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March 18, 2008

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hide your head in the sand little girl

alone and not apart
you finished what you could not start
in the corners of the day
you catch my eye and then look away
what a generous remark you made
when you blew it all away.

Has any one ever had that friend who's just been really laid back, goes with the flow, doesn't hold expectations of people, isn't always searching to better himself, isn't smug in the least, and is loyal as fuck. Well what happens when this personality shifts? What happens when this friend starts trying to take chargeof not only their own life, but the lives of their friends also? What happens when this friend puts up new standards for you to reach? What happens when their ego has been built up so much , that you are no longer a worthy candidate for friendship.?
What happens when they send out the old and bring in the new?

I will tell you what happens. People get pissed as hell, that's what fucking happens. Ok, maybe not pissed, it's worse than that. People get hurt, they get what they gave handed back to them, their Self, only this time in a paper sack. They get soothing words overridden by a contemptous smile. This is what happens.

It's wonderful to find out that some one you think the world of, doesn't even think of you at all. I've built some one up on a pedestool, who didn't even deserve to be there to begin with. This is tragic. I have learned my lesson. Mary Anne said "it was everyday implied but never declared", and whilst my situation does not entail a love on that level, this quote is relevent. These past few weeks i have been humbled, humilliated, and completely put in my place. One of my dearest friendships has been torn apart and i can only speculate on why. I dont know if i should pretend everything is ok or not. I just dont know what to do. I don't know if i want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Even if i wanted to help patch this all up, I dont think i have anything left to give. And what hurts the most is that if i wanted to it would be completely one sided. I would be the huntress to an intelligent, cold, and yet coy prey who would always escape at the last second.

Dieses ist eine versuchende Nacht, ich waschen meine Hande dieser Scheisse gewesen.

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