his wife about how he would pray to Baby Jesus if he wanted....

From there you entered the other half of the hall. Polk County TN Redneck Christmas. A toliet filled w/ice and rootbeer was the first thing you got to see. Jessica cleaned her gun as she told you all about everyone and then you got to walk thru an awful mess of Christmas. And the amazing Christmas tree was at the end.

It was SO fun, and despite all the stress and work I LOVED it. It was nice to take a break from all the work of the week and just really enjoy something.

I ended up decorating until about 4 AM. I had every thought of going to bed at 1:30 but then I got caught up in uprooting a bush, duct taping it back together, decorating it w/fishing lures and cheese scented fake worms and stringing pork rinds among other things. Even after hours of work we still have most of one hallway and the lounge left to do.  I got up around 8 and finished my english paper, went to class for 10 mins to turn it in and now I'm back at here. In a few minutes I get the lovely job of going to Hobby Lobby to argue w/someone about how they didn't give us a bag of stuff we paid for, and then I get to pick up final things we forgot from Big Lots. Once I get back here more decorating until Andrea gets out of class so we can head off to the junk yard. These are the fun things I get to do since I don't have classes....I really just wanna go back to bed!

Today has been a super crazy day. I went to classes. Then went and got Jackie and  we went to Big Lots, Dollar Tree, Walmart, and Hobby Lobby. Pretty sure we bought everything from UGLY shiny plaid fabric to fishing lures to christmas lights to stuffed creature poinsetta things. And then we get back to the dorm to find that Andrea had gone and bought the one thing we wanted most, a toliet.  Then dinner and then the Christmas Hall decorating started. Our hall is doing one end Traditonal Christmas, our lounge as Ricky Bobby's house, and then after the curve in the hall Redneck Christmas. We did that from about 7:30 to 1:00 and then just as everyone was ready to go take a shower and go to bed...Surprise! The water stops working completely. So about 15 us walk across campus to Nora Chambers so we can brush our teeth and then walk back. We've now given up on decorating and I'm attempting to finish a poetry analysis paper. Tomorrow should be fun. Andrea and I are goin to the junkyard to find toliet seats and hood ornaments. And I have no classes. Ok, well now apparently I'm off to help steal campus property...I mean, what? we're simply going to get a bush and gravel and fake poinsettas and wreath from Jessica's car!

So I've been back at school for not even 5 hours and I'm already about ready to fling myself off the top of my dorm. Sadly, I don't think it'd do much good considering it's only 3 stories. Who knows...maybe the Humanities building would be good..or the PCSU. Stress is already setting in. 3 papers due tomorrow. 11 observation hours and 2 notebooks due by Friday. Can you tell I'm a little worried?

Thankgiving Break has been pretty good. There's been a couple of not so great moments, but overall it's been good. Tuesday I hung out w/Carol. Wednesday and Thursday I spent with my family. Today I slept until forever, went out to eat w/Katie and then we walked around the square and went shopping. I got amazing shoes so that was cool! Tomorrow I'm not sure what the morning will bring, but I get to spend most of the night at the Millers' house watching Christmas movies and hanging out w/the youth group! So yea....it's been good and hopefully will only get better. I'm really not lookin foward to goin back to classes and enormous amounts of work on Monday...

So I was sitting up, reading about questioning God, purpose in life, etc. I really like the way Rob Bell puts it in Velvet Elvis.

"Questions are not scary.

What is scary is when people don't have them.

What is tragic is faith that has no room for them......

And this is why questions are so central to faith. A question by its very nature acknowledges that the person asking the question does not have all the answers. And because the person does not have all of the answers, they are looking outside themselves for guidance........

David says this to God in Psalms 13: "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer"

Questions. Questions. Questions.

Central to the Christian experience is the art of questioning God. Not belligerent, arrogant questions that have no respect for our maker, but naked, honest, vulnerable, raw questsion arising in the awe that comes from engaging the living God.

This type of questioning frees us. Frees us from having to have it all figured out. Frees us from having answers to everything. Frees us from always having to be right. It allows us to have moments when we come to the end of our ability to comprehend. Moments when the silence is enough.

The Christian faith is mysterious to the core. It is about things and beings that ultimately cannot be put into words. Language fails. And if we do definitively put God into words, we have at that very moment made God something God is not."

I like that he views questioning God, something I do a lot of, as something essential and necessary, rather than something taboo and wrong. And he even makes it clear that even if you do get an answer, there will always be another question. The questions never stop simply because God is more than we can see, feel, imagine, or understand. We serve someone so powerful He is beyond comprehension.

Later in the book Rob Bell points out we all think that we don't do enough with our lives. That we're always missing something. Not good enough. Not our ideal perfect. Life isn't what we want it to be. But he points out that along the way people tend to pick up an ideal of how they should be...

"They have this image they picked up over the years of how they are supposed to act and look and work and play and talk, and it's like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear."

He says, as he was told, that the only way to overcome that is "to kill your superwhatever" and go about life doing simply the only thing we were created to do..."Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God made you to be"

Both of those passages spoke quite a bit to me about various things going on in life right now and I just thought I'd share them.

for a current situation.

 I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy.
   I spill out all my complaints before him,
      and spell out my troubles in detail: 
"As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away,
      you know how I'm feeling,
   Know the danger I'm in,
      the traps hidden in my path.
   Look right, look left—
      there's not a soul who cares what happens!
   I'm up against it, with no exit—
      bereft, left alone.
   I cry out, God, call out:
      'You're my last chance, my only hope for life!'
   Oh listen, please listen;
      I've never been this low.
   Rescue me from those who are hunting me down;
      I'm no match for them.
   Get me out of this dungeon
      so I can thank you in public.
   Your people will form a circle around me
      and you'll bring me showers of blessing!"   (Psalm 142, Message)

Home tomorrow. Thank goodness. Although I will have the feeling there will be times of complete boredom, so give me a call or somethin if you wanna hang out.

So the weekend turned out to be a pretty good. One of the best I've had in a while. Now I get to do way too much work today, and then come home tomorrow for about 5 days or so. Hopefully that'll go well. And besides, I found out last night my favorite person in the entire world is home from the Marines, so I can't wait to get back to see him.

So far this weekend has been pretty good. Yesterday I got to go to Stuart Elementary to get in some of my observation hours in a CDC classroom. There were 7 kids, all with different disorders, some with mulitple disorders, and I loved it there. I miss being in the classroom every day getting to work w/special ed. But I spent about 3 hours there and then went to Chattanooga to meet the youth group for convention. It was decent I guess. It just kinda seems like every year that convention lacks more and more. But it was good to be with the youth group, and the weekend has been interesting to say the least.

Someone who reads this pray for me. I've spent a good part of the weekend trying to study for a big math test I have on Tuesday, and I feel like I'm just pounding my head against a brick wall. It just doesn't seem to be sinking in. Math does not come easy to me, and at this point I'm about ready to give up!

Outside of the multiple unnecessary painful events of the week, life has gotten rather mundane. I'm ready for a change....

So tonight I showed up again for our second intramural game, and again Gracie and I were the only 2 there for our team. And so again, we forfeited and then took our team off the roster and joined in with another who needed a couple more, so that worked out good. So we just played for the heck of it against the team we had to forfeit. That went pretty well. I got slammed pretty hard in the ankle, but nothing too awful. Then the new team we joined played DZT, one the girls' greek clubs here. Pretty sure they played extremely unfair, but at least they played hard for once. However, here's the fun part. With about 4 minutes left in the game a girl went to score. The ball went up in the air, she went for, my team's goalie went for it, and I went for it. We were all apparently trying to knee it and so knees hit. My knee got caught between theirs, which were hitting at pretty good force. Something in my knee made a nasty popping noise and felt like it moved and I ended up on the floor. The ref had to come straighten it out and help me of the floor. I can usually take some pretty good kicks, but wow did it hurt. My knee is now propped up with ice on it and what do you know, it's swelling and bruising. But on the brightside, we won! So that was my good thing of the week, along with a couple more bad.  

God has taught me a good lesson this week.....

I love how things can get put into a new perspective. That has definetely happened in the last day or so.
This week has not been a very good week...actually it's been the worst week I've had in LONG time. Everything that could have gone wrong has. Here's just a bit of it....I tried to loft my bed on tuesday, it fell off ON me. We had to forfeit our first soccer game. Yesterday morning I fell OUT of the bed about 5 feet to the floor. I burnt myself on the straightner and lost a contact. After class I fell down about half of the staircase in the education building. I'm over my head in homework and observation hours and tests that keep coming, and all these deadlines are coming soon. This has just not been my week.

In the middle of all the chaos yesterday I started 30 hour famine, which is something a lot of us here on campus are doing this week. At first I didn't really want to, but had already signed up and figured I might as well. I decided since I was doing this I might as well read the book Fed Up about 30 hour famine. WOW, did it put things into perspective. I read some of the statistics on world hunger, and how many of those are children. It's ridiculous.

Here's an example: More than 840 million people in the world are malnourished. Of those 840, more than 153 million of those are children under the age of 5.

So, I've got about 5 hours left in this thing, and I have to admit it's hard. Nothing but water for 30 hours. But how many people out there go for DAYS like this? I can't even begin to imagine how horrible it would be to be in a situation like that.

So like I said,God showed me a lot. Yea, I fell out of the bed, but at least I have a bed to fall out of. And yes, I made a wonderful trip down the staircase that I wasn't too happy about taking, but at least I can afford to be going to college where I have the simple opportunity to fall down the stairs....

I'm really glad I did it now. God just really made me realize how much I have, how much we all have, that we don't even think twice about that some people would kill for. I'm blessed FAR beyond what I deserve!

So today isn't looking much more promising than yesterday. In the 30 minutes I've been up I've managed to fall, not even gracefully just flat out fall, off of my bed, which made me wish i hadn't lofted it, burn my finger on the flat iron and lose a contact. But at least this morning I've been able to laugh at it all. I'm hoping and praying the rest of the day gets better...

And it hasn't....it's about 4 hours later and the day has not even come close to getting better. In fact, coming out of my last class I fell down the steps to add to the injuries. I just want the day to get better!

So this is one of those days that I'm starting to wonder why I got out of bed. I had class from 7:45 to 9 that was pointless. I'm pretty sure my professor retaught us how to add and subtract whole numbers. I know I'm in elementary education math, but still, that was a little ridiculous. Pyschology wasn't too bad. I skipped chapel to take a shower b/c that seemed like the only time I'd have to. So after I took a shower and got ready for the rest of the day I had half an hour left, so I figured I would loft my bed onto my desk and dresser b/c I've been meaning to do it forever and finally had the time.....

So I got Vanessa to help me and we figured we could do it. Bad idea. To our surprise the bed comes off the wooden ladder/post thing it looks like it's built to. It came off and fell on top of me. Vanessa did a good job of holding the bed up while I tried to get out only to discover the nice little metal spring thingy on the bottom had hooked my shirt, hair, and some skin. Needless to say getting out was not fun. It was at that point I decided to skip my next class, and within an hour I had the bed lofted and the room back togther. I have a feeling I'm going to feel it tomorrow tho....

The rest of the day has had just a bunch of little minor mishaps that I really could have lived without. I think if I'd had sleep, or a little less stress, today wouldn't seem as bad, but right now I feel like I've wasted a day and all I have to show for it is a bed about 5 feet off the ground and some cuts and bruises. But with that said, I'm going to attempt to make this bed and then crawl back in it until time for my soccer game, where maybe I'll get to take out all this frustration.

***Edit****

And so the soccer game didn't help things too much. We had to forfeit b/c Gracie and I were the only 2 in our dorm who showed up. All the other girls either didn't show for w/e reason and the few I talked to didn't want to be gross when they came back to open dorm and all the boys were here. That's got to be the most annoying thing in the world. Let's inconvenience other people b/c we don't want to look a little less than perfect. But we split up w/Atkins-Ellis and played for the heck of it. I slammed one really ridiculously rude girl in the face with the ball, on accident, but I have to see it really made me feel a lot beter.

Open Dorm was kinda awful at first. Lots of boys I really didn't want to see..everywhere, and all I really wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. But some of the guys we actually know eventually showed up and played guitar and sang and such and it was about the most enjoyable thing all day. So all in all, today has been LONG and tiresome.

So this weekend has actually been good. Things are  getting better for the most part. It was nice to have a weekend without stress for once! And only 2 and a half more weeks before I get to be back in Murfreesboro again.

Ever stop and wonder why you've wasted so much time on some people, and don't invest some more time in certain others?

These last few days have proved interesting. Maybe things are starting to get better...

Confusion, Stress, and Frustratiom. The three things consuming my life right now, in that order....

Ever get the feeling that you'll never be enough for someone?

On the brightside, Halloween was fun. Hung out w/some girls from the dorm, and then went to open dorm in Hughes Hall with Vanessa. It was just a really fun time being stupid.

So I discovered this morning that driving back to Lee at 6 in the morning, when I'm half awake is probably not the greatest idea, but oh well. The weekend made the trip back worth it. I hung out with a friend from high school. I got to go see SAW 3, which was amazing. And I get to be at church, go to a pretty good church concert, and hang out with some of my favorite people in the youth group afterwards. So yea. It was worth it. Plus, by the end of the weekend I think the drama and people being had subsided. However, the 20 questions game definetely didn't budge

Somewhere between the drama, the confusing people, playing 20 questions w/people about things that aren’t their business, the hateful people, and the people who just make my emotions kinda go everywhere, sometimes I wonder why it is I get so excited to get back here. But then again, I guess it’s things like seeing high school friends and certain people who make coming back worth it.

is the one thing about Lee that I do not like. It is always colder here then it is in Murfreesboro. I've been sick for a week. Cold weather needs to go away!

So fall break is over, and I'm back at Lee. It was fun, and I enjoyed it, but it was odd at the same time. I realized I'd kinda missed being home, but at the same time I'm glad I'm not still there. I don't miss the drama and junk. Everyone seemed happy to see me, which was nice. But I kinda felt on the outside of it all. In some ways it felt like I'd been gone for a week, and in other ways it felt like I'd been gone a year. A lot of people seemed to try to keep me included, but at the same time it was like I'd missed out on everyone's lives a little too much to completely still be part of it all. Idk. It was an odd feeling to say the least. The drive back here felt really long, and the dorm was empty for the most part for about 2 hours after I got back, but it was nice. It gave me plenty of time to think about everything from what God's been doing in my life, to how things have changed, to relationships, etc. It helped me realized a lot.

Anyway. I guess I'm done rambling now. I'll be back in Murfreesboro this weekend. If anyone wants to hang out let me know

So I came back for fall break. And I realized I'd missed everyone more than I had thought. It was nice just to hang out with everyone again, and I was really happy to see certain people. It's good to be home for a change. And since pretty much everyone I know is going to the RAMP in Hamilton next weekend I'm debating on coming back again then. Who knows? I'm kinda surprised to realized I've missed it this much.