one more year....

so it's less than 24 hours till i am no longer a teenager.... thats right... its almost my 20th birthday... most people would be ecstatic right.. me... i'm terrified...

looking back on the last 20 years of my life all i can see is millions of mistakes and regrets... and stupid actions that i can't change.  i know everyone out there will just say well their in the past.. just learn from them and move on... but see thats my problem right now.. moving on...

over the past 7 years i have been holding on to the one thing that i have been unable to move on from than anything else in my life... my mom..

i know it's selfish of me and really immature but shit she hurt me...and it's taking forever and slowly it's working but this one is just a little hard to forgive and forget...

i feel like on the outside i'm one person and in the inside i'm this scared little child that's holding on for dear life praying that she won't have to grow up and face all the challenges and regrets from the past that have put her where she is now in the present...

there are so many things i look forward to over the next 20 years (other than getting old of course)... i'm just so scared that my past will never let me go so i can move on with my future that i have had planned for so long.  

i know over this year being by myself i really have grown... granted i have made some more mistakes.. but i'm at least owning up to them faster than before...

it's just really scary... being a grown-up... i never thought there would be a time when i would be scared to get older.. at least i didn't think it would come this fast....

i know that i've still got some time to grow up.. i mean i'm still in school so i'm really not out there in the real world yet.. but i feel like with this up coming birthday new things are going to be expected of me... i'm going to have to leave my childish ways behind me.. and really that scares the crap out of me...

i know this is sounding really stupid and childish.. but it's late and i needed a place to let me thoughts soar...

i'm sure i will have a great birthday and not much will really change... 

heres to another year.. filled with choices.. consequences.. regrets.. joys... and forgiveness... 

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Things Are Looking Up...

so yes.. it has been a few months since i have actually wrote anything on here... and much has changed...

well since the last time i put anything on here it was November i'll just start with December...

Exams sucked as they usually do...

Christmas was alright i guess.. i only went home for about 3 days.. and then i went to North Carolina to be with my dads family.. it was definitely hard cause it was the first holiday without my uncle.  but it was really good to have the whole family there.  i didn't really get anything major for Christmas...but i didn't ask for anything so i'm not disappointed at all...

after christmas i came back to Knoxville to work.. it was great being here.. i love my job and love Knoxville...
New Years was a ton of fun.. i  hung out with tons of my friends and a few from home came up here to celebrate with me so that was awesome!!!

since my last semester at UT wasn't going great i decided it would be best to take a break from there so i'm going to a local college up here in Knoxville for the semester to get back on track and figure out what i really want to do.. so far it is going really well and it seems to be a great decision...

things are actually going really well for me right now... my life seems to be getting back on track.. i have great relationships with my friends.. there is very little drama in my life.. school is going pretty good.. my job rocks and even better i met a guy that is really cool and really good for me... so hopefully it will work out.. i'm just going to see where it goes from here but whatever happens happens... i'm pretty satisfied right now so yeah...

one thing that was really cool was this past month me and my friend rachel went to see this band play... and then hung out with them the next night.. they are TOTALLY awesome!!!! they are from Nashville (my home town!!!) they are The Running... they have a myspace so i know their music is there and i think its on itunes as well.. but its really awesome stuff and they are totally cool too so thats awesome.. i also met the band that played after them too.. they are also from Nashville.. Inglewood is their name... they are hilarious and have great music as well....and they have a myspace as well...

but anywho... thats pretty much everything that has been going on with me... oh my brother decided on a college to go to next year... looks like he'll be following my sister to Auburn University... which is cool.. i know he'll be happy there....

well till next time,

<Emily>

oh another cool artist: Kate Voegele...

best song so far-- Kindly Unspoken... awesome lyrics!!!!!

peace and love!

<3

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i hate this...

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it's been a while...

so it's been a while since i have posted anything on here... i still check it every day but i dunno.. i just haven't been in the mood to write anything....

well its almost thanksgiving break... i'm going home tomorrow and it will be the first time driving home since i went home for the funeral.  it will be good to see my family though. its been a long time and this had been a really hard few months and it will be nice to be around everyone. 

so its thanksgiving at my house this year... which will be awesome... minus the chaos... my mom always goes crazy... and well thats never fun... but my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and cousins from chicago are coming so im really excited! plus my sister is coming up for thanksgiving as well... it will be good seeing her...

but yeah in other news... school sucks balls!!!!

i'm so ready for it to be over... like for good!!!

oh well... it will come eventually....

well.... i dont really know what else to talk about... things are pretty good.. all i do is work and go to class... and sometimes have so fun as well..hahaha

till next time...

<em>

Happy Thanksgiving!!!  (almost) 

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BOO!

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