Blah blah blah, another typical "first day of class" post.

I was a little nervous about today because I haven't been in school for a year. All in all, it was pretty good. I'm comfortable with the class load and times. I will be more comfortable when I can actually get a good nights sleep.

Last night, I was laying in bed at about 12:45 thinking that I was actually going to get a decent night's sleep when the phone rang. My ex-girlfriend was on the other end and had a shaky voice. She said she needed to talk. Given the time and the sound of her voice, I thought it might be serious, so I agreed reluctantly. She came to the house and we sat on the front porch.
She was upset about something that happened with me that she didn't know about. She thought it was her business when it didn't have anything to do with her. She was angry and upset.
The thing was, that this was something she wasn't ever going to know. I only told six people and assumed that it was in confidence. However, one of them ended up "accidently" telling her.
She ended up leaving at 3:30 this morning. I ended up getting a little more than three hours of much needed sleep.

Every time I think this stupid, soap-opera-ish, tiring relationship crap is going to end (it's been nine months), something comes up and screws it all up!

I'm so very tired of this. Seeing the grief that has come out of this relationship, I don't have the desire for a dating relationship. The headache and heartache from this one is enough to last many years. I feel like I don't have the emotional energy to give to the friends I care about. I'm drained.

Lots to write, but I don't have time for it all here. I will write about the leadership retreat later.

Tonight, I had to do something that I really didn't want to do. I'll write more about that later too. I'm too tired right now. I'm literally falling asleep.

Goodnight.

A few weeks ago, I posted about "Lessons". There were several suggestions about what God may be trying to teach me. I think I may have stumbled upon the answer.

God is sovereign. Most of us have heard this many times in church; I've always acknowledged it in a passive sort of way, "Of course, God is sovereign. Duh.". I'm beginning to comprehend just how sovereign He is. Throughout the recent past, I've been/am in situations where I have no/little control. I've been in helpless situations before and started the lessons in dependence and patience. But, previous experiences had not begun the lesson of sovereignty.

Current situations, while strengthening my patience and dependence, have forced me to open my eyes and realize that God's sovereignty is the father of all these other virtues.
Just like King Nebby in Daniel, "All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth. No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, "What have you done?"" --Daniel 4:35 I am patiently depending on His love and righteousness because I am totally out of control.

His sovereignty will ALWAYS prevail!

I leave for the AO Leadership Retreat in about eight hours. Pray for unity and humility in the 31 people going. Pray that our bodies will be refreshed for the whirlwind of a semester we have coming (a few of us are running past empty in preparation for it all).

It's been forty hours since my head last touched the pillow. In seven hours, I'm to be at the church to open up. Until then, I need to do laundry so the churched people won't complain again.

Tonight was fantastic! I got off work early and was invited to go with the Bonins and Jennifer Hood to Curb Cafe at Belmont to see a guy I met last weekend play. We met Justin Vance, Kayla, and Natalie up there. The music was great, but the people in the crowd wouldn't stop talking! Jennifer and I were going nuts and about to go off on people, but the music overcame and soothed.

The Gist: I had so much fun tonight!

I got up today and went to work on my day off cause I was needed. Then I helped watch 17 kids until 9:00PM. I stopped by the youth lock-in to say hi to my sister and ended up staying until about 4:30AM helping a friend of mine. We left there and went to unload a trailer full of audio equipment. It's 5:39AM and I just got home. I'm going to take a shower and eat some breakfast before I go to the Apartment move-ins today at 8:00AM. I will do that until 2:00PM when I go to work and work until 10:30PM. Tomorrow morning, I go to the church at 6:30AM to unlock the building, and I will stay until the last person is out of the building tomorrow night when I lock up (somewhere around 9:30PM).

...I'm beginning to wonder how long I can keep this up.

I pay to do something I'm not sure I really want to do.

I paid part of my MTSU bill today.

Just got the new Nickel Creek album ("Why Should the Fire Die?") off of iTunes. It is incredibly awesome. In my own trying to learn the mandolin, I don't know if hearing that stuff discourages me or prods me on to greatness.

I have a lot on my mind. I've started three different blogs and I either couldn't complete them because I couldn't express myself in writing or I wrote soo much that it would wrap for several pages. I decided to scrap it all and just sit here and think some more.

The new semester is starting soon. Pray for MTSU, my returning to school, and most importantly for AO. With the lack of a central, permanent leader comes issues that I pray God will work out so AO doesn't implode. I want this to be the beginning of something magnificant, not the end of something cool.

Last night was intensely fun! My plans changed about four times and I was vehicleless which made for an interesting combination.

I started out going to the stock car races at Nashville Fair Grounds Speedway. I rode with my dad, brother, sister, uncle, cousin, and grandpa. On the way it rained a little so when we got there, all the races were cancelled. Someone said the jet driers were at the superspeedway for the race today.

Since the race wasn't going to happen, I asked dad to drop me off at the Wildhorse Saloon. Some friends from AO were there (Nathan, Caroline, Jenee, Cathrine (Caroline's sister), Colleen, Mandy, Jenny, and Caroline's cousin. I met up with them and had a great time. We ate, drank (soft drinks :-) ), and danced. Well, some danced... others (me) attempted. It was a very fun time.

I rode with Nathan Mace back to the boro where he dropped me off at Don Pablo's where I could meet up with Justin V., the Bonin's, Sara, and a few others. We went to an old rock quarry pond. It was absolutely amazing! It was also a very long drop to the still water. When we threw big rocks in, you could see the ripple spread out across the whole pond.

After that, Justin V. and I headed over to Natalie and Mallory's house. We just hung out and had a good time. Listen to a few guys sing (they were pretty good). Then he took me home.

One thing that last night stirred up inside me and I haven't been able to stop thinking about since is relationships, particularly one's with girls. It's been almost nine months since I broke up with my girlfriend. When I realized that she was not the girl I was supposed to marry, I began to wean, so to speak, from her and her from me. Amazingly, in the nine months, things haven't totally settled down with that. I have learned from that experience that I'm definately not ready for a relationship, much less a serious one like that. However, I do like the companionship that came with the relationship. I don't know if it's healthy or not, but I liked it none the less.
Since I've broken up with her, I've tried to focus my energy on growing closer to Christ and closer to my friends. When I was dating, I realize now that I neglected a lot of my true friends. I'm now trying to nurish all my friendships and be a true friend to them. I want to be there for them, to listen, to laugh, to cry, whatever. This seems to fill the companionship void almost completely, but there's still a tiny hole. For example, it would've been nice to have a friend to join with on the dance floor at the Wildhorse. Lots to think about. Time to get back to work. We'll talk later.

I've had a fun week. Wednesday, I removed stumps. Yesterday and today, I refinished the driveway. It looks good now. I'm tired, but who cares? This all reminds me of my summers as a little boy out in Colorado. I wanted so badly to grow up, now I wish I could be at that place in my life again. So carefree.

In other news, I got my bill from MTSU today. I almost had a heart attack. Luckily they only want half right now, but that's still quite a chunk of change.

Rough hands, dirty clothes, the smell of wood chips, sweat drenched shirt, tan skin, 98 degree weather. I'm not purposed to spend my days inside, either at a desk in front of a computer or vacuuming a big building all day. The incredible sense of accomplishment that comes from being outside working all the strength in my body to destroy dead stumps. I'm worn out, but I feel incredible.

It's 2:38AM on Saturday morning. I went to a little class reunion thing and grilled burgers. I went swimming in the middle of the incredible lightening storm. Then at 1:00AM I went to IHOP I drank 4 pots of coffee and it only cost me $1.59! I had time to catch up with a friend of mine.

I'm wired now, guess I'll clean my room.

I think God is trying to teach me something, I just don't know exactly what. A month ago, I was ready for school to start. I was budgeted to be able to pay for it (mostly :)). But then life kicked in. I went to renew my insurance and it went up. I got a nail in the back tire which ate $180. Two nights ago, on the way home, my clutch cable broke and I had to order a new one. Since I needed it ASAP, overnighting it costed $30 extra. I'm starting to get the feeling that I may not be able to pay for school. Student loans aren't the answer, I've got some of those already and I'm paying on them. (Dumbest decision of my life).

I'm trying to figure out what God's teaching me. I'm also trying not to let myself jump in and take control. I will only mess things up more. Any insight?

I don't usually shy away from change, but soo much change over so little time is a little unnerving.
I worked my last night at Don Pablo's tonight. It isn't often that I quit jobs, so it felt very wierd. It was a good thing though (I've been working seven days a week for about 3 months. 4 days off in that time). School starts this month. I'm returning to MTSU after being out of school altogether for a year. I'm a little nervous about starting back not to mention affording it all. In a few weeks, I'm going to have to move... again. I'd like to be settled into a house before school starts, but I'm not sure that's going to happen seeing as August's calendar is running over with AO stuff.

The Prince of Peace is faithful to His name. Laying everything at His feet awards me the most overwhelming peace. He will make a way and provide the joy and peace I long for.

"In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender, forevermore." --Tim Hughes

I am so unworthy. Time and time again, I will fail Christ. He gives and pours into and nurtures me, I pay with disobedience, He still loves.

Over the last several months, my spiritual growth has been awesome. But, amazingly enough, I seem to be hit the hardest when I'm at my highest. However, His mercy, forgiveness, and love are boundless. Through everything, He still loves and protects. I can't stop praising Him for what He has done.

Create in my a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. --Psalm 51:10

Wednesday morning, I walked out to the bike to go to work and found the rear tire flat with a small nail sticking out. I was quite annoyed, but my mind immediately raced for options. I called work and told them I would be a little late, but I could still make it. I would just need to find someone to finish my shift so I could get off a little earlier to get the tire fixed. Every single person I asked couldn't or wouldn't do it for some reason or another (a few had good reason not to, but most were just out of confessed laziness). When I finally got off work, and got to the house, my roommate backed his truck down the ditch so I could put the bike in the back to take it to the shop. After I loaded it, he couldn't pull the truck out because of the rain that had just started falling. I had to go to AO a little muddy. I wasn't able to get the tire fixed until this morning. But, it's all ok, because I didn't need that $180 anyways. :)

... and never stops amazing me. I had a fairly large need come up today. However, I prayed about it and, within five minutes, found out that He had already provided. He knew my need before I asked. Words cannot express my awe! My finite mind doesn't have the ability to scratch the surface of God's omni-ness.
He cares.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You. Psalm 139:17-18

Over the last several months, I've been experiencing spiritual growth like I haven't seen since my junior high years. I'm feeling the heat of a fire that has burned ever so lightly for several years now. That fire is starting to roar. However, the journey to perfect communion with the Saviour is filled with many distractions and pitfalls.

I can directly link this increasing fervor with two things. One, the ending of an impeding relationship and two, my move from Cookeville back to Murfreesboro. Christ has been able to take first place in my life and I've been able to plug in.

The Way is not easy. But the King makes it bearable. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 139. The encouragement is magnificent. From verses 7 and 8:: Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

What an amazing encouragement for those in Him! From our best days to our worst days, He is always available. He will always lead us and hold us. Incredible!

I'm Nate and I'm an addict for this sort of thing. It's unfortunate. I could be spending my time more productively elsewhere, but oh well. My sister and several of my friends, both old and new, are on here so I thought I'd be plankton and go with the flow.

This weekend was incredible! I went on an AO trip to Louisville, KY. We went up on Friday afternoon and came back on Sunday afternoon. I spent 12 hours at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom (minus the hour or so for lunch outside the freakishly-expensive-food park). I met a few people that I never really knew or knew well. I hope I didn't scare them too badly! I think I may have gained a few new friends, which is very nice.

I've been to KY Kingom a few times before so, as fun as they were, none of the rides were particularly surprising (I've ridden all the big ones at least a half dozen times before this trip), but the highlight of the park was my trip in the 200' high SkyCoaster. I got a brave (read: crazy) soul to go with me since I wouldn't go by myself (You ROCK Rachel!!). On our way up, we were talking and quite jittery (as you might expect), then one of the cables popped! It was just one of the carabiners settling, but it did nothing to settle us. I was extremely tempted to pull the ripcord right then so we'd have less distance to fall. But, I held off and listened very intently for any further signs of trouble. Luckily, it turned out to be nothing and we made it to the top. We had just a second to enjoy/dread the view. Then we heard it, "3...2...1...FLY!". I didn't even think and pulled the ripcord. The trip was incredible! We got up to about 65mph from what I found on the internet. Ask Rachel about it. I will definately do it again!

Well, it's 2:20AM and I've got to be at work at 10:00AM so I'm off to bed. I'll write more about the trip later. Goodnight.