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May 24, 2010

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linguistics, pretty dresses, frozen lakes, late night conversations, jazz music, fog, comfortable silences, attractive people, the color yellow, laughing at nothing, swings, warm weather, Les Miserables, idealism, tomato soup, British accents, love


Sufjan Stevens, The Decemberists, Regina Spektor, Sara Gazarek, Brett Dennen, The Ditty Bops, Ella Fitzgerald, Madeleine Peyroux, The Shins, The Postal Service, Bright Eyes, Psapp, Relient K, Billy Joel, Simon and Garfunkel. All choral and classical music, and definitely all Broadway.


Pride and Prejudice, Crash, Moulin Rouge, Forrest Gump, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amadeus


The Bible, The Lord of the Rings, Gilead, Brave New World, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Sound and the Fury, Til We Have Faces

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i thank You God

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
-ee cummings
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Dear _______,

1. You, I have so much hope for.  I'm very proud of you.  You are ambitious but kind, strong but gentle.  I'm very lucky that we ended up the way we are.  I'm not worried about your future, kiddo.

2. Can I help myself?  No.  It was very brief and very long ago, but I still wonder.  My mother warns me about people like you, but I think you're a good example of my future.  And I still have my suspicians about you.  You'll go far, anyway.

3. I'm sorry.  I wish I had been more open-minded.  I regret the way I handled things, and if I had a chance now, I would be less callous.  You deserve better.

4. There aren't words, really.  You are you, and I love you for that.  I respect you for that.  You're not afraid of yourself or what you can do, and I admire that.  I need you.  I really do.  Don't forget me.

5. I wish things could have been different.  I wish the situations were tweaked, I wish it all could have happened earlier.  I was so excited, too, just because I know when I've met a kindred spirit.  And it didn't happen, and it's mostly your fault.

6. You make me nervous sometimes, but then I always realize it's for no reason.  I rely on you, and never run out of things to say to you.  What else is there?  You made my high school experience.  Thank you.

7. I don't understand you - in a good way.  You make me smile, you make me laugh, you can be annoying, but I respect you.  Don't rush ahead.  Enjoy it.  Don't give up on the things you love.  Don't let others bring you down.

8. I did, I really did, for a long time, and more than I ever had before.  I don't now, and I'm very glad.  You have no idea the extent of it.  You would be embarrased.  You have potential - don't blow it.  Be yourself, even when it scares you. 

9. I don't blame you for my shortcomings, and I don't begrudge you your successes, whatever impression I may have given you.  You really do shine, which is why you succeed.  Don't worry so much, it's all there within you. 

10. I don't know how I feel about you.  I know what you were, what you were later, and what you are now.  I'm afraid I don't buy your explanation.  I think you need to honestly examine yourself, and also watch how you handle your relationships.

11. I would have no self-esteem without you.  Honestly, has there ever been a more affirming person?  You and her and her.  I love you all.  I wish I could give you more than what I have. You gave me so much, and I don't think you realize it.

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"Climbing Uphill"


"When you come home to me,
I'll wear a sweeter smile,
and maybe for a while, I'll..."
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much.


I'm climbing uphill, daddy, climbing uphill...
I'm up every morning at 6,
and waiting in line with 200 girls
who are younger and thinner than me...
who have already been to the gym.
I'm waiting 5 hours in line
And watching the girls, coming and going,
in dresses that look just like this...
til my number is finally called.


When I get in the room
There's a table of men.
Always men.
...usually gay.
Who've been sitting like I have
And listening all day
To 200 girls belting as high as they can:
"I am a good person!
I'm an attractive person!
I am a talented person!
Grant me grace!"


"When you come home
(I should have told them I was sick last week,
They're going to think this is the way I sing...
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder?  I'LL SING LOUDER.
Maybe I should start and stop over...
I'm going to stop and start over...
Why is the director staring at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume??
Don't stare at my resume...
I made up half my resume...

Look at me, stop looking at that,
Look at me!
No, not at my shoes,

don't look at my shoes,
I hate these f-ing shoes!
Why did I pick these shoes,
why did I pick this song,
why did I pick this career,

does this pianist hate me??
If I don't get a callback I can go

to Crate and Barrell with mom and buy a couch.

Not that I want to spend a day with mom,
But Jamie needs space to write
Since I'm obviously such a horrible and annoying distraction
to him, what's he going to be like when we have kids...)

 And once again,
(Why am I working so hard??
These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical!
Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suuuuuuck...)
When finally you come home to-"
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much!



I will not be the girl
who stays home in the 'burbs
with the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs.
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues.

I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
to be trotting along at the genius's heels.
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by!
And I -


"When you come home to me,
I'll wear a sweeter smile,
and maybe for a while, I'll..."
Oh - okay, thank you.  Thank you so much.






(From The Last 5 Years)

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...doesn't scare me as much as it did before orientation.  Actually, except for leaving my friends and family, I am really, really excited about starting at OSU this fall!  It will be crazy to be part of something so big and well-known, a major jump from Siegel High School, but I think I'm ready.  I have  good schedule, too:


English H202: British Literature.  M/W  1:30-3:18
Humanities H100: Humanities Survey.  M/W/F  8:30-9:18

Linguistics H202: Intro to Language in the Humanities.  T/TH  1:30-3:18

Math 150: Pre-calculus.  M/W/F  10:30-11:18; T/TH 9:30-10:18



I'm pretty sure being a Buckeye is going to be awesome.  :)

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Europe was beautiful.



But that silly old cliche is as true as ever:
there's no place like home.


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my friends

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