In the past month I've grown so much closer to God than ever before and it's amazing to see how much more can be thrown my way because I'm so close to Him right now. I've had a lot of people tell me that I look happier and smile more than they ever have seen me and it is completely and totally God. I finally have him at the very center of my life.

The main part of it is that I need prayer right now. Prayer to keep focused and remain silent.....so I know what I need to do for Him. I want to keep my happiness close to my heart because of Him and fight away everything that is trying to pull me down. I need strength in a huge way.

So. I'm asking for your prayers....please.

Another Random List About Me

1.  I love to clean for hours for two very specific reasons.....I'm either very very happy or I'm very very stressed.

2. I hate it when a guy calls me hot.  I don't view it as a compliment at all. I say choose a different word.

3.  My nieces mean everything to me.

4. When I'm mad or hurt about something, I choose to ignore it until I find the best way to confront it because I don't want to say the wrong thing.

5. I'm a people pleaser.

6. I love to take risks that have nothing to do with the heart.

7. I have different smiles that not many people have figured out yet.

8. My favorite: hugs.

9. The greatest thing I think I could ever be in my lifetime is be a good mother and wife.

10.  I'm just a teeny teeny bit on the stubborn side. ;-)

You consume all of my thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, and heart. I turn to You with a heart full of longing and love for You. I cry because I am so overwhelmed by how much You truly love me and by how truly grateful I am that You have my entire heart. I can't even wrap my mind around the grace that you so freely give to those who seek it and You. You loved me so much, that even though you knew I would sin, You still died for me. I don't deserve You in my life and never will. I praise you with my lips and heart and only wish to be the daughter You would have me to be. Use me Father and please always help me to seek You in everything I do. I worship You Father....

Life is good....life is very good........ :-)

There is so much that I can't explain.....even to myself. There is so much I want to say but know that I can't. I want to know how to stop being afraid and just start admiting to myself how I feel.

Fear.

When I Think About The Lord

When I think about the Lord,
How he saved me, how he raised me,
How he filled me with the Holy Ghost,
How he healed me to the uttermost;

When I think about the Lord,
How he picked me up and turned me around,
How he placed my feet on solid ground,

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

When I think about the Lord,
How he saved me, how he raised me,
How he filled me with the Holy Ghost,
How he healed me to the uttermost;

When I think about the Lord,
How he picked me up and turned me around,
How he placed my feet on solid ground,

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

It makes me wanna shout,
“Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus!”
Lord, you’re worthy of all the glory,
And all the honor, and all the praise.

It makes me wanna shout!

Something happened to me today that I can say was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.

I start out every morning with a prayer on my way to school. It's a chance for me to get the day into perspective, talk to my Dad, and make me smile. Well, right in the middle of my prayer, a huge and long Barrett Tow Truck pulled out in front of me to turn into Berkshire(a neighborhood off of Beesley). I don't know exactly what all went through my mind in those maybe 3 to 5 seconds of slamming on the brakes. He barely made it into the neigborhood. I know that if he would have hestiated even more than he did or if I would have been going faster than I was I would have ran into the middle of truck going 45mph.

I stayed where I stopped on the side of the road and I couldn't let go of the steering wheel until I made myself do it. I sat in my car for five minutes and tried to collect myself the best I could. He stopped and came over to my car and apologized.

I know that it's true when God said that He is with us always....to the very end of the age. He was protecting me this morning and I am so thankful.

*smiles* I was almost late to class because I drove 35mph the entire way to school.

      

“Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." ~Unknown

My main focuses right now are:

Building a stronger relationship with God, Church, my finances(which include budgeting out my paycheck as far as it will stretch for everything I'm planning right now, the weird thing about me is that I love budgeting...even more reason I know accounting is where I am supposed to be), and figuring out a good and "healthy" work schedule that won't overwhelm me too much. Sounds like fun right?

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.

¹⁶Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray without ceasing, ¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

I love 1 Th:16-18.

I have the joy deep within my heart and I don't think I have room enough to contain it.

*smiles*

I love You.

My brother-in-law, sister, and my niece Katie all woke up really sick today and now I have Isabelle with me at my house so she isn't around the others.

Please keep them in your prayers.....especially Isabelle because she is so little and the most vulernable. Thankfully she isn't showing any signs of being sick but you never know.

Life has been very very busy..........I can't believe how fast the days are going by. SLOW DOWN!!

When I'm not babysitting my nieces, I work, and then I've been helping the Amirian family move into their new apartment and as soon as work ends tonight I'm heading back over there. haha. Alicia and I feel very strong...we lifted really really heavy things and I actually feel good that I'm actually mechanical enough to know how to take apart and put things back together. The entire time Alicia was singing "Muscle muscle Woman!" and "Love is a Battlefield." And when we were taking Ali's twin mattress from the upstairs to the downstairs I got the bright idea to ride it down the stairs......haha. "ssshhh. don't tell her mother* It was so much fun..we did it twice.

haha...Muscle women....yeah......right

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

Do you think that maybe one day I can get over my fear and just jump....jump and have no worry that there won't be someone to catch me if it all doesn't turn out the way I had hoped?

This Christmas was the best one I've ever had. And I truly believe that God meant us to celebrate it with the ones that we love. I was surrounded by my loved ones and I couldn't stop smiling the entire time.

I think the joy of Christmas for me was watching the people around me open the presents I had bought them.....especially my niece Katie since Isabelle was too little to open anything.

It makes me definitely look forward to the future when I have children of my own and be able to see them excited for Santa and Christmas.

God has definitely blessed me more than I deserve and I am truly grateful.

I pray you guys had as wonderful a Christmas as I did. This one will definitely be one I will hold in my heart forever.

Hmmm. So I'm thinking I never want to wrap another gift in my lifetime. I don't want to see wrapping paper or curling ribbon and I don't want to smell like tape ever again. I always leave work smelling like tape. haha

But one thing I am excited about!!!! Because shortly after Christmas........TAX SEASON! I'm very excited. Soon I will be able to look at a new tax booklet for 2006 and see all of the changes made on the income tax return.

Work tomorrow from 9-7 and then on Sunday from 11-3.

Woo-hoo. Can't you tell I'm excited?

I think these can be somewhat fun.....kind of....

 *First And Last *

First Real Best Friend
Alicia Amirian

First School
Rockvale Elementary

First Cell Phone
In 2004

First Funeral
My Pa(Grandfather)

First Pet
Dog(Lilly)

First Big Trip
Texas when I was very very little

First Fight
More than likely with my sister over something dumb

First Celebrity Crush
Leonardo Dicaprio. Hey. I was in the 4th grade........Titanic....hello!

First Time Out Of The Country
Never but I hope on my honeymoon to go to Italy

First Real Job
Peanut Gallery Toys

* . . Everyone Has Their Last . . *

Last Person You Hugged
Mrs. Jeana

Last Car Ride
Just now from church

Last Movie You Watched
It's a Wonderful Life

Last Food You Ate
Red Velvet Cake

Last Item Bought
A Christmas present for my dad

Last Text Message
Christopher

Last Kiss
Hmmm. I'm thinking none of your business. :-P

Last Funeral
J.D.

Last Time At The Mall
Yesterday

how does someone get enough courage to speak what they have been wanting to say all along?

I've never been known to be so quiet....

I've got my grades in for the semester. All A's. I'm pleased.

Christmas is very very near and I still don't have all of my presents for people. I've got to go shopping tonight after work.

"I’m stretching but you’re just out of reach
You should know
I’m ready when you’re ready for me
And I’m waiting for the right time
For the day I catch your eye
To let you know
That I’m yours to hold

I'm stretching but you're just out of reach
I'm ready when you're ready for me."

I have my final in math tomorrow afternoon. Eeeeek! and AHHHHH!!!!!!

As I'm sitting here eating "Death by Chocolate(YUMMM)" and trying to find some kind of inspiration for a paper I've procrastinated on I realize something.

God just isn't with us always wherever we go but He is also completely and totally inside of other people that love Him......I truly believe that He shows us His love by putting the wonderful people in our lives that He does. He shows His love through His children that show their love and kindness to others. Am I making any sense? It might just be the chocolate talking.....

What do you do if words just don't seem to be enough?

Why does everything have to be so complicated and so confusing at the same time?

There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It's caused by the absence of you."
~Author Unknown

Someone told me that I am being blind to something that is right in front of me that could make me happy.

How do I stop being blind when I don't know what I should be seeing?