Alpha Channel Maxed
October 24 2005
I know I posted a few hours ago. Sue me :)
Last night (Saturday), after the costume party, I went to Steak and Shake with a few people. The coffee flowed freely (seriously... she didn't charge me), and I had a good time visiting with a few friends. After I got home at around 2:30am or so, I couldn't go to sleep. Part of it was the six cups of coffee, but part of it was that I had several things on my mind. Finally, when 4:30am rolled around and I was still wide awake, I decided to head over to the church (a whopping 300 yards from my house). The next couple of hours were great: praying, reading the Word, and playing the piano.
While I was talking to God, I mostly discussed the heavy stuff on my heart. That mainly had to do with relationships. I see my relationships heading in directions I don't like. That is to say, I see some of them are going south for no apparent reason, others are going too far in a direction I'm not comfortable with, and yet others are staying stagnant. Of the three categories, I'm most concerned with the former two.
I don't know why friendships fail. I have a feeling that it is mostly due to mis-/non-communication. The petty pitfalls could be avoided if people just talked. It is also very important to mention that truth is a key component in this discussion. Sometimes, difficult topics must be brought up. Whatever the case, there can't be any misunderstandings when all is said and done.
As for the relationships going too far in a direction, I'm not sure what is happening. Speaking the truth here helps too, but unfortunately I can only discuss my side of the truth. This partially has to do with what I wrote in Confusion Squared. I never found the answer as to what I'm doing to create confusion in people. All I can do now is tell you point-blank what my thoughts and intentions are.
I am in no position to be in a relationship consisting of anything more than friendship.
I have far too much growth that needs to happen, I have far too much to learn before I will ever be ready for a serious relationship. If I have misled you into believing that I was interested in anything more than friendship, I apologize. I assure you that it was unintentional. I thought that I had made this point almost-clear from the beginning, but this may come as a surprise to some. If you are hurt by what I'm saying, again, I apologize.
I hope this doesn't damage relationships. I love my friends and appreciate the bonds I have with those friends. The last thing I want to do is sever those links. I would greatly love to continue on in friendship and enjoy all the benefits that come along with that.
If you would like to talk to me, yell at me, question me, whatever, you probably know my cell.
Maybe this will start things going in the right direction.
Last night (Saturday), after the costume party, I went to Steak and Shake with a few people. The coffee flowed freely (seriously... she didn't charge me), and I had a good time visiting with a few friends. After I got home at around 2:30am or so, I couldn't go to sleep. Part of it was the six cups of coffee, but part of it was that I had several things on my mind. Finally, when 4:30am rolled around and I was still wide awake, I decided to head over to the church (a whopping 300 yards from my house). The next couple of hours were great: praying, reading the Word, and playing the piano.
While I was talking to God, I mostly discussed the heavy stuff on my heart. That mainly had to do with relationships. I see my relationships heading in directions I don't like. That is to say, I see some of them are going south for no apparent reason, others are going too far in a direction I'm not comfortable with, and yet others are staying stagnant. Of the three categories, I'm most concerned with the former two.
I don't know why friendships fail. I have a feeling that it is mostly due to mis-/non-communication. The petty pitfalls could be avoided if people just talked. It is also very important to mention that truth is a key component in this discussion. Sometimes, difficult topics must be brought up. Whatever the case, there can't be any misunderstandings when all is said and done.
As for the relationships going too far in a direction, I'm not sure what is happening. Speaking the truth here helps too, but unfortunately I can only discuss my side of the truth. This partially has to do with what I wrote in Confusion Squared. I never found the answer as to what I'm doing to create confusion in people. All I can do now is tell you point-blank what my thoughts and intentions are.
I am in no position to be in a relationship consisting of anything more than friendship.
I have far too much growth that needs to happen, I have far too much to learn before I will ever be ready for a serious relationship. If I have misled you into believing that I was interested in anything more than friendship, I apologize. I assure you that it was unintentional. I thought that I had made this point almost-clear from the beginning, but this may come as a surprise to some. If you are hurt by what I'm saying, again, I apologize.
I hope this doesn't damage relationships. I love my friends and appreciate the bonds I have with those friends. The last thing I want to do is sever those links. I would greatly love to continue on in friendship and enjoy all the benefits that come along with that.
If you would like to talk to me, yell at me, question me, whatever, you probably know my cell.
Maybe this will start things going in the right direction.
Matt Beard
October 24 2005
I've often felt the same way about communication in a relationship. more often than not i discovered that i too wasn't communicating well. such is life.
Jennifer Hood
October 24 2005
glad you were able to get some of that off your chest. seriously, call me next time. i love you and i am praying for you.
jeff martin
October 24 2005
takes a big man to talk clearly about what's on his mind (and heart).... big props buddy.... Matthew 6:33... holla
-Jeff
Renee Ashworth
October 24 2005
mmmmm nate this is very deep, asn first off, i think that you have made the right decision, growth, and knowledge is needed for any future relationship that you have, with whoever God directs you to , to flourish.Coming off the experience that you have, it is understandable to be cautous, and i am proud of you for taking your time, by not jumping into things, i know that there have been stumbles along the way, but this is God preparing you for what he has in store for you, and it will be great, when you come upon his wonderful, and devine timing for you to be in a relationship again. I am sorry that ar ehaving rought time with getting your point across, although i don't know how, it is not getting across, i have always understood that you were in this season of your life, but trials come along with the process, so i don't know who you are talkiing to in this , but if it is somebody in particular, i would pray weather or not you should approach them with a deeper conversation, don't be scared, God will guide you........ remeber that i am here for you, and if you need to talk let me knlw i heart u! God Bless
