hey you kiddos this is a song i wrote a while back and recorded (by myself...definitely NOT professionally.  i used a tape...lol)  i really don't think it's that good, but people seemed to like it.  in fact, i was talking to one girl the other day (Jessica) and she actually remembered the words.  I'd say i wrote this around New Year's, judging by the lyrics.  lol (some of you might know...well maybe only one of you.)

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Verse 1:I fell for the same old love traps

Time and time again

Each time I thought you’d fallen for me,

You turned your back and ran

From everything,

And all the lies

And all the things you told me

There’s a side of youI wish I’d never seen that day

Now…All I have to say…is 

Chorus:

I don’t know if I’m over you

But I sure don’t

Wanna be in love with you

Not anymore

I don’t know if you’re through with me

But if you are

Just wait and see

When you want me to come back,

I won’t be there,

Not anymore… 

Verse 2:

I don’t know why I 'loved' you

You were just a boy

I don’t know why I trusted you

My heart was just your toy

You used me and

You treated me

Like you were all that

Now I wish I’d run away

And never had turned back 

Chorus:

‘Cus I don’t know if I’m over you

But I sure don’t

Wanna be in love with you

Not anymore

I don’t know if you’re through with me

But if you are just wait and see

When you want me to come back,

I won’t be there,

Not anymore 

Bridge:The wasted time

The wasted tears

The wasted thought

The wasted years

Why’d you have to

Let our trust fall

The love I see

The heart in me

Longs for you

Although it’s true

I don’t know why you’d

Treat me like you did 

(repeat chorus)

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haha when i played this for the 'writing club' i had to hide in the bathroom because people chased me down.  it was amazing.  lol.  actually, austin took the tape and somehow lucas got a hold of it or something and i was very mad because i didn't know where the song was that i thought was bad, but was actually good i think, and he didn't know either.  but i think we found it.  i'm still not sure where it is, though.  hmmmmmmm.  i wrote another song, that was better...it's in my notebook or something.  well there you go.

NOT ANYMORE

(this is not about anyone in particular.  it WAS...about a year ago and yes, i did get over them...and moved on to someone else i am NOT over...FYI)

i'm back.  yippee.  i guess this was a lot of fun.  ok who am i kidding it was freakin awesome!!!!  i worked at the stables for like 3 days and rode horses like 40 gazillion times...i went to james madison's house (monticello) and i got to tye-dye a shirt and play fun ping pong and be artsy!!!!  (sorry, not a big deal for you-big deal for me.)  i have so many pictures i don't know when i'm going to find time to put them on here. 

===========================

also, i don't like what i see now that i'm back.  you people are very sad and depress-ed.  this does not make me smile, and personally i am a fan of smiling BIGTIME. 

===========================

i guess i also came home to something good, too.  (maybe not for you guys.  i guess it kinda sucks)  I got a letter from some college and they invited me to come live and study on the campus with other kids my age.  something about program for the exceptionally gifted (PEG) and how i'm not challenged enough or something.  i'm still not sure if i'm going to do it.  but see, the problem is that the college...is in Virginia.  so that means that i would live...in Virginia.  which is kinda bittersweet.  okay REALLY bittersweet.  i don't like this at all.  I really would like to take this opportunity and make the best of it, but i don't want to leave my house...or my friends or my county or my family or anything in Tennessee or really anything that i know!  ugh.  so much for a break to RELAX.

LUV YOU GUYS MORE THAN YA THINK

bye i'm going to virginia!!!  see you...kiddos later.

bye dang it

so today i hung out with my friend Deven and Chandler and a kid named Jacob and my brother...and Deven and Chandler's mom!  We had SO much fun.  i'm pretty tired and now i'm waiting on Neely to get to my house.  i don't know when she's gonna be here...hmm.  i just found out some WONDERFUL news.  YAY ME!!!  i'm so dang excited.  i'm gonna go...do something.  or something.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!  (that's me screaming because of my good news.)    

so i hope you guys and gals had a hey-ho-wonderful-o day, i know i did!!!! 

so i gotta go now.  well not really but i'm gonna go breathe or something.  bye love you people

My brother and I were just having a talk about the word "Hot".  I told him to always call a girl beautiful, never hot.  He said, "WHY??  what if they are?".  I told him that hot is a pretty degrading word to girls and they would much rather be called beautiful.  It makes them feel important.  Instead of just some other girl...yeah.  He still disagrees with me.  WHAT do y'all think?

i just want to say i would sacrifice a guy for one of my friends any day.  well this friend, at least!  :)

but forgive me if i slip up.  thanks!  i promise i am going to try

really hard.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

No

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

well tonight i went to the football game (the freshman barbies) with my right hand gurl and partner in crime, grace, and watched some guys push each other down.  it was VERY entertaining.  i laughed my head off...lol!  AND i deleted all my pictures on my memory card by accident.  i thought i was gonna scream!  but then i took some cool ones and i was ok.  thankfully, most of the important ones were already on the computer!!!!  it was really cool that my buddy got to go..yay!  i really want to see that movie Enchanted...it looks pretty cute and funny.  PLUS it comes out the day before my birthday.  but i won't be doing anything on my birthday except stuffing my face and visiting family because it's Thanksgiving!!!  so yeah, i guess that's about all.

~Pooch-E.A.~

I don't wanna see you or feel you,

I don't wanna look into your eyes,

I don't wanna touch you or miss you,

I just wanna love your memory tonight.

I can't handle all this pain

All we ever do is fight anyway.

Why we even tried, I haven't a clue.

With hearts involved, there's way too much to lose.

I don't wanna see you or feel you,

I don't wanna look into your eyes,

I don't wanna touch you or miss you,

I just wanna love your memory tonight.

You were something else to look at,

Your intentions, they weren't all bad.

You tried to make me something I wasn't,

Lord knows there ain't no future in all that.

I don't wanna see you or feel you,

I don't wanna look into your eyes,

I don't wanna touch you or miss you,

I just wanna love your memory tonight...

okay so on saturday i auditioned for the freshman honors choir.  I MADE IT!!!  i was one of 4 freshman (from my school, that is) that made it...and the only alto.  I'm pretty excited!!!  but i'm really ticked and annoyed right now (for more reasons than one) but mainly because i can't find my stupid binder that has my Bible studies in it that i have to have for tomorrow.  it really stinks.  Well i guess if God really wants me to do the study, i'll find it.  but i made choir (some of you people better come or else.) lol      but it would be real cool-like if ya'll could go.  BUT ANYWAY...i guess that's all.

-sparky

okay i don't know about you but i think

lying and keeping something from someone are the same exact thing.  either way you put it, you're not telling the truth and you're covering something up.  so...when you lie to me or keep something from me, you don't gain my trust back for a long time and i hope you know that it freakin hurts me to know that some people would do this more than once.  i guess it was sorta silly to come back and trust them completely so soon.

======================

"Fairy tales always have happy endings."  she said.  "It depends."  She asked, "What do you mean?" 

"On whether you are Rumplestiltskin or the Queen..."

-Becca and Stan: Briar Rose

i'm the queen and i hate it.

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another

okay this is something i've been meaning to put on here for a while, but never got around to it.

i love looking at the stars because i get to think and let my mind wander.  i usually have some pretty deep thoughts.  i was laying in the roundpin at neely's one night and i wondered "If our sun really is a star...what if every other star out there is a sun to another galaxy?  maybe every galaxy might not have life...but what if?" 

I really like that because it makes me think and now every time i look at the stars i wonder if that might be true.  i got to look at the stars this week when i went camping...while i wasn't freezing my legs off, that is!  (inside joke...well it's not really that funny, it's quite true.)  but n e way...that was one of my deep thoughts...that i probably surprised you all with.

carmen luvs austin

WELL i had an awesome weekend!!!!  i went camping on friday night, i got to play a little golf (well go to the driving range anyway) and i got to hang out with my awesome friends..well a few anyway.  i stayed up till like 3:30 in the morning just talking and working some stuff out...i guess you could call it working stuff out.  it was really a lot of fun.  but then i had to go to sleep...i got like maybe 2 and a half hours of sleep...and then i had to wake up at 6:30 today and go to a JBQ tournament for which i was the timekeeper....all day long.  WOOT...not really.  but it was really cool to hear all those kids just answering the questions and knowing that they know the Word that well!  it was hard to not like cheer the whole entire match.  and then i went to a 'rodeo'...roping competition...and i got on this horse.  well to say this nicely and simply, that horse was not my type.  it was trained so weird and i had never seen this thing before in my life so i was a little weirded out but then i got on and people started yelling at me like don't do this and don't do that and so i got off because they weren't helping anything.  (that was an EXTREMELY long sentence right there.)  but my favorite thing was camping...haven't done that in a while.  LoTs Of FuN...so yeah i guess that's really all.

and corey in answer to your question, i think some people put their problems on here because either they want people to know for selfish reasons or really serious reasons.  i put some of my problems on here sometimes because it's like a venting kind of thing and then...i don't know!  you've put problems on here before too.

WELL THEN...i best be goin'.  adios amigos

guess what all you coolio kiddos?  i learned football...or learned about it...or whathaveyou.  i went to the football game lastnight and i learned about penaltys and downs and stuff...WOO!  now when someone is talking about football i don't have to sit there and say i don't know what they're talking about cuz now i do!!!  I'm going camping tonight and i am flippin excited!  IT'S FRIDAY!!!  i really don't like fridays that much...but i guess they're alright.  i would say something about this guy that i might sorta maybe like, but i don't want to hear any i-told-you-so's.  BUT I'M GOING CAMPING!!!!  and i get to play golf...YES!  i have been waiting for that like all week long.  and the campout.  i'm tired, because i didn't sleep at all lastnight.  i think i was nervous and/or anxious and thinking too much.  but that happens to me a lot.  wow...so how was everyone's week???  i really would like to know because i'm bored and have nothing to do.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A MESSAGE FROM ANYONE IN 2 DAYS.

(hint hint wink wink...send me a dang message.)

okay so...sadly, mr. meise (the choir director)...well his mother passed away.  so today, they had to go to the memorial service.  and because i am president, i was left with the duty of leading the rehearsal.  Me and Hallie were up there and i was on the grand piano...r.b. was on the clavi and yeah.  i played the alto part and my hands hurt so bad because i had to BANG on that piano (a grand piano, might i remind you!) because they couldn't hear it.  apparently, they are deaf.  they can't hear a part, they can't hear the piano, and they can't hear anything i'm saying.  and if they can, they just don't do it.  some of them do VERY well..but some just don't hardly DO anything at all.  so yeah.  but i guess all in all it was a pretty successful rehearsal.  the altos really did about the same as they always do, and they actually kinda did listen to us and didn't talk to awful much.  but you have to be loud, which i am good at, but for some reason, my voice feels so stressed!  GRR homecoming is the night right before freshman honors auditions...and thursday is the late night and i will be major sleep deprived...niether of which are good for a voice.  O well...even after i say all this stuff about how crazy it all is, in the end i always look back and i know that i love music and i love teaching and i really do!  so i guess that's all.

WOW that was a lot longer than i thought it would be....but this was what was buzzing around in my head.  so there.

I'm tired of being the weak one, the one who's trampled on and crushed.

It's times like these I turn to you, only then do the voices hush.

I'm sick of having to do that, sick of relying on someone else.

I want to be my own kickstand, don't want to be left on a shelf. 

My mind is cluttered with thoughts of this, but I'm leaving it all behind. 

I won't be the weak one any longer, it's forever in the back of my mind.

I'm stronger than you know, stronger than you think, and it's time for me to believe it.

Because I've got a dream, and you may not like it, but it's time for me to achieve it.

I won't let you walk all over me, I'm gonna be so much stronger.

So you can love me or hate me, take me or leave me, I'm NOT doing this any longer.

--Carmen

 

 

well i guess you could call my weekend pretty ideal, right?  wrong.  there's one major thing missing.  one thing that i could give everything else up for.  but no...i can't do that.  even if i did give everything up, it wouldn't make a difference.  i just want to say that you can't force someone's feelings to change.  and that's all.  so anyway...i guess i had a lot of fun riding horses and playing golf and stuff...but just while i was doing that stuff.  but afterward...i start thinking.  and we all know that's no good at all.  i don't really know what to do now.  so i guess have a dang good week...and talk to people.

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IF i can't hold you tonight, i can still dream about you.

so booyah

well yesterday i got to do two things that i absolutely LOVE!  i played golf and i rode my bike like 2 or so miles...(not much but hey) and today i get to RIDE HORSES...ah yay!  let me tell you, whacking a golf ball 150 or so yards is an EXCELLENT stress/anger (which i have plenty of both...) reliever.  i love golf...and biking...and riding horses!  i guess any kind of exercise is good for stress though.  maybe i'll try out for the golf team next year...i just have to start practicing.  it's like the only sport i'm really any good at that there's a team for at school.  o well...it's so much fun!

hey guys...guess what?  i'm off to my very first ever FASHION SHOW!  so i will see you coolio kiddos later!

luv ya