im sorry i blew up at you guys, i just got so tired of not knowing about things, you know. im sure you guys know, im sure you have all felt this way at some point in time. i think im just a little freaked about college and stuff and im letting my emotions rule over over me. i tend to think too much at times and i let it get to me which isnt good i know but i cant help it. im leaving some old friends behind, but im gaining some old friends in the process. so im excited yet bummed. i do thank you all for understanding, you guys rock most the time lol just messing with you! but i hope you guys will forgive me and just take the previous post into consideration when you plan things.

ever wonder if anyone would miss you if you just up and vanished, and was never heard from again... i have. i have felt this way quite frequently lately. jus this past wednesday, someone asked for the movie times for a movie they wanted to see the next day after hearing me voice my desire to see it, i gave them the times and the proceeded to schedule to go to one of these after i had said all this, and didnt even thank me for the times or even think to ask if i wanted to join them. that hurt soo badly. i feel like i will phase right out of my group of friends without them even noticing. i feel so isolated with my own group of friends. i know that i have partially done this to myself but think about something for me if you will- the love of your life is about to leave you to go away to college, will very rarely get to see him. you can understand how we would want to be together but that still doesnt mean that we want to be excluded from everyone. which is what usually happens but i dont think people think about they probably think 'oh they want to be apart from everyone because they're a couple, we'll just exclude them'. well guys, that hurts. and to say, 'well we just put it on phusebox and it was last minute' ok you still own a phone dont you?? in the past i have called to make sure people know about things that are going on so no one felt left out. not everyone checks this thing everyday. im sure that you all think im pyscho now, but oh well i needed someone to know how i felt and there it is. but i hope some of you still love me and will try and keep friendships going over the next year. it will be a tough new experience for most. but anyway i love you all no matter what ok!
mucho luvies

Miriam-Webster Dictionary:

Main Entry: soul mate
Function: noun
: a person temperamentally suited to another

Does anyone believe in soul mates anymore? Does anyone believe in signs from above? I’m just curious and I’m just venting but hopefully someone will respond to this with an answer that they have come up with on their own.

What is the definition on a ‘soul mate’? I believe that everyone has their own version of how they believe this term to be defined. I have my own. At least what I thought I knew to be mine. First and foremost, I believe it to be a God thing. He is the one that made a special someone in my opinion for everyone He has created. A perfect, well at least our version of perfect, match for every last human on the planet. Feel free to disagree with me, but I will not be moved from my viewpoint. I believe the first reason to be enough of a definition to me, but I have others obviously though I’m not sure how to really put them into words. It’s just a feeling I believe in the pit of your stomach, in the bottom of your heart, in the back of your mind, in the very being of your soul, that you know who that person is. What’s sad is that some people don’t believe in this at all. This saddens me, but I cannot change their minds, and they are free to have their own opinion. This is long and I’m sure people think this is pointless. Honestly, I don’t care. I needed a place to vent and get people’s feedback on their beliefs and this is the best place that I can find to do that with okay!

One last thing before I give up and go to sleep. Do you believe in signs from God? Do believe that if you ask Him to reassure you that you’re doing what He wants, and you’ve flat out asked Him, He will answer you in a way that you completely understand? A ‘sign’ if you will. Would you take this sign as an actually one or as merely a coincidence? Analyze the situation to the point that you believe that it wasn’t supposed to be taken that way. Who knows, I may be way off base here, and most probably don’t have a clue what I’m talking about but that’s fine. Just please hear me out I’m almost done. You should take to heart what God has said to you. No matter what anyone else says to you. You know better than anyone what He has or hasn’t done for you. I understand that what may be said to you may be completely different than what was said to someone else using the same ‘sign’. Still, don’t try to analyze something not there to be analyzed, only accepted.. I know I lost a lot people if you have made it this far, I love you with all my heart and soul! Thank you all much.

-Ashley

well people, i am officially depressed now. i got the wisdom teeth out this past friday and i cannot feel the top of my tongue. this means that when i eat, i cannot taste anything at all. majorly not good. and i can only open my mouth about half way, any further and it locks up and pain shoots through it. im thinkin this is not supposed to happen 4 days after surgery. the one plus is that the swelling is down almost all the way finally. but other than that please pray. im scared. i dont want to have to have jaw surgery. *runs to corner crying*

*Edit* and now im off to the doctor wow tha was fast. wish me luck!

Well..... i thought it wasnt that bad. apparently i was wrong. all i can say is that i look like a friggin chipmunk! and ohhh the throbbing, ehh cant eat anythin, being forced to eat tons. its like a bad dream. make it go away please!!!!!

Ashley is still alive! And she only passed out twice yesterday! yay more details lata!

well guys, i must say that the funky weird mood/vibe that u've been gettin from the past posts is over. i think im gonna be ok. the shock is now over i think i can be in the same room as some people now. lets just hope things go back to the way they were pr at least as close as possible. but anyway 2morrow the wisdom teethies go bye bye, sooo i will be unreachable for a couple days though messages and cell phone or on here if people dont wanna take the extra step lol im jus messin with u guys though it would mean a lot..... lol. but anyway, love you guys. please pray. hope to see you all sunday. thank you for your time and attention!

"Scars" by Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]


hope u took the time to read most of those lyrics. amazing song. sometimes u jus need to stop, analyze your life, accept the changes in people, move on, pray you learn to forget and forgive... i love you guys

life has taken a whole new spin.
i am concerned, scared, angry, jealous, sorry.

have you ever been talkin to someone but your mind somewhere completely different. i mean you respond to the person but you have no idea whats goin on. you zone out but not. sooo many things to think about... so much pain to come.

well i went to the oral surgeon today, and he says that my wisdom teeth will never ever come in but they need to come out sooo next friday at about 10 o'clock please pray for me as i will be goin under to get them out. anyway this is what my schedule looks like for the moment:

Bio-Human A & P I MW 2:20-3:45
Lab F 2:30-5:15
Engl-Honors Expository TR 8:00-8:55
Math-Applied Stats MWF 8:00-8:55
Hist-American MWF 9:10-10:05
Univ 1010 MWF 11:30-12:25

im wantin to drop that dumb Univ 1010 thing so that i can try and get the classes i need to get my degree in Nursing. so but i have to call and crud to drop the class. bummer, then i'll try and switch my bio to 8 am MWF then get a Communications class at 10:20 MWF, then a Stats class at 11:30 MWF. but we shall see, i cant get on the Drop/Add class thing from my computer because it sooo slow but on the 19th when everythin opens up i'll be at my moms work with a DSL connection. soo hopefully i'll get everythin to work out but anyway i think this was boring enough i will talk to all later. adios!

Hello one and all. Yes i have returned, ok it wasnt my fault. i was at my dads and his internet is broken, bummer yes i know but i survived and now here i am. well not much has happened this week. but this next week will be busy. i have customs and i have an appointment about my wisdom teeth. yuck. but anyway, gonna put up some pics soo please browse em lol. ttyl

The Soundtrack of My Life
- Opening Credits: “100 Years" Five for Fighting
- Waking-Up scene: “Welcome to my Life" Simple Plan
- Average Day scene: “Holiday" Greenday
- Falling In Love scene: “Drops of Jupiter" Train
- Love Scene: “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" Jet
- Fight With a Friend scene: “Lets Get it Started" Black Eyed Peas
- Break-Up/Post Break-Up scene: “Harder to Breathe" Maroon 5
- Lonely scene: “Breakaway" Kelly Clarkson
- Get Back Together scene: “I'll Be" Edwin McCain
- Fight scene: “Fighter” Christina Aquilera
- Wandering Around Randomly scene: “American Idiot" Greenday
- Heartbreak scene: “Are You Happy Now" Michelle Branch
- Mental Breakdown scene: “Going Under” by Evanescence
- Driving scene: “The Pineapple Song"
- Sex scene: "Clocks" Coldplay
- Dream sequence: “Stay" 12 Stones
- Party scene: “1985" Bowling for Soup
- Happy Dance scene: “First Day" MxPx
- Regret scene: “Broken Wings" Alterbridge
- Long Night Alone scene: “Bright Lights" Matchbox 20
- Closing credits: “Wonder Boy" Tenacious D

photo from DaughterOfAKing

Why this attack from Satan? Why can I not please anyone? Why am I soo confused and frustrated? I hate this. I hate it with a passion.

I feel so torn down. The one person that I wait for to bring me back up, just sits there sometimes. But I realize now that I'm not supposed to rely soley on people. God is the only one whom I should rely upon for everything.

What do I do? God please guide me. Please pray for me you guys, I'm begging you. I absolutely have no clue what needs to be done. But something needs to be done soon. I dont know how much longer I can go on like this.

I cant keep doing the same things day after day. If it keeps going like this, it will surely fail, and I will be the one ending it. Like someone said to me, one can only take so much pain before it starts to not be worth the good that comes with it.

I have faith in it. I just wonder sometimes what life would be like if it were slightly different. I fear knowing this, I dont feel that would be right. I just wish God would speak a little bit more clearly. Only the future can tell what life will bring.

Im sure this made no sense to people, and Im sure it made perfect sense to some, but to all I leave this... I love you truely and always.

Hello, hopefully this will work out better than xanga. We shall see. I'm in FL right now, will be back on the 18th. Talk to all later.