In A Relationship
February 26 2008
It's kind of funny how when you hear other people say some of the very things you've said yourself, you realize how silly it sounds, or at least you realize there's something wrong with the statement.
Over the weekend, I worked with 8th grade girls for One Weekend. And it really struck me Saturday night when they were talking about how they approach prayer, and what they talk to God about. And let me just preface my next sentence by saying that I am a terrible example of how a Christian's prayer life should be, but hearing what they said really hit me. While they were talking about what they talk to God about I asked them, "When y'all pray, do y'all do all the talking?"
"Well yeah," they replied, like what else was supposed to happen?
"Do y'all realize that prayer is a conversation with God, and you need to hear what He's saying?"
I could tell that resonated with the girls, and it resonated with me too, because I'm just the same as them. I rarely ever sit still long enough to listen to His voice. But it only makes sense that He would talk back to me, because a relationship does not fall on the shoulders of one individual.
And you know, maybe if I took the time to actually carry a true conversation with God, I would realize some things so much sooner than I do. A perfect example would be the fact that I just had to back out of AO's Spring Break trip to New York, because I realized that I couldn't do that and so many other things I needed to plus maintain rest and communion with God. It was way too much and I've been wearing myself too thin as it is.
So I did as what Jerel calls, "laying the fleece out", and asked God that if I wasn't supposed to go, to please quickly find someone to take my place. So I told Hodge how I felt and boom - next day, I was replaced. Just like that. And while I paid like $200 and don't get to go, someone else gets to go for free, and to them, that may be a huge blessing. And just knowing that makes me feel better. If I had listened long ago, I wouldn't have been in this situation, but thank God I finally did listen, and thank God that someone else is being blessed. And it will be so nice to finally have a week to rest.
Changing the subject, I've been to many Disciple Now events, whether it was Journey at my church in Houston or One Weekend at Belle Aire. I've gone to one every year since sixth grade, even during my college years since I've been a leader, totaling to ten of these things. The one that really truly sticks out in my mind more than any other is from my freshman year of high school.
That weekend we reflected on John 15, and how it is vital to abide in Christ. Our speaker for the weekend was Clayton King, and I remember him talking about how if we are to bear fruit for Christ, we have to be prunned (trimmed) and that can hurt! But it's so important. And I was able to mention that to my girls this weekend, and it was just neat to see what a resonating theme that is. As a Christian, we're going to go through fiery furnaces, and we may be rescued and we may not, but abiding is essential, and when we're focused on Christ and His purpose, then we are exactly where we need to be. It's easy to get comfortable where we are. But as I type, I can see out of the corner of my eye some pictures from M-Fuge this summer, and I remember that I'm not supposed to be comfortable in my set ways. I'm supposed to be glorifying Him.
But you know what's really great about that? It doesn't mean I always have to go on mission trips, just as I'm learning this year. Sometimes it means resting in Him and hearing what He has to say. And I hope I don't miss that this next week.
February 12 2008
I forgot how busy 15 (technically 16) hours of school could be. But this semester is still better than last semester...
For that "one hour" I have in addition to the five classes I'm already taking, I am in the "tutorial" stage of my thesis/project that I am doing in order to graduate from the Honors College. My proposal for what I want to do is due this Friday, so I'm working on that and another paper this week. I have decided that for my project I am going to do a short film LOOSELY based off Crime and Punishment. I'm excited about the potential it has, but I'm sort of afraid I won't be able to pull it off, especially after having such a bad semester of Single Cam and the fact I will be out of practice once summer rolls around (which is when I plan to shoot). Hopefully, however, with help from talented friends and professional equipment from the school, I should be able to do a pretty good job. I hope, anyways. I'm going to try to make it as simple as possible, since it really is a character-driven story.
Anyhow, not much else to report on for now...
January 07 2008
I feel like I waste a lot of time.
I just sit around the house.
Doing absoluetly nothing that adds value to anyone's life.
But what am I supposed to be doing exactly?
I honestly don't know.
Now I complain I have free time that I don't know what to do with, and soon I won't have any free time at all and be complaining about that.
Today I have been admring the great photography of professionals.
Today I also thought back to what ol' MJ said about striving for a professional look when it came to creating videos, and not a prosumer.
But I feel like I will never achieve it.
I don't have any inspiration.
Or any idea.
And college doesn't seem to be helping me much.
I don't know.
I guess I'll just get a job in marketing or something.
Or maybe just be a housewife and mother.
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's noble and great.
I want to be a great wife and mother.
I don't know.
I guess I've just always hoped that I was made for something quite extraordinary...
January 02 2008
Well, the year 2007 has come and gone, and I for one am glad for a fresh, new start with a fresh, new year.
2007 was a pretty cruddy year for me. A lot of good things did happen, but it seems as if more bad happened (though I know that's not the case, three significant deaths sure makes it feel that way). I had a rough summer dealing with death, a rough semester dealing with a cruddy class, and some other situations along the way that have not made life any easier. I know it will all make me stronger though. At the end of the year I was finally looking to God in a way that I had neglected to do so during the fall semester.
But I don't want to dwell on my past. I want to move on. I'm trusting that 2008 will a better year. I am going to make it a better year. Even when tough things come my way, by dwelling on Christ I can get through them. I cannot let my circumstances define my attitude. While I do feel as if I handled the deaths over the summer pretty well, I definitely did not handle the stress from the fall very well.
In November I wrote down a few goals, some fun and some serious, I had for 2008. That's pretty much all I have, no real resolutions. I just want to thrive in Christ and walk in His way. I know I have a lot of growing up to do this year as I will make the transition from college junior to college senior and begin thinking about jobs and other post-graduation things. I know I have a lot ahead of me, but I also know that through it all I will grow.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Phil. 3:13b-14
December 19 2007
I was driving today when I saw a car with its back window completely covered with "Ron Paul Revolution. Be a part of it". Ok, so this dude really likes Ron Paul. Then I see this guy's "Islam Inside" bumper sticker. So this is who is supporting him...
In other news, Fred Thompson has pointed out that virtually none of the other Republican candidates really know anything about foreign affairs. For expample, I know that many say Rudy would be a great President because he was a great mayor for New York and really helped them through 9/11. That's great and all, go ahead make him the governor, but I hardly think that qualifies him as for the job of President. Anyhow, check out the article if you're interested.
December 11 2007
Yay, I'm done for the semester! *HAPPY DANCE* No more Single Cam, EVER, thank GOODNESS!
Anyhow, so now for a serious subject that I have been wanting to write about for a few days now...
Unless you live under a rock, you have probably noticed quite a buzz surrounding the movie The Golden Compass. It has stirred up quite a lot of controversy because many Christians are upset with its athestic overtones.
I had never heard of The Golden Compass before the movie and didn't know anything about it, but I read several articles about the controversy and feel like I now sufficiently understand. The book this movie is based on is the first of a triology written by an athestic named Phillip Pullman. It is, if you will, his version of The Chronicles of Narnia. In fact, he even said he hates The Chronciles of Narnia and this is his way of showing "the other side". Well, I'm sorry he hates the stories so much, but since he is not a Christian, I can't say that I expect him to love them.
According to snopes.com, an urban legend website with no religious affiliation and merely states facts, Pullman did say that his books are about killing God. So we do have a legitimate concern here that he is, in fact, writing books aimed at children that are anti-God.
Does this bother me? Well, yes, it does. But can I really point my finger at an atheist and tell him he cannot feel that way? Can I take away his free speech? Can I convert him to Christianity by rebuking him? Well... no, I can't.
Honestly, if I am given the chance to make Christian movies and write Christian books, why should this guy not be given a chance to make atheist movies and write atheist books? He has every right to. Now, does this mean I support this movie? Well, no. I don't plan to see it, largely because it does not interest me. And while, yes, I don't want to see it because it is anti-God, I am not going to throw around the word "boycott".
I am also not saying that no Christian should check out the movie. I think it would be good for some to see it and be educated on it. I feel that it can even be acceptable for a Christian parent took their child to see it, as long as the child is old enough to converse with the parent about what the Bible says versus what is portrayed in the story. As my pastor said Sunday morning, parents should discern with godly wisdom what to do in that situation.
People came to our country seeking religious freedom. Granted, many of them were Christians, but I highly doubt they would be proud of Christians persecuting atheits, Hindus, Muslims, etc. There is a differene between disagreeing with them and downright attacking them. If we demand respect from them, we should give it right back.
You can't expect a penguin to act like a duck anymore than you can expect an atheist to act like a Christian, not that they can't be good people, but they are not going to value God as we do. So the way to reach out to them is show them God's love, not demand a boycott of their movies.
Anyhow, that's all for now. I hope everyone's semester is wrapping up well for them.
December 05 2007
Today was the last day of classes.
Tomorrow I have to present my Nordstrom commerical as my final project for Single Cam.
And then I have one final next week.
And then I get to rest... well... at least from school work...
November 30 2007
November 28 2007
"A parent can spank their child without abusing them, just like a parent can hug their child without molesting them." -Glenn Beck
November 22 2007
So, several days ago the "R" on my Dell laptop fell off. It's done it before, but this time it was unfixable, so we had to order a new one. Thankfully, my dad's Dell and my iMac held me over for all my computer needs until the new keyboard came in. Well, my dad put it in for me today and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news..." Yes, the keyboard went in just fine, works just fine (seeing as I'm typing on it right now), but the bad news is that it's a French keyboard. Yes, you read that right. Now, it's all English characters, but some of the non-letter keys look different, but actually do the same thing as the English ones, so I guess I'll have to get used to it. Anyhow, there's your funny story for the day, though I'm sure you'll hear some funnier ones from your uncle.
Hope everyone has a Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!
November 19 2007
-feeling like a failure.
-a break (thankfully that's coming up).
-to visit Houston.
-to go to Disney World.
-to take amazing pictures.
-to make an amazing commercial for Single Cam.
-to dress up with someplace to go.
-for us to always be friends.
November 12 2007
My abnormal psychology test, that was supposed to be today but was then moved to Wednesday, has now been moved to next Monday.
My music video project (which looks pretty awesome by the way, thanks to my teammates Ben and Adam) is now due on Thursday instead of tomorrow.
I just found a bunch of CDs that had been MIA for a few days.
And life is altogether good and stress-free for the time being. I just need to stay ahead of the game and I'll be in good shape.
November 12 2007
Well, between Saturday and today I have registered for classes next semester. Every semester it seems like something changes, so we'll see what happens, but as of right now, I have a schedule I am pretty happy with and predict no problems. Here's how it looks:
Consumer Behavior 9:10 - 10:05
Mass Communication and Society 10:20 - 11:15
Promotion 12:40 - 2:05
Persuasion 11:20 - 12:45
Mass Media Law 1:00 - 2:25
I hate that I have a weird gap in my schedule on MW, but I guess I'll deal. I was going to take Promotion at the time of Mass Comm and Society, but my advisor recommended I take an EMC elective this semester, so I had to reshuffle a little. It should be worth it.
November 07 2007
Is it just me, or is life going by way too fast?
I mean, I feel I've spent a large part of my life wishing I was older, mainly wishing I was college age. Now I'm here and it's half over. And half of the time I don't even enjoy it because I'm so stressed.
And I'm suddenly realizing... I am twenty-one years old, I am grown up, I am an adult.
My friends are talking about getting jobs and getting married and all this... and I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I don't feel ready for all this.
When did this happen?
And why can't I just stay here for a while?
I wonder if the "Chasing Cars" lyrcisit felt the same way when he penned these words...
We'll do it all
On our own
We don't need
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
November 05 2007
Lord I want to yearn for you
I want to burn with passion
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring you praise
From the inside out
My soul cries out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.
"But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
I'm a believer, help me believe...
October 31 2007
Garrett and I were walking together on campus earlier when we overheard a guy talking to one of his friends:
"I was wondering why so many people were dressed up today... and then I remembered that it was Halloween!"
We both started laughing out loud at the same time. It was priceless.
Patrick, I hope you have a good day!
October 29 2007
Jesus' response when asked about the signs of the end times...
7"Teacher," they asked, "when will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are about to take place?"
8He replied: "Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am he,' and, 'The time is near.' Do not follow them. 9When you hear of wars and revolutions, do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away."
10Then he said to them: "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. 11There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.
12"But before all this, they will lay hands on you and persecute you. They will deliver you to synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. 13This will result in your being witnesses to them. 14But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. 15For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. 16You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. 17All men will hate you because of me. 18But not a hair of your head will perish. 19By standing firm you will gain life.
Ok, so why do I post this passage of Scripture and what am I not concerned about? Well, I'm not concerned about global warming. Period. It does not frighten me in the least bit. There is scientific reasoning for this (check out this article) but as you see above, there is also Biblical reasoning. As I read that passage last night it made me think...
It really isn't all that uncommon to hear outcries about the end of the world coming. Whether it's a religious group declaring a prophecy or Al Gore claiming global warming is going to get us all, you hear outcries that our time is short. And that's true, it is. However, no one predict when exactly the end is coming and we can have assurance that it's all in God's hands.
There are lot of things that will be happening before this time comes. There will be wars and natural disasters, which we do see now. We are not given any indication of how long we must endure these, just that "the end will not come right away". But it does note severe persecution is also on the horizon before the end times. In my opinion, that's a little bit scarier than a few ice caps melting.
But there is hope: "By standing firm you will gain life."Now that is a promise I can stand on, unlike the claims of men.
October 23 2007
What do a wooden key, a squash, and a cubed ottoman have in common?
Well, they're all going to be in my next video project: a music video, Michael Johnson style.
My group has to use an excerpt of a song called "Sunset Passion", recorded by some RIM students. It's pretty cool, but it sounds sort of like African tribal music. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but now that's all I can think of. I need to think outside of the box... but thankfully I have two creative guys on my team with me. I'm excited about working on this project...
October 18 2007
Well, I knew it was coming. I knew that Michael Johnson would rip my first project to shreds, which he did. I guess I can be comforted that most everyone in my class was in the same boat as me and we all took some hard hits.
After two semesters of making these videos, we haven't improved much.
And it makes me wonder...
If we ever will.
I guess it's awfully pessimistic of me to think this way. Of course we're improving, and will continue to do so. It's just much slower than I want it to be.
And I don't understand how these big names got there. How long did it take them? Were their first projects as crappy as mine? I don't need to be a big name, I just want to make a professional looking video.
I don't want to be like all those guys on YouTube. I want to do better.
I don't mind being criticized for things I could control, like camera shots and such. But just one thing I wish MJ would consider...
I don't have a professional crew.
Or sets designed for me.
Or professional actors.
Nor very much time.
But I am determined that by the end of the semester, I can turn in a project with confidence, and that he could find more good in it than bad... something I can be truly proud of. And I guess that's exactly where he wants us to be.
October 11 2007
Garrett and I were talking on the phone just a little over an hour ago when he told me that the spring classes were now avalaible online. So once we hung up, I went to check it out. And I have to say, thus far I am mostly pleased (though I am upset with my favorite psych professor ever only teaching the one class I've already had him for - BOO!).
So yes, I do in fact already have my schedule planned out, permitting that I don't change my mind between now and then... or that MTSU does not change their mind... And one or the other will most likely happen...
Consumer Behavior (Marketing), MWF 9:10 - 10:05
Promotion (Marketing), MWF 10:20 - 11:05
Honors Mass Media Law (EMC), MW 2:20 - 3:45
Persuasion (Psychology), TR 11:20 - 12:45
Play Writing (English), TR 2:40 - 4:05
That's right, at the end of the semester I will be familiar with law, know how to manipulate (uh... I mean persuade) people, and have written plays. Sounds like fun! Well, except the law part...
October 07 2007
We're not real with one another. We want everyone to think we're doing ok when we're not. We hide behind facades and masks and cleverly disguise ourselves as having it all together... but it's just not the case. And that's not ok. And it's especially not ok to feel like you have to hide yourself from everyone, especially your friends or brothers and sisters in Christ.
But the fact of the matter is we do.
And you know what? Honestly, I like myself. I like my personality. I think I look decent most days. I think I'm a nice person. I'm not perfect, but I think I'm alright. But many times what drags me down is worrying what YOU think about me. When you flake me off I wonder if you care. When you totally ignore me in group settings, even though I know we're some sort of friends because we've had some good conversations one on one, it hurts me. And it makes me wonder what's wrong with me. But there isn't anything wrong with me. I'm the way God made me and I don't have to conform to the cookie cutter image the world throws at me.
I struggle with worry and anxiety. I don't pray enough, and when I pray I fee like I almost forget I'm my praying to my Lord and Savior! It almost feels like talking to some mysterious creature in the cosmos. I've lost that awe I once had of Him. I freak out if I feel like something I'm doing is short of perfect. I fear it will fall to pieces and will be a failure, and I fear failure more than anything else. Sometimes I'm afraid to hear God tell me what His will for my life may be. I'm prideful. I'm so selfish.
I know that everyone who is reading this right now has played fake multiple times. You probably wore a mask today. Are you thrusting yourself into a certain crowd to hide your insecurities? Do you dress a certain way because you feel guys won't love you otherwise? Seriously... what do you have to hide? We've all been there. BE REAL. We are a community. If we can't be real with one another... who can we be real with?
I tell you what (AO people), I'm sure I missed some awesomeness at the fall retreat. But those of you who were there, y'all missed some awesomeness in Sunday school this morning. I was sleepy and slightly freaked out by Mike Bivens' energy, but what he said this morning really hit at home... we have to be open with our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have to stop playing this game. We can't keep saying we're ok when we're not. It's time to end this.
It's funny... earlier today I went back to look at my old Xanga entries from high school... oh man... it was kind of painful... things that I thought were so huge then are now laughable. And one day I'll feel that same way about the stuff that concerns me now. Let's face it guys, life is short and we have too little time to waste so much energy on petty problems, people's opinions of us, and all around stupid stuff. What if we took the shift off ourselves and stopped being so petty, and displayed it outwardly to others? What a difference it would make if we truly love one another as God so intended it to be...
Let's stop having occassional moments when we "do" something real, because that's so temporary and superficial. Let's BE real, a state of being, a lifestyle of authenticity and openness.
Let's be real.
October 02 2007
1.) I think my computer is ok.
2.) I think we need to stop letting the Chinese paint our Barbie dolls with lead paint. Get people off welfare and off the streets and employ them to paint the Barbie dolls!
3.) I really want to go to Europe... like really badly... all over Europe. I'm getting jealous of all my friends and all thei cool picture from Europe.
September 30 2007
September 27 2007
I finished with my video shoot... again... but this time I think it will look really good. I also got a little bit more creative in my directing.
It's been a really long day. I went to work, ate cake, went to class, went back to work, ate more cake, skipped class to get my license renewed, went to my mom's office, went to one apartment, went to another apartment, went to Graham's house, then came back to my place... oh yeah, and ate more cake. I'm going to have to go on a diet when all the birthday cakes are eaten up.
And now I would go to bed but I have hardly had the chance to talk to my boyfriend, whom I should be hearing from after his soccer game. But that's ok, I'll just sleep in Saturday...
Yeah... so Happy Birthday to me...