so. i think that God is finally revealing to me what He's been trying to get across to me all this time that i've been struggling with stuff. He wants me to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than" myself...(Phillipians 2:3). He wants me to realize that even though, yes, i do a lot of good things, and yes i have high morals, that i am just the same as the adulterous murderer in His eyes, and that it's only by His grace that i can be forgiven and made into anything else. I don't do anything good out of my own heart --- it is HIM working THROUGH ME! i realized that i am weak, and i will fall from time to time, but that should not discourage me, because it's not like i could do anything right anyways.  i have had such an issue with pride, and looking down my nose at people just because they aren't Christians, which is exactly the opposite of what i'm supposed to do. I CAN'T DO IT ON MY OWN! i was never meant to. the only way anything can be accomplished is when we abide in Christ, and let the Spirit work through us. God has called those of us who are in Christ to "preserve and flavor" our communities and our schools! But this is not a passive thing. "Flavoring" requires action. We are supposed to be different! And not by wearing skirts and no makeup, and not by never ever being around anything/anyone secular. Our world is so dark, that when we are walking with Christ, the light that comes through us will be in stark contrast to the surrounding darkness. I pray that my light would "shine before men", they may see [my] good deeds and praise [my] Father in Heaven". much love to you all ---Cari 

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." ---Matthew 5:13-16

two words: dag yo.

man...why does this always happen? i am beginning to think that i have a mental problem.

question of the week: if i live with a guy, but we aren't dating and definitely don't sleep together, then is that wrong?

pretty sure i'm currently babysitting 2 kids, and lemme tell ya, Barney is one righteous dude. all that purple and green. plus, i learned today that mini-corndogs are very tasty, as well as the fact that burnt fish sticks are not.

yesterday after church, mom n dad took me and Cameron to the park after we went to the library (total soccer mom/dad), where i had just picked up the Ann Coulter book i had on hold. so i got to sit on a combination park bench-swing thingy and read her book Godless (which is a-freaking-mazing). 'twas a very, very good day. but seriously, i just had some time to sit there and ponder some stuff. pretty sure all of it had to do with God, and it was all really cool. like, in sunday school, we were just talking about how it is that you can read the same story multiple times in the Bible and get something different from it each time.

last night, at the beseeching of William, i watched Flight 93, which apparently made him cry uncontrolably, but the acting was so bad that i didn't shed a single tear. maybe you just have to be in that kind of a mood for it to affect you like that. whatev.

this just in: i think i'm either going to be a nun or a hippie for halloween, so that i can have one last halloween hoo-hah with my little brother. i'm so glad my parents aren't against halloween anymore. that whole thing is just silly.

one last question: if i posted a paper that i wrote about religious freedom for english, would any of you read it?

much love to you all ---Cari

"Make me a channel of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love; where there is injury, Your pardon, Lord, and where there's doubt, true faith in You. Make me a channel of Your peace. Where there's despair in life, let me bring hope, where there is darkness, only light, and where there's sadness ever joy. Oh, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul. Make me a channel  of Your peace. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, in giving of ourselves that we receive, and in dying that we're born to eternal life."

---St. Francis of Assisi

wow. that's one of the most beautiful things i've ever heard. we sang that at the MTSU Honors choir thing the other night, and paired with the music it's even more beautiful. dang. just wanted to share. word. night ya'll...much love---Cari

please explain to me why it is ok for a guy to totally harass a girl (even if he is "just joking"), and yet if the girl were to do the same, she's a slut. apparently some guys seem to think that since i am currently not dating someone, that i am starved for attention. they don't seem to get that i'm not. just because some guy pays any sort of attention to me does not mean that i'm gonna go all jello-y and just lose it. i really don't appreciate that kinda crap.

nayways, the rest of my day was good. i'm really praying that God will help me to stop arguing so much with my friends. gahlee. i can't seem to go a day without getting into a debate/argument with someone about God, politics, and anything else. but on the bright side, i'm really gonna start hitting the Bible reading hard. i need Scripture to back up what i'm saying, and plus i just need to start putting His Word into my heart and mind on a daily basis anyways. i've been so out of the Word for the past couple of weeks, and it's really starting to take a toll on my walk. also, i haven't been able to go to Wednesday night church for a month, and i won't be able to go this wed. either cause i've got so much blooming homework and a variety show dress rehearsal. gahlee. i miss my church family.

ya'll pray for me when you can remember to. thanks!

homecoming is this week...SUPER DUPER CONGRATULATIONS TO KELSEY SHEARRON on gettin nominated for homecoming court! WOOOOOOOOOOT! well, i'm running out of time, but i'll post more later. much love ----Cari

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering." ---Romans 8:1-3

ha.....william makes me laugh.

sooooooo. long time no post. school has been eating my life. APUSH + AP Eng. 3 = no time.

also, it has prevented me from going to wednesday night church for 3 weeks now, and i won't be able to go next wed. either, cause i've got boatloads of homework, plus the variety show. oh baby. nothing kills your dignity like thrusting your hips to the groovy tunes of Earth Wind and Fire, in front of a couple hundred people.

this just in ---Ann Coulter is amazing. i want to be her when i grow up.

you know what's silly? when guys act like girls...you know. not in a homo way, but in a tempermental, moody kinda way.

nayways, at least school is not cutting into my sunday morning church going. bro. Dean is doing an expository series on the book of John, which is totally awesome. it's so crazy how we can go through life, especially if we grow up in church, thinking that we know all there is to know about God and the Bible. but we so don't! there is always something new that He can reveal to us!  well, i gotta go finish my essay on religion in schools! much love, and i leave you with this amazing quote---cari

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping, we are becoming." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

so.

life is...well....life. i started taking voice lessons with Ms. Donna today, and lemme tell ya, I AM SO EXCITED! i can't wait to maybe do some recitals and stuff! woot.

i had to miss church so that i could study my APUSH crap...grr...but it was such a God-mercy thing that i didn't have to take it today.

the whole feelings for that one person is slowly but surely dying, which is good, i guess.

billy joel is my hero.

i met a former girlfriend of Mr. Huffman's...can you say creepy????

and last but not least, i have decided to stay in DBS, so now i gotta start planning for formal...i still don't even know who i'm going to take...ugh. well, i must go pretend i'm not gonna fail this test tomorrow. g'nite to all and much love----Cari

question: why would God allow someone to feel something for a certain person when they are not supposed to?

call me shallow, but when's it gonna be my turn? how come everyone else gets the guy except me? i've got a few guesses. man. sometimes it just gets ya down.

so. school is going magnificently so far. with the exception of choir, which isn't bad, except i have not the most wonderful of dance partners. i know that i can't dance, but he doesn't even seem to try. and he does lovely things like burp and pass gas whilst dancing. oh the chivalry.

ha. nayways, i love my friends, but i love my God more. He is the only one who fills that need for consistency and faithfulness in my heart. and He has been revealing Himself to me big-time lately. it's super cool.

quick observation: life is short. don't waste it by trying to find your identity in things that don't last. and don't stress.

pretty sure that everyone around me is dating the person they've been after for years; i think it should be my turn. ha. j/k. well, i must do my homework de espanol...ha. much love and goodnight to all ----Cari 

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I can't believe we actually won! 'twas amaaaaaaaaaaaazing! i do believe i am beginning to feel the winds of change! it was supah fly, and plus i got william to come, so that was fun. but certain other people barely spoke to me, which is weird. i hope he doesn't have some sort of problem with me. whatev. nayways, it was fun, and i got to see a whole lot of people i know, and like, everyone @ my church goes to Siegel, so i can't truly hate them.

question: why do some people try to get me to curse now that i've stopped doing that?

nayways, yeah. it's been a good week. i am quite in love with school, which i know sounds crazy, but i really do love OHS. well, i'm going to go do some APUSH and then go to bed. much love to you all! ---Cari

so here's a Cari Jennings life update:

-last week, we started choreography for the variety show. i'm such a bad dancer, but the new choreographer is soooooooooooo much better than Brooks. it will be really fun once we get it all down. i ended up paired with matt....again. ha. j/k, he's aight.

-finally got my schedule changed for the 3rd time. i am finally in Advanced Honors Chem instead of honors, and still in honors geometry. super great.

-i'm doing the Experiencing God Bible study, and it's really awesome, and i can't get over how much i'm learning. i really thought i had God figured out, but i was so wrong.

-one of my friends got saved last week, and i am so excited about that. it's funny how when i pray, i don't seem to expect God to actually do anything, and especially not so quickly! but i end up getting blown away pretty much everytime.

-i think i missed an opportunity on Sunday, and that makes me quite sad/angry.

-church is tomorrow night, and i'm excited. i believe that Clint is speaking on Romans 9? maybe. something in Romans, plus the youth room has been redecorated!

-i can't believe just how stupid i am sometimes. i don't think i can control what i think anymore. how do you tell the difference in a silly crush and someone God has placed in your heart for a reason? am i attracted simply to people whom i can't have/ shouldn't date? whatever. being a teenager is fun, but causes a good bit of stupidity.

-this is a great song and i love the lyrics.

"And Your Praise Goes On" ---Chris Rice

The moon is high and the sunset fades
The lullabies have all been sung
We’re tuckin’ in another day
And stars appear now one by one
But the stillness moves and the silence yields
And not a single beat is lost
You can hear the chorus in the fields

Taking up where we left off
And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You guard us while we dream
Past the stars they fly, Your praises fill the sky
‘Til You wake us with the dawn
And Your praise goes on

Now bring your warmth, O morning sun
Chase the stars and the moon away
And wake us with your brightest song
And add our voice to your refrain
Now rise up everything that lives!
Flap your wings and leap for joy!
Oh forest lift your arms and sway!
Clap your hands you ocean waves!

And Your praise goes on, rising to Your throne
Where You bless our toil and play
Through the clouds they rise, Your praises fill the skies
‘Til the setting of the sun
And Your praise goes on
And when my final breath You lend
I’ll thank You for the life You gave
But that won’t mean the praises end
‘Cause I won’t be silenced by the grave!

And Your praise goes on
I’ll be runnin’ to Your throne
With every nation, tribe and tongue
To Your arms I’ll fly
I’ll gaze into Your eyes
Then I’ll know as I am known
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on
And Your praise goes on

well, i love you all and i gotta go to bed. much love -----Cari 

dang. i think i scare people. big time. do i freak you out?

so. today's the day. 2 years. man. seems like forever, and yet yesterday, too. i've gotten to the point to where i can barely remember what that life was like, which scares me. i heard this song for the first time yesterday while driving to Wal-Mart, and had what i would pretty much consider a melt-down. here's the lyrics. i thought that they were quite applicable.

"Homesick" --MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

much love ---Cari

ha. so. school's not out fo' summa. at least not for now.

so, to recap the week, i've done a lot of thinking since the angry skank entry. but i don't have time to write all of those thoughts down currently, so i'll discuss other things for now.

the leadership retreat was on saturday at New Frontiers. fun, fun. i climbed that mountain just to sit for 2 hours. i'm too much of a chicken for the giant swing o' doom. but i thought it was really constructive. and fun.

school started today, and i believe it's going to be a very good year. i've grown a whole lot in my walk this summer, and i think that that along with a whole lotta prayer is gonna make this year better than ever. i just felt so confident today.

i have officially decided to keep my messed up class schedule, meaning that i will not be taking APUSH. 'twas a hard decision, but i don't think it was truly and accident that i got placed where i did. so it's honors U.S. history for me, and regular Adv. Hon. Spanish III. i think that MTSU will still take me.

a few words of encouragement for all you folks in the coming school year:

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."           --- 1 John 4:4

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." --- Romans 12:2a

"And we know tha in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose...What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?...In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For i am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation  will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ---Romans 8:28, 31, 37-39

much love to you all! ---Cari

so. sometimes i wonder about DBS.

last night, i had firmly decided not to go the dance, mostly because everytime i go, i end up standing there watching other people dance, while simultaneously wondering what i'm doing there. but in the end, i decided to go, because i wasn't really feelin sitting in Bellecino's. so i get there, i talk to a few people, pausing every now and then to observe. and as i observe, i notice how many girls i see grinding/humping/generally molesting these guys, who obviously have no qualms with it. and then i see girls just dancing like a non-skank. and the biggest surprise is, some go to church with me, some go to other churches on a regular basis. yet they seem to have no problem with totally whoring out. 

now, don't get me wrong, because i have NO problem with dancing. in fact, i don't even have as much of a problem with "those" girls. but man, it just makes me sad. now, i may not be "popular" with the guys (and with those guys, i wouldn't want to be...), and no, i don't dance at all and i'm not jealous of them. i just find it awfully ironic that women fought for so long to have rights, and to become equal to men in our society, just so that we can throw ourselves onto and degrade ourselves in the sight of men??? people say to me, "but it's fun, and i love it, so why not? i'm not having sex with these guys, so what's the harm?" the harm is the image you give off. i don't think we should go back to the days of petticoats, corsets, and strict fundamentalism, but gahlee. where do we draw the line? 

and it's not just the girl's fault either. guys, start respecting women. didn't anyone ever teach you any better? it's not all your responsibility, but geez. if you tell a girl (whether vocally or with your actions) that being a slut is what makes her attractive and worth your time, then you don't deserve to have her. i know that you all are a visual bunch, and that you are going to think about it on a pretty consistent basis, but you do not have to be slaves to lust. especially if you are in Christ.

no, i don't know what it's like to be in a mature, adult relationship, but i've sure seen what it's not like. sex and/or related activities do not make you an adult or more desireable. girls and guys alike, you are selling yourselves short! there is more to life than constantly worrying about how you look, or if he/she is paying attention to you. i know this sounds cliche, but if he or she doesn't treat you like the valuable person you are, he or she doesn't deserve you. seeing so many relationships from the outside looking in, i've really learned a lot of what i don't want.

also, what on earth is wrong with some people? last night for the first time, upon seeing the videos for "Ms. New Booty" and "Laffy Taffy", i left the dance. i just came from church, for goodness sake. i know i sound like an old lady, but gahlee. it was just sinful. that's the only word i can think of. no, i don't think that people that watch BET and MTV are all going to hell. but it was just a slap in the face of Christ. i thought about what He would think if He were standing beside me watching some of the stuff going on there. and it occured to me, that He was. He saw every bit of it, and i know that it hurt His heart. just as much as me yelling at my parents. just as much as me rolling my eyes  and judging a friend. so my point is, don't sell yourself short. you are all valuable, regardless of what you've done. much love to you all, and good night. ---Cari 

ha. i'm so gangsta.

so yay for rush! rush was monday morning, and it was supa-fly. pretty sure Kate almost had a heart attack, which was quite entertaining. it was fun, though not extremely eventful. tonight was the skating party, which was fun, though i didn't skate much. i'm kinda of a chicken when it comes to skating, but that's ok. at least i didn't die. wednesday nite is the dance, and i need a date! any takers? and yes, i am still going to church, since it doesn't start til 8. ha. as if.

quick side note, 50 First Dates is my new favorite. yep, just before Schindler's List and The Butterfly Effect. de-ang. ha.

school is gonna start way too soon, but i will be an upperclassman(or woman)! WOOOT! plus, a bunch of little girls have to call me Miss Jennings and give me candy!!!!!ah, yes. life is most certainly good. well, nite nite kids. much love---Cari

ha. so i finally ate guacamole for the first time (by choice) tonight. restaurant raid was at Blue Coast. i had half a burrito and a brush with death. michael almost ordered it with (dun dun DUN!) BLACK OLIVES!!!!!!!! it would have been really sad if he had have killed me via a small black vegetable. anyways, got to know a kid named Zeke, which was pretty cool. clint gave the most amazing message in the world tonight. and that's because it was just all  God. like, it was totally His words. it was amazing. i could've sworn that he was speaking directly to me.

i also got to thinking about how shallow i can be. how shallow the world is. there are so many people living for the most temporary things. temporary glory. and also how many religious people there are. i'm guilty of it myself at times. Tonight clint talked about how easy it is to be religious. In fact, it seems to almost be catered to our human nature. It's a result of our pride, it glorifies us, it requires no love or compassion, and enables us to accuse because, of course, we are so much better than those sinners. our world doesn't need more religion. we need the radical, transforming change that a real relationship with Jesus Christ brings. Christianity is not a religion. It's a relationship. sounds trite i know, but it's just the truth. i get so comfortable with the milk of God's word, and even when i'm offered the meat and potatoes, i just shrink back and stay complacent. i can be such a hypocrite.

i know that God loves us all equally, but sometimes i wonder if He shakes His head at us as Christians more than non-believers, because we know better, and we still act like we are of this world. i feel like i've just been talking the talk, but no more. i'm gonna start walking. 

"THEREFORE, THERE IS NOW NO COMDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS!" ---Romans 8:1. i want to live my life in the knowledge of the freedom that i have in Christ. i didn't realize how far i had fallen until tonight, and i had to question a lot of my motives. i had truly forgotten my first love. i pray that each and every one of you will come to that same realization, just quicker than i did. if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, go forward tomorrow knowing that any accusation brought up against you cannot stand. you are not bound by the "law of sin and death" any longer! praise God, and thanks be to Him! i love you all so much. goodnight, and much love  ----Cari  

hahahahahhaahahahahahhahahahahahahaha....i don't think i'll ever get over that one. i reeeeeeeally miss mexico. i noticed to day how not normal i really am. i seem to be absolutely nothing like my friends. which, in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. but sometimes it does seem to make for a bit of a distance between us these days. today i went to visit Bruce's grave for the first time in a long time. it was kinda weird, cause my mom went to take flowers to my uncle's grave earlier in the day, so i thought i would take some to Bruce's. and

it just didn't seem right. it's strange how as you get farther away from someone's death, your perception of how they used to be seems to change. nayways, on a less depressing note, church is tomorrow, which should be fun. i dunno if i'll go to restaraunt raid or not, but whatev. well, this is a really boring post. i guess i don't have much else to say. good night y'all. much love---Cari

i never really know what i'm gonna get.

so last night

i go to hollywood video, and who do i see, but Kevin Krapf, who i haven't seen in a million and two years. and he just gave me a big hug, and we listened to his band, Sugar Vibe, who are really really super duper good. like seriously talented.

nayways.

that was pretty dang cool. life is good right now. and i am actually kinda looking forward to going back to school. i miss my friends, and i think mr. vaughn is gonna do good things for the school. so question: which is worse, telling someone how you feel about them, and them not feeling the same, or that person never knowing how you feel? also, i want to know how many people know my middle name. what is it? much love to you all ---Cari X. Jennings....(???)

so tonight's restaurant raid was at La Siesta, best mexican restaurant in the world. muy divertido.

church was cool. tonight was NY/NJ share night, and God obviously blessed their trip. it's great to hear that i have so many new brothers and sisters in Christ!

so anyways, i got to thinking, as we were in worship, how good we've got it here in America. no one's bombing us. no one's telling us we can't worship our God in whatever way we want to. whereas people in Lebanon and Israel are currently fighting just to stay alive, much less enjoy life. and we seem to take it so much for granted. as if we had all the time in the world.

anyways, just a thought. life is great right now. i love my friends, but most of all, i love my God. He always seems to know just what i need to hear, exactly when i need it. lately i've been really confused about what i want to do with my life, and i waver back and forth between wanting to be a doctor, and wanting to be a missionary. i don't really feel that i could be both. i think about being at that point in life, and looking back at my choice, and i just don't see me ever regretting becoming a missionary, whereas i can see myself regretting not doing it. but who knows. i feel like jeremiah when he said that the word of the Lord was like  "a fire in his bones" that he was weary of shutting in. cool stuff. neways, i think i'm officially smitten. but i don't know that the feeling's mutual. i sure hope so. but i don't know that he'll ever know about it, unless he asks me. who knows? well, i'm really tired, so i'm gonna go hit the hay. nite nite g-units. ----Cari