My point with my last post about the invisible children was not to chastise anyone for their actions.  I apologize to anyone who is investing their time and effort into this movement who I may have offended.  The point I was attempting to make was one of realism and politics, not of moral doctrine.  I know the verses that speak of caring for those who cannot care for themselves.  I am not ignorant of, nor am I insensitive to these passages.  My point was to try and get the people who are demanding a governmental intervention to count the cost.  Why should we tell our government to do something if we are not willing to do it ourselves.  If this is something that is so important to you, join the Peace Corps or some other internationally affiliated organization and make a change yourself.  But when this nation is in such debt that the Congress had to approve a new debt ceiling of $9 trillion, that's right, trillion, it would be irresponsible and illogical of our government to send enough money and troops to make this problem go away.  We already have a bull's eye on our back, and any involvement, at least uni-laterally, will have nothing buy negative repercussions for this nation.  I am not saying that the people who participate in Saturdays sleep in or out or whatever it is called are stupid and wasting their time.  I am asking them to seriously consider the ramifications of their participation before acting in such a strong manner.

ral

I am not insensitive to the plight of the Ugandan children, it is a horrible travesty that they must walk for miles to avoid abduction into a para-military group. However, I am tired of hearing everyone demand that the United States government step in and end this "war." Uni-lateral actions on our part is the reason that the majority of the world hates us. That is why terrorists attack us, why the new Prime Minister of Iran says he will not enter into diplomatic discussions with us untill we stop acting like we own everything. Osama Bin Laden's latest message to the Ji-had warriors pleaded with them to go fight in the Sudan. The terrorist battle is moving to Africa, and an armed U.S. presence will only make things worse. So if this is something you really feel adamant about, then do something more than go sleep in front of a Target in an affluent neighborhood in Franklin. Support our troops through letters and messages, let your senators and representatives know how you feel. But don't limit your voice to a mock camping trip. Make sure that you step up and do more than sit. Speak, write, yell, if necessary but don't get caught up in the band wagon of good will without counting the cost of what you are calling for.

growing up means making actual decisions that have tangible impacts on the rest of your life. 

it sounds great to grow up in theory, until you have to pay for this and that, and your advisor says she can't help you until you pick a major...

ben moser's post made me think back to when everything was fun, and if it wasn't fun, then you made it fun through some stretch of the imagination...

i miss those days...

well kids, it is that time of the year again.  the time when robert realizes that he sincerley wants to win the lottery so that he does not have to the whole "school/work/study/not get enough sleep" thing.

classes are good so far.  i am registered for 13 hours, 10 of which are in the Honors department, so this semester is going to be considerably more difficult than last time around.  but on a more positive note, i usually excell when i am challenged.

the bookstore is constantly packed with people who apparently cannot read or else they would not need my help to find their books.

if you didn't know, i will tell you now: Damascus Road, the band that melts your face with its amazing guitar solos, played last night, and they did phenomenally!  Justin Holt continues to amaze me, and Josh Vance continues to surprise me his vocal improvement (he gets better and better every time i hear him)

i know that they are having a great time and are being faithful to God's will in their lives, but i miss my friends.

my mom is a pretty cool lady, for those of you who don't know my mom, if you get a chance to talk to her, do so.  i reccomend it.

i see so much of myself in my little brother that it is scary.  maybe he will be smart enough to use my mistakes for his benefit.

for the one negative attitude remark:  do your best to keep your opinion about other people's lives to yourself unless they ask you.  you have no idea how much damage can be done through seemingly simple remarks that find their way back to that person. 

ral

In the news recently there have been a lot of complaints from evangelical Christians about stores not saying "Merry Christmas" and instead saying "Happy Holidays" or something of that sort. It seems like last year the "Christians" were complaining about commercialism and now it's semantics. I sincerley wish that people who get so bent out of shape over such stupid things would quit calling themselves Christians. If something so meaningless can get you all in a tiff about Christmas, I truly think you have missed the whole point of the season. Also, just for something to think about, If the Christians were not out at stores buying gifts and feeding the commercialism monster, which they so fervently complain about, they wouldn't hear any body say "Happy Holidays" Get with the program people, it's not about gifts or what people say, it's about our Savior. ral

something that everybody has to acknowledge at some point in their life is that our timing is not God's timing.  just because i don't know what i am going to do with life, doesn't mean that God will show me because i'm simply frustrated.  faith is a terribly difficult thing to learn, especially if your entire life you have never leaned on anybody for support or guidance.  if you are an independent person who does things by yourself and rarely asks for or recieves advice from others, faith can be a back breaking characteristic to acquire.  another thing that i have seen lately is that when you ask for a characteristic like faith, paitence, or trust, God doesn't simply give you those things, he puts you situations where you can build your character and gain those things.  so be prepared to accept the responsibilities that come along with prayer.  especially be careful to pray for humility and brokeness, because God will give it to you, but the cost may be more than you are ready and willing to pay...

ral

well, we're in the home stretch of this whole first semester thing, and i have to say the college is a lot better than high school.  i mean, sometimes i miss the warm nutruing environment of a high school where teachers actually care if you pass and people want to help you succeed, but it is all part of growing up.

on a lighter note, going to nashville with justin vance on Saturday night and dancing with attractive Belmont girls beats the heck out of watching Saving Private Ryan, which is what i would have done if he hadn't called, so thanks.  oh yeah, and for all of you country music lovers out there, keep an eye and ear open for a cool cat named Cannan Smith who quite possibly could be one of my favorite country voices, and i've only heard him play a handful of times, he rocks

ral

it is very interesting when you realize that you're no longer a little kid anymore so you need to quit acting and thinking like one.  it is completely real that in life there are limitations.  sure, when kids are little you should tell them that they can be anything they want as long as they try real hard.  but the honest truth is that some people are not made to do the glamorous jobs in life.  as a high schooler you always hear that one day you are going to have to make it in the "real world" and you always think that you can handle it, but honestly the real world is tough. no longer are you surrounded by people who care about you.  it is a very strange feeling the first time you realize that your teachers could not care less about your grade in their class, they don't care that you graduated magna cum laude, or that you're on a presidential scholarship, they care that your butt is in the seat with tuition paid so they can get a pay check once a month.  of course not all professors will be this way, but it is strange.

it is also strange when you realize how selfish you were as a "child."  a couple of posts ago i asked people what i should do with my scholarship refund, a motorcycle or a lift kit for my jeep.  how incredible selfish and immature of me!  why should God bless me with anything if my concern is going to be how i can satisfy my own desires?  there are so many people whom i could help with that money, and all i was worried about was which toy to spend it on. 

interesting feeling to be disgusted with yourself...

ral

so we're half way through with the first semester of college, and i still don't know why i am here. i know that i need a degree and so on and so forth, but i feel like i am wasting my time since i am not working toward anything. i just wish God would give me direction or even motivation to do something. i constantly feel sluggish and stagnant. motion is desired in large amounts

so i saw that some of you people were doing that political survey thing that showed you what you were and such, so i decided to partake in the fun.

they told me that i was a Strong Republican, surprise surprise, and when i looked at the little chart thing, it showed that i was right next to being a facist, which is pretty cool, because facism is a cool way for government to go, if you are in power, and don't let the power go to your head, but that usually doesn't happen and you end up using marketing propaganda genius to turn a whole country against one people group and then you end up making bone headed military moves and then other countries get mad and come beat you up and, but i digress...

echoesflow tonight at rocketown, give me a call if you want to go, i think me and justin vance and some other folk are gonna get a carpool system thing together as not to waste the ever precious gas

ral

which do you think i should spend my scholarship refund money on?

a. lift kit for my jeep

b. motorcycle

(saving the money is not an option)

thank you for your input

ral

things are looking up and good

life is good

ral

i love that feeling you get when you just enter into a new relationship with somebody and you can see the potential in it, and you hope that someday down the road, everything will work out the way it is supposed to and you will get to be together, but for now all you can do is wait and hope and pray. i love this feeling, its like nothing else, contentment and peace are amazing, i love God for his divinity, and for his sense of humor, but mostly because he chooses to use me even when he doesn't need me, it's unexplainable, i love it, and Him.

Life is good...

ral

it took Jesus, son of God, the perfect one, God embodied in human form, thrity years to prepare for a three year ministry so why do i think that i can change in a couple of weeks

No matter how much i want God to be a microwave, he is, and will always be, a crock-pot

ral

So lately i've had a lot more time on my hands than usual, and so far all i've done is work out and other non intellectually stimulating activities. So last night i was feeling particularly down on myself and picked up a book that justin vance gave me a couple of weeks ago.

fast foward to today, i'm on page ninety, and i'm going to go ahead and say that it is better than Wild at Heart by John Eldridge. i don't know, i haven't read all of it yet. it might be that i'm a different person now than i was when i read wild at heart, but it is still amazing, so go read it.

passages that smacked me in the face :

"Violence is arrogance that does not get its way" (smack)

"Submission is not about powerlessness; it is about meekness. To be meek is to have controlled strength." (big smack)

all my life i have had the proverbial "little man syndrome" because i was shorter than everybody else i felt it necessary to be beligerant and fight with nearly everyone. while lately these fights have verbal assaults and so forth, when i was younger it would not be uncommon for me to enter into a playground brawl. bing raised in the deep south, my parents always taught me, "Never start a fight, but you better finish it." needless to say i let this carry over into my speech and so i have alienated countless individuals.

McManus teaches that we have to be humble to be a servant of God, and the greatest thing is not to know that you are humble, but to live your entire life for others. it rocks.

i personally feel that God put Oswald Chambers on this earth to write My Utmost For His Highest specifically for me. every time i pick up that book, and read the days devotional, i get an answer to a prayer, nine times out of ten it isn't the answer that i want, but confirmation of god divinity nonetheless.

Lets take the past two entries for example, September 6th and 7th. if you don't already know this you do now, sarah broke up with me last saturday. so far it has been pretty hard to cope with having such an integral part of my life for the past three years just cut off, and i didn't know why and i was being mad and bitter, and then i read yesterdays entry entitled: The Far Reaching Rivers of Life. it talks about how your relationship with christ will result in a river of love flowing from your heart. however, when there is an obstacle in the path of that river, (hint hint robert, pay attention to the obstacle), the river is blocked. Chambers says: "Never allow anthing to come between you and Jesus Christ - not emotion nor experience - nothing must keep you from the one great sovereign Source." (amazingly huge smack)

so that was awesome, and then i woke up this morning and read: Fountains of Blessings. which once again smacked me for being so short sighted. "If you find that His life is not springing up as it should, you are to blame - something is obstructing the flow...Is there anything between you and Jesus Christ? Is there anything hindering your faith in Him?" ( a mighty smack in the face dealt by God through Chambers)

it is a strange feeling to broken by God, i mean it still hurts and you still feel pain, but through it all you see that eventually it is going to get better, and you can't wait for that to happen.

so in summary, i still love sarah, however i wasn't foucusing on God like i should have been, so God being a jealous God, and rightly so, took her out of my life. Do i wish that i could have had my act together so it didn't take that to get me in line? absolutely. but God gave me warnings, he told me i was heading for hurt, but i ignored him, so he did what he does, he worked in mysterious ways.

I love God, he gives me so much when i know i deserve so little...

ral

you begin to sob uncontrolably when you get separated from your mom at the bookstore.

Honestly, it happened. Ask Garrett, he was there, it was quite possible the funniest thing of the day.

why does it take me losing the great things in my life to realize that i am incomplete and inadequate?

ral

so many people tell you that once you get older you will realize how amazing your parents really are and that no matter how much you say you hate them or that they are being unfair and unreasonable, they truly have your best intrests at heart. that is something that simply takes realizing you were wrong, i can sit here and tell my brother and his friends that their parents are just looking out for them because they have been there and they know what it is like, but it doesn't matter what i say, it takes experience for this line of thought to manifest itself to anybody.

i am blessed with so much more than i deserve. i have two parents who love me, a pretty cool brother, a wonderful home, material things beyond what i need, and yet i can be so selfish sometimes that if i take a step back and look at the situation as an outsider i'm disgusted with my actions

i guess it is my fault that i'm like this, but instead of liking somebody as soon as i meet them and waiting until they do something that makes me dislike them, i dislike them until they do something to make me like them. that is probably why i don't have many close friends, i mean i have just as many aquaintances as anybody, but i can't say that i have many actual friends. i guess unfounded arrogance and hubris isn't too appealing.

my plans mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. my plans up until this point have not included a calling from my creator, and that so far has been my problem, i have been concerned with my plans, i still don't know what i want to do or what i'm supposed to do, i know a lot of things that i don't want to do though, so i guess that's a start

when leaders focus on what they are getting out of leading others instead of being concerned with what those that they lead are getting from them, then organizations and groups of all sorts begind to decay. i sure hope, for posterity's sake, that the BAY gets it under control because the way i see it, gravity is taking over in this downward nosedive

late bloomers, in spiritual matters, seem to have an extreme advantage over those who have been conditioned into religion by years of redundancy, not to say that being brought up in the church is by any means a negative experience, but it sometimes makes it harder to have an actual relationship with christ than those who have seen the bottom and now see a light at the end of the tunnel that isn't a train, unfortunately for myself, i had the unique pleasure of experiencing both of those scenarios

ral

at some point anyone who is attempting to get their life in line with the divine will of God has to accept the fact that if all you do is try then all you will do is disappoint yourself when you fail. what does it take for a person to fall? to fall completely and unhindered into the arms of God. i want to be able to fully rely on the power of God to handle all of my problems, but because of who i am my pride and ego take over and next thing i know i'm trying to handle things that i do not have any business trying to handle. God created it, so he can fix it, so why can't i let go. not to be trite but is seems i have the 18 inch disease. i know in my MIND all of the things God wants for me, but i don't know how to accept it in my HEART. what's the deal with God giving you a talent that makes it more difficult to accept his help and just blindly trust. i think, i analyze, i ponder, i rationalize, and i over think situations, in the past that has been a blessing because in school and other areas that helps, but when it comes to trusting, especially in something felt not seen, i have extreme difficulty. and i know that God has allowed things to happen in my life just so i would have difficulty trusting, because when we are able to get to that point of acceptance it will make it all the more sweet. however, as a short sighted arrogant boy/man, it dosen't make since to me, but i guess that is the way God wants it to be, if we understood him and his ways then faith wouldn't be as powerful and the relationship wouldn't be built so much on trust and the admittance that by myself i am incomplete and not sufficent, which i dispise, that i'm not good enough, but that is just one of the many characteristics of who i am that God is trying to break and rebuild. on a side note that corresponds to this situation: you know in nativity scenes and pastoral pictures when you see the shepherd carrying a lamb over his shoulders? the reason why he does that is because when that lamb was born he was wayward and tried to stray from the flock so the shepherd physically broke one of the lambs legs and carried the lamb until it healed, and once it healed that lamb would never stray from the shepherd's side, i guess that is what i needed, to get my leg broken by God...

that's it, nothing fancy right now, just that i'm trying

from the very beginning of this whole xanga/phusebox craze i have been the person that thought it was utterly rediculous to write these overly melodramatic entries. i always viewed it as a sad attempt to get attention from people who aren't close enough to you for you to pick up the phone and actually tell that person what is wrong, and against my better judgement i will do exactly what i have disliked and even slandered in the past mainly because there isn't any one particular person that i could tell this to and because anyone who knows me needs to know what i am about to say, and that could take a whole lot of phone calls...

in short: i am a complete fake

i feel that i have decieved every single person i know into believing that i am something that i am not. and the even sadder thing about this situation is that because i have been doing that for so long that i no longer know who I am. i would lie to people just to see if they would believe me, not just with my words, but with my actions. and for the most part i have been very successful at this. i am good at what i have been doing because i do not know nor have i ever known how to be real. i have acted as so many different people that i do not know who i act like to different people. some people have probably noticed this about me, maybe i am wrong, maybe everybody has noticed this about me and that is why i feel so empty and alone and completely void of emotion or feeling. and because of my manipulation and stubborn ways, the one bright shining star in my life begins to doubt and question me, and rightly so. i can be the stand out leader in my youth group, i can be the funny guy who makes people laugh, i can be the jerk who makes people laugh at another's expense, i can be emotional, i can be cocky, i can be humble, i can be sympathetic and helpful; it all depends on the situation at hand and how i think it would best suit me to act. i cannot imagine the number of people i have decieved just because i thought they would like me more if i acted a certain way, and then as soon as another person or group comes around, i am a completely different person.
never have i understood the songs or phrases that speak of people hungering or thirsting for God, and it at this point that i realize the hunger and thirst for something different. i want aceptance and love and support and friendship and warmth and satisfaction and peace. and it is at this point that i realize how much of an utter waste i have been for the past eighteen plus years of my life.
i have done nothing but bring people down and hurt others.

i don't know what it is that i want, i just don't want to feel this guilty for anything ever again.
sorry to all...

i would lay around and lounge around andwatch the price is right
all day long i'd sit up on the phone, ordering stupid stuff from QVC
i wouldn't be on welfare
my ignant husband would have a job at dupont, maybe chevron or bayer asprin, anything besides taco bell
i would belong to the episcapalion church and i would have children at Vanderbilt, not Motlow
i would probably be up at the PTA raising heck
every month i would dress up and go to the country club, and be very proud in the fact that i am prim and perpindicular, and that would be the most ignant part of all
i would listen to country music, my husband would drive a stupid pick up truck, we would live in a double wide trailor home,
I'M GLAD I'M NOT A WHITE LADY!
(now that you have read this once, try and read it again to the tune of "if i was a wealthy man" from fiddler on the roof, after you do that and realize the imense humor behind it, leave me some wicked cool remarks...

So, my grandmother gave me a lap top computer for graduation. So, it is a Dell Inspiron 2600. So, its got a Pentium III m processor and windows XP. And it's good and all, but not really what i want, and it is kinda slow. So, if you have a certain amount of knowledge about these particular things dealing with computers and such, please leave me a remark about what kind of lap top i should get.
In other news i have to go to Orlando FL this weekend with people from my old high school, that will pretty much suck. The only redeeming points will be that i get to go to some amusement park or something like that.
Peace.

Today was day five of my journey into the heart of the dangerous plains of the Phillips bookstore. Today our safari group had a run in with the mighty Regina, queen of the stock room. She charged me at full speed when i invaded her territory of the janitorial closet. You see, Regina is the custodial artist who maintains the facillities at the bookstore, and apparently i angered her getting a trash bag out of her closet without her permission. It was fun though because she chased me with a broom for a little while and then i ran away.
Sarah, my mom, and I watched "Coach Carter" tonight, it was very good. Aside from the strong language, Samuel L. Jackson did an amazing job. If you have not already seen it i strongly reccomend that you do so.
I will be a "Barnabus Buddy" for the first time at VBS next week, i'm a little intimidated by this because i've never done anything like that before. So if you see me running around the church yelling for Tanner, i'm looking for a little Autistic boy who loves sea life and bull frogs.
until next time...

Well, today i started my new jorb. It is a pretty easy jorb. From about nine a.m. to one p.m. i sat in the back stock room and ripped apart old books that are no longer in use. I inquired if we considered donating any of the books to like the library or other schools in the area, but my manager said, "NO!" This made me a little upset because we were tearing apart entire class sets of "Treasure Island" "The Narrative of Sojourner Truth" and "Poems by Oscar Wilde." Then i asked if i could take them to some of my old teachers to see if they wanted them, and my manager said, "NO!" I don't know why though, it doesn't make much sense to me.
Then we had to count and sort a bunch of books on pallets that we were not going to sell anymore, that was pretty easy but pretty boring also. So Amy Powers if you read this, relay the amazing easyness of this jorb to Garrett. Thank you come again!