I hate to complain, but I have to vent...

 

I'm just tired. 

 

Tired of stupidity.

Tired of busyness.

Tired of death.

Tired of life.

Tired of hurt.

Tired of rejection.

Tired of cliques.

Tired of shallowness.

Tired of fakes.

Tired of hypocrites.

Tired emotionally.

Tired physically.

Tired spiritually.

Tired of the desert I'm in.  

First off, I already made a Facebook note about this, and this will end up on Facebook as well, but thanks again for all the prayers for my family. They are greatly appreciated. I would leave it at but after tonight I feel like I have to add HOWEVER...

 

We could still use your prayers. I'm doing alright, and my dad seems to be as well. Pray for my aunts, and my cousins, because I don't know if they know the Lord or not. Pray that they will see God through this. Papaw was a devout Catholic, but not everyone in the family shares the same kind of faith as he did. As far as I know, my dad and my mom and I are the only ones on that side faithfully attending a church.

 

Also, please pray for my mamaw. I was under the impression that she was not really aware (because of her demensia condition) of all that is happening (we didn't even take her to the funeral, since it was in MS and it would have been extremely difficult to take her there), but when I came home tonight my dad said something about how she's having a hard time with it. And I guess I was pretty ignorant to think that she wasn't. Though she may have short term memory loss, she remembers the long term, and she remembers him. They were married for 69 years, and he loved her unconditionally until the day he died. He devoted so much time and patience and strength to caring for her. And now she's alone. 

 

It's funny, tonight at AO while we were singing, I just started to pray because I knew I really needed to, and God assured me of Romans 8:28 (which Robert mentioned when he spoke) that the deaths that happened this summer are for a greater purpose. But tonight, as I sit here and think about Mamaw, I wonder how in the world this can do any good. I had sort of hoped that Mamaw would die first and Papaw shortly after, because we knew that he was only hanging on for her. But now, Mamaw is left here in a confused state. I wonder how much she'll change, and if she'll grow more distant from us. I wonder if she'll fade away quickly or slowly.  

 

Just when I thought I was happy and fine, I'm starting to feel burdened again. This is such a delicate matter and not an easy situation. We have to get Mamaw out of their apartment by the end of the month and we don't know where we're taking her yet. Most nursing homes have waiting lists and I'd hate for Aunt Janet to be in charge of taking care of her.

 

My heart just really aches for the elderly and their condition...

 

I'm just glad that my grandma is adjusting really well to life without Granddaddy... 

 

And now for another serious issue, presented in a somewhat humorous manner, though when I saw this I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry... 

 

Illegal Immigrants

I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need go see Welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,
We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid, it keep you healthy!

By and by, Got plenty money,
Thanks to you, TAXPAYER dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them 'come, fast as you can'

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.

They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,
I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."
In my yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
Soon we own whole neighborhood

We have hobby it called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!

TAXPAYER crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for white man race.

If they no like us, they can go,
Got lots of room in Mexico.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid." -C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

 

It's very true. Coping with the death of my second grandfather ever as well as in one short summer has proved to be fairly easy today, though it helps immensely I've been distracted. Yesterday was hard. The funeral was hard. But I know it's better this way for him. Thanks so much for those of you have been praying for me, supporting me, and encouraging me. It means so much to have such loving and caring friends. I don't know many details yet, excpet that all the services are going to Mississippi, so I'll be heading that way in the next couple of days. 

-"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans."

 

-"Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15. "

 

-"Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives."

 

-"I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born."

 

-"If we ever forget that we are One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under. "

 

-"Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face."

 

-"Without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure."

 

 -"I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life."

For the past few weeks, I've known that God's been calling me to draw closer. But I've resisted. Why would I resist Almighty God? How ridiculous. He's never been unfaithful. He's never done anything to me that wasn't for my own good. What was I afraid of?

Those refining fires mentioned in Malachi. The ones that purifying silver. Silver has to go through rounds and rounds of fires before all the impurities are wiped away. And I didn't want to go through that process, because I knew I had sin in my life. Not a "big" sin that would be make me the outcast of the church, but I was definitely clinging onto something.

As most of you already know, my granddad passed away early last month after suffering from Alheizmer's for a couple of years. That and an experience working with childer in inner-city Charleston the next week really fired me up. I was ready to live for God, I determined. I was ready to set things straight.

Of course that interest died away pretty quickly. I was good for a few days, perhaps, maybe a week, but it slowly drifted away. That sin... the pride, conceit, judgemental nature I had grown accustomed to was still there, and I wasn't honestly seeking God to take it away. Of course I asked Him to take it away, but I didn't follow through with my heart. I was afraid of the fire He might throw me into to change me.

This week has been a week of shocking news. I guess it really started just a little over a week, though, when Garrett's grandmother passed away unexpectedly. She was old, granted, but she wasn't really sick. Nothing seemed wrong. Nothing really was wrong. She just passed on quitely and peacefully in her sleep.

Monday I learned of another death that hit close to home. And then another one on Tueday. By Wednesday, I was most certainly paranoid of who else was going to die, but instead I received some other shocking news. And it was then that I realized God was saying, "Hey, wake up, time to come back to me!"

To say my prayer life has been lacking would be an understatement. It's terrible. I thought I was going to improve in June, and I did for a short time, but that began to slip my mind as well. Between a book I'm slowly reading through and all this bad news I have been receiving, I am realizing that it absolutely and totally essential for me to continously seek His counsel, because without that, I am going to fall. Romans 8 promises that, as a child of God, I am not supposed to live a life condemned to sin and death. I am to to live freely and fully. And that's the way I've felt lately.

Last night, I talked to God out loud in my car. There was so much on my heart and I had to get it all out. It felt so good to say it all aloud. And I felt like I was making a step in the right direction.

Earlier today I read Romans 8 out loud in the privacy of my room. This passage continues to be the most encouraging piece of Scripture to me. A lot of people look at it and talk about predestination, but what I see in there are God's precious promises: that we are not condemned, that there is a future glory for us, that earth is not home and we will not forever be trapped in our earthly shells, that He intercedes for us when we have no idea how to pray, that He loves us and nothing will change that.

And then I looked at Matthew 4, where it talks about the temptation of Jesus. In the first verse it says: "Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil". Immediately I was taken aback. The Holy Spirit led Jesus to be tempted?! How terrible is that?! I don't associate the Holy Spirit with temptation, except when I overcome it. I never thought that he may actually lead me to a place of temptation!

And in verse two, we see that Jesus was weak with hunger because he fasted for forty days. I'm sure that if you're fasting in the desert for forty days and seriously seeking God that it's a pretty awesome worship experience, but Jesus, just like any of us, got hungry and that probably consumed His being at that time more than the awesome experience He just had. Otherwise, I don't think the Scripture would be so specific as to mention the fact that he was hungry.

But He overcame the temptation. He passed the test. And in the end, He was strengthned because of it (verse 11).

The point I'm trying to make here is that I don't know when or where temptation will come to me. I don't know what I will be tempted by before it comes to me. I don't know what to prepare for on my own. This is why I need to stay in touch with my Savior, becuase He alone can equip me for what is ahead, so that I will not be overcome by the temptations I face, but that I will find a way out.

Just a few weeks ago I got really cocky about an area of my life I have managed to do well in, which I know is really only by God's grace and strength. And I had to remember that I was capable of falling there anytime, and that's why I always have to be alert and praying. Always. I am in a constant war zone. I cannot take that lightly. I cannot afford to take that lightly. Otherwise, I'm going to end up in a really bad situation, and I'm going to ask God, "Why'd you put me here?" And He'll have to remind me that He didn't... I did.

So I'm going to try to do better. Seriously. Really. But I'm not perfect. I don't have much of a plan. I'm just going to pray more, seek Him more. But prayer and encouragment is always appreaciated, because I cannot make this work on my own. I am not strong enough. I'm still a mess. I've just told God, "Before I wasn't serious about change, but now I am. Let me know what I need to do". And now, I'm not scared that God's going to throw all sorts of scary things my way. Now I'm looking forward to what He has planned for me. And even if I have to go through the fire to get there... I know it'll be ok.

I just found out this morning that an old classmate from high school passed away late last week. Not to mention that there were two other significant deaths that happened kast week, in addition to the death of my grandfather just a little over a month ago AND the death of a friend's father just weeks before that.

 

This needs to stop. It's just too much tragedy in one summer.

Garrett's grandma passed away in her sleep earlier today (or perhaps last night). Visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is Friday. Ask me if you need details. Please keep his family in your prayers; thanks.

So it's always neat to run into someone who's like-minded with you. Well, I was on YouTube earlier today doing a search on videos about Facebook just for the fun of it (I'm always in the mood for a good parody), and I ran across one that I particularly enjoyed. On the bottom of the screen it said natedaniels.com, so I thought I would check it out. Since Nate's other short films are fairly long I didn't get around to watching them, especially after watching a 27-minute video of him giving a message at a (Michigan State) Campus Crusade meeting. (It's called "Jesus Was My Homeboy" and very good if you want to check it out).

 

Anyhow, it's neat because it's so obvious that he wants to reflect Christ in His work, even if he doesn't actually mention Him. And it was cool because by the time I was finished watching the video, I actually wondered if the guy who made it was a Christian. And sure enough, he was. Anyhow, I didn't dive too deep into his personal life, but he's working somewhere in California and he was quite excited about it.

 

That's the way I want to be though. I want to reflect God, not just in my videos, but in everything. I haven't been pursuing Him as I ought lately, but I feel I am slowly but surely making my way back to Him. Last night I was thinking, and then the "homeboy" video brought this again to my mind, about how comfortable I am with my relationship with Christ. Not only am I not passionate about Him very often anymore, but I'm not in awe of Him. Nate mentioned in the message that when he has thought of Jesus as being his homeboy, instead of his master and King. I think we all forget, and I know I do, about His glory and majesty. You and I forget about how powerful and mighty and yet loving and merciful He is. We forget that He died for me to save us. He died to save me!

 

After 14 years of being a Christian and about 7 years of a serious walk with Him, I've become complacent... but I don't want to live that way. I don't want to live a life feeling defeated. And I'm not supposed to. And I know I don't have to. 

As many of you know, I did a documentary for my TV Production final project this last semester about a missionary to Haiti. A couple of my friends from TV Production were pretty impressed and moved by it and asked for a copy. One of these friends, Ryan, said that he would have the chance to create a similar video about his experience in the Dominican Republic.

 

Well I ran into Ryan today as I was leaving lunch and heading back to work. I asked him how his trip was, and he had a lot to say about how much it impacted him. It was really moving to me as I remembered interviewing Brent and what he had to say about the people living in Haiti. Ryan compared the Dominican to Haiti, expressing how terribly poor they both were, but how the people were so genuinely loving. I remembered again how spolied we are.

 

As I was about to leave work, a lady I work with was looking at a picture on her computer. It was attached to an e-mail sent to her by a former student worker in our office. The picture was of the view of the villa he was going to be staying at in the Dominican Republic... and it was beautiful. He was going to same country as Ryan had just a fee weeks before, but his experience there will be totally different. He's not going to see the poverty, the hunger, the devestation.

 

And then on my way home on the radio, they were talking about how Compassion International helps out impoverished children around the world. They were saying that probabaly over 80% of the world lives in sub-standard conditions. That's pretty mindblowing. And we get upset if we don't get a certain car, brand of clothing, etc. Heck, we get upset if McDonald's gets our order wrong. And yet, 80% of the people in this world don't even live in what we would call adequate conditions. How tragic.

 

How blessed I am. I may have a big dent in my car, but I have a car. I may have pigment dispersement syndrome, but I have surgery and eye doctors to prevent further problems that I would probably have without them. I may not always be happy with the way things are in America, but I am living in a country that thousands, maybe even millions, of other people would do most anything to be there. And I may not have those cute $78 flats from Dillard's, but I have shoes. I have all I need. As Brent told the others and me the day we shot for the documentary, some people don't even have shoes.

 

It's so easy to forget these things. I was only in the poor parts of Charleston a few weeks ago, and I have barely remembered to pray for those kids as I felt so inclined to do when I first left. Those kids aren't as bad off as those in Haiti or the Dominican Republic, but they are certainly far worse than any of you reading this right now. We get comfortable. We only see things from limited, selfish worldview... but there's so much more going on that is beyond us.  

 

"Vehicular Feticide – O.C.G.A. 40-6-393.1 (or Feticide by Vehicle)

If a person causes the death of an unborn child while in the operation of his automobile, he may be guilty of vehicular feticide."

-from the Georgia Criminal Defense

 

Ok, so I have been researching for that script I started writing the other day, which involves a drunk driving causing the death of someone in a car wreck (which is called vehicular homicide). While reading up on that, I noticed the above, which is the crime known as vehicular feticide, which is causing the death of an unborn CHILD while driving. So I have to ask, how does one usually deemed a "fetus" suddenly become an unborn child?

 

If you murder a pregnant woman and the baby in the womb, that's two counts of murder. If you are recklessly driving, cause a wreck, and as a result kill an unborn baby, that's murder, and it wasn't even intentional. So how then can you say abortion is not murder? Now, if you want to say that the previous two cases are also not murder because your genuinely do not believe a fetus is a child (in which case you need to check up on your biology), then at least you're being consistent.

 

But if you agree with the laws of the land that killing a pregnant woman and her child equates to two murders, then you should be consistent and say abortion is murder. I know this a real touchy subject and people get all upset about these things, but I just want people to think. I know that we, as humans, want to make our own decisions and control our fates. But that's not the way it works.

 

The problem is that women want to justify abortion by calling it a "choice" and calling a baby a "fetus". And as a woman, I can understand how it would be tempting to thwart something that seems to be intruding on your plans for your life. But (aside from case of rape, which is a different argument for a different day) if you made the choice to have sex, that's a potential outcome. But as an adult, you should be prepared to handle that and live with that consequence. 

So first of all, thanks to everyone who gave me advice about the whole credit card thing. I think it's probably just because of my lack of credit, so I'll probably either co-sign with one of my parents' cards or try elsewhere. And I do know that credit cards can be evil, evil things, but don't worry, I am cheap and have no desire to use it lightly! I would treat it kind of like my debit card and pay my bills every month.

 

Anyhow, so now I need more advice. Does anyone have a suggestion for how I can get some web space for cheap? I have been working on a website on iWeb, and so it's pretty much already designed, I just need the web address and the ability to put it on the web. I would do it through Apple, but it's $100/month. :( No bueno. So please refer me to a good (and cheap!) web host if you know of any.  Thanks! 

 

And... I don't really have anything profound to say today. Yesterday I started writing yet another movie script. It's about a drunk driver who wrecks into a young man and how his life is changed by it. I want it to be really inspirational and moving.  

 

I hope everyone has a great week! 

Last month I applied for my first credit card through Suntrust. The lady at Suntrust predicted that there would be no problem for me to get approved for one. Well I didn't get approved. My parents and I came to learn it was because of something in my credit report. But I don't have a credit report. So, my parents and I figured that someone must have gotten a hold of my identity and used it to get a credit card and mess up my credit.

 

So we sent for a request for my credit report. And now they say they can't send me one, because I either 1.) don't have a credit report or 2.) didn't supply them with enough information. Well, I'm pretty sure I sent enough info, but I also know that I shouldn't have a credit report. But Suntrust denied me for something in my credit report. Or was it really my lack of a credit report? Capitol One is usually happy to obloge with being my first credit card and have sent me numerous opprotunites in the mail, but they have suddenly stopped. They check credit reports, so is there something wrong with mine? Or did they just get tired of rejection? As I said, I personally don't have a credit report, but I don't know what any criminals out there could be doing under my name!  So I don't know what to do with all this. But after college I would like to buy a house, but in order to do that I will have had to established credit! But no one will directly tell me what the problem is, thus, no one is helping me, this  the problem cannot be solved, thus I cannot have good credit! AUGH! 

 

Anyone have any advice or knowledge about this? 

Well, I had my second wreck today, but this time it was my fault. It was just a tiny fender bender so it's not a big deal.  I was in a lane going straight and decided I wanted to get into the turn lane. I didn't see anyone so I went over and that's when I bumped into a Jeep. Yes, a Jeep. My first wreck was with a Jeep that ran into me, that totaled my (or actually my dad's) car meanwhile it was barely harmed. And then this time around I get a big dent and he gets nothing. I'm thinking I need a Jeep. But anyhow, all is well, I just have a dent I have to live with since my insurance doesn't cover my own stupidity.

 

This really spoke to me yesterday...

 

"...one can learn much about a prospective mate by observation alone. There is no better place than a college campus to observe what a man or woman is made of. From a respectful distance, with no knowledge on his part, I had the opprotunity to observe the character of Jim Elliot... When we began to get better acquainted through conversation, I found my hunches verified. Long before I had any reason to think he might be interested in me, I had put him down as the sort of man I hoped to marry. Kissing and holding hands would have added nothing to this conviction (anybody can kiss and hold hands). On the contrary, in fact, it would have subtracted something very important. I wanted to marry a man prepared to swim against the tide.

 

"I took it for granted that there must be a few men left in the world who had that kind of strength. I assumed that those men would also be looking for women of principle. I did not want to be among the marked-down goods on the bargain table, cheap because they'd been pawned over. Crowds collect there. It is only the few who will pay full price. 'You get what you pay for.' 

 

"It is a powerful lie that, because sexual desire is natural, healthy. and God-given, anything I do because of that desire is natural, healthy, and God-given... Christians who are buying such rubbish today are without honor. They have lost the notions of fidelity, renunciation, and sacrifice, because nothing seems worth all that...

 

"If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd."  

 

Written by Elisabeth Elliot 

The past two weeks have been pretty crazy. First I had to deal with the deal of my granddad, and then the day after his funeral I had to drive back home, only to fly out to Charleston the next day for M-Fuge. And after all the craziness of the previous week, something I had been really looking forward to I suddenly started to dread, but the week of camp proved to be exactly what I needed. It was such a huge blessing to work with children from lower income families and God taught me a whole lot. I felt convicted about things I need to really work on here at home. 

 

I had such mixed feelings about coming back. While sleeping in my own room and returning to my family and friends all sounded very ideal, leaving new friends and those kids behind was not what I wanted either. But that's the way it goes. My mission field in Charleston was meant to only last that one week... for now... I don't know what the future holds. I may never go back or I may move there one day, who knows? But right now, my mission field is right here, and I have to admit I've been failing pretty miserably at treating as such.

 

It's hard to not be "normal". It's so much more comfortable to live life your own way than God's way, but it's not worth it at all. I'm sorry Joel Osteen, but the Bible I read says I will go through trials and times of trouble, but to rejoice in all circumstances and to know that God always has a purpose that surpasses anything as shallow as how I feel. He'll give me the strength I need for those times as well. 

 

So that is not to say I am going to have to ship off to Africa or live on the streets. I may very well spend all my days as a middle-class citizen in the surburbs with my husband, 2.5 kids, picket fence, and dog. But whatever I do, God will give me the desire. Sometimes it'll be easy, and sometimes it won't, but the important thing is that I focus on Him everyday. 

 

Anyhow, I guess that's enough rambling for now. By the way, I thought I'd add, for those of you who are reading the imported version of this on Facebook, that I caved and added a couple extra applications. Yeah, it pretty much kills me inside, but I was very tasteful about it (the "where I've been" map appears after my wall, at the very bottom and very uninstrusive, and the ribbon awareness has one ribbon and is nicely set to the left side) and I just thought they were worthwhile. And none of you should have gotten an invite to add these applications. So if you're into applications: be selective, discreet, and tasteful. Having 20 of these things stuck in the middle of your profile is a little obnoxious. That's all for my public service announcement. Thank you. :) 

This morning around 10 my granddaddy, Luther Stephens Litchfield, passed away. He has suffering from Alheizmer's for about two years and my family and I have been praying that the Lord would bring Him peace, and He has. Despite the suffering he has endured, his passing this morning was quick and very peaceful; he was sitting in his wheelchair and in an instant slouched over, dead. This is my first grandparent to lose. I am so proud of all he accomplished as a Marine, a WWII veteran, and as a pastor, but most of all as my grandfather and friend. He was an amazing man of God and I know that right now he is running on those streets of gold of heaven, rejoicing. We are still working on funeral arrangements and are uncertain how soon my aunt and uncle, who are currently out of the country, will be able to make it, but it looks like the funeral will probably be on Sunday. I had plans for next week that unfortunately will probably not work out, but that's ok, because I trust in God's Will. Please pray for my grandmother and mom at this time especially, as well as everyone else in our family.

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. -Isaiah 57:1-2

I'm not sure if there's a way to describe how I'm currently feeling. I am in Mississippi, once again, and I think this may be the third trip now that I've made here with the shock that my grandfather is still alive. Everytime I see him I pray to God that He would take him home. But He hasn't yet, and I'm not sure why. I know he'd be so much happier there.

 

My grandfather has now wasted away to 115 pounds. As a thin, petite girl standing at 5'1" and weighing at 100 pounds, it marvels me that this man can survive at a weight only 15 pounds more than my one. When I was warned of his weight I was extremely shocked, but nothing could prepare me for the first time I laid eyes on his new, ultra fragile figure. I couldn't help but cry.

 

He also hasn't recognized me yet. Last time, in January, he actually realized who I was a few times. But this time, it's like he's on a whole other planet, seeing things that aren't there and talking to people who aren't there. He's always looking away, and rarely at my mom or me when we're in the room. It hurts so much to remember that just a few years ago he was my goofy old granddad, whose house I would love to go to, especially at Christmas. I remember hugging him when we walked in after our arrival, after he made some goofy comment, acting as if we were total strangers. But now it's not an act. Now we are total strangers to him.  

 

I feel as if to ease the pain, I am trying to disconnect from the situation, even withdrawing myself from my grandma. I hate to do that... it's not like she deserves that. I actually feel that I don't know how to act around her anymore. I've been so quiet on this trip, hardly talking, and that's very unlike me. I have been submerging myself in the fiction world of books, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that has been more of a reality to me than my actual reality.  It's been a tough two days, and there are only more days to come. Now as you read this and if you ever think to in the future, I would appreciate it if you say a prayer for my family. This is a rough time for my mom and me, and we're still trying to figure out how to handle it all. 

So, being a worry wart rarely pays off, while being concerned can sometimes pay off. And it sure did today.

I must preface all this by saying... God's time sure is amazing!

Last Thursday I went to go get my eyes checked, just to get a new prescription for my glasses and contacts. Nothing out of the ordinary. But it was during this routine check-up that the doctor noticed a virus in my left eye, believed to be caused by a severe cold I had.


Then, over the weekend, I learned that the contact solution that I have been using is being recalled in foreign countries because it is causing infections that may cause blindness. Uh... yikes. I'm getting a little concerned, and my mom and I talk about trying to get an appointment with another eye doctor to make sure things are going alright.

There was a cancellation this morning at 7:45, so I was able to get in. We went in asking questions about my virus and if it was getting better and what solution I should be getting now that there is no way I'm going to keep using what I have been using. Well it turned out that my virus infection deal was healing quite nicely and things were going quite well in that department. The doctor also confirmed that it came from my cold (which was probably actually allergies gone wild) and not my solution. Good news there.

But upon further examination of my eyes, he spotted another problem that was totally unrelated. And this time it was worse in my right eye than my left. It is a little something called pigment dispersion syndrome, which is a possible forerunner of glaucoma. Well, the doctor decides I probably don't have glaucoma, and noted that everything else in my eyes looked good, but this was something that we need to take care of. So in June I will be taking glaucoma tests and have a quick surgery on my right eye to move my cornea (or do something like that) to hopefully prevent glaucoma. More good news. And I'm not going blind. That was nice to know after the guy freaked me out with his medical jargon, long pauses, and saying things like, "that isn't normal".

So all will be well by the end of June… hopefully. After my two weeks out of town, I will have a week filled with eye appointments, including a laser surgery. Fun. I'll be wearing glasses and using eye drops for another week, and should be able to wear contacts by the time I hit M-Fuge. Thank goodness.

So that's what's up in my life!

Also, I thought I would add to my previous entry about the latest Pirates sequel. While I am still disappointed in the movie, I have decided that the characters of Will and Elizabeth are not entirely to blame. As it was pointed out to me, Will and Elizabeth end the movie nobly. I do think their journey there is a little rocky, but really, I see several problems throughout the story that just bug me. But mostly I hated the ending. And I just wish they had stopped after the first Pirates movie. And overall it was very well-made but the story itself was just completely lame and very incomplete feeling. But that's just my opinion. :)

One last thing... I very rarely confirm friendships (on Phusebox) with people I don't know. It's nothing personal, it's just my nature. Obviously, anyone can stumble across this page and read it, which doesn't bother me too much, but I have gotten a lot of friend requests from people I don't know and I just don't accept them. So I hope that doesn't make anyone too sad. I guess it's cool you find me interesting, but I'm just not into the whole meeting people online thing, since you never know if anyone is actually who they say they are. So anyhow, point being, I don't mind if you read my entries or comment on them (as long as the comments are nice), this is the Internet after all, but if I don't know you I'm not going to confirm friendship with you.

All that being said, how are YOU doing, friend?

"But Will and Elizabeth, as
characters, are destroyed. They've become a mass of multiple motivations and
loyalties. Lacking consistency, they're shoehorned into any configuration that
the screenwriters devise, to the extent that when we look at them, we no longer
see Will and Elizabeth. We see Bloom and Knightley gamely struggling to locate
a shred of authenticity in their roles. They don't find it, and it's not their
fault. It's not there." - Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

This reviewer is absolutely correct. I went through the movie, skeptical and wary at first, but slowly giving in to the little pleasures it tossed to me. It was very well made, which I can't resist as someone who is learning how to make good movies. The last ten minutes of the movie, however, destroyed what decency the movie actually had. Just when I thought Disney had righted the wrongs of the second movie, they hanged themselves again! They killed Will and Elizabeth's characters and turned them into completely different people. I know that people change, but the changes here are unnatural and just downright foolish. All I can say is... what a letdown...

Well good grief.

Let me preface all this by saying that I am generally a very healthy person. When I get sick, it's usually a simple cold due to stress that I can shake off. It's not like the one I battled this weekend when I harldy moved off the couch.

It started off with my nose acting up. And then drainage dominated my chest and I coughed constantly. I finally saw the doctor, fearing bronchitis was just around the corner. He gave me antibiotics, and I started improving. Yesterday, things were looking pretty good for me.

Well, today I had a divine appointment. I went to go have my eye examined, as it was scheduled weeks ago, when the doctor notices that my left eye is way off base from what it's supposed to be (based off last year's prescription, which I know hasn't changed all that much) so she decides to check it out. And what do you know, but the virus from my cold inside my body has made its pesky way to my left EYE! That's right ladies and gentlemen, I have a VIRUS IN MY EYE!

So I obviously could not get my eyes properly examined (dang it, because I'm really wanting some new glasses!) today and have another appointment scheduled for the middle of June. My eye doctor prescribed some eyedrops for me that will kill the virus.

So no contacts for at least a week, and as of now I'm having trouble seeing even with my glasses on (and though they may be old and slightly off base, they're generally not as bad as they have been today) all because of the virus in my eye. So for those of you who noticed my red eye last night at AO, it is actually because of my cold, as I had speculated; it's just a little bit more serious than I thought!

Maybe one day I'll be normal again.