A proud moment for Mr. Davis

January 31, 2007My situational Irony was of the charts tonight.
My dad was doing major bitching at the house and i had to get out ASAP. So Josef was going to hang out with me and help me get my mind off stuff and or just talk about it. So leave the house, casting my fetters away as i squeal out of the drive way. I drop Arabella off at her church stuff and head out to Starbucks to meet dearest Josef. Going in i see dearest Sarah leaving the place, we exchange pleasantries. We see will and Sean too. Josef and i proceed into the Starbucks and there are Taylor and Kate. We are about to sit down with them and i happen to glance outside. And as luck would have it, and no one else would ever have to haddle this much shit in one day besides myself of course, i see the SPRINTER. "julie's cooking service" That's right, you guessed it. My father, the person one of the persons i was escaping from. therefor we had to leave, naturally because we both know my dad is coming into where we are.
We make a dash for our cars, and the irony increases with our panting. My dad parks right beside us. We end up having to talk to him . He is taking eli to meet his tutor at SB. Josef and i head for CAfe Coco to play our long over due game of upwords. We ran into no more people , but we did see Rachard Hawk's girl friend.

foolish games

January 30, 2007The music video for 16 military wifes has a model UN theme.

that made my day.

hide your head in the sand little girl

January 28, 2007alone and not apart
you finished what you could not start
in the corners of the day
you catch my eye and then look away
what a generous remark you made
when you blew it all away.

Has any one ever had that friend who's just been really laid back, goes with the flow, doesn't hold expectations of people, isn't always searching to better himself, isn't smug in the least, and is loyal as fuck. Well what happens when this personality shifts? What happens when this friend starts trying to take chargeof not only their own life, but the lives of their friends also? What happens when this friend puts up new standards for you to reach? What happens when their ego has been built up so much , that you are no longer a worthy candidate for friendship.?
What happens when they send out the old and bring in the new?

I will tell you what happens. People get pissed as hell, that's what fucking happens. Ok, maybe not pissed, it's worse than that. People get hurt, they get what they gave handed back to them, their Self, only this time in a paper sack. They get soothing words overridden by a contemptous smile. This is what happens.

It's wonderful to find out that some one you think the world of, doesn't even think of you at all. I've built some one up on a pedestool, who didn't even deserve to be there to begin with. This is tragic. I have learned my lesson. Mary Anne said "it was everyday implied but never declared", and whilst my situation does not entail a love on that level, this quote is relevent. These past few weeks i have been humbled, humilliated, and completely put in my place. One of my dearest friendships has been torn apart and i can only speculate on why. I dont know if i should pretend everything is ok or not. I just dont know what to do. I don't know if i want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Even if i wanted to help patch this all up, I dont think i have anything left to give. And what hurts the most is that if i wanted to it would be completely one sided. I would be the huntress to an intelligent, cold, and yet coy prey who would always escape at the last second.

Dieses ist eine versuchende Nacht, ich waschen meine Hande dieser Scheisse gewesen.

smoke of smog

January 21, 2007WHOEVER you are, holding me now in hand,
Without one thing, all will be useless,
I give you fair warning, before you attempt me further,
I am not what you supposed, but far different.

Who is he that would become my follower?
Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?

The way is suspicious—the result uncertain, perhaps destructive;
You would have to give up all else—I alone would expect to be your God, sole and exclusive,
Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,
The whole past theory of your life, and all conformity to the lives around you, would have to be abandon’d;
Therefore release me now, before troubling yourself any further—Let go your hand from my shoulders,
Put me down, and depart on your way.

Or else, by stealth, in some wood, for trial,
Or back of a rock, in the open air,
(For in any roof’d room of a house I emerge not—nor in company,
And in libraries I lie as one dumb, a gawk, or unborn, or dead,)
But just possibly with you on a high hill—first watching lest any person, for miles around, approach unawares,
Or possibly with you sailing at sea, or on the beach of the sea, or some quiet island,
Here to put your lips upon mine I permit you,
With the comrade’s long-dwelling kiss, or the new husband’s kiss,
For I am the new husband, and I am the comrade.

Or, if you will, thrusting me beneath your clothing,
Where I may feel the throbs of your heart, or rest upon your hip,
Carry me when you go forth over land or sea;
For thus, merely touching you, is enough—is best,
And thus, touching you, would I silently sleep and be carried eternally.

But these leaves conning, you con at peril,
For these leaves, and me, you will not understand,
They will elude you at first, and still more afterward—I will certainly elude you,
Even while you should think you had unquestionably caught me, behold!
Already you see I have escaped from you.

For it is not for what I have put into it that I have written this book,
Nor is it by reading it you will acquire it,
Nor do those know me best who admire me, and vauntingly praise me,
Nor will the candidates for my love, (unless at most a very few,) prove victorious,
Nor will my poems do good only—they will do just as much evil, perhaps more;
For all is useless without that which you may guess at many times and not hit—that which I hinted at;
Therefore release me, and depart on your way

hmmmm

January 20, 2007thought provoking provocation.

I dont know how to deal with people. or situations. Eugenides claims that i am actually not female at all.. but a male, trapped in a feamale's body. he says that sexual identity peaks at age 2, when we learn to speak either male or female, just as we learn to speak english or german. I know that i do not speak female. I speak Male. this is enlightening information, that i do not know if i am glad to have recieved.

And whilst i am def not a hermaphrodite in anysense. I do not have a crocus or enlarged clitoris. I am still raging with testosterone as far as my brain is concerned. The fact that my mother is the dominating role in the household, also does not help this situation. this is great insight though.... great i mean, this solves a lot. Now i know why all my friends are predominately guys. Explains why girls dont like me. and all that other great stuff.

so.. peace out
DUDES