I'm always saying how I'd love to be in a relationship and care about someone on a much deeper relationship than I have with anybody else and vise versa, but it really stinks when guys show interest, take you out, and you just know that there really isn't anything past friendship. Yeah, friendship is awesome, but dadgum, will the "feelings" ever be mutual?

One good thing from this: I do feel God around me. I know He's got good things in store for me, and He will provide me with everything I need. My friends are amazing, and I thank you for everything you've done and continue to do for me. Major props go out to Miss. Amy Powers ((happy b-day!)) and Miss Aimee Davis for chilling me out earlier on the phone, lol.


"Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die; keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." -Proverbs 30:7-8

I totally had an entry all typed out, and when I hit the "submit" button, phusebox told me to log in. Well, in short, this was my day:

-- Put in digital prints at Wal-Mart.

-- Drove to Target and bought a(n) ((uber cute)) scrapbook, some letters, and three photo albums.

-- Went to service ((yes sir, I did Wal-Mart and Target before 10:30 this morning)) and sat with Drew, Kyle, Megan, and Katie. Dude, and Kaylei was there, too!!!

-- Back to Wal-Mart to pick up prints, buy mini deep dish pizzas, and an umbrella.

-- Lunch while watching Full House.

-- Put REALLY old pictures ((from 8th, 9th, mostly 10th, and Mexico)) in one of the photo albums.

-- College algebra homework.

-- Computer science project.

-- Random surfing of the net throughout all of this.

-- Poopy mood.

-- Long conversation with Page.

-- Write phusebox entry.

-- Write this phusebox entry.

I really ought to go to bed, lol.

After waking up at an ungodly hour this morning, I started going through some pictures I have in a basket beside my bed. Not filed in frames or scrapbooks, I picked up a stack of photographs, and my eye caught a small photo album that caused my arms to go a little numb, for I knew that it housed a picture of Kyle McCabe. I remember taking the picture. I remember getting butterflies as I asked him if I could ((I had a crush on him in 7th grade)). I remember watching him and Michael Shannon play basketball afterwards. It's so bizarre what the human mind is capable of retaining once a death of someone we know occurs.

I looked through more pictures, and I found many from my days at Lascassas and Oakland. I know my pride is stored in Siegel, but looking through these pictures made me realize how much fun I had at Oakland.

I found a ton of pictures from my first year in drama 2. Oh my goodness, I wish I could go back; I miss it like crazy. At work yesterday, I realized I was in four plays, three variety shows, two prom fashion shows, and the director of one single act play. Drama had a huge impact on my, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to be apart of it.

Now I really want to take pictures and scrapbook them, wooo!

I do not understand some of my friends.

So Aimee and I were/are having this conversation about what we want in a guy. Most of it's humorous stuff:

Sweetclick35: ok..we need to make a list
Sweetclick35: hands have to be same size or bigger
Da Annsta: bigger
Sweetclick35: feet- hairier and bigger or same size (ive got big feet)
Da Annsta: lol, me too
Da Annsta: face hair is a plus ((at least for me))
Sweetclick35: GOT to be same height or TALLLLLERRRR unless hes a tom cruise knockout pretty boy
Da Annsta: yeah
Da Annsta: no, at least same height
Da Annsta: i don't want to lean down to kiss him
Sweetclick35: his chest CANNOT be bigger than mine lol
Sweetclick35: theres some guys with boobs out there
Sweetclick35: and thats kinda freaky
Sweetclick35: hmm
Da Annsta: he can't mind having his picture taken
Sweetclick35: does our guys exist?
Da Annsta: because we take pictures
Da Annsta: we'll find out soon enough, lol

haha, yeah. we're nuts.

. . . I think we're just naturally seductive."

Aimee and I had ourselves a night after I got off work Friday evening. Many. . . and I mean many things were discussed that left was the unanswered question of:

What's wrong with me???

Then we got a ((literal)) sign from God, lol. It was pretty cool.

I watched the big UT/Florida game with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, grandmother, and cousin last night. Yeah, we're kind of fans over here, lol. Sad thing they lost, but watching the game in itself was where most of the fun came from.

I haven't been to Sunday school in three weeks. I don't like having it after second service at all. I sat with Kyle and Drew during service. Lol, that was fun.

Mom and I went shopping afterwards, and I got a really pretty burnt orange jacket/blazer thing from Gap and an brown long sleeved shirt. Mmm, how I love the fall season.

Sooooooo tired.

I'm so incredibably glad that I did the majority of my homework yesterday afternoon. All I have left are a couple of algebra problems and a question on a biology worksheet. Egh, I need to look over some stuff for my college algebra test tomorrow.

Now on to something different. . .

I'm currently in love with the following songs:

Constellations -Jack Johnson
It was just another night
With a sunset and a moonrise
Not so far behind
To give us just enough light
To lay down underneath the stars
We listened to Papa's translations
Of the stories across the sky
We drew our own constellations

Wake Up -Hilary Duff
Give me a dance floor
Give me a DJ
Play me a record
Forget what they say
Cause I need to go
Need to get away tonight (tonight)

I put my makeup on a Saturday night
I try to make it happen, try to make it all right
I know I make mistakes
I'm living life day to day
It’s never really easy
But it’s ok

Stay With Me -Josh Gracin
Baby, there's just no use in hiding
The way that I am feeling right now
With you standing there baby I swear I can't help but stare
Girl you're wearing me out, wearing me out
Baby, stay with me share all your secrets tonight
We can make believe the morning sun never will rise
Come and lay your head on this big brass bed
We'll be alright as long as you stay with me

Here With Me -Jennifer Paige
In my head
I have dreams
I have visions of many things
Questions longings in my mind

Pictures fill my head
I feel so trapped instead
But trapped doesn't seem so bad
Cause You are here

It doesn't mean anything
Without you here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

Sometimes, it's best to just let the lyrics speak for you.

Yeah, today started out pretty poopy, but it ended well. I think RFC is going to be a lot of fun.

*cool white girl dance*

Uh. . . yeah.

Today, my church wrapped it's Foundations For Tomorrow campaign for the building expansion. We raised $5 million, but that's still only half of what the entire thing will cost. to celebrate, we had a dinner on the grounds. That was pretty fun; I sat with Sean and Eldridge, and Sean put a hot dog in my drink, lol.

The weekend was pretty cool. After work Friday, Savannah, Jessie, and I went to a blues concert at Patterson Park. Renfroe, Tim, and some others met up with us. Once that was over, Savannah, Jessie, and I went to Marble Slab. It was really good, but I definitely can't afford to make a habit out of that, especially with Starbucks right down the road too, haha. Then we went over to Joey and Ryan's apartment. . . that their mom's are paying for, lol. Several guys from MTCS were there, so it was weird seeing them outside of church. We stayed there awhile, and I finally came home.

Saturday, I was off, and I stayed in my pajamas until like, 3:00. It was marvelous, lol. I met up with Graham and Amy at the MTSU game, then parted ways and hung around Savannah and Jessie, and then I went looking for Renfroe, but I couldn't find her. I was getting pretty bored, so I started to leave, but Molly and I ran into each other ((thankfully)) and we talked before walking out to my car ((which was in the old Belle Aire parking lot)). We had a good conversation. I love how she and I can go months without talking and just randomly meet up and have a conversation without missing a beat.

Homework time. . . gaaah!

. . . I almost forgot this. It's amazingly hilarious:

"I gave my brother a titty twister, and my mom said it was sexual harassment, so she grounded me." -Katie Kimball

They're coming out with a Wallace and Gromit movie!!! I flipped out when I saw the previews earlier, haha. Yes, that makes me supremely happy!

I freaking woke up at 7:20 for my 8:00 class. Pretty sure I graced the campus of MTSU without brushing my hair, teeth, washing my face, and without make-up. Yeah, I was roughin' it.

I've been told by two different people that I don't need to beat myself up over things. I never really realized I do it, but maybe I do. . . hm.

Oh, and go check out some pictures I took behind my house recently. They may be showing up on your friend digest.

Yesterday had it's down points, but overall, it was really enjoyable. Here are some pictures to illustrate my day:

Nathan properly eating with chopsticks



photo from BeautyFromPain

Me having a harder time



photo from BeautyFromPain

Mom and I went shopping afterwards. Well, I was going to Aeropostale to get a white polo shirt because I accidently turned my other one pink, lol. Well, I ended up spending like, $40 because I found a skirt and a couple of other things on sale, but I needed some dressier stuff.

Quincy wasn't doing too good when we got back because she was getting dehydrated and hadn't eaten ((which in turn made it so she wasn't getting her meds)), but Mom developed a system to help her, and it's been doing good for her so far.

So at 8:20 last night, I finally decided to go to Shannon's for her very early birthday party. Actually GOT there a little after 9:00, but it was all good. My goodness, there were SO many people there! I hadn't seem some of them since May. It rocked. Then I kept dozing off during the movie, lol. Aimee and I spent the night, and we all finally got to talk this morning.

What a happy group of people, lol.



photo from BeautyFromPain

People hanging out



photo from BeautyFromPain

Three different schools, but we're still in touch! Lol, we'd been awake about an hour.


photo from BeautyFromPain

I wish I could be more giddy about Siegel winning ((I didn't even stay the entire time; I left before it got way exciting)), but I can't.

My dog is dying. She's really sick; apparently she has been for a little while, but none of us knew. I yelled at her the worst I ever have several days ago because she jumped in my car while it was raining and wouldn't get out. She kept acting really strange and it only annoyed me even more. I never thought she was doing it because she was sick.

She followed my brother home May 1993. We put signs up for a found dog, and only one responded. When my dad and brother took Quincy to the house to give her back, it wound up not being the right dog, so we wound up keeping her. Jeff said he remembered seeing her ((before we got her)) being somewhat abused by her previous owner. I guess he didn't want her back. Maybe us keeping her prolonged her life.

I went outside after I got home last night to talk to her. She was wrapped in a blanket with uneaten food in front of her. She hardly moved. This was enough to tear me to pieces as I told her I was sorry for yelling at her and that I loved her. It's all I could say. . .

Twelve years, guys. It was a month before my 7th birthday when we got her.

Twelve years.

2/3 of my life.

I've been crying off and on since last night, and it's a completely different cry and feel than anything/one else I've ever lost. My tears are huge, almost like those of children.

They're not kidding when they says dogs are "man's" best friend.

So tonight I was driving to RFC ((where True North is held)) to get Laura's calculator from Megan. I couldn't decide whether or not I was going to AO, and it felt like there was some disagreeing going on inside of me. Well, all of a sudden, my phone started vibrating, and when I looked at the caller ID, it was Erica. Okay, WEIRD. Aside from yesterday, she and I hadn't seen each other/spoken since May. I answer, and she asks if I'm going to AO. . . quick decision. . . I tell her yes and that I'll meet her outside Belle Aire. Okay, so I get to RFC, change out of my work clothes, and go outside where Joey, Seth, Megan, and Katie were sitting/standing around. I get the calcuatlor, and Joey and Seth start telling the story of how Joey and his girlfriend started dating and all. . . cute story, lol. Anyway, I hadn't eaten, so I went in and got food from my youth group. . . lol. Came back out, talked some more, ate, yada yada for about twenty more minutes. Welp, it came time to head on over to Belle Aire when I randomly asked Seth if he wanted to go with me to AO, expecting that he'd say no and he needed to get home or something. Turns out, he was up for it, so I drove us over there and we talked with Graham and a buncha other new peoples. Um... we found seats, Erica showed up, and we sang songs we'd never heard of and listened to Clint speak. Ooh, free food and nasty Red Bulls were afterwards, lol.

But yes. . . random night. Actually, work was a little odd too, but that's another story.

. . . Wal-Mart sold out of umbrellas.

. . . today. Wow.

I woke up with an indescribable feeling of nervousness, but I quickly prayed to be calmed, and God worked through it. I got dressed, drove to the Bell Street parking lot, and walked in with Savannah, Crystal, and their friend Tim. My first class is English; Savannah and I sat front row and center for that one, haha. I got turned around on the 2nd floor of the BAS before finding my way out the correct way and seeing Garrett, Graham and Amy on my way. My next class is Understanding Mass Media, where the class count is about 300. It's not something I'm too terribly fond of, but oh well, it's college. Aron Ralston spoke to us once again, only this time, he talked about how the media worked throughout his story and such. After UMM, I made my longest walk to KOM where I walked into my class, Computer Science Orientation, and about paniced because all I saw was guys, and it was just a little awkward, lol. Other girls started coming in so it evened out the ratio a little more, haha. Our teacher let us go 30 minutes early, and I was done!

After school, Mom and I went to Suntrust to get this mess straightened out with my account, and now everything should be fine. We at at KFC for lunch before I left for work.

Once work was over, I headed over to the Christian Student Center where RFC meets for the "picnic"/devo. It was so cool, and the singing was really really good.

. . . tired.

Church, mainly Sunday school, was SO different. I've been at North Boulevard my entire life, and I always know pretty much everybody in my class. Not today, lol. For the first time ever, I was in my own church and only knew about six people in there! It was cool though; I met a lot of people and caught up with some who graduated before me. After Sunday school, I went to service where the students and their families were released early to the fellowship hall for a potluck lunch. Mmm, good food right there.

After church, my cousin Nathan and I met up with my brother, his wife, and Powers to go to Convacation at Murphy Center. Aron Ralston, the guy who amputated his arm when he was caught "between a rock and a hard place" spoke. I wasn't sure how good it would be, but I really did enjoy it. . . and the Band of Blue did a marvelous job of playing the same song four and a half times in a row, lol. Ralston's speech was really good; I liked it a lot. "Yo gotta believe!"

Once Convacation was over, Nathan, Amy, Renfroe, and I walked over to the president's cookout. . . where the first words we heard from the concert were "I like big butts, and I cannot lie." We waited FOREVER in line for our food, and it started to poor like crazy. For awhile, we ((plus Alex Rader and two girls Amy and I didn't know)) huddled under an umbrella, but I finally just let it rain on me. I got soaked. After eating in Peck Hall, Amy, Nathan, and I walked back to our cars ((30 minute walk in the rain)), and Nathan and I went to Food Lion so I could get some random stuff.

Oh, I never said anything, but I got a desktop for my room like, a month ago, and I finally got the internet in my room today while I was gone, so that's pretty cool.

. . . College starts tomorrow.

photo from lauraebeth

Laura was trying to explain something to me on paint, and I didn't do it right, but wound up accidently making a collage, lol. It wouldn't load on phusebox at first, so I e-mailed it to her and she got it then I did. . . so yes. . . lol.

and another. . .




photo from BeautyFromPain

Grace : Hebrew

Peaceful, poised and understanding you do not let anyone or anything disturb your innate calm. You are tolerant of others no matter how their behaviours or beliefs differ from your own. Not attached to material or worldly affairs you are free to express your true self. Displaying great wisdom and serenity people are naturally drawn to you for guidance and counsel. Your courage and presence of mind see you through any adversity.

Meh. I woke up early to go in to work at 8:00 so I could get off at 1:00. Well, I didn't have any cash on me, so I stopped by a Suntrust ATM to grab a twenty so I could get some breakfast at Chick-Fil-A. I put my card in, I push in my information, and it gives me a receipt that states that my card has been restricted. Okay. . . so I go to a different Suntrust to see if it does the same thing, and I get the same result. . . "Card is restricted. Please contact your bank." Whatever. I screwed the idea of breakfast and went on to work. I was released at 1:00 where I proceeded to go BACK to Suntrust to talk with somebody about what my stupid card was doing. One of the tellers looked it up on her computer, and she told me that I had apparently used my debit when I didn't have money in the bank. . . which wasn't right, because I've always had at least $100.00 in my checking ever since the account was opened up again. I told her that this past Monday, I went to a Suntrust bank and deposited several hundred dollars into my checking account. . . some from savings and some from random checks. Anyway, to make a long story short, the guy that did all of the transactions took money that didn't even exist in my checking OUT and then put it back in, therefore causing me to overdrawl. . . which I never did. It was the stupid guys fault. Apparently, he wasn't supposed to allow the transfer from my savings to checking because Mom's got some sort of protection on my savings and only she can do it. . . she was not aware of this, and they did not inform me. So now my account is considered bad, and I can't use my card until Mom goes up to the bank and fixes it because I apparently can't. Retard teller.

THEN, I had to drive to Calvary to cash my check from yesterday only to take $87 and pay for my car tags. . . but oh well, it needed to be done. Afterwards, I went to Blue Coast and got some stuff to go and took it to Renfroe's. I ate and changed out of my work clothes there, and we went to MTSU to move the rest of her stuff in her dorm. Of course, it wasn't just that easy. As I was rolling her chair along the sidewalk with a box full of supplies in it, I hit a huge bump and it all fell out and went everywhere. . . yeah, TOTALLY obvious we're freshmen, lol. At least we had a good laugh. From there, we went over to the parking pass place. . . "You'd think that the center for parking would have better parking. . ." and I got my neato little parking pass. Went back to the dorms and set Renfroe's stuff up. . . pretty sure her roommate is French. . . like, hardcore French. Like, exchange student French. She wasn't there though. . . hm.

Anyway, that's about it. Stupid bank.

So I pretty much spontaneously went to the welcome back to AO party thingie tonight, and I really enjoyed it. Met a TON of people, and I've already forgotten names. . . this being the girl who's great with remembering that sort of thing, lol. But yes. . . 'twas very fun. RFC starts up Monday night, so that should be interesting. Too bad Laura isn't here to assit me. Jerk. . .