Pirates: The Phusebox Post

July 07 2006
Rather than sorting through some odd number of posts where people tell me what they thought of the new Pirates movie.


First of all, I'd like to express disappointment that Keith Richards was not in the most recent movie. That said I understand the third Pirates movie is coming out next year and Keith will be in that as Jack's father.

The Good

The plot was very compelling. I did not think they would expand so much on such a minor detail like the East India Trading Company. And Lord Jerkface (I forget his name is) is a perfectly detestable villain. Also, I had completely forgottten that Bootstrap Bill was Undead when he was fired from the cannon and couldn't die. That was a very impressive way to bring that character around. There was some great character development in this film with a wide array of characters whereas in the first it was primarily about developing Will Turner and a bit about Elizabeth Swan. The battle seens were much improved but Disney has got to stop ending every last fight with someone getting knocked on the head with a rum bottle or an oar or a club or Orlando Bloom's unconscious body swung like a club.

The Bad

The humor and the jokes were the biggest shortcoming of the film. After Jack's first joke about "why is the rum always gone?" the creativity fled. It was recycling every last flippin joke from the first film except minus the timing. Really in this movie the jokes went from a strong point to a short coming that had the originality of something stolen from a Pirates fan site. Also, they never really explained the dice game too well. And at times the plot development seemed labored.

The Ugly

Davy Jones. I can't decide whether he's a better or worse villain than Barbosa. Barbosa had a strong history of rivalry with Jack and he had limits to his powers but Davy Jones has nearly unlimited resources and has a handful of weaknesses.

The Wha...?

Disney has a lot of explaining to do in the third film next summer. First of all, what is Lord Jerkface up to? He wouldn't go through so much trouble just to get some extra profit. Maybe he plans on turning on the British Empire or something, judging by the trade crew's disdain for tariffs and taxes. Also, what is the scar that Jack left on Lord Jerkface? And then there's Barbosa. They really have their worked cut out for themselves there. He's basically pulling a Jesus.

All in all, I'm going to rank the second movie below the first BUT it has the potential to be better than the first depending on what happens in the third and (probably) final movie, much like the Matrix Reloaded. Hopefully Pirates 3 won't be the disaster that was Matrix Revolutions.

Also for those of you wondering, it takes 6 people to run the Black Pearl. There'll be countless extras killed in the next movie. However, I shall tell you who will always, always, always survive to have the necessary 6 people.

1. Will Turner- they need his dashing good looks for good luck
2. Elizabeth Swan- someone has to appreciate his dashing good looks
3. Captain-figure- it's not a pirate ship without a captain, and the crazier the better
4. Mute with the parrot- because talking parrots are funny
5. the Midget- but midgets are funnier
6.  The portly yet rational man with the beard- did I mention he also has a heart of gold? There's no way they're killing him

What are your thoughts?

Sarah Vermillion

July 07 2006
Ugh, I know what you mean about the jokes. The fights were cool, but completely ridiculous! That kind of got on my nerves. I agree with you on the six people who will never die. When the Cracken attacked the Pearl, I noticed that they were the only ones who survived.


July 07 2006
i thought it dragged a bit in parts honestly. like it was one of those.. ok.. blablabla.. lets see more something. i liked the first one a whole lot better i think. i did, however, see barbosa coming back so the end made me feel smug bc i knew he didn't die. and um.. i like alot of the little funny lines. but in a way, it was really a bit of a dissapointment for me.. i made sure everyone in my theatre knew that too. lol. the first was mucho grande better, but hopefully the 3rd will be good. this trillogy reminds me of lotr. hahah. wow im rambling. anyway yea. oh and davy jones,. what a wierd guy.

Jonathan Wood

July 13 2006
I thought it was a great movie. At first I was a bit bored with the jokes, but I realized that in life, we use the same jokes over and over for years. Instead of looking at the jokes as a way to make the movie funnier, look at them as making it more lifelike. As for Jones having fewer weaknesses, he is a mythical character - as he is not really a human, he doesn't really have a whole lot to worry about in the weaknesses category. For Barbarossa and the dice game, they explain about 80% of it in the movie and leave the rest of it up to you to discover. Barbarossa was from the "Lost Shore" or whatever they call it and was someone who "found his way back." It implies that, when a pirate dies, there is a different fate for him. Also, you didn't mention the beautiful shots they had that the first movie lacked (i.e. the entire scene with Jack and the Kraken)


July 13 2006
yes.. yes she did. ha.. no it actually involves a boy. gee go figure

the brian king kenobi

August 01 2006
i'm sorry, hunter. do you remember that time that you fell off the stage of the amphitheatre during lunch while trying to kill me? that better?