7:00pm - Arrive
7:20pm - Leave for Puleo's Grill
9:45pm - Return from Hasting's... everything is fine.
12:55am - Walk outside to leave... everything is not fine.

If I ever catch anyone screwing with my motorcycle, they better hope they can run faster than me! I don't know who it was or what their problem is. If you want to stay out of the hospital, pushing someone's motorcycle over is not a good habit to start.

Enough venting...
I'm excited about tomorrow... err, tonight. I've seen them every year for the past 4 or 5 years. We're even gonna look nice! I can't sleep for thinking about it. I can't help it!
I've had 11 hours sleep for the past 3 nights. If I fall asleep as this very instant, I will get 5 hours and 9 minutes of sleep.

So, what?

Complete obedience is not without its trials. My prayer is for clarity, wisdom, and discernment.


On to lighter subjects...
Humpday is past. Today, my favorite twins celebrate a birthday! The week is almost over. Two more days until I can welcome the warm wash of 2 million glows.

The awe I feel for my Redeemer is still as fresh as the day He saved me. He never ceases to amaze me! Thank God I'm not in control.

"There is only one relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal Redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go, but maintain that at all costs, and God will fulfil His purpose through your life."

"...not as I will, but as You will." Matthew 26:39

It's been a fishy night. I bought a salmon (whole) at wally world last week. Tonight I cooked it and my J-Group came to my apartment and ate it. Lemon, dill, a little butter... was very good.
Went to Steak and Shake (surprise, surprise). When I went to pay, the manager looked at me and said, "You're in here more than I am!" He gave me a big discount! I love that place. I've been there three times in the past six days. It would've been four, but they closed at 9:30pm on Wednesday night for Thanksgiving.
After that, I went to Jason Adkins's apartment. He has a 150 gallon saltwater fish tank. It's captivating. I sat an watched it for a little over an hour. Then, I worked on cleaning it a bit. The best part was feeding the fish. Most of the fish eat plankton. Basically you just pour that stuff in the tank and they scurry around to eat it up. There's an eel named Santa. Santa, the two anemone, and the serpant star eat whole shrimp. With the anemone and the serpent star, you can just hold a piece of shrimp next to them and the tentacles will catch on and pull it in. Santa is a different story.
While the eel is "non-venomous", there is enough bacteria in its mouth that if he bit you, you would have to make a trip to the hospital to get a shot. You feed him by putting a shrimp on a toothpick and holding it in the water. Normally, Santa will swim up and meet you about halfway to get the shrimp. I don't think he was feeling well today cause he wouldn't come out of his hiding spot very far. In order for me to get him to eat, I had to stick the shrimp down in front of his hole. Let me tell you, it's a little unnerving to be almost shoulder deep in salt water, holding a shrimp on the end of a toothpick, and hoping that this eel (who has killed a shark and a ray) doesn't bite you. It all worked out though. All's well and that ends well.
However, it would be kind of unique to say you were bitten by an eel and had to go to the ER for antibiotics.

I'm excited! There's lots of reasons, one of which is that the TV woman said tornados are coming!
I can't wait for this week to be done with. Salmon tomorrow, work, last AO (for the semester), work, who knows, then lights.


Stupid grins are not illegal.

It's 9:46pm on a Saturday night and I'm in my own apartment.

This night has been ultra-wierd.

I needed to take a quick break before I passed out. The fumes from this cleaner I'm using are horrible.
Good news, I got here early, so I'm leaving early. Home to shower this horrible cleaner off is where I'm going. Then, who knows?

Headache's gone... back to work. Tick faster stupid clock!

Am I setting myself up for something not-so-good?

It's only one hour and ten minutes into Thanksgiving and I'm loving it already! At 11:00am, my family is going to Hope Center to serve Thanksgiving meals. Then my family and a few friends are going to my parent's house for traditional Thanksgiving meal. It will be fun. I haven't seen my aunt, uncle, and two cousins in a while. Then, what's Thanksgiving without BBQ! That's right... second meal!

Serving the needy, enjoying family, enjoying friends... you have no idea how ecstatic I am! I am so blessed!

Father, thank you for being so amazing! My provider, my shelter, my redeemer. Words cannot express my gratitude.

What an incredible night! Words cannot express, but I'll try...
Incredible Experience #1:
A few guys came over to the church to prayer walk. I joined them when I got done with work.
"Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to the prayer offered in this place. For now
I have chosen and consecrated this house that My name may be there
forever, and My eyes and My heart will be there perpetually." II Chronicles 7:15-16

Incredible Experience #2:
Went to Steak-and-Shake at about 2:30am. Robert was there (He's better than Crazy Carl by the way). When I got through eating he came over and showed us this book he had been reading. Basically he is searching and is having a hard time understanding the concept of a just God of love. We talked about a few things. Fundamentally, he is leaning towards universalism. I explained a little bit about what I believe (absolute truth, literal heaven and hell, sinful man, redeeming saviour). Thank God the line of communication between Robert and me is open. I got the name of the book he is reading and I told him I would read it so we could discuss it further. He seems pretty open-minded and logical. What an incredible opportunity! Pray for Robert. Pray that his mind would be open and receptive to the truth. Pray that I would have the right words to say at the right time. God is AWESOME!

"When they bring you before the synagogues and the rulers and the authorities, do not worry about how or what you are to speak in your defense, or what you are to say; for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say." Luke 12:11-12
Tonight was living proof of that.

This is all beside the fact that I had an amazing day! I believe I have a newfound veneration for my Master!

Waiting. Never liked it much.

God has a sense of humor. If He wasn't so nice, I would almost call it a cruel sense of humor (Go ahead, flame me for saying God has a cruel sense of humor). He knows the entire plan, He knows what's best for us, He makes good for us, but our little finite brains can't pick up on the clues. Everyonce in a while, I wish I could figure this thing out, but on the other hand, I rather like flying by the seat of my pants.

Life threw me a curveball. I'll probably let it go this time. Is it a strike or a ball?

Bear with me on this one...
I've been listening to Christmas music and I am so wishing I could dance. It's great dancing music. I tried practicing with the mop, but it didn't quite work.

I got my cell phone and wallet back. I'm legal again.

I think jumping in the freezing cold water in the pool last night is wreaking havoc on my skin. It just feels funny.

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old. You would think he died of old age right? He died the same year the flood came. Makes me wonder if God let Noah's grandfather live that long only so he would die in the flood.

Scent of a Woman is one of my top three favorite movies. Al Pacino's monologue in the end is incredible. Besides the movie, I left my cell phone and wallet. Hope I don't get pulled over tonight. I'm at a friend's apartment right now. Hot tubs in winter are amazing! I decided to shock my body and jumped in the pool twice. That was quite an experience. I might edit in more later.

The McDonald's I ate last night isn't going very well. I'm going to try to be on campus at 7:10am, but this has to settle down first.

The storm was disappointing. I donned my rain suit and waited out in the parking lot for something big to come my way. There was a little wind, a lot of rain, and some lightening. Nothing to phone home about (although home called me a few times to see if I was ok).

Moving right along... A friend of mine suggested something interesting the other day. I pondered it and found it to be quite true. God often shows us a long path in the map of life simply to get us to take one step. I look back and think of the times He showed me a direction, I took a step, then plans changed. Ultimately it was all for the good, but would I have taken that one step if I hadn't seen this lengthy trail? Doubtful. I was motivated to take a step when I saw something that caught my eye. Call it a sort of holy "bait and switch". Sounds deceptive, but it's not really. It's all for the better. (Jeremiah 29:11-13, Romans 8:28-29, Proverbs 16:9)
My goal is to be mobile and malleable. I want to be open to His will and willing to do whatever, no matter the cost. I mustn't lock myself into one mode or plan. His direction for me could change at any second.

A few things...
Firstly, WOW, I can't say enough how much God is in control. His sovereignty is undeniable.


"A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously
dependent on God."

Secondly, Through tumult and confusion, He is a light. There's no need to be afraid. It doesn't matter how bad things are, He hasn't given us a spirit of fear. (II Timothy 1:7)

Good days make great memories.

Watch over your heart with all diligence For from it flow the springs of life. --Proverbs 4:23

Diligence - Earnest and persistent application to an undertaking; steady effort; assiduity

A sound heart is life to the body --Proverbs 14:30

The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. -- Psalm 34:18

A storm is coming. I can only speculate it's magnitude, but I can comfortably say it is going to flood. I can see the lightning in the distance. I can hear the roll of thunder. It's getting closer and gaining speed. A tidal wave of change is swiftly approaching.

Father, I'm ready to ride.

Things will never be perfect. I will wait for that in heaven. Until then, I will praise Him in everything. Whether it's five days ago, and I am confused to no end, or it's two hours ago and life is peachy keen. I will praise Him. I pray that I will never forget His suffering and the price He paid. James wrote a letter to me and said, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." Amen, brother.

Life is always changing. However, it seems like things are turning more than ever now. I'm not sure exactly how to explain so I won't try for now. I stuggle to find purpose and success in my life, but the answers may be peeking through the haze. I'm also seeing more and more why He has me single. There is a definate purpose in that. Praise God!

---

Edit:
Even as I wrote this two hours ago, God was working. It's time to step up to the microphone. It's time to be stronger than ever. He has a plan and a purpose with everything. I'm excited to be a part of that!
Father, I'm ready to ride!

My heart hurts. I'm emotionally drained. I'm angry. I'm confused. I'm scared. I'm frustrated. I'm sick. I can list the symptoms. I can list the things heavy on my heart.
The one thing I can't do is name the root of it all.

I don't like this. This is not me. Instability has rarely been in the list of my characteristics. I don't like people like this. Yet, I sit here choking, on the verge of tears, sleepless, and I can't say why.

I went to intercession tonight after the J-Group stuff. 1,000,001 things occupied my thoughts. I fought to find peace in it all and left it no better. What kind of "leader" has problems like these? People ask me what's wrong. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! Is there something wrong in my heart? I search, but don't find answers.

Now, I'm sleepy. Mercy in the moring, Father... please.

Phusebox is probably about to be inundated with posts like this, but whatever. Here's $0.02:

Fall retreat was good. The speaker was amazing. I got the chance to talk to him quite a bit. His heart is awesome. God time was abundant, love that. The stars were magnificant.

 I love my friends. Sounds kinda sappy, but it's true. Here's the problem though, I don't know if they need me as much as I need them. I try not to be needy. I try to be a passive friend. I like to think they know they can come to me whenever they want or need. I don't think I'm at the top of anyone's list. That's not really a bad thing, but it sure would be nice to be needed sometimes.

I don't usually ask for prayer on here, but I desperately need it now. Firstly, a few of my friendships are tanking horribly. I'm totally helpless on this and absolutely don't know what to do. Secondly, a few friends of mine are going through trials. They hurt and I can't do anything about it. It makes my heart ache. Lastly, I know God has asked me to be single for now. Most of the time I am content with that, but sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of lonliness and miss the companionship, the deeper relationship that comes with sharing life with someone.
Thank you for praying for these things. Even if you just mention it once, I appreciate it greatly.

In about 13 hours we leave for fall retreat, it will be awesome. I'm trying to pack, but then I realize that I really need to do a load of laundry. The washer is not being very quiet right now. I really hope it doesn't wake my roommate up. Normally, I would just shut it off and wait til morning, but I really need to get this stuff done so I can finish packing.

I'm excited about the retreat. I've heard that I may get to sleep outside, which will be incredible with the stars shining through the crisp air. The speaker we have coming is amazing as well. Jason handed out a bunch of CD's that had two sermons from this guy. I listened to both of them twice. Amazing how God can use a message from a guy I don't know, recorded who know's when to hit me right in the chest. Yeah... I'm excited.

In other news, what should I do with my website (http://www.stuffedcouch.com)? It used to be a blog, but I've got this now (I quit blogging there originally to get away from a stalker). I use it for R&D, but nobody sees that except me :) Maybe I'll just mirror the RSS feed from here and make it look pretty. Yeah, that's prob what I'll. I might play around with Mafia. Who knows? I am getting into a little bit of 3D rendering stuff. Maybe that'll be my showcase.

I met with my J-Group tonight. It was great! Only two guys showed up, but I'm getting comfortable with my guys being sporadic.
Intercession was neat tonight. I got in there late and left early. God did what He wanted to do quickly and effectively. Turns out I got the chance to pray with a friend of mine who is going through a tough time. He is so faithful! I can't comment enough about how His timing is perfect. He shows just enough of His grand scheme at just the right moment, just when it's truly needed. He answers prayer in ways that I could not have imagined (talk about creativity).

A few people had some questions about Alpha Channel Maxed. My previous post was not directed at any one person, or any five people for that matter. Consider it a blanket. If anyone has questions about it, please call me. I would love to talk about it.

I know I posted a few hours ago. Sue me :)

---

Last night (Saturday), after the costume party, I went to Steak and Shake with a few people. The coffee flowed freely (seriously... she didn't charge me), and I had a good time visiting with a few friends. After I got home at around 2:30am or so, I couldn't go to sleep. Part of it was the six cups of coffee, but part of it was that I had several things on my mind. Finally, when 4:30am rolled around and I was still wide awake, I decided to head over to the church (a whopping 300 yards from my house). The next couple of hours were great: praying, reading the Word, and playing the piano.

While I was talking to God, I mostly discussed the heavy stuff on my heart. That mainly had to do with relationships. I see my relationships heading in directions I don't like. That is to say, I see some of them are going south for no apparent reason, others are going too far in a direction I'm not comfortable with, and yet others are staying stagnant. Of the three categories, I'm most concerned with the former two.

I don't know why friendships fail. I have a feeling that it is mostly due to mis-/non-communication. The petty pitfalls could be avoided if people just talked. It is also very important to mention that truth is a key component in this discussion. Sometimes, difficult topics must be brought up. Whatever the case, there can't be any misunderstandings when all is said and done.

As for the relationships going too far in a direction, I'm not sure what is happening. Speaking the truth here helps too, but unfortunately I can only discuss my side of the truth. This partially has to do with what I wrote in Confusion Squared. I never found the answer as to what I'm doing to create confusion in people. All I can do now is tell you point-blank what my thoughts and intentions are.

I am in no position to be in a relationship consisting of anything more than friendship.
I have far too much growth that needs to happen, I have far too much to learn before I will ever be ready for a serious relationship. If I have misled you into believing that I was interested in anything more than friendship, I apologize. I assure you that it was unintentional. I thought that I had made this point  almost-clear from the beginning, but this may come as a surprise to some. If you are hurt by what I'm saying, again, I apologize.

I hope this doesn't damage relationships. I love my friends and appreciate the bonds I have with those friends. The last thing I want to do is sever those links. I would greatly love to continue on in friendship and enjoy all the benefits that come along with that.

If you would like to talk to me, yell at me, question me, whatever, you probably know my cell.

Maybe this will start things going in the right direction.