at some point anyone who is attempting to get their life in line with the divine will of God has to accept the fact that if all you do is try then all you will do is disappoint yourself when you fail. what does it take for a person to fall? to fall completely and unhindered into the arms of God. i want to be able to fully rely on the power of God to handle all of my problems, but because of who i am my pride and ego take over and next thing i know i'm trying to handle things that i do not have any business trying to handle. God created it, so he can fix it, so why can't i let go. not to be trite but is seems i have the 18 inch disease. i know in my MIND all of the things God wants for me, but i don't know how to accept it in my HEART. what's the deal with God giving you a talent that makes it more difficult to accept his help and just blindly trust. i think, i analyze, i ponder, i rationalize, and i over think situations, in the past that has been a blessing because in school and other areas that helps, but when it comes to trusting, especially in something felt not seen, i have extreme difficulty. and i know that God has allowed things to happen in my life just so i would have difficulty trusting, because when we are able to get to that point of acceptance it will make it all the more sweet. however, as a short sighted arrogant boy/man, it dosen't make since to me, but i guess that is the way God wants it to be, if we understood him and his ways then faith wouldn't be as powerful and the relationship wouldn't be built so much on trust and the admittance that by myself i am incomplete and not sufficent, which i dispise, that i'm not good enough, but that is just one of the many characteristics of who i am that God is trying to break and rebuild. on a side note that corresponds to this situation: you know in nativity scenes and pastoral pictures when you see the shepherd carrying a lamb over his shoulders? the reason why he does that is because when that lamb was born he was wayward and tried to stray from the flock so the shepherd physically broke one of the lambs legs and carried the lamb until it healed, and once it healed that lamb would never stray from the shepherd's side, i guess that is what i needed, to get my leg broken by God...